Is it wrong to want a nice car?

[Unreasonable]

I'm in my early 40's making near 6 figures. I have a decent house that could use some fixing up and pretty much everything else I want. I feel like I've "made it" but there's one last piece of the puzzle. I drive 14 year old POS car.

 

I know, the horror, right?

 

My wife drives our newer mini van which I'm fine with and DO NOT want to drive. She is a stay at home mom and she needs it for hauling around the kids and the cargo space.

 

I've been eyeing a car that goes for the low 20s a couple years used that I really like. I would like to buy it soon as the van's paid off next year. My wife gets pissed when I talk about it though, mainly because she views it as a threat, that she's 'getting in my way' if I don't get it. I've assured her that I'm not resentful and I'm not going to go surprise her and bring one home or anything like that. It's a looker, 'manly' car, but I can assure you, it's not for picking up chicks.

 

We don't have any debt, at all, besides the mortgage and car payment. It would be kind of a tight fit with some of the other things we want to have (together), but not out of the question.

 

Should I just stop talking about it? (note: I'm not going to make her get a job even though sometimes I'd like her to).

[mhowe]

Why not rent one for a bit and see if it changes anything.

[KarenC]

You deserve something that the both of you can and will enjoy because you work hard and YOLO - You Only Live Once!!!

[iamkaylee]

If I were you, I'd hush up until the van is paid off. Then you can start working on replacing a 15 year old car that could need major repairs (with a major hassle) before too much longer. Engine or transmission work can take weeks and that is a royal pain.

 

Do your research into the car you *want* to get and compare to some others. Check for recalls and known issues also. Those "known issues" can kill your wallet. Price, average repair costs, insurance, maintenance, and normal operating expenses like fuel economy. You don't want to swap a 15 year old POS for a newer POS with a payment on top of it.

[sunshines]

Hahaha maybe shes "jealous" that you guys can't afford a sexy car for her too! LOL I would be if all I had was a mini van. Point is you guys need two cars. You have kids and a mini van is going to get the beat down. You have a car that is about to go out and if you don't replace it then it'll cost you crazy amounts to fix. I think you should stay quiet until the mini van is paid off. I think she is just frustrated in the fact that "YES WE ARE DONE PAYING OFF CARS! NO MORE CAR PAYMENTS!!!" That is really, really, great feeling. It's one less bill to worry about. Then you are over here talking about continuing another car payment for the next 3-5 years... it seems like a never ending cycle. She could just be frustrated with that.

 

So what needs fixing in your house? The kitchen? Master bath? Something she has been nagging you with and rather you spruce up over a car?

[RoxyGril]

I would get the van paid off first and then go looking for a newer car. Don't buy a new car right off the lot due to the value dropping a lot once it's off the lot. Leasing a vehicleis probably the worst idea. I was reading the David Rasmey book, he mentioned that if you are looking into buying a new car, buy a car that is at least a couple years old due to the person either leasing it or trading it in. Not because it has any problems with it but, the reasoning is because the person who orginially bought the car 1st took the hit in the value.

[Godless_Heathen]

My wife gets pissed when I talk about it though, mainly because she views it as a threat, that she's 'getting in my way' if I don't get it.

That's weird, and something you should address. Regardless of whether you want it or not, getting pissed about it isn't helpful.

 

As for the car, there are two issues. One, reliability. Some 14 year old cars are still reliable, but it sounds like yours is not. So at a minimum, it sounds like you should replace it, period. Two, the additional cost of the car you want, vs. what you need.

 

I suggest you go shopping for a car that would meet your strictly functional needs. Pretend you don't have any money, and that spending every dollar is going to be painful. Since you're eying a used car already, look at cars of a similar age and mileage, so you're comparing apples to apples. Look at the price difference between what you want, and what you need.

 

Now, look at that dollar amount. Say it's $5k. Ask yourself what you're really getting for that $5k. Is it just an ego boost? Or are there actual functional differences? What else could you have purchased for that $5k? Could you get several things that you would collectively enjoy more?

 

When you get into premium features, cars are awfully expensive compared to other luxury items, and they have a distressing tendency to wear out quickly. Don't look at the monthly cost, look at the total additional cost, including interest if you have to take out a loan rather than paying cash. "No debt other than mortgage and car payment" sounds good, but "no debt other than mortgage" plus some savings is better.

[itsallgrand]

No, it's not 'wrong' to want a nice car. It's a desire.

 

I don't quite understand why your wife gets pissed that you want this though? I mean obviously your relationship comes before a car. And figuring out a way for you to get it and not have any resentment either would be ideal.

 

I found it interesting that you mentioned she doesn't bring in any money/doesn't work outside the home. Do you think she is pissed and instead of telling you upfront why she doesn't want you to get it she is doing that because she might be afraid you'll pull out the "but you don't work or bring in the money" thing? That you might ask her to go get a job?

 

What is the deal you two have? How long will she be a stay at home mom? How old are the kids?

 

There are so many solutions, and I'm sure you two will find one. My observations of acquaintances/ friends of mine with similar life choices to have kids and one parent stay home for a time is that the toys tend to come out once both parents are both working again. I've seen couples start getting their toys and one parent is still the stay at home for whatever reason and/or one is unemployed or underemployed and there always seems to be arguments. Just an outside observation.

[morrowrd]

If it was me, I'd remind myself that it's your job to provide for the financial security of home, thus you deserve a reliable vehicle. It's no sin to want something that looks good either, you deserve it.

[Unreasonable]

So what needs fixing in your house? The kitchen? Master bath? Something she has been nagging you with and rather you spruce up over a car?

It could use a new roof, though its not like it's leaking or anything. Most of our neighbors have one. That's gonna cost 10 grand probably. I think we could do both once we have the car paid off.

[buddha55]

A 14 year old car currently? Aaaand your making 6 figures?? Get the car. As someone else mentioned, if she has been wanting to spruce up the bathroom or whatever, do that.... And then get yourself the car.

[savignon]

I'd pay off the van, fix something in the house and then get the car you want. Explain how you've taken good care of her needs and those of the kids (if that's true) and that you're willing to take care of/fix up the home for everyone who lives in it and that you deserve to have a safe and reliable car that you like just as she has. Ask her to explain her objection (I'm not quite understanding what it is).

[sunshines]

Holy c***! You make 6 figures lol. But still bills and kidsIt's not like you want a ferrari or something. You just want something nicer, newer, and more reliable in the 20s. I think you need to make your wife happy as well though and fix that roof. You should really cool it though until the car is paid off. Then re-visit the idea. But it's not wrong at all to want to have nice things. I advise you when the car is paid off don't immediately that day bring it up. First just get to the roof and then in a couple months (patience) tell her you were thinking of getting that new car.

 

Or if all else fails your car broke down and it costs $5,000 to fix it so you might as well get a new car hahahahaha jk.

[RedDress]

I'm still not clear on what exactly her objection is.

 

Is it the amount of money? If so, how much does she think that you should spend on a car vs. how much you want to spend?

Is it that she wants to fix the roof first?

Is it that maybe you are looking at something impractical to bring the kids in? (ie: you are looking at a 2-seat sports car)?

Is it that it is expensive on repairs?

Is it that she doesn't think you should drive a car that sexy that people will think you are single in?

Is it all about the money?

 

I don't think you've really articulated that here. I re-read the OP and you've mentionned that she said she thinks it's a "threat" (as in you are threatening to buy it?) and that you maybe couldn't afford other things.

 

Have you sat and done a realistic budget with her? Maybe it's worth the time to investigate how much all of these things that you want are going to cost (for real - get estimates) and crunch the numbers.

 

Personally, I'm kind of a numbers person... but numbers aren't "hope" (as in I "hope" we can afford it all... or "no,no - trust me it will be fine"). Numbers tell it like it is - and you will find out very quickly which one of you is being unrealistic.

 

BTW - six figures isn't as much as it once was, and depending on where you live, it can even be a stretch with a bunch of kids. I know a couple of people making that kind of money who dug themselves into really big holes because they felt like they were "rich". Be careful! You have a nice salary for sure - but it won't buy everything. People with six figures need to budget too.

[pl3asehelp]

You say if you bought the car your budget would be tight? I would then recommend spending the bare minimum then - either keep your old car going or buy another that is less expensive. The car you want is a toy and I don't blame your wife for objecting if purchasing the toy would mean money would be tight and you would have to put off things you actually do need, like the roof. Wait until you can actually afford the toy, meaning wait to buy it until doing so won't make money tight for actual needed expenses.

 

I make well into 6 figures but could not afford any kind of new car. Both our cars are paid off and I plan to drive them until the wheels fall off. Only if I knew I could send all my 3 kids to college would I consider something like that.

[Snny]

If I were you, I'd hush up until the van is paid off. Then you can start working on replacing a 15 year old car that could need major repairs (with a major hassle) before too much longer.

If it's 14 years old, it's most likely already having problems.

 

Hahaha maybe shes "jealous" that you guys can't afford a sexy car for her too! LOL

But she already has a newer, more reliable vehicle while the OP doesn't. How is that being fair?

 

When you get into premium features, cars are awfully expensive compared to other luxury items, and they have a distressing tendency to wear out quickly.

It depends on what kind of car (even make) you get. I buy American for a reason because parts are cheaper than an import. I had an SRT Neon and (currently) '06 Mustang. My SRT had more mechanical issues than my mustang AND gas was most expensive (SRT took Premium grade while my mustang takes Regular and has higher MPG). However, parts for my mustang are more expensive because it's a GT package that requires high performance parts/tires. Either way comparing mechanical bills and also being able to do some of the labor myself, my mustang is the least expensive. Ford builds better cars than Dodge did.

 

That being said, I am a sportscar owner and so is my fiance. We do not have children yet and plan to get a third vehicle when we do. My concern is you have an older car that needs to be traded in as soon as possible for a newer vehicle. The longer you wait and the more mechanical issues it has, its trade-in value will almost be worth nothing. Do a LOT of research on the newer car. Investigate the mechanical and performance pros/cons of the model, check with your insurance company to see how much your insurance will increase, gain information on a car loan payment plan before purchasing it, and see if you are still able to pay for both vehicles on top of fixing a roof.

 

I also don't understand what your wife's problem is. She is not working and is the main driver of a newer vehicle? I sense a lot of resentment there.

[xyou2388]

I think you could get your dream car after the van is paid off. Why not? Your income is good enough to afford it, and you don't have any debt. Sounds fair enough to get yourself a new car. You sounds like a good husband btw.

 

link removed

[Godless_Heathen]

It depends on what kind of car (even make) you get. I buy American for a reason because parts are cheaper than an import.

I agree, make matters as far as reliability and upkeep cost. Which makes the second sentence a bit odd, since I tend not to buy American because Toyotas and Hondas don't need parts nearly as often, and I've never been taken aback by the price of those parts. If you're comparing to a German make like BMW or Porsche, yeah, I'd expect the price of parts to be an issue. A guy I knew bought a used 911 for a song, and then discovered it needed very expensive replacement parts.

 

Personally, I'm driving a Toyota that's 15 years old. It's not expensive to maintain, and it's still extremely reliable. I'd never describe it as a POS since it would look new if it weren't for some scuff marks on the wheels.

[Snny]

link removed - Honda, Toyota, and Ford are said to make the best cars around. Hondas and Toyotas are very inexpensive and are very easy to maintain. I even own a Honda waverunner and it is faster and more reliable than any jetski out on the market. My only problem with Hondas (particularly civics) is that those cars are easy to total in wrecks because they are cheaply made. I was told this by a friend of mine who was a car salesman and later became a mechanic for a Honda dealership.

 

As for Toyotas... a couple years ago their cars had issues with their gas accelerator getting stuck and drivers losing control of their car. Toyota's response? Recall their vehicles but NOT refund their customers or exchange for a better car which resulted in a class action suit (link removed). I'm sorry, but I can't trust a company that does business like that.

 

My personal opinion and experience, Mazda, Subaru and Ford are built to last longer.

[metrogirl]

I have a 2006 Camry that I bought 3 years ago. Currently my car has 121k miles on it and I haven't really had any problems with it. I love my Camry even more than the Altima I had previously.

 

With that said, I think it's a little unfair for your wife that doesn't contribute financially to throw out objections about you getting a car. It's not like she's on the bus with 2 kids. If you weren't working, she wouldn't have anything anyway so she needs to relax.

[Unreasonable]

1. Is it the amount of money? If so, how much does she think that you should spend on a car vs. how much you want to spend?

2. Is it that she wants to fix the roof first?

3. Is it that maybe you are looking at something impractical to bring the kids in? (ie: you are looking at a 2-seat sports car)?

4. Is it that it is expensive on repairs?

5. Is it that she doesn't think you should drive a car that sexy that people will think you are single in?

 

Well, probably a little bit of all of the above.

 

1. She doesn't want me to spend ANY money on a car until we've paid off her car and other things "more practical". She was looking forward to not having a car payment.

 

2. More like she doesn't want a car payment for a while so we can do other stuff (like the roof).

 

3. Eh, it's a coupe, seats 5, not comfortably. I don't consider that relevant though since we already have a van that seats 8 people. We already have an uber-practical car that we are not going to get rid of.

 

4. It reviews pretty well, and is common enough that parts wouldn't be extraordinarily expensive (I don't want to start a "this vs that" car brand debate though).

 

5. Nah. She is concerned though that it might attract the attention of cops (I have not had a speeding ticket in 14 years). I've already said I was looking to get a black car with no striping or anything practically screaming "hey, look at me!" Just something nice that I feel proud to drive.

 

The 'threat' she perceives is that I have an object of my desire that she may end up having to say no to (i.e. she's getting in the way of my happiness). I have reassured her that is NOT the case. I also would never make that kind of purchase unless we both agreed on it and I would not be resentful. She just wants to cut off my fanciful thoughts at the bud before they even have a chance to become reality (I AM am upset that I feel I can't even openly express a desire for something).

[metrogirl]

Well she doesn't have a car payment you do and unless you guys are near penniless I don't see how you couldn't make it all work so everyone is happy. Have you shopped around for pricing on roof repairs? You might get lucky and find that you can actually swing both although something tells me that even when you do fix the roof she still won't be pleased with the idea of you getting a newer car.

[Mercurial Girl]

Well she doesn't have a car payment you do

 

 

I've seen this sentiment a bit too much on this thread- "you have the job, you make the money, you deserve the car, you're the one stuck with the car payments." - yeahhhhh NOT. They're married, she's raising the kids at home - it's their money, their car payments, and one partner's financial decisions will obviously affect the other, so enough with this "his" money stuff, guys.

 

I suspect she's a bit resentful because she has a so-unsexy van strewn with toys and that permanent, weird kid smell, and you want a nice new car primarily for the sake of enjoyment while looking down the barrel, you're expecting to need 10k for a new roof soon! You do need a new car and I'm not saying you don't deserve something nice - but if I were your wife I might also take issue with wanting to splurge on luxuries when you have bigger priorities.

[Snny]

Mercurial Girl, you raise a good point about sharing expenses. But from what I understand here, the OP's wife CHOSE to be a housewife and rely on her HUSBAND'S income. If she wants nicer things and is going to be resentment of her man getting a sportscar even though he has brought in ends meat to the family, then she should go out and apply for work to earn her own income. Otherwise she shouldn't complain about driving a newer van while her husband drives a car that is nearly on life support.

 

Again, how is that being fair since the OP has been the only one financially supporting the needs of his family?

[Mercurial Girl]

 

Again, how is that being fair since the OP has been the only one financially supporting the needs of his family?

 

Hardly - he's been able to focus on his career as much as he has because he's had support from his wife. The children are taken care of while he's at work, their breakfast lunch and dinner is looked after, the fridge is stocked, the home is maintained, his laundry done. This frees up a lot of time for one partner to focus on "bringing home the bacon".

 

You're saying SHE chose to stay at home like it was a unilateral decision. I doubt that. It is likely advantageous to the whole family for her to stay home. Especially if they have more than 2 children they're saving/have saved a load on child care. Her staying home benefits him as well; emotionally, practically, and most certainly financially.

 

If she were to get a job outside the home because she decides that she too wants a nice car of her own, that may have implications for the whole family. It may mean he makes sacrifices at work to balance duties at home that the wife previously had all day to look after.