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How Do You Feel Today?

JohnGalt

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Avila Apprentice

Avila

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Thanks ChrisMac. I think the fact that he isn't doing so well is more like a silver lining. I think the real feel-good feelings stem from the fact that when i feel great, i don't think about it in terms of what he would think any more. It's freeing to really not care about a person. If he came back begging it would affect me I'm sure but at the same time i'd be like 'Ew.' Mildly disconcerting to feel that way about someone you spent 4 years with! lol.

 

Enjoy Paris. Wish I didn't live in the southern hemisphere where Europe is ages way, lol.

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JohnGalt Enthusiast

JohnGalt

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My ex and I are supposed to meet up this weekend to discuss reconciliation. I am having second thoughts about going. If she's just going to reiterate the same silly reasons of why we broke up in the first place, then I don't feel like hearing it. At the same time, she did seem like she was conflicted when we talked two nights ago and wanted to discuss things.

 

I woke up this morning, got out of bed and went to work. That's a victory for me. Yesterday, I felt good for most of the day. Today, I'm just kinda bleh.

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Donovan79 Contributor

Donovan79

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If you're bleh, don't go man. I've long ago learned that you need to come at that thing from a position of relaxed power, where it's clear to her that everything else in your life is fine, and unless she concedes everything then you could care less. And might still care less even if she does beg. If you come at her with anything less she's not going to respect you and the cycle will just repeat itself again and again, each time more damaged than the time before. Don't ever be afraid to put your foot down and say "You know, about the meetup? I'm not really feeling it. I'm gonna take a little more time and will reach out to you if and when I really believe things have changed."

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klin Enthusiast

klin

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Sad. A little frustrated, but the anger comes from disappointment. Slowly realizing that he really conveyed to me how much I wasn't worth it to him. He loved me for a long time and for whatever reason (he attributes it to "growing apart") he fell out of love and stopped trying....and then that's why we broke up. He checked out a while ago, but hadn't realized it (I think) and then that go stressful, so he broke up. Uggghhhhh. really annoyed today. I've wanted him back SO badly every day...I miss my best friend, but it feels like crap to know that I adore somebody so much that was okay with giving me up entirely. It really really really hurts.

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Noel Phillips Newbie

Noel Phillips

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How don't I feel today seems more accurate.

 

Last Sunday night my husband of seven years announced it was over he was no longer in love with me as of four weeks ago, or some such bloody statement. We are both in school me for a masters, him for a second bachelors degree, so we are fairly busy and the fact that this month was the one year anniversary of his brother's unexpected death all are playing factors. We've had a rock time together, but less then 2 months ago he reiterated his commitment to us and our marriage and we had been doing really well and really I just never wanted to give up on us and I thought he was feeling the same. We work well together in soo many ways.

 

It is just all a confusing emotional nightmare. Sleeping and eating were the first to go. I missed work Monday, talked to a friend who knows us and she his hurt and shocked as well. Rest of the week is a blur of pain and an effort to not let the balls of school, work, and training drop.

 

Anyway as for today. I should have felt great or at least good about myself. I got out there and ran a half marathon as planned despite all this "stuff" and the pain and anguish that cuts so deep. I keep wanting my life back, I wanted my husband there supporting me like he has in the past, smiling at me as I finish. My dad ran with me and my mom and little bro were there to cheer, but it was soo not the same. And all I kept thinking during the race was how I wanted him to just pop up and be there supporting and loving me. hgh. This is all made so much harder, because we along with my family committed to a major marathon event after the New Years, even though he has not run a race with us in years. I thought wow he is up for doing this my dad helped pay now all that is down the bloody toilet.

 

It seems the more I write the more I think of how today, which was suppose to be fun was a bloody mine field of emotional ups and downs. By the hour and the minute I feel both strong and weak, and ok and horrible. At least I finally got out of the house for the next two nights, at my parents home, which has painful memories too Christmases, long weekends on the lake, our bedroom here.

 

Either way awake here at 3am, after an hour of sleep listening to sea peaceful music wishing I could fall a sleep, wishing I had my appetite back, just plain old wishing life was back to normal. Struggling to find a new normal.

 

I'm really great-full though that my dad kicked me in the ass and said I needed to find community no matter the out come, which looks bleaker by the day. Reading the post here I feel like I'm not so alone. At first I was reluctant to connect via Facebook, because though certain family and friends know we have not announced anything definitely to the world yet as we are going to try counseling, though my husband said that is for my benefit not his.

 

What really bugs me too is he threw this at me without a plan at 10p Sunday night. Though really hurt I just could not believe him so I've spent the past week trying so hard and insisting we sleep together. But, I realize now he was just dithering, serious enough to engage in sex, which was very odd. And by Friday I told him if he was still serious he needed to find another place to stay while they were in-town and I broke this whole thing to them.

 

Long week I'm sure longer weeks to come. Right now I just want sleep. It seems unfair that he can sleep soundly through this process while I can't. Or at least he was when we shared a bed for four nights.

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Aii Apprentice

Aii

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ummm ... how do i feel? I feel good , i feel a lot more calmer than 3 weeks ago. Maybe because this is the 2nd hardest breakup for me and i know i wasted a lot of time during the first time so this one, i will try to reflect using experience and keep it at a minimum. I do miss our old time a lot but it is what is , i gotta move on since she had made her decision. I hope i can only get stronger from here and things will improve for me...

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sb12 Rookie

sb12

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I feel very angry today. I've just been ruminating in this hurt all weekend. I can't tell you where it came from, though. I still think about her occasionally, but I've been getting better at moving on when she pops into my mind, but this weekend has just been awful for me. I feel like crying and I don't understand why. I was supposed to work on my 10 page policy paper and have it done by late tonight, but I've barely written an opening paragraph because I just cannot concentrate. And I can't go out for a walk because Hurricane Sandy is on this city's heels and it's been raining all day.

 

I want to seek comfort from like my mom or my best friend but I'm tired of talking about *this* and I can't even tell you why I'm crying right now.

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Avila Apprentice

Avila

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Don't worry about it man. I want to cry too, but I can shed anymore tears over this. I feel accepting that the relationship is over between me and my ex, but I am also saddened that I'm not going to be spending my life with her.

 

It's just one of those things. Tears are just one way to help the body get through the stress. Their's no shame in them. My ex used to get annoyed at me because i hated crying, it's boring, annoying and it makes me feel weak. Come break- up? Couldn't stop and you just stop caring.

 

Don't worry. Your mum and best- friend will be there for you. Most of us have gone through it so we know how hard it is stop talking about it. We all need to talk about it to get through it.

 

It's hard letting go of a life you thought you were going to have. That is a loss in itself.

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Jake_hope Enthusiast

Jake_hope

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I spent my night reading all the love letters she use to send me, there was even recent letter in August. She was madly in love with me but the whole LDR aspect ruined everything. Today I did not shed a single tear, which means I am healing but "what if" thoughts are all over the place today.

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Avila Apprentice

Avila

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Up and down. Good days and bad days.

Missed him so much this weekend. Hate him for being with her. Felt devistated.

 

But today i feel a bit calmer and back at work and trying to just get through it.

Trying to remind myself why he is a d*ck!!

 

Limiya

 

That'll become way easier with time. You won't even have to make an effort. Lately I've been feeling like I've completely fallen out of love with my ex. He's turned into such a loser, so that's probably why. Bullet dodged.

 

It really doesn't bother me that he's with the rebound now. Especially when my friends have a laugh about what a downgrade she is (I never bring it up, they love to because they are so mystified by the whole thing.), I just can't feel jealous or anything. Because he's been so horrible to me i just think, 'That's all you deserve.' I'm just like, 'Wow. You are such a moron for letting me go. You are such a loser now. Ew, you're with that? EW' If he came scuttling back at this point I'd be like 'You were with that for however long *shudder*'

 

Then gleefully rub his face in it.

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Bob Wheeler Newbie

Bob Wheeler

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Coming up to three weeks of NC. During the first few days i didnt think about her atall. Felt like i had my space and freedom back. The bad times were fresh in my head and i felt like i could really cope. Had my first dream about her a couple of nights ago and now cant stop thinking about her. Im fighting back tears constantly now. Really struggling. It feels hardest today of all. I feel anxious as hell and have been close to writing an email a couple of times. I got on so well with her family and have been tempted to contact her mum to see how shes getting on. But as of yet have kept NC.

 

Feeling absolutely terrible today. Have an important meeting later on and could do with straightening my head out really.

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lowkeystatus Apprentice

lowkeystatus

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I had a dream last night where I went to go visit him (we were long distance) and he pretty much rejected me outright in favor of another girl. I guess it just signifies that's how I'm feeling right now- rejected, passed over.

 

I also received a missed call last night from someone in his family (his father, I think) and it messed with my head for awhile. It has been 3 months since I've spoken to his parents, so of course I wondered why are they reaching out now? I guess I'm not too far along because I started thinking that it might mean my ex wanted to speak to me or that he was worried about me. So sad that accepting the breakup is something I'm still struggling with after all this time.

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klin Enthusiast

klin

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Not feeling good today. Lots of physical anxiety. I'm just getting confused. I don't feel like I'm moving forward or backward but I'm doing both simultaneously...I don't really feel like I'm getting better anymore. I'm either in a rut or moving backward. I get small spurts (max 1 hr) of thinking "Okay, sweet, this is going to be good and work out in my favour. Of course it is." And I motivate myself and make lists of goals and things that make me happy and I go to bed happy and then I'll wake up and be flooded with memories and really really really miss the man that used to be my best friend. I want to know what happened and why it had to work out this way and why I can't have him back. He's still all that I want. It's been 2.5 months and I'm just not okay. I miss him so much. I know that breaking NC won't help...letting him know that I miss him isn't going to send him into emotional turmoil begging for me back...and I don't want to persuade him or walk on eggshells trying to impress him and worry that I'm not good enough....I just miss the way things were. So badly. Today is not a good day so far.

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Reflective82 Collaborator

Reflective82

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I'm still in the what if stage. I saw a book today on why women talk and men walk. very interesting. it's all about how women try and talk about a relationship problem but this doesn't work that well as men see it as criticism. i keep blaming myself and thinking what if I hadn't been as critical, and did things differently. it's a tough thing to go through, but he clearly made up his mind and fell out of love so didn't want to try. but it is torturous....thinking what if we had just got along better

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JohnGalt Enthusiast

JohnGalt

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I wonder how I am doing with my recovery. It has been a week and 3 days since the BU. I haven't cried since the day of the breakup, but the breakup does consume my thoughts most of the time. I have accepted the reality that she does not want to be with me, but there is still a hope inside me somewhere that she is going to call and say that she made a mistake. I had a dream that we got back together and when I woke up I was sad that it was not true. oh well. I was able to get back to sleep, but I have been a bit down about it. I really wish I could speed the process up. But I guess it will just take time. A 2.5 year relationship will probably take some time to get over. We'll see.

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Loveandlost Enthusiast

Loveandlost

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I feel like CRAP today. Tomorrow is my birthday, its been 2 and a half months since the BU. I want her to contact me but I know she wont. She is moving 1100 miles away to live with her spiritual group that she dropped out of school and broke up with me to commit her life to. She doesnt even refer to herself by her name anymore, only the name the group has assigned to her. It's 2012 how do people still get sucked into cults????? We were together for 5 years, I know this isnt her, this is her being scared and running.

 

I am doing the only thing I can do. Moving on with my life. I am talking to a couple of girls, one who I am really interested in pursuing something with. I still miss my ex, and due to the circumstances of her leaving I probably always will. It was sudden, there was no build up, a month before we were making marriage and house buying plans.

 

I want us to be back together, but I also know that there is no way that would work. She left once which means she would leave again. The only thing that could change that is a lot of time and work on rebuilding a friendship and trust first, along with us both moving on.

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