Kids and Pro-Wrestling

[indea08]

Today is boyfriend's birthday and he wants to go with his 5 yr old son and I to a professional wrestling match. We had planned on going together but he just now told me that his son is coming. I'm not really comfortable with taking his son. He's 5, and he already enjoys fighting/hitting/kicking as "playing". I understand boys are rambunctious and whatever, but when they play fight they take it too far and boyfriend just laughs...until he accidentally catches a shot to the face or something. I disagree with this violent play because if 5yr old will hit/kick boyfriend, he will hit/kick others...I do not want to be involved in furthering his fascination with violence by taking him to a wrestling match. He's just too young to know the difference between actual violence and pretend play violence, and boyfriend doesn't set the boundary between the two. Ultimately though, I am not the parent so I don't want to overstep my boundaries and intervene too much. I just think maybe I shouldn't go to this wrestling match if I disagree with it, but let boyfriend make his own decision about going/not going with his son...opinions? Experiences? Much appreciated!

[Seraphim]

Personally, I think his plans are ridiculous. There are so many studies documenting young children watching violence and becoming violent themselves. Maybe he will take notice when he gets calls from the school about his son being violent or when his son gets suspended one day for violence.

[indea08]

As the girlfriend with no parental rights at all...what would you suggest I do? I feel like my hands are tied....but I'm a nurse so I also want to advocate for the boy too...

[Seraphim]

I don't know but what I would do but I wouldn't be going. I would just say I was not participating in something like that.

[buddha55]

but she was a willing participant when he was going....

 

you're in a tough spot. don't engage in rough play with him. kids learn there boundaries with each adult. at moms house, we wear our shoes in the house, at grandmas that NEVER happens. they learn rules and what they can do with each adult.

 

maybe this is a good time to start a convo with the boyfriend? how you feel about roughhousing, violence, etc. and that you don't feel comfortable going to the WWE thing?

[pl3asehelp]

If it counts for anything I grew up loving hulk hogan, junk yard dog, iron shriek, rowdy roddy piper, etc in the 80's and I think I have been in one physical fight in my entire life which I didn't initiate. Even kids can tell the difference between entertainment and appropriate behavior if you explain it to them and are an active part of their life. I'd just go and have a good time. I'd take my 4 year old of he showed any interest.

[happyfrank]

I'm taking my son to wrestlemania when he turns 4. You have to teach them young about what's right and wrong. By age 5. he will be doing karate just like when I started at 5 years old.

[DN]

There are likely to be other disagreements about how he raises his son - are you going to refuse to go to his birthday party because you don't agree with kids having fast food and they are going to McDonalds? Or refuse to be there when he opens his Christmas presents in case someone has given him a videogame you might not like?

 

I think you need to keep this sort of opinion to yourself and stop trying to push your agenda through passive-aggressive behaviour such as you are contemplating.

[Batya33]

If you don't feel comfortable going and seeing his son exposed to this sort of thing then don't go and explain why. Tell him you're uncomfortable giving further input because you're not the parent but if he wants your input you'll offer your opinion and even do some information gathering on the potentially harmful effects -but only if he asks!

[abitbroken]

If it counts for anything I grew up loving hulk hogan, junk yard dog, iron shriek, rowdy roddy piper, etc in the 80's and I think I have been in one physical fight in my entire life which I didn't initiate. Even kids can tell the difference between entertainment and appropriate behavior if you explain it to them and are an active part of their life. I'd just go and have a good time. I'd take my 4 year old of he showed any interest.

 

Wrestling was a lot different back then. it was more about the characters, and now WWE incorporates some more hardcore stuff into the repertoire to compete with cage fighting, the more extreme wrestling, not to mention the women are a lot less clothed than they were in the 80s when Hulk Hogan had his heyday.

 

And from what I have heard from relatives, its also the crowd you have to worry about. My sister had more trouble with the swearing and behavior of the audience members around her.

 

I think that you cannot bar the child from going, but you can express since you are going, you are uncomfortable going with the two of them and why. I mean - you are carrying his child, right? And even if he chooses to take his child to wrestling, I think it would be good for you to state your opinion to set the tone for the future, lest he decide to give you a hard time on the next kid.

 

If you were not ALSO going to the wrestling I probably wouldn't say much but you are.

[superfan]

I don't think the fault necessarily lies with allowing a child to watch something violent, but rather allowing a child to watch something violent without opening up any kind of dialogue between the parent and child as to how that violence is being portrayed, how it impacts on the real world, and how it is not real and should not be seen as something to be emulated or copied. Too often, our knee jerk reaction when something happens is to blame it on violent tv, video games, etc. when in reality violence has existed in the world since time immemorial.

 

I wouldn't necessarily have an issue with the child seeing a Wrestling match, as long as it was followed by a discussion on that kind of violence being fictional and teaching the child the difference between how we behave in the real world and how violence is portrayed. It can actually be used as a valuable teaching tool for a child - a way of demonstrating to them that while Undertaker might do this kind of thing, he is portraying a fictional character and behaving like that in real life has serious consequences.

 

It sounds like your boyfriend has not done this with his son and that is why he is already displaying signs of trying to copy or emulate the violence that he sees. That can be especially worrisome when it comes to a pro Wrestling match, as those are trained athletes who perform those moves and they ARE quite dangerous, even if they are scripted. All it takes is for the kid to try one of those moves on his own (jumping off the couch or something) for him to break his neck and get seriously injured.

 

But as you said having no actual parental authority or say on how he is raised, you cannot forbid the child to come. You could try saying to your bf that you had hoped for an outing with just the two of you, but that doesn't necessarily address the problem (and could come off like you don't like his son and/or don't want him around).

 

I would simply reccomend not going if you are that bothered by the fact that he is choosing to expose his child to it, however that again won't solve any future problems that may arise when another event like this comes along.

 

You could try to approach the situation delicately and suggest that all three of you sit down and talk about it with his son afterwards so that he doesn't try any of the wrestling moves at home where he could get himself hurt. If you phrase it as concern for him, rather than a criticism of his parenting skills, it might come off a bit better.

 

Good luck.

[abitbroken]

I agree with tvnerdgirl. A friend of mine won't let her child go to a wrestling match because that makes it "real" - when it is on tv it is just "pretend" and the child accepts that distinction - but once its physically in front of them live and in person, that distinction doesn't work with all young children.

 

Also, i think if the son likes to fight and wrestle and doesn't do it in a structured sport but hurts kids when he plays, a discussion should be had prior to baby coming along - otherwise you are in for a big mess when he kicks you or is too rough with baby.

[agent1607307371]

It's your boyfriends birthday. I think you should go. Not least because if you say you won't go now he wants to take his son... doesn't look good.

[Seraphim]

I agree with tvnerdgirl. A friend of mine won't let her child go to a wrestling match because that makes it "real" - when it is on tv it is just "pretend" and the child accepts that distinction - but once its physically in front of them live and in person, that distinction doesn't work with all young children.

 

Also, i think if the son likes to fight and wrestle and doesn't do it in a structured sport but hurts kids when he plays, a discussion should be had prior to baby coming along - otherwise you are in for a big mess when he kicks you or is too rough with baby.

 

I agree. This is a good discussion to have before his son rough houses with your baby.

[ParisPaulette]

I personally think it depends a) on the type of parent and b) the type of kid and c) the type of event. Primarily your boyfriend should be teaching his son that it's not cool to hit or kick others and making sure he knows the difference between pretend fighting and reality. If you see the kid is wild in his play then that's not a good sign that your boyfriend is actually teaching his child manners and how to treat others--pro-wrestling or not. I've seen kids go wild and start that same type of play over a commercial on TV or movie trailer though and it's very much the parent who's at fault over what and how they teach their kids to react to any stimuli in front of them. I had a friend who ran a daycare and she hated the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers, because those same types of kids would go wild punching and kicking and reenacting their cool heroes antics after watching it while the parents would just laugh and take a very "kids do that" sort of attitude. She finally just forbid the show altogether although she told me it was already a lost battle since the parents were too permissive to begin with.

 

Would I take a young child to a pro-wrestling event? No, never although not necessarily because of the content itself. When I was a little girl from the age of 4 on up my sisters and I loved pro-wrestling on TV. My dad explained very early on it was all pretend, forbid us to ever recreate what we saw and we both loved the silly huge men in big costumes who'd posture around and pretend to duke it out. My brothers thought it was the dumbest thing they'd ever seen. Even so my father would never have taken any of us to such an event and I wouldn't either, because content aside the larger threat is what happens if two or more audience members get out control. Anything that places a small child into an area primarily populated by large adults cheering and screaming and drinking is just a very bad idea. Add any level of violence to the mix and the stakes climb even higher. My dad wouldn't even take us to the rodeos he and my brothers rode in until we were older, because he did not want us subjected to the very real possibility of watching a large animal kill or hurt the riders or vice versa.

 

I'd probably say something about being concerned for the child's safety oand telling your boyfriend it's not a venue you're comfortable taking a small child to, because of the audience and the drinking. You might as well bring these things up now if you plan on being with this boyfriend for the long term. Personally I also tend to cast a rather dim eye towards parents who'll take a small child to something they want to do, because it's what the parent wants to do rather than being a responsible grownup with common sense. Is it really that hard to get a babysitter for these sorts of things?

[buddha55]

I agree with a lot of these posts, but didn't anyone read the part where they roughhouse so often and rough that the boy usually ends up in tears? he is re-enacting what he sees.

[Furbys]

A 5 year old going to see a wrestling match isn't a bad thing. I've watched wrestling for many years and it does not make me violent. I must admit though that WWE isn't great. I watch TNA which has more storylines and not lots of 'im going to kick your butt'.

 

If you do not agree with it then dont go, but its just wrestling. Theres a difference with that and violence.

[indea08]

Thank you guys! I told boyfriend I didn't feel okay with taking a five year old to this thing. Five is just too young and the boundary between real violence and play violence isn't clear enough. That's all I said, and boyfriend said okay, and that was that. I appreciate everyone's help.

[superfan]

Thank you guys! I told boyfriend I didn't feel okay with taking a five year old to this thing. Five is just too young and the boundary between real violence and play violence isn't clear enough. That's all I said, and boyfriend said okay, and that was that. I appreciate everyone's help.

 

That's awesome! He is obviously open to your opinions on childcare and respects how you feel about it - even if he isn't your child.