Ladies - rank these qualities in order of preference...

[Sirenia]

I'm just curious (could be useful for the men too )

 

I guess this is more towards online dating where you find out all these things before you even meet them in real life but if all things were equal and you knew nothing about their personality, family ...

 

Hair (is he bald or not?)

Height (is he taller than you or in your preferred height range?)

Age (in your preferred age range?)

Education (does he have a degree if this is what you're looking for?)

Food (is he vegan/vegetarian or not?)

Car (does he have a licence and a car?)

Living (does he live alone/ with parents/ with friends?)

Smoking (does he smoke or not?)

Drinking (")

Kids (does he have them? Does it matter to you?)

Job/income (does he do your preferred jobs? does he earn the amount you desire?)

 

Myself

Smoking (despise it)

Kids (don't want someone with kids)

those 2 are really important to me and then after that it becomes harder to choose which are more important if I had to rank them... maybe...

Age

Education

Height

Hair

Food (my sister is a vegetarian and I absolutely hate fussy eaters as I find they are also fussy in other areas of their life so I want someone who eats everything)

Car

Living

Job/income (I don't really care what kind of job he does as long as he likes it and he makes at least an average salary. I'm not a gold digger but I don't want to be dating someone who is unemployed or a student either. But I put this last as it's not super important for me.)

 

 

 

Copy and paste and then change the order

Hair

Height

Age

Education

Food

Car

Living

Smoking

Kids

Job/income

[RedDress]

This will definitely be subjective according to the woman, but... I've added my rationale as well.

 

Age - I just think this is important. I'm not too picky, though. +/- 5 years? Something like that.

 

Job/income - I'm not a gold digger either - quite the contrary. I keep dating guys that I've had to support (the starving artist type - I find them "free spirited" and "charming"). No more. I'm breaking the cycle. Dude doesn't have to be rich or make a lot of money - but no more starving artists or guys that have to "find themselves". I'm SO done with that. Career guys only (and I don't care what the career is as long as he can reasonably support himself)

 

Car - Tied to the above. I live in the burbs. You need a car.

 

Actually, I won't even bother ranking the rest. Here's why:

 

Hair - don't care. At all. Bald is good, hair is good.

 

Height - don't really care. I'm 5'7". I'd date a guy shorter than me. Most guys are above about 5'5". Much shorter than that might be a problem - but not too many people fall into this category.

 

Education - don't care. If he has a good career (which is important to me), I don't care what his education is or even if he's self-made.

 

Food - I can work around anything. Except maybe kosher where you need 2 sets of dishes. That might be extreme. Or if you freak because *I* want to eat a hamburger. Let's just not tell each other what to eat.

 

Living - At my age, he'd have to have a pretty good reason for living with his parents. But otherwise - whatever. This can change.

 

Smoking - I smoke

 

Kids - Kids are cool.

 

The one thing that is not on your list, though, that is very very important to me, is a strong sense of morality. Not necessarily "religious", but a strong sense of ethics. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". That's actually very hard to find, IMO. A lot of people are perfectly happy stealing from their boss or scamming on their taxes or cheating or lying or generally being selfish. I have a very hard time with this. This trait is something that I look for very early on.

[itsallgrand]

The one thing that is not on your list, though, that is very very important to me, is a strong sense of morality. Not necessarily "religious", but a strong sense of ethics. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". That's actually very hard to find, IMO. A lot of people are perfectly happy stealing from their boss or scamming on their taxes or cheating or lying or generally being selfish. I have a very hard time with this. This trait is something that I look for very early on.

 

Yup, super important - though that takes some time to find out. But that is in my mind all along, and does factor into all the others.

 

I'm going to go ahead and put "Living" at the top, for me. Not only where and who he lives with, but mostly - lifestyle. How does he live? Because I've learned that if that's not compatible with mine - there are gonna be major problems. And if it is a way of life that is compatible with me and I could enjoy being a part of, it takes a whole lot of difficulties out and whole lot of positives in.

 

Age= this is equal with "living". If he isn't in my age bracket (and like Red Dress, it's give or take about five years or so either way), then I won't even read much of the profile nor seriously consider etc.

 

Kids- same with kids. I love children. But generally, til now at least, don't get involved with men with kids and/or divorces. It does limit it down, but it's important to me. It's not a judgement thing, it's just me and what is right for me.

 

Next,....

Education and job/income - again, a compatibility thing. He needs to be able to support himself. That's about all. And similar views on things. That's about all. If I can respect him on this level, then that's all good. I don't need to be 'impressed'.

 

Food- next food. Having been involved with a vegan, I'd rather not again do that. Any special food needs that limit that aren't purely nutritional in nature. Wouldn't count someone out bc of it, but say someone was a vegan or ate only kosher - yeah, it would make me consider. Learned that lesson. I'm flexible, it just sucks after a while. And again, to me this can be lumped back to "how he lives".

 

Car - all these are about relative the same importance to me. Somewhat - but nothing I'd screen someone out bc of for any reason. Be any height, have cars or not, have hair any color or not, smoke or not (though maybe out of all of them, I'd hope he doesn't smoke).

Hair

Height

Smoking

[Lambert]

This is a pretty interesting thread. I agree in general with Sirenia. Most of the stuff is not that important to me, except for the extremes.

 

* Most men don't believe me when I tell them this.... I find bald attractive, hair is, too... But some extreme hair style might not fit what I am into.

 

*I've dated older- 15 years and younger- 5 years.

 

*I can't date a smoker. I hate it and this may offend some people but I find smokers, weak. It's so bad for your health, to say you can't quit bugs me. I smoked when I was younger and I quit-- number one reason- I am in control of my life and actions. I understand one may be addicted and all.... I tend to feel this way about all addictions-- drugs, alcohol etc. If one is trying to quit, I can respect its hard and one may fail once and a while, but I choose not to have it in my life. So based on, just meeting on line, not knowing them and their particular story-- I wouldn't date anyone with those issues.

 

*Education- this one is hard to judge not knowing the person. One can be successful in life without formal education and education is not a guarantee. I look more at what one is doing with his life.

 

*Car, living, job, income all kind of go together.... I am established in my life: career, job, car, living fulling on my own, for well over a decade. So any guy I date has to have those things together. I recently posted about a guy I met on line... he was nice but we were not at the same stage of life. At first I felt like a snob for deciding not to see him again. But the reality of my life is, I am successful, as are my family and friends. Someone that doesn't own a car (due to financial reasons) or can't pick up the check once in awhile, is not going to fit in. There is nothing wrong with having a low paying job or not being into the material things I am into.... I am not judging you, but we are talking about choosing a partner-- so I feel I get to be as selective as I want. Otherwise, I am sure there are some really cool homeless men I could date.

 

*Lastly, I won't date anyone with kids. Just a lifestyle choice. If I met a guy and he had kids but I fell for him, then so be it. I avoid those guys on line.

[IAmFCA]

On line screening is along these lines...

 

4. Hair - bald or groomed.

3. Height - must be taller by at least a few inches.

2. Age - younger by 5, older by 5. Education - undergraduate degree minimum.

8. Food - Carnivore. Foodie.

7. Car-Dont care so long as you don't need mine.

6. Living - within 30 min drive

1. Smoking - no

5. Kids - 3 or fewer

4. Job/income- I hate to admit it but please make 6 figs. Ok if its less than I make.

 

Exceptions happen when we meet people some other way and it clicks.

[ninachamile]

RedDress said....

 

The one thing that is not on your list, though, that is very very important to me, is a strong sense of morality. Not necessarily "religious", but a strong sense of ethics. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". That's actually very hard to find, IMO. A lot of people are perfectly happy stealing from their boss or scamming on their taxes or cheating or lying or generally being selfish. I have a very hard time with this. This trait is something that I look for very early on.

 

 

I have to agree with this one..well said.

 

I would like to add respect. Respecting other people's feelings and belief's is important to me. Cocky know it all's who think that their opinion is fact without even trying to discuss or view another persons perspective and experiences all the while making underhanded holier-than-thou personal remarks is so far beyond rude and disrespectful.

 

I just got out of a long relationship. Lately I have thought about how much I am enjoying my life as it is. However, If I should ever date again and due to the experience of my last relationship, some things are on the high priority list.

 

Hair - not an issue, it they don't have it, fine. If they do, fine. If their hair is long they have to keep it clean. I do tend to be more attracted to dark brown hair, but it is not important.

 

Height - I'm just over 5'-7", I do like them taller but not to the point of full head tilt up and blinded by the sun, 6' is good. Of course I could wear heels sometimes.

 

Age - It has to do with maturity, still, within the 5 year range + or -. On the fence with this one.

 

Education - First thing, common sense is really nice. He could be a scholar, BUT, if he thinks sticking a knife into a plugged in toaster to remove the jammed toast is okay, he's gotta go. He should be able to hold a conversation and want to learn, discover and discuss new things as well as be able to introduce, share and teach to others. You don't always have to go to college to be able to do this.

 

Food - If he eats only junk food, meat and potatoes and an occasional drink of water because his parents would not push the "yucky" stage off that makes for boring and annoying experiences.

 

Car - A car is not to big of a need where I live, but they do have to have some kind of transportation and not always rely on me to be a taxi. A bike, the bus a skateboard, YEAH I said it, a skateboard. If he has to do what he has to do to be self reliant and that is all he has, then yes, a skateboard. I've seen it done before, a combo skateboard and bus ride neighbor of mine did this. He kept his job and apartment and he did it in a suit and tie. WOW.

 

Living - That depends on the situation.

 

Smoking - I smoke

 

Kids - On the fence.

 

Job/income - HE MUST have a job, some kind of income. I can pull my weight but adding more weight is not happening. I am not looking for a sugar daddy NOR am I a gold digger. I refuse to date anyone (in the future) who can not keep a job for what ever reason. He could even be a student but he has to have some kind of income and nothing illegal. I do not mind paying for dinner or buying groceries, the "buy me a hamburger today and I'll gladly pay you back Tuesday"...but not really... and all the time is a problem. Also the short on rent every month is no good.

 

Not really in order of importance, except for the respect part. This is very important to me.

[ninachamile]

ITSALLGRAND.....The compatible lifestyles is a great point.

[Batya33]

It's very interesting and funny to me when I think about my list when I was younger, when I was older (i.e. in my 30s) and now that I've been with my husband for 7 years and married for 4 so much of what was on my list, especially earlier on -well, I can't relate or I find some of the "criteria" silly. On the other hand, although practicalities are more important to me now, I'm glad I didn't focus too much on them and give up on romance, fun, etc when I was looking for a husband.

 

I do find myself getting far far more annoyed with single friends in their 30s and 40s who are still focusing on "bald" or "short" or "a little overweight" and complaining about not being married/with someone. But, I understand where it comes from. Fortunately, when it came to height I was typically attracted to shorter than average men so I was glad when women rejected them -more for me to choose from!

[Sirenia]

As for morals, respect, etc.. I understand they can be important but all the things I mentioned were things that have definite answers. You can ask someone these questions and their answer is not subjective.

[LoveSoDeep]

Now this is when looking at t profile...these things get moved around and importance shifts once we meet, but this is what I think as I look through profiles.

 

Height - I have never found a guy 5'8" or under that didn't try to overcompensate for his lack of height with other annoying things so I avoid them like the plague (sorry guys but t's true).

 

Hair - Does he have it? I'm really not attracted to the bald look weather it's from going bald naturally or shaved b/c they like the look. This is more b/c I like the metro-sexual types that like to take pride in their appearance. I find that guys who spend even a tiny bit of time on their hair have more of the "value their appearance" piece of the puzzle I'm looking for.

 

Age - Everyone has a range I'm not any different.

 

Kids - First does he want them. I do if he says right away he does not, then I'm going to believe him and pass. Second does he have them it's better if he doesn't but if he does they need to be shared custody so that he has some spare time to date. Single dads with kids 100% of the time don't seem to have time to date.

 

Living - Lives nearby I prefer within 15-20 minutes but I'll go up to about 45 minutes drive. I can't do LDR I've tried and I stink at it.

 

Education - I have a MBA I find guys with only a HS Degree end up resenting my education....it's not deal breaker but I do notice it and guys with Bachelor's or Graduate degrees get extra points. However regardless of what it says their education is if they have tons of typos and spelling errors I'll pass. They need to know the difference between you're and your and use them correctly.

 

Job/Income - as with education this really doesn't rule anyone out but I am wary of guys who have very low paying jobs as they often can't handle it if I make more than them. It doesn't bother me but I find it ends up bothering them and that's no fun.

 

Smoking - Pack a day or more is a no thanks for me b/c I don't smoke but if he smokes occasionally no big deal.

 

Car - Don't really care....where I live everyone needs a car so it's very rare they wouldn't have one. However, if they have excessive pics of them on a Harley I might be turned off.

 

Food - Couldn't care less.

[Batya33]

"Height - I have never found a guy 5'8" or under that didn't try to overcompensate for his lack of height with other annoying things so I avoid them like the plague (sorry guys but t's true)."

 

To those women who, like me, know this can't be further from the truth, I hope these types of misperceptions and opinions help you, like it did me, find great men to date and eventually, find the right guy to marry - a little less competition is never a bad thing!

[LoveSoDeep]

"Height - I have never found a guy 5'8" or under that didn't try to overcompensate for his lack of height with other annoying things so I avoid them like the plague (sorry guys but t's true)."

 

To those women who, like me, know this can't be further from the truth, I hope these types of misperceptions and opinions help you, like it did me, find great men to date and eventually, find the right guy to marry - a little less competition is never a bad thing!

 

Sorry like I said I've never....and I mean never met a single guy who was 5'8" or under in all my 35 years (okay maybe the last 20 when I was 12 they were all that short lol) that didn't have this urge to overcompensate. I'm not saying great short guys don't exist....but the good ones are probably safely married off by now. So when on-line dating I screen them out. when meeting in person if we clicked I might give them a shot...but I'd be wary b/c time after time I'm always disappointed....but that's just me.

 

So if I'm leaving a bunch of good guys for others...then so be it... they are probably passing up guys that might be perfect for me.

[Sportster2005]

I'm just curious (could be useful for the men too )

 

 

 

Copy and paste and then change the order

Hair

Height

Age

Education

Food

Car

Living

Smoking

Kids

Job/income

 

Call me silly but shouldn't personality be on the list somewhere. That's the ultimate attraction multiplier.

[LoveSoDeep]

Call me silly but shouldn't personality be on the list somewhere. That's the ultimate attraction multiplier.

 

Yes of course but this is for on-line dating....and I find that personality can only really be appreciated in person. They may have a great profile but be nothing like that in person or vice versa. I can't judge my attraction to personality form words on a screen....maybe some can but not me.

[Sportster2005]

Yes of course but this is for on-line dating....and I find that personality can only really be appreciated in person. They may have a great profile but be nothing like that in person or vice versa. I can't judge my attraction to personality form words on a screen....maybe some can but not me.

 

Gotcha. I find a phone conversation is a good intermediate step from email to meeting. You can get a better 'feel' for someone than going straight from email to meeting.

 

Interesting list. Forever alone

[Batya33]

Sorry like I said I've never....and I mean never met a single guy who was 5'8" or under in all my 35 years (okay maybe the last 20 when I was 12 they were all that short lol) that didn't have this urge to overcompensate. I'm not saying great short guys don't exist....but the good ones are probably safely married off by now. So when on-line dating I screen them out. when meeting in person if we clicked I might give them a shot...but I'd be wary b/c time after time I'm always disappointed....but that's just me.

 

So if I'm leaving a bunch of good guys for others...then so be it... they are probably passing up guys that might be perfect for me.

 

Oh I was focusing on your "sorry but you know it's true" message that apparently was meant for shorter men (sorry, but it isn't true, and I mean that with no sarcasm whatsoever). I think it's great that you screen them out given your beliefs and preferences because as you say you're leaving a bunch of good guys for others. What you then say of course is true but I think you'll find that if you start focusing too much on the generalizations you've written you'll narrow the field too much and in ways that aren't productive to meeting people. I don't think it evens out as you write (that other women are passing up men that are good for you)especially given your age.

Again -I'm not telling you to date shorter men - they shouldn't feel like you settled for them, just questioning whether your thought process is consistent with meeting a good match. I didn't reconnect with my now-husband until just before I turned 39 -I wasn't ready to commit to him when we were in our early 30s and I was darn lucky that he was still available almost 8 years later. I was doing on line dating at the time and meeting interesting people but it was easier when I was 35 than when I was 38, that's for sure.

[LoveSoDeep]

Oh, haha... I meant I was sorry to say that it was true I avoid them like the plague. I do realize there probably are guys out there that are on the short side that are amazing....it's a numbers game though and my luck so far has stunk and I haven't found a single one. At my age it's not hard to believe I've been burned before and I'm just not willing to waste any more time so when I'm online dating I don't waste my time.

 

I know EVERYONE tells me it's silly and I should give the short guys a chance....well I have...many times and it's never worked so I'm sorry but I'm done. But lets be realistic I'm only talking 5'8" and below and average for guys is around 5'9 or 5'10 so I'm not being all that restrictive.....and I never say never. So thanks for the advice and I understand what you're saying but as far as on-line dating goes these are my filters.

 

I'm being honest here b/c this was supposed to be helpful to those of us trying on-line dating. Guys know height is a big thing...and it is for them too. I'm saying it's unattractive to overcompensate. When I was younger I didn't understand why I didn't like guys who did this but over time I put it all together and now I avoid guys who might have reason to overcompensate....so for those guys who are 20 something and not so tall......don't start overcompensating now you'll have a much better chance now and in the future.

[tiredofvampires]

Smoking -- It's a dealbreaker if he smokes, no ifs, ands, or butts. Maybe the only dealbreaker besides criminality, sexism, and abusiveness.

 

Age -- I've widened the margins on this, it used to be VERY narrow, especially downwards of me (like, max, 3 years younger than me); now, I'd go 10 years or so in either direction (since I've met some absolutely amazing souls within that range that could be compatible with me)

 

Education -- There's a sweet spot on this one, and it's really not true that the more formal education a person has, the more suited to me; it's more that they value education in general that's important, and have completed a college degree; I've just met too many men who didn't have more than a high school education, and even though they can be as smart as any college grad (or Ph.D.), a lot of times the ambition factor was not there; and if it was, it wasn't in a direction that I identified with

 

Car -- I like to go to different places and also be spontaneous, so I'd like to not be the only one driving; I don't care what you drive, it could be a tin can with wheels, but you need wheels

 

Food -- I could possibly bend on dating a vegetarian, but not a vegan. I could respect a vegan who didn't press their views on others or me, but even so, our experiences dining together would be so limited, it'd take the fun out of eating with someone for me. It would also make traveling very hard, and I like to adapt to my surroundings if I can (this is even though I have some food allergies and sensitivities, but those aren't willful choices.) I like flexibility in eating, so long as someone doesn't have a steady diet of crap and junk food (which is also important to me). Dogma about food is a sore nerve with me

 

Job/Income -- Doesn't matter too much; I don't care so much what he does for a living as that he just have a way of supporting himself; doesn't have to be rich, but hopefully enough so that we can each pay for travel once in a while; I'd rather he be on the lower side and love his work than on the upper end and have no passion for or dislike what he does

 

Kids -- We are moving into the "doesn't matter" spectrum here, even though actually, the thought of a man with kids rather excites me because I wanted kids so badly that I would welcome the opportunity to bond with his kids (even though I'm not their mom), the only drawback here being lack of mobility (like, if we live far apart, he couldn't relocate if he doesn't have primary custody); but of course, just having a mate with no kids is fine too, so it's pretty much equal

 

Hair -- Hopefully, he has it (and the more, the better), but it's minor beans in the whole scheme of things (actually, bonus points if he has long hair, but if he doesn't have it, he doesn't lose points); I'd prefer not bald because it reminds me of my father (the sticking point with me and hair), but that's still workable if everything else is lining up

 

Living -- This factor alone doesn't say anything about a person to me, because all sorts of conditions could be determining whether a guy lives alone, with friends, roomates, or family; I'd prefer a man living by himself or roomates to a man living with family (since that could come with some dysfunction), but again, there are too many individual factors to get to know to make a sweeping generalization about this

 

Height -- Absolutely don't care, I've dated men of all heights and it doesn't matter

 

 

Hey, you forgot "drinking" in your final list, OP. I would put that, personally, under "car" -- it's not a dealbreaker except by degree: I wouldn't mesh with someone who had more than an occasional drink; I don't drink for fun and enjoyment, and really can't see clicking with someone who does on a regular basis (actually...I can think of one person I've known in my life I'd make an exception for...but that'd be an exceptional person)

[Sirenia]

Call me silly but shouldn't personality be on the list somewhere. That's the ultimate attraction multiplier.

 

Yes of course but as I'm saying again it's not something that can be measured and has a definite answer. Someone might say that they have a great personality (of themselves) and others may disagree. There is no clear cut answer like the other things I've mentioned.

[tiredofvampires]

Just realized, looking at others' answers, that where I live would determine the issue of having a car. If I lived in a major metropolis where there were tons of types of transportation (trains, subways, etc.), that could be okay. But where I live, such things don't exist. We have a bus, but it's not a 24/7 operation and you're just bound too much and dependent without your own vehicle.

[jonny15]

Sorry like I said I've never....and I mean never met a single guy who was 5'8" or under in all my 35 years (okay maybe the last 20 when I was 12 they were all that short lol) that didn't have this urge to overcompensate. I'm not saying great short guys don't exist....but the good ones are probably safely married off by now. So when on-line dating I screen them out. when meeting in person if we clicked I might give them a shot...but I'd be wary b/c time after time I'm always disappointed....but that's just me.

 

So if I'm leaving a bunch of good guys for others...then so be it... they are probably passing up guys that might be perfect for me.

 

Sorry, but I don't believe you for one second.

 

I think you are most likely viewing them differently than tall men.

 

If a tall man gets angry, some view him as being right to be angry, and excuse it as blowing off steam. But if a short man gets angry, it's because he has a complex.

 

Same goes for if a short guy has a truck or muscles.

 

It's rediculous.

[Batya33]

Obviously you have a right to your preferences but I wouldn't have the mindset of "giving short guys a chance" because people deserve better than someone approaching dating them with that attitude and I don't think you have to give "short guys" any advice whatsoever about what you call "overcompensating" - I dated many guys who were below average height as did my friends and none of them needed that sort of advice. Most had women falling all over them to date them - including taller women. I did know men who behaved in an arrogant way or similar -nothing to do with height. I agree with Jonny and I think you're looking for it. But again -stick to your preferences and don't settle for any reason- both for your benefit and the other person's - it sounds like you're fine with limiting your dating pool for a variety of reasons and that's your choice.

[FathomFear]

I find it really unusual that vegan/vegetarian keeps coming up on these lists as some sort of knock on a person's character. How exactly is this relevant to anything?

[itsallgrand]

I find it really unusual that vegan/vegetarian keeps coming up on these lists as some sort of knock on a person's character. How exactly is this relevant to anything?

 

Not a knock on character for me.

 

Having been in a longer relationship with a vegan, I know how much a pain in the ass it can become, to be blunt. I don't want to be a vegan. Even when I was eating vegetarian, it was a pain in the ass. Once you get close and it's a matter of practicalities - cooking dinners, finding places to eat, etc....always had to consider him first. And even though he was awesome in that regard (very flexible, would think of me and what I wanted too, never pushed a thing on me) - it still was. So. That is why it is relevant to me personally.

[LoveSoDeep]

Sorry, but I don't believe you for one second.

 

I think you are most likely viewing them differently than tall men.

 

If a tall man gets angry, some view him as being right to be angry, and excuse it as blowing off steam. But if a short man gets angry, it's because he has a complex.

 

Same goes for if a short guy has a truck or muscles.

 

It's rediculous.

 

That's fine. You don't have to believe me...but it's true. I'm the only one with my exact experiences and I apparently got the short end of the stick here (pun intended). If there are great short guys out there who don;t overcompensate I'd love to meet them...but I haven't yet. Everyone keeps overlooking that I'm not ruling out short guys all together if I met one IRL who I clicked with I'd have no problem with his height but on paper when given the chance they go on the no list for me that's all. I'm not looking to take over this thread so if you want to argue about how great short guys are start a new thread. Sorry OP!