Thought I'd found success with online dating but...

[sonicfan287]

I wasn't sure where to post this, because its half about online dating but also just in general, I'm getting fed up with trying to find someone. I never expected online dating to be the "end all be all" it appears on TV, but it's somehow LESS successful than just approaching a woman with no strategy or idea in mind. I'll spare the whole "lack of online dating success" rant for now however, because I was spontaneously messaged from somebody from link removed who honestly sent me one of the nicest messages I've seen (other than ones my past girlfriends sent me when we were dating) online. She introduced herself, was very cordial and said that my values and her values seemed to line up and that she'd be interested in talking further and maybe meeting me.

 

My only concern was the distance (she lived about 3 hours away) but I decided to give it a chance and just see what would happen. I've been messaged before by women or had them reply but the conversation usually goes nowhere, or they find out something about me that they won't like, but they don't tell me that, and they'll just disappear (I'm not trying to predict peoples feelings but I think its when I reveal that I live with my parents still, and I'm 24). But anyway, I started chatting with this new woman and realized that not only did she live somewhat far, but she's well traveled. She's been to many different countries and vacation spots, both for her job and her personal enjoyment. She works for a humanitarian organization (she gave the name once, but I honestly forget) who goes to impoverished areas for weeks at a time and comes back. They do work locally as well. She says she has a degree in nursing and wants to settle down and work at a hospital. She said if she found the right person, she'd move closer to them because she's used to traveling so much.

 

Anyway, this went on for a few days, we'd talk for about an hour or so. She'd ask things about myself and I about her. It wasn't uncomfortable in any way but it also wasn't something that got me super excited, but I was intrigued and she mentioned coming back from Africa after her job was done and coming to the States (where she's from) to meet me. Here's where everything went "bad". I say "bad" because part of me thinks I handled this wrong and part of me is just too skeptical to have any interest in this woman anymore.

 

She texts me on Saturday, pretty much frantic and saying how much she wants me to get online, and I was unable to at the time because I was on my way to work. She texted me repeatedly, saying she missed me and missed talking to me and that there were some stressful things on her mind she wanted to talk about. Being somebody who, in the past, has been in relationships where the other person kind of deserted me when I needed to talk, I felt immediately sympathetic and made an attempt to find a computer and got online for about an hour to talk with her. I know Im not in a relationship with her but I genuinely cared about her cry for help.

 

This is where it gets weird, though. She said she was stressed about her job which I get. She deals with children who are stricken with illness and trying to treat them and there's usually a lot of turmoil in the countries she visits. She said there had been a delay in her getting back to USA because the airport in this third world country couldn't cash her check, and there were no banks for miles. Long story short, she wanted me to lend her about 400 dollars to pay for her flight back which she'd reimburse me once she got back to America to meet me.

 

Now if it seems like this is the biggest scam ever, I'd agree, except for the fact that she's said nothing overly sexual or completely over the top. All the information, including her picture, whereabouts and everything else matches up, so I doubt she's going around messaging guys and concocting this fake story. Whether its fake or not though, I wasn't comfortable doing this. I don't know if this makes me selfish or cheap or whatever, but I just couldn't do it. I tried to tell her in a nice way that while I can understand her being stressed that I can't help her based on having never met her. She kept trying to negotiate and ask for less money, making me feel more and more like this was a real situation and that she could be stuck in whatever country she's in until someone gets her the money or whatever. She said that me refusing her was showing that I didn't trust her and I said I did trust her, but I don't lend money to even my friends. I'd only lend money to my family or my significant other if there were one.

 

The issue is a non-issue at this point because we finished that conversation abruptly. She realized I wasn't going to do it and I had told her before how I can be kind of shy and didn't like confrontations or arguments. She said she felt let down by my decision and furthermore, made it appear that because of this, she wouldn't want to meet me. She didn't flat out say this but she aid "And you think I'll be happy to see you, after knowing you could've helped me out but chose not to?" and I understood her point. Still -- what was I supposed to do??

 

Some of you are probably thinking "Oh God, this is so fake" and you may be right. That's the other part that bothers me -- that I've become so desperate for female attention and wanting to date someone that I'm willing to go to these extremes if it were even real. Id never pay that much to someone I don't know, even if they promised to pay it back, but even so, why did I even let it go on this long? Since Saturday, there's been no texts from her or messages. I've texted her a few times asking how things are going and she's ignored me everytime. If her profile is accurate she actually makes more money than I do, so she wouldn't be using me for money like some of my friends have suggested, but again, how much of her profile do I choose to believe?

 

Im just discouraged because the one woman who reached out to me that wasn't a spambot saying "Hi, let's have sex" or someone giving me a half hearted "Hi, whatever" turned out to be too good to be true for different reasons altogether. Even if this had all worked out, she lived quite a ways away and if she was already asking for a massive loan without even knowing me, I feel like she would've been very demanding, despite saying in prior conversations that she liked independence in her relationships and wasn't too needy or demanding.

 

Does anyone else think I did the right thing in handling this?

[mhowe]

Yes you did right. Her profile is most likely completely faked.

 

Dont spend another minute thinking about her, or not lending her money. It was a scam...it doesn't have to be about sex to be a scam. She looks for "soft hearted" people.

[sonicfan287]

She picked right then, because my heart is about as soft as they come. Oh well, better luck next time, I suppose.

[annie24]

Ugh so sorry! And of course, if this were real, she would have approached her workplace to help with the cost of the ticket. I'm glad you saw right through it. I'm sure in time you will meet a good woman for you.

[TheD87]

Yea that profile is almost certainly fake. She doesn't have family or friends or anyone that she actually met in person to ask for money to get her home instead of messaging you asking for it. You win some, you lose some. Good luck finding someone worth your time.

[potd2009]

SCAM SCAM SCAM. Had no idea this was happening on online dating sites, although it's not surprising. Don't feel bad and it's not about you at all. (I am now remembering how I was once offered the best apartment I could've asked for at a great price after posting an "apartment wanted" ad on Craigslist...the only problem is that I apparently had to wire money to southeastern Asia before I could get the keys to this amazing pad.)

 

I wouldn't even chalk this one up on your tally of online dating experience as it's not a real one. As for the rest of it, work on moving out of your parents' place; I agree that this is probably scaring off some women who would otherwise be interested.

[TheD87]

You said you texted, but did you ever actually call her and talk to her? Google search the phone number you have, because a lot of time it will show other people who may have been scammed by it as well.

[shellyf62]

She picked right then, because my heart is about as soft as they come. Oh well, better luck next time, I suppose.

 

Your heart might be soft, but you have a good head on your shoulders, and it saved you from sending money to a Nigerian scammer!!! Well done !!!

[JA0371]

Sonic...I swear aim a real person...can I get a loan of 200.00? I'll gladly pay you back next Tuesday...

[savignon]

Total scam. If I needed any amount of money...even $5, the last, last, last person I would ever ask in a million years is someone I hadn't met and was interested in dating.

Good for you.

And no worries...there are plenty of nice girls out there...keep looking!!

[ChellyV]

Oh no, one of those!

I wonder how they get the photos and the names of these women. Anyway, just move on. There will be real people online. I know because I met one a year ago. Not together anymore though...

[TheD87]

Oh no, one of those!

I wonder how they get the photos and the names of these women. Anyway, just move on. There will be real people online. I know because I met one a year ago. Not together anymore though...

 

Exactly, keep your head up. I have had 4 dates from online this year, all real females. 2 of them I went on multiple dates with. There are real people on there. My problem is just finding the right one.

[Ms Darcy]

I agree that it was a scam. I don't mean to offend, but I think you need to look towards moving out of your parents' home if you want to find a gf.

[greta96]

Another vote for Nigerian scammer. I'm surprised they still try it, I'd think almost the whole world knows about them by now!

You probably didn't even communicate with a woman, that's their MO: they start conversations and try to find people's soft spots, then appeal to those soft spots. These scams are not about sex, they are about feelings. They fish for people hungry for love, and take advantage of them. Online dating sites are the best recruitment places...

 

Kudos to you for standing your ground!

[shellyf62]

We have current affair shows here that have shown women who are so lonely that they have been sucked in by these scammers. They send thousands of dollars to these people, some losing their homes & life savings.

It is absolutely disgusting that these people exist & pray on such vulnerable people.

[Ms Darcy]

Another vote for Nigerian scammer.

 

Scammers are all over the world.

[skyhop333]

Your situation is almost exactly as the one I watched a friend of mine get roped into. It started at four hundred and went on from there. Classic excuses all relate to "I can't get to you send me money". My friend needless to say lost a great amount of cash. It will get worse if you give in. You need to cut ties with this person because your not talking to a woman. You are talking to most likely a professional scammer that is in no way the person in the pictures.

 

you may only find a partial identity on this person because they do use some parts of other peoples profiles to try to smoke screen their claim as to whom they are. Call their place of employment. DO NOT use a phone number they give you as they have many people in their network there to also help be a part of the scam.

 

Be aware they will do everything within their network to get you to believe in their validity to obtain assets from you including involving others and sending you seemingly real information that is actually not.

 

The best thing you can do is change your number and remake your profiles under different emails and so on. Once their network has you in the system you will receive countless women doing the same thing trying to leech money from you when it's not women at all.

 

protect yourself and be safe.

The right and

real girl is probably a lot closer to you than you realize.

[greta96]

Scammers are all over the world.

 

 

Well she said she was in Africa, and the MO is typical for those particular scammers...