How Do You Feel Today?

[LikeWater]

Like s***.

 

Pretty much all there is to say...

[Karianne]

To sum it up in one word: *****ty. Tired of chasing after the ghost of a relationship with someone who just barely exists anymore. Tired of waiting to feel the same apathy and indifference she's felt since day 1 of the BU. And tired of wishing I were the person now that I want to and know I will be one day because of this experience.

 

You took the words right out of my month. My thoughts exactly, perfectly summed up.

[Tom1990]

Gawd, I thought I'd be getting better! What's up with actually feeling *worse?*

[JohnGalt]

Don't give in man. You're one of the strongest dudes on this forum. You're the one holding it together for the rest of us. But that's pretty messed up. Channel your anger into something productive.

[chamachama]

Thanks John, I'm much better today. As I thought about it last night, I realized it wasn't that I was hurt by her being affectionate with someone else. It was more like I was dissappointed in her behavior. I chose her as someone to share myself with and have as part of me. And that part of me has acted in a way that I find disrespectful and inconsiderate toward me. She is the type who tries to come off like a saint who would never hurt someone deliberately. She is no saint. It's ok though. I had some friends sort of set me straight about who I am and who she was to me and you're right. I'm stronger than anything she can dish out. Bring it on! I"ll bend like a blade of grass in the wind (haha got all Bruce Lee on yas

[Evillink88]

I feel lonely. It is only 1 month since the break up. I don't feel the pain but I do miss her. I fear not finding another woman.

[Kromon]

Today I kept feeling as though we were still together and I was expecting her to walk into the room and give me a kiss. It wasn't a nice feeling when reality returned.

[zep]

Oh man, I am all over the place today. For an hour I'll be feeling so grateful he let me keep the apartment, and even be thinking of reconciling and making excusing and rationalizing what happened. Then boom 2 hours later I'm thinking about the lies and the cheating and the unfairness and I am SO ANGRY. So... definitely a day of progress in terms of feeling out this breakup... ugh, can I fastforward 3 months please???

[sublimek2]

I spent about an hour going over our relationship last night, really trying to reflect on it. I feel I was able to come to some truths about us. I wrote it all out as if I was speaking to her. Then I focused on my studies and didn't think much about it since. I know there is still more to sift through as far as my emotions and thoughts are concerned and there's probably still lows in the future, but as of now, I'm feeling fairly content.

[coco28]

I was living with my ex in a different country as well and it was hard hard to get a job, let alone a job you actually liked. I got a job and I absolutely hated it and it made me depressed, he on the other hand had a great job which he loved and he made lots of money.

 

He couldn't understand that, or maybe he didn't want to, he thought i was being ungrateful. he was really bad at communicating with me and when you're in a different country far from your loved ones it can get very lonely.

 

Today is an okay day, I still think of him but in a different way, I love him and I hate him....

[varkolak]

I feel ok today. I was a little sad this morning. Just thinking about her in love and what not... but I'm ok. It just sucks because I'll be alone during the holidays... and this is perfect cuddle weather and I won't have a cuddle partner... its ok though, atleast I have my dog haha.

[JohnGalt]

I'm fine. I started realizing all the reasons I shouldn't be with my ex: 1) She never takes fault for anything, 2) she's hypersensitive, 3) she doesn't let any mistake go, 4) she's possessive, 5) she's 80k in debt and going into another 90k for law school, 6) she gossips about other people, 7) she's incredibly selfish, 8) she has said mean things to me during the R/S such as "you don't deserve anyone to be there for you" and "you are a liar, I hate you" when a friend of mine called who happened to be female. She threw a drink on me at a club when I spoke to a friend of mine (female) that was dating my best friend. As if I was trying to spit game at her...whatever. I dumped her for that, but she realized how wrong she was., 9) a girl who before I ever met my ex gave me an umbrella to borrow. One day my ex got angry and threw it off the roof. Hilarious, but still, 10) she ruined my bar admission ceremony by getting angry with me because I didn't allow her to sit with me even though it was only seating for new admittees. Said I was flirting with an Asian girl...um, the girl worked at my firm and we were friends. Visitors had their own section....

 

Hahah, how did I stay with the crazy ass girl? Oh I remember, because she also has a number of great qualities and she is fine as hell. But the hell with the good. Let's go with the bad!

 

Also talking to other women has helped. Still, I love my ex and some of her friends are saying she's starting to come round. We'll see.

[chamachama]

Wow John...impressive. You have reached the anger stage rather quickly. MUCH better than the denial or sad phase....

 

Welcome, we've been expecting you....

 

Bwahahahhahahahaha!

 

 

p.s. screw her coming around and guess what? Screw my ex coming around as well...

[JohnGalt]

hahah dude, i wish I knew you in real life. You're cool as ****.

[chamachama]

Thanks man, I try haha

 

Can't wait to train tonight. Nothing like a good ass kicking to set things into perspective. Plus my bruises and scrapes have all but disappeared from last weeks trouncing. Time for new ones!=P

 

You should see if there is anything similar around you (krav maga)....trust me....you will thank me for it.

[LikeWater]

Lonely. So lonely.

 

Apparently I'm very disposable and easily forgettable.

[JohnGalt]

I feel fine, but I think I've got it through my thick skull that my ex flat out just does not care about me anymore. She emailed me and told me that she has moved on. She doesn't not want to be together. She says that there can be a future for us, but a future "is not today and it is not tomorrow." She also wrote that she is not in a relationship and is not looking to be in a relationship anytime soon, but that in of itself should not give me hope. She is focused on school. After time has passed, we can reconsider us, but it does not seem as if "time passing" is going to be anything recent.

 

A quick reconciliation for me is not in the cards folks. And frankly, if the reconciliation is not going to be quick, then I don't want it. I rather start over completely and not waste my time.

[JohnGalt]

Also I'm going to stop posting in the Getting Back Together forum unless it is to help others. I'm pretty firmly committed to the getting over my ex. Not only that I'm pretty ****ing committed to getting into tip top shape, finding a badder and smarter girl with a better personality, and making sure that I never EVER tie too much of my happiness to another person.

[chamachama]

When I read what you wrote John...from an outside perspective.....it's WAY too convienient. It leaves her in completely the right without fault or responsibility. And well, that's a load of crap. People don't just wake up one morning and break up because they are too busy.

 

It doesnt matter though man. You have the right idea. It's as over as mine is. Move on and all the great helpful stuff you just said...

 

Seeya on the other side brother! OSS!

[Tom1990]

Dreadful. I'm reflecting on what seems more and more to have been an extremely spiteful relationship, and was ultimately a waste of my time, energy, and compassion.

[JohnGalt]

i'm going to check out your suggestions man. I'll let you know! **** just got real for me. Nothing like breaking my hope to turn me into a ****ing junk yard dog.

[JohnGalt]

Dreadful. I'm reflecting on what seems more and more to have been an extremely spiteful relationship, and was ultimately a waste of my time, energy, and compassion.

 

That's the spirit. Start reflecting on why you're better off too. If people want to walk out your life, let em walk.

[coolecool13]

Its weird... I shift back and forth between being fine and just wanting to cry (but being unable to).

 

It has been 2 weeks now since I broke up with him. Everyday I realize more reasons why we weren't going to work out and, frankly, I'm surprised we stayed together as long as we did (about 5 months).

Yet even with these realizations, I still miss him. I miss his smell. I miss being held by him. I miss curling his hair. I miss kissing him. I miss the memories that we shared together. I think thats what i'm really mourning- the end of this fairytale romance. I don't know. Most of the time i'm strong, but sometimes i feel myself shattering and I won't let myself because I am always surrounded by people. Also I feel like I should be studying instead of crying or moping around.

 

Lately I have been slowly going through the things I have from the relationship. I go through it until i can't take it anymore. First I went through the text messages and deleted them. Then I tried to go through the drawings and journal entries from the time i dated him.

I also have small things to remind me of him like a stuffed animal we won together and 2 pictures (so sad... I only have two pictures of us together. One from the start and one from the end.) But he has stuff I've made for him. A part of me envies that.

 

My brain does one of the cruelest things it can do. It starts to wonder how HE is doing. If he thinks of me. If he is sad. If he cries when alone. If it pains him as much as it does for me.

 

I flip-flop from sorrow and wanting to cry to feeling grateful that I got to experience being in a relationship for the first time (and that my first relationship was that good. It's not like I can be angry about the relationship - which i feel like would make this process easier. It was a good one and he is a good person. It just didn't work out).

I just wish this process didn't take so long. I want to go back to normal. I want to be my normal bubbly self. Not this fake happy person.

[JohnGalt]

I can truly say that I'm more resolved than ever to stay away from my ex . . . but I feel a pit in my stomach. I feel like I've gained closure and the outcome wasn't what I had hoped for.

[ricky123]

Hey JohnGalt and whoever can respond,

I have been reading your posts and I wanted to run my situation by you. The situation is complex but ill give you guys the short end of it. I am a asian guy that had a polish gf. We met in college during our senior year. We dated for about a year in between I was also applying to med school and she was looking to apply the following year to Physical Ther. school. The hope was that I was going to be able to move out of state for school and that she would follow by coming along and apllying to schools that were close. We spent an amazing summer vacation together and we had a preety solid relationship. I remember at one point she even had a panic attack because she was worried I wasnt gonna talk to her once i moved away. To help facilitate the process I asked her to come along when i moved out of state to help me get setttled in and i reassured her that she would still be able to come and see me etc. Well she ended up bringing her cousin with her ( that was here from out of the country) and I showed them both a good time while we were here. I had just moved into a new place , new classmates and new roomate and new life. She was being mean and rude the whole time since she got here ( probably cuz reality hit here once i moved here ) and one night we were all out. Things got out of hand at a club and I had way too much to drink with some of my classmates. I was being over protective of her cuzin who actually liked me while we were back home and my ex was being a ***** to me the whole night , which everyone noticed. When we were leaving things culminated and i just couldnt take it anymore, i ended up lashing out on her verbally in front of a lot of people and kinda scared her when i banged on the dashboard. Granted we have both been physcial with each other in the past not in an abusive way but to a certain extent we were preety passionate. Where i really screwed up is the next morning when she came to talk to me I was still asleep and I ended up lashing out on her again, granted i was still piss drunk. I apologized her to a thousand times but she took off when i came to realize what happened. Since then I have tried to contact her numerous times she even met up with me one last time before she left and i told her i would give up drinking and work on our issue, i mean i just got done helping her apply to schools nearby me and paid for her applications and everything, but she didnt want to work on anything she said she was done . I always knew she had trouble emotionally handling situations and closes her self off often. I am the opp i like to express how i feel and need definitive closure to move on. Well its been three months since, i let about 2 months go by before contacting her again via email and she didnt respond to my email. I sent a few emails after that and she didn't respond. My birthday came along and she never sent me a happy bday message. I talk to some of our mutual friends back home and they told me that its hurting her too but that I should just move on. So i tried to do that but I find my self thinking of this too often. I try to keep busy with school and meet new poeple but a part of me just doesnt want to let go of what happneed. It was her bday yesterday and I emailed her happy bday and that the lines of communication were still open if she wanted to talk. She didnt respond. So i guess what sucks is that she didnt leave me with anytihng to go by, im kinda glad she cut if off all together instead of dragging me along, but I also feel like there is not enough closure in the situation. I honestly miss what we had, granted she has ignored me since and not shown me a lot of respect but i dont know how to feel or what to do ? It has definitely gotten easier and I have no reason to contact her anymore but It still hurts that she didnt email me back or try to contact me since. Its like she doesnt care about what happened. When she broke up with me she told me that she still loves me and that What we shared she will never forget but I dont know how to take it ? how can she be so cold ? any thoughts on how to forgive forget and move on ?

thanks guys