Doesnt want to make it official

[hopefully]

I've been up what for like 30 hours now. Cant sleep

[Moneypenny]

May be i should meet her up and end it? Its disrespectful to end it over the phone. Besides i want to see her face for one last time.

 

Do what you feel that you have to do, but meeting up with her, and seeing her face 'for one last time' is not going to do any good whatsoever. If anything, you will be placing yourself in a vulnerable situation, where chances are that you'll be manipulated back into continuing this road to knowhere clandestine relationship.

 

The shortest route to begin getting over this and healing from it, is to send her an email. That, in my opinion, is the only respectful thing to do, not only for yourself, but for her; and her husband, and their family.

 

I've no doubt that she cares for you very much, but she has much bigger issues than you; her being this forty-something woman, with children who cheats on her husband with a single man half her age. Just because she is 40+ and in a high profile job with clout, does not automatically make her an 'emotionally mature, and responsible' person.

 

Put this all down to experience. You'll find another, closer your age. You have to let this go. Enjoy the memories, but don't let them hinder your chance of happiness. You've allowed yourself to get caught up in something that you most probably won't appreciate or understand until much later on in your life.

 

There is no need for discussions. This cannot work, and you know it, and I dare to say, that she knows it too.

 

All the best to you!

[lavenderdove]

>>all this telling her i would love to own a SUV

 

That is how it works with mistresses/misters... they 'suggest' something they want, and the married lover buys them off. She is also giving you 'perks' now that aren't strictly cash, because her husband may notice a disappearing chunk of cash. But if she gets a new car and finances it and just tells him she traded in the old car or gave it to charity, she can get away with that.

 

and honey, she's not your 'baby', she another man's aging wife who's trying to re-create her youth with a poor young man with no money. You're easily impressed by her handouts and willing to take them, so that is an implied contract that she is exchanging her money and ability to help you financially for sex. That's as old as the hills, that trick is, a middle aged person exchanging goods/better lifestyle for sex with a younger person. If all you want is sex and 'gifts' then enjoy, but don't expect more out of the deal. the bottom line is she's a married woman with kids and her life, family, and finances deeply entangled with a long term husband.

[hopefully]

I could only sleep for 4 hours. Im going to email her now.

[hopefully]

I want more and its not a deal. Im not a prostitute. I know i have to end this and im going to do it. I hate talking to her like everything is okay. And by turning into a teenager what i meant is that she seems to love her self so much when she's with me. She loves talking about the things she knows and she knows a lot, and sometimes we solves puzzles together she always beats me because she's so smart. She solved a rubix cube in front of me within 30 seconds and she was so happy and was giggling like an idiot because i was amazed by it and she told me nobody in her family ever appreciated her. She's a really good artist too. She draws things for me. Things like that. I can have actual conversations with her you know. Talk about politics, religion etc. Something i can hardly even do with someone my age.

 

I know she's not mine but i like to believe that she is. And i feel like its my job to appreciate this woman for who she is because she really is amazing. But i will end this because i care about her.

[hopefully]

and honey, she's not your 'baby', she another man's aging wife who's trying to re-create her youth with a poor young man with no money. You're easily impressed by her handouts and willing to take them, so that is an implied contract that she is exchanging her money and ability to help you financially for sex. That's as old as the hills, that trick is, a middle aged person exchanging goods/better lifestyle for sex with a younger person. If all you want is sex and 'gifts' then enjoy, but don't expect more out of the deal. the bottom line is she's a married woman with kids and her life, family, and finances deeply entangled with a long term husband.

 

I understand. Thanks. But when you say aging wife i feel bad.

[metrogirl]

I appreciate that she is smart and funny and makes you feel good and maybe you do make her feel good too and maybe she does care about you a lot but if she really wants to be with you, she needs to leave her husband. It's really that simple.

 

If their marriage is as dull as you say it is and she doesn't love him then there really isn't any reason for her to be there is there?

[hopefully]

I appreciate that she is smart and funny and makes you feel good and maybe you do make her feel good too and maybe she does care about you a lot but if she really wants to be with you, she needs to leave her husband. It's really that simple.

 

If their marriage is as dull as you say it is and she doesn't love him then there really isn't any reason for her to be there is there?

 

Yeah im going to tell her to get divorced if she wants to be with me. The kids is the reason.

[lavenderdove]

>>she seems to love her self so much when she's with me

 

Look how happy a toddler gets when it's got a full plate of cookies in her lap! And she loves herself when she's with you because (a) she gets to have sex with a guy who can actually still get a firm boner and (b) she's getting to play the 'Look, i'm still young, i still can give a young guy a boner, yay me!'. And she's really enjoying the fact that she's so much smarter than you... Think about that for a minute... she's HAPPY when she proves she's better than you. What should that tell you? Her ego is getting off on it, feeling she is better/more than you. Someone who really loves you isn't interested in showing you they are smarter than you, in fact they will go out of their way to trying to build the other person up rather than prove they are 'better' or smarter than them.

 

And the 'no one in my family appreciates me' line... that's because they know she has feet of clay, unlike you, who worships her social status/money/car/job/what she can do for you. She's just Mom and Wife to them, which is a NORMAL thing when people have been a family for many years. This women needs to feel MORE IMPORTANT than those around her, so she's found a young lover who worships what she can do for him and is enough 'beneath' her to be impressed by her. This is a classic May/December relationship pattern. The older person has a big ego that they want stroked, and rather than seeking peers, they seek people beneath them so they can be in control and feel 'special'.

 

And seriously, you can't talk politics and religion with someone at 24? Of course you can. You may have just been hanging out with girls who are not all that educated. Enroll in college and you'll meet plenty of girls your age who have intelligence and seek to improve it.

 

What i see in all your posts here are that you desire to improve yourself, have a higher social status, a good job, respect etc. But you're looking to short cut that via a hookup with an older woman who has money and social status rather than recognizing that you can get all those things for yourself if you put some effort into it. But you can get all that for YOURSELF by going to college, getting a good career with a well paying job. You need to get that for you, rather than being dependent on some older woman's handouts where she is desperately trying to exchange jobs/cars to get her self a piece of young dude to stroke her ego and rejuvenate her sex drive.

 

Anyone can get a college degree these days by going to school online and working full time or part time if you don't have the money to go to school full time. You can get degrees totally online these days no matte rwhere you live in the world, and could spend your lunch breaks and evenings and weekends lifting yourself up in a better social status if that is your true desire. the best you're going to get from this women is being a kept man.. if you're fine with that then good, if you're not, then drop her and start researching online schools to qualify for a job that pays well and has social status, and one that some bored and horny older woman didn't get for you.

[hopefully]

Thanks. You're right. Someone can leave me. But what i achieve myself can not. I am getting an education. She was even willing to fund it but i refused.

[lavenderdove]

^^

Don't you find it odd that she's willing to pay for your education like you're her son (which you could be)? Honestly, this woman is bending over backwards to buy you. Yet the one thing you really need from her, an open and honest relationship where she is divorced, she's not willing to do. So let that be your guiding light, that to be respected and truly loved, you have to have an open and honest relationship rather than some older woman stashing you away somewhere as her secret treat and paying for you for you like you're a gigolo. that's not an equal relationship at all, and one that she totally controls becuase you are dependent on her financially.

[hopefully]

^^

Don't you find it odd that she's willing to pay for your education like you're her son (which you could be)?

 

Are you saying that she's treating me as her son. Eww no that's creepy. If you're talking about my age yes im only a few years older than her eldest child.

[itsallgrand]

All I could think reading this thread is, wow,

 

hopefully sure doesn't think much of himself.

 

And she ain't no prize. She is the opposite of a prize. People like that are around every corner: people who want to use. Also you know why she wants to buy you that SUV and brought that up when she did? She was worried you might have talked to somebody and told them what she was doing.

 

I agree with advice you got a long time ago if you want your eyes to open to the truth here: tell her you intend on sitting down with her hubby, or talking to people about this, and see what she does.

 

I bet she will go ballistic and throw everything she has to try and get you to shut up.

 

That is what she wants: she wants you feeling sick and stupid, she wants you to shut up and keep your mouth closed (doesn't care about your opinions), she wants you available when she wants you for sex and to stroke her ego (tell me I'm beautiful).

 

She's gross. Maybe once you feel better about yourself, you'll realize : money and social status don't mean a god damn thing. It doesn't make someone a good or even decent person, it doesn't make them worthy. It only makes them popular and rich. That is high school stuff. When that can still impress you.

[hopefully]

I do think about myself thats why im composing an email to send. I cant threaten her like that, its just wrong, she has helped me alot. She doesnt have to ask me to tell her she's beautiful, she really is and many other people around her thinks she's really pretty too. Well its not just her money, she has a great personality, like i said she's extremely intelligent and is a great looking woman. She's not gross But yeah i get your point. No one here thinks i should do this so im going to end it. I will probably regret this later on.

[itsallgrand]

I don't think of it as threatening, because I would have done it before it even got to this. If what the two of you are doing isn't wrong, then it should be in the open for everyone to see.

 

What is wrong is the two of you hiding it from her husband. And you are part of that too.

 

It's about: what is your priority? Getting to enjoy her or being an honest and dignified person?

 

And I didn't mean you don't think about yourself. I meant: Your self esteem seems very low. You don't think highly enough of yourself to see how little you get out of this, and how much you give up.

 

Why an email? Why not just call her and say simply "ok, it's over. We discussed it already and I'm not ok with the terms. No one month holding period while you decide. I have decided: and I'm out." Then block her.

 

Have some spine. You can find a job of your own. This one was ill gotten anyways. You didn't earn it.

[hopefully]

I feel like i get more out of this more than she does. She's willing to lose her family for me. I have nothing to lose. Thats why i feel bad. I cant call her because last time i did she started crying and i dont want to hear her cry again. I want to have her and be a dignified person at the same time. But it looks like its not a possibility so im going to let her go.

[hopefully]

Ok i finally sent the email. Told her i dont want to be kept a secret and that if she wants to be with me she has to get divorced first. And that we cant see each other until that happens. She will see it in the morning and it will hurt.

[metrogirl]

I feel like i get more out of this more than she does. She's willing to lose her family for me. I have nothing to lose. Thats why i feel bad. I cant call her because last time i did she started crying and i dont want to hear her cry again. I want to have her and be a dignified person at the same time. But it looks like its not a possibility so im going to let her go.

 

 

No she's not. Because if, IF she really wanted to be with you, she would be with you. She likes how you make her feel. She probably feels young and vibrant again, you do that for her but I haven't seen where she's just so amazingly in love with you that she's willing to walk away from her husband that you think she is already detached from.

[hopefully]

Ignored 18 calls from her. And 3 messages.

[chitown9]

Ignored 18 calls from her. And 3 messages.

 

Good for you! ...chi

[lavenderdove]

Just keep in mind that it only takes ONE text/phone call to say, 'Yes, you are right, it is wrong to expect you to be kept in the dark and for me to cheat on my husband. I will talk to him today and we will proceed with the divorce.' so all those calls/messages etc. are nothing more than an attempt to manipulate you to get you to continue to cheat with her and be her boy toy.

[hopefully]

26 phone calls. I've been having panick attacks the whole day.

[chitown9]

Are you taking any medication for the panic attacks? My daughter had them and they are pretty scary! chi

[hopefully]

No i usually dont get panic attacks like that. Just this whole thing.

[hopefully]

My poor angel must be crying right now. I hate doing this.