chitown9 Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Suggest a trip to the doc sweetie. You need some medication to calm you down. I really feel for you. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 My poor angel must be crying right now. I hate doing this. Too bad she doesn't feel as strongly about your feelings. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Sweetie, she is not your poor angel. She is a married woman who is trying to keep you her dirty little secret. Tell her to get a divorce and then the two of you can be together. Then listen to all her exuses why she will not make move to be with you. Please get help for your panic attacks....chi Link to comment
hopefully Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 Ok she has replied to my email saying she has proof that im not a secret and her friends know about me. One of them is a friend she's been knowing since college. And that she and i can hang out with her if i dont believe her. What should i do. Im shivering from panic. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Ok she has replied to my email saying she has proof that im not a secret and her friends know about me. One of them is a friend she's been knowing since college. And that she and i can hang out with her if i dont believe her. What should i do. Im shivering from panic. Who cares if her friend knows? Lots of people that cheat confide in at least one person. Link to comment
hopefully Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 Who cares if her friend knows? Lots of people that cheat confide in at least one person. It says friends. More than one. Still not enough? Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 It says friends. More than one. Still not enough? I really don't know what to say anymore. One friend, two friends, a whole car full of friends. Does it matter? She won't tell her husband that she wants you. She won't tell her children she wants you. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Ok she has replied to my email saying she has proof that im not a secret and her friends know about me. One of them is a friend she's been knowing since college. And that she and i can hang out with her if i dont believe her. What should i do. Im shivering from panic. First kudos for staying strong and ignoring her phone calls and messages. IF you choose to reply (which I recommend against) say something like, "Until your husband knows, and you have started the divorce I am a secret." Link to comment
hopefully Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 I really don't know what to say anymore. One friend, two friends, a whole car full of friends. Does it matter? She won't tell her husband that she wants you. She won't tell her children she wants you. Im sorry please dont get mad at me. Yeah i get your point. Well at least she's not ashamed to admit that im her boyfriend to her friends. Link to comment
hopefully Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 Sweetie, she is not your poor angel. She is a married woman who is trying to keep you her dirty little secret. Tell her to get a divorce and then the two of you can be together. Then listen to all her exuses why she will not make move to be with you. Please get help for your panic attacks....chi Should i get meds even if its something temporary? Link to comment
Moontiger Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Hopefully, trust me, no one hear is mad at you. We all really want to help you and see you happy. I suggest picking up that phone and calling a local therapist. They will be able to tell you what to do for the panic attacks etc. Until then try writing about how you feel. Get a not book and just start. After one break up a filled two pages with "I feel empty". For me, it helped. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Should i get meds even if its something temporary? Yes. Your personal physician can help you with this. It feels like you are having a heart attack, right? Link to comment
iamkaylee Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Im sorry please dont get mad at me. Yeah i get your point. Well at least she's not ashamed to admit that im her boyfriend to her friends. Hopefully, no one here is mad at you, we're just trying to help you. You're too close to this situation to see it like we can. You say she's not ashamed to admit you're her boyfriend to her friends but honestly, this is just what she's telling you in an email. It could just be a very desperate move on her part because you told her you couldn't do this. Stop for a second and think about it rationally. You don't really KNOW anything she's telling you is the truth. It's just what you want to believe is the truth. She's got a lot to lose here, she knows it, and she'll do whatever she has to. You're not cut out for this sort of thing and to be someone's dirty secret little playtoy. Listen to Chi and call your doctor. You need to do something about this anxiety. Link to comment
hopefully Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 Hopefully, no one here is mad at you, we're just trying to help you. You're too close to this situation to see it like we can. You say she's not ashamed to admit you're her boyfriend to her friends but honestly, this is just what she's telling you in an email. It could just be a very desperate move on her part because you told her you couldn't do this. Stop for a second and think about it rationally. You don't really KNOW anything she's telling you is the truth. It's just what you want to believe is the truth. She's got a lot to lose here, she knows it, and she'll do whatever she has to. You're not cut out for this sort of thing and to be someone's dirty secret little playtoy. Listen to Chi and call your doctor. You need to do something about this anxiety. Well she said that i hang out with one of them if i dont believe her. I dont have anxiety about other things in my life though. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Well she said that i hang out with one of them if i dont believe her. I dont have anxiety about other things in my life though. Until she bring you home to meet her husband and introduce you to him as her boyfriend, you are a secret. Link to comment
hopefully Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 Until she bring you home to meet her husband and introduce you to him as her boyfriend, you are a secret. Ok.so do i meet her or what. i kind of want to see her. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Ok.so do i meet her or what. i kind of want to see her. What would you gain by meeting with her? You know, in the logical side of your mind that she will cry and manipulate you back into her web. Why put yourself in that kind of situation? Link to comment
hopefully Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 What would you gain by meeting with her? You know, in the logical side of your mind that she will cry and manipulate you back into her web. Why put yourself in that kind of situation? I dont know. Just want to see her beautiful face i guess. Its really hard ignoring her. Link to comment
iamkaylee Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 It's going to hurt now but believe me, it's only going to hurt a whole lot more later on down the road if you don't do this. You've barely gotten a toe into the "other man" waters. How much worse do you think it will be when you're a few months or years into this and nothing's changed? How about when her family, friends and colleagues find out? Right now, you can get out with just a bit of heartache. Keep at it and if her "secret" of you ever comes out, you'll be called a home-wrecker, user, and much, much worse. You don't want to live with that on your conscience. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 I dont know. Just want to see her beautiful face i guess. Its really hard ignoring her. I highly recommend against it. If you want to leave a door open for her then just email her and say, "I'm hurting a lot. Once you send me a copy of your divorce paper we can meet and talk. Until then I don't think its healthy for me to see you." You have, by doing this both stood your ground and kept your integrity and place her in a position of power. If she wants you she is going to have to earn the right to be with you. Not by buying your affections and manipulating you but by doing something that YOU need to feel healthy, happy, and loved. Link to comment
hopefully Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 I highly recommend against it. If you want to leave a door open for her then just email her and say, "I'm hurting a lot. Once you send me a copy of your divorce paper we can meet and talk. Until then I don't think its healthy for me to see you." You have, by doing this both stood your ground and kept your integrity and place her in a position of power. If she wants you she is going to have to earn the right to be with you. Not by buying your affections and manipulating you but by doing something that YOU need to feel healthy, happy, and loved. Ok i wont meet her then. But dont we all buy our partners gifts. She finally gave up. May be for today. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 And what have you given her that would equal a job and an SUV? Link to comment
hopefully Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 And what have you given her that would equal a job and an SUV? I haven't given anything like that to her. I cant. Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 And hence the absolute power dynamic. Between getting you the job and promising you a car--- you are "indebted" to her....and that is what she wanted. Link to comment
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