How Do You Feel Today?

[chamachama]

John, I have just been on another forum when I was in your shoes a while ago. And everything those folks said ended up being true. It was crazy because this was my wife at the time and I was so certain that she would NEVER disrespect me like that. She would tell me flat out "NO! I already told you chama, there is no one else! now please....."

 

Wow I remember one girl who seemed to call my situation like it was play by play before each play happened. After I found out for myself and turned the lights on to the situation, the girl on the other forum told me "don't be surprised if she turns around and accuses you of actually doing the same thing and cheating..." I was like haha yea right come on now lol.... Well, one day I come home and she is waiting for me by my bedroom door and as I walk past her she says "you know something.....I bet you cheated too! Come on tell me the truth chama!!"

 

I could not believe it lol. I remember saying to my then stbx "Oh my freaking god! You finally did it! Thank you! It's all full circle now haha! Great job!" and I walked away and shut my door.

 

A cheater will do and say ANYTHING to lesson the impact of their cheating.... Anything to paint themselves in a better light. Whether its your fault that they did it, or that you did it too or whatever they need to believe in order to justify it as much as possible...

 

As far as my stuff, you know, its like I think that I may be over being hurt by her. I am no longer hurt and I am no longer angry. So sure, I could move on from here. But I still compare every damn girl to her and I still think that I see her all over the city for some stupid reason. I still miss her I guess. I have just accepted that she is part of my past I guess. Not my future. But I guess its still good to read and write and heal as much as possible. Just get it all out of my system type of thing. I usually keep it all in so this is a nice alternative for me.

 

Krav is going ok but my calve muscles keep cramping up and bunching up like little tennis balls, which is actually really painful and causes me to hit the floor every time until they stop involuntarily flexing. I need to figure out how to stop that from happening. Other than that, I love it=P

 

What about yourself? You said you were training now right? Hows that going bro?

[C_Unknown2005]

Going on a one month Facebook break, this is going to be hard because i go to the site by impulse... Should be interesting, I know my self esteem is going to love its going to be like a breakup all over again XP

[The Bozz]

Today I felt like being with my ex again. Extreme feelings of longing and insecurity, hoping for the best because of signs she left before we broke up (that might as well be fake, seeing how she treated me the whole time). I unblocked her on FB (but I hid every friend in common from my feed and didn't befriend her again, I'm still keeping NC) just to make things less drastic. Still, I had a talk with my mom before doing anything else, she helped me do a reality check. She's always brutally honest, and she helps me keep things in perspective.

 

It makes me sad that she's right. She certainly wasn't the right person for me.

[Limiya]

Having a bad day. Just feeling low. Low self esteem, low confidence. I'm tired. I just wanna go to bed and sleep for the rest of the afternoon.

I can't believe i've heard nothing from in him almost 3 months. He must still be in his relationship with the woman he cheated on me with. It must be going well. He must be on his best behaviour. Maybe he's stopped drinking and taking drugs. Maybe he has just changed!!??!

Maybe i'm way off. I just can't believe he did this to me after 6 years of me devoting myself. I feel sick at times like this.

I still wake up and hurt every morning. Knowing he's not sleeping next to me really kills me still. I thought i was getting better but i keep having these set-backs.

I guess it's too early yet. 3 months isn't really that long.

 

He's cheated for goodness sake. And i'm here missing and pining for him. Blaming myself and beating myself up.

Limiya

[chamachama]

Limiya, those relationships spawned from cheating almost never work out. Trust me, this will eventually loose that flash in the pan spark it had when no one knew and it will end. But that's not gonna help you anyway. He is lower than low for disrespecting you. It only shows that he has character about as deep as my shoe.

 

Chin up darlin you're doing great. Bad days happen. Are you doing anything new and fun lately? Would love to hear about that

 

Chama

[fullofholes]

Good words up above Chama. One thing that helps me through things is realizing and accepting that I loved and lost. What's wrong with loving someone or something nothing. It's over, on to the next. Turning love into anger, pity, and sorrow taints the heart. IMO

[Limiya]

Thanks guys,

I'm ok. Hanging on by a thread. I have good days, i am functioning fine, i am out dancing, teaching dance, horse riding on weekends, working, going to the odd gig here and there and been asked on several dates by several different guys (not ready yet), so i know i'm doing ok, it's just i feel permanantly on a low. Not constantly crying or anything. Not feeling happy either. Just coasting along, and he's on my mind still and she is still in my mind and it just constantly bothers me.

Eats me up. I just want these thoughts to go, and i want to start feeling happy and LUCKY i am no longer a part of his life in any shape or form.

Sometimes i feel it, then it evaporates.

 

I guess it's a time thing right??

Limiya

[klin]

Limiya: definitely a time thing. I think you need to view it more as you are lucky that he is not in your life - not lucky that you're not in his. You are lucky that he is not in your life because he cheated and left you and seems like an awful person for you...on the other hand, he has lost you - a wonderful loving and devoted person who did not wrong him. He's the unlucky one.

 

 

I've been doing really well the past week. It's immensely liberating. I'm finding joy in the small things and am excited about my day when I wake up. I find myself happy without trying to force it. My key has been really pushing forward and letting myself know that I am awesome and there are so many people in this world who think that who I don't have to worry about impressing or doing anything for. My ex, on the other hand, has made me feel terrible the past few months, and that's not worth it for me. The thing that has hurt he most has been feeling like I wronged him and am insufficient for him...fortunately, my life is not about how happy I can make him - it's about how I can be in a relationship where we BOTH make each other so happy. I deserve that. I am wanting him less and less and it feels really good.

[JohnGalt]

Mornings are terrible. I feel fine now that i'm at work.

[lalalollipops]

I feel good now. EXERCISE DOES WONDERS.

Endorphins babyyy

[chamachama]

I feel good now. EXERCISE DOES WONDERS.

Endorphins babyyy

 

Haha totally agree=)

[TRM38]

Bad day today, day off from the gym too , funny how that works because the bad days usually run with my off days from the gym .. Iv always done heavy weight training but since the breakup it's been my therapy I guess.. I miss her sometimes, its rare but other times I feel glad to b away from her and have the chance to find the right woman ..a month ago I never had those feelings at all.. I guess that's progress.. I think of her constantly though, first thing when I wake and last when I go to sleep.. Always been that way though. Starting to miss the feelings more than I miss her maybe..

[sparrow]

I feel like I could have written this exact entry, word-for-word. This is EXACTLY how I feel about my current situation. Couldn't have said it any better. I've been on here before... lots. I don't even want to get into the story of my breakup right now, as I have been on this board on and off for awhile -- if you want the full tale, it's on here somewhere, but suffice it to say, after 8 YEARS, I'm now left with nothing. This is the 3rd time we've broken up, and this time, it's permanent, I guess. I just sort of feel like an idiot at this point for how long I let this all go on with him. I'm a month and a few days into the break-up. Low-contact, because he's still in the process of moving out of our apartment, and actually took one RIGHT. NEXT. DOOR. Like, in my driveway. Yeah. It's pretty much torture. I'm not sure if he cheated. I don't think he did, but he has before. Even though he claimed there isn't anyone else involved, I'm pretty sure right now he's with one of his best female friends, who he recently admitted he has feelings for and has for awhile. Didn't mention that at all as a reason for the break-up. I'd almost rather he were with some random floozy than her, because it now maybe means, he's found the real thing... apparently, what he couldn't find with me.

 

I'm angry. I'm devastated. I keep expecting him to walk through the door and call me his old adorable nickname for me. But he won't. Instead, he'll be right next door, with god-knows-who (or no one), while I lie here alone, wondering what the hell happened.

 

Also, Limiya, if you're reading, I've been following your posts for a bit. Something about our stories correspond a bit and I really immediately related to you. All I have to say is, your ex is an absolute IDIOT for giving up a gal as seemingly wonderful as you. If that is you in your picture, you are gorgeous, and from your posts you seem intelligent and thoughtful and great. Just wanted you to know that today. Chin up, sweetheart. We're all in this together.

 

Hugs to you all, and I'll post here more often from now on. I think I need it. This place has been a godsend in the past.

[Limiya]

Kiln - Thank you for your kind words. I really needed it because i am not giving myself enough credit for where i am today and how i'm handling things. I honestly thought i would be a mess without him, especially as i've always been involved around him more than the other way around. Once he was gone it felt like my life and stopped for a time. I now know that's not true. I have great friends and family, and i have wonderful hobbies and interests. More than what he has. I guess knowing he would rather be with this other woman than me is what hurts me most. There wasn't even a gap. It's not like he's sat at home and cried over me at all. Not like i have been for the past 3 months.

I'm glad you're doing so much better. IT sounds like you've really turned a corner I hopefully will be at that stage one day soon... fingers crossed. Keep it up. You deserve the best.

 

Sparrow - Yes that is me in that picture. However the girl he is dating now is a complete stunner and taller and i just don't get it. Thanks for the lovely compliments though. As i said above, i am gonna try and give myself a bit more credit and stop beating myself up. My self esteem as crashed and it's gonna take time for me to value myself again i think.

I understand how you're feeling too cause i'm there. This moment i rolled over and he wasn't there next to me, and the worst part was i'd just dreamed of him too. I no longer expect any calls or texts from him, which is good for me, cause he's one of those men who ALWAYS does. I can't imagine what it must be like having him live next door. That would absolutely kill me. I don't know how i would handle it, so i think you're doing fantastic there!!

 

Limiya

[The Bozz]

I've calmed down since then. That bout of anger was the spark I needed to start feeling good about myself. Yesterday, I finally understood completely that I wasn't at fault at all for what happened, that I really did my best (and possibly the best that anyone could have done in my situation) and it was all her choice. For the first time in quite a while, I started feeling optimistic again.

 

A confession: I may have done something rather childish yesterday. I was so happy about feeling better, I wrote a post in FB telling my friends, and thanking them for their support (many of them were worried sick about me). Then, I decided to unblock my ex, but I hid all posts from every friend in common we have. I'm still keeping NC, I don't plan on talking to her anytime soon. I just wanted to soften things a bit, since we have way too many friends in common (including her two brothers). But then, I wondered what would happen if I let her see that post I wrote, the one saying I felt better. So, I set the privacy of that post to "friends of friends".

 

Later that day, I was browsing through some old pictures of mine and I noticed some "likes" she had put on them had disappeared again. I tried to open her profile, and lo behold: I had been blocked. At first I felt like crap, but after a few minutes I stopped feeling so bad. I realized she did care, enough that seeing me around (and maybe even finding out that I'm starting to be happy without her again) hurt her. Realizing I wasn't the only one who suffered because of this made me feel better. I'm still angry at her, of course she deserves it, but there's no need to demonize her anymore... she's already feeling some guilt. I know she's not an evil person, but she is childish, spoiled, selfish and self-centered. Her immaturity got the better of her, and she dealt with this situation in the very worst way she could have. Maybe this experience will be the eye-opener she needed to grow up. It's cruel, but it is a consolation.

[JohnGalt]

I realize that most of us are delusional. We're going through a lot of pain and we're all pretty confused. There's those of us who are less confused than others, but we're all simply trying to cope. My livlihood is based on my judgment and ability to think rationally, but I can't seem to apply that same talent to my breakup. It has been six weeks. Why do I still even care?

[klin]

Feeling good again today. Very free. At first I was really hurt by the fact that he hasn't reached out...I didn't even intentionally instigate another NC period this time, but I am grateful that he hasn't contacted...and I don't want him to! And it's not very hard to refrain from contacting him! He has hurt me quite a bit, and I am doing a lot better now that I've stopped with all of the mental desperation...not that it was intentional, but I'm feeling a lot more apathy toward him lately and it feels SO good. I've realized that I've started to develop a bit of a crush on a friend of mine which scares me a bit and I won't act on it because I know it's still way too soon, but it's a lovely feeling to know that there is somebody I can have feelings about and my ex is not as unique and wonderful as I built him up to be.

[JohnGalt]

So the plot thickens.

 

A girl I have been absolutely crazy about in the past is moving to my city. I have known her for 6 years. We have met a couple of times, we have tons of mutual friends in common, and we chat a bunch online. She helped me through the breakup of my ex fiance in 2008. I have never hinted at any feelings for her and she has never done that with me either. She described her type as something that I am not (way taller than me and way darker than me). She is a bombshell, and she has her affairs in order. I've always wanted to be with her, but when my fiance broke up with me, I didn't feel like the timing was right since she lived 900 miles away and I hadn't a shot in hell anyways since I wasn't her type.

 

She always lets me know when she's in town visiting friends so that we can hang out. So she tells me a couple weeks back, she'll be in town. Cool. We'll hang out. Bada bing bada boom. Well, then she had a big victory at work so I sent her some flowers congratulating her. She thanked me for the flowers saying they were beautiful. Still there was nothing romantic about the flowers other than they were two dozen red roses and a teddy bear . The message was strictly professional though.

 

After the flowers, I didn't hear from her for a while. Then she texted me letting me know she'd be in DC as planned in a few weeks. So I send her an email letting her know that I'm interested in her and have been for a long time. I tell her that I'm single now and would love to get to know her on a deeper level. I make a joke about not being her type, and pressed send.

 

This was a week ago. No response.

 

Ok, not interested.

 

Wrong. Today I reach out to her and ask if she's still coming up. She says she got my email. I wait for her to say something about it and then she starts talking about where she's going this weekend. So I BS with her for a minute about that and then bring up my email and let her know that i'm serious about wanting to connect on a deeper level. I then say, look I know I'm not your type, but I don't care. She then says that she doesn't really have a type and that when she described her type she was just rambling. She then suggested we go out on a more personal date when she got to my city to visit (we usually hang out in groups). I say ok cool.

 

Then she asks about my ex . . . we talk about that for a minute. She had advised me to dump my ex long ago cause the girl has bad judgment. She then tells me that she is probably moving to DC in January and that things happen for a reason. Who knows.

 

She then made a joke about how I should be happy because I'm 28 and will be in my prime dating years soon. I told her I knew I was in my prime if I scored a date with her.

 

In any event, there's no immediate expectation of a relationship obviously or anything more than friendship . . . but I will be going out with a woman I like.

 

And for the first time since I've started seeing people - I didn't feel bad after a flirtatious conversation or feel bad about setting up a date. It felt . . . right.

[C_Unknown2005]

Exhausted....But trying to keep busy

[JohnGalt]

My life is a series of highs and lows right now. This Saturday and it will be six full weeks since my relationship ended. I do not know if that is a long time or a short time. I do know that I have had an opportunity to process the breakup and I want my ex back really badly. I also know that getting her back would be unhealthy. I cannot sweep under the rug the fact that she withdrew from me, the fact that she left me and the fact that she wants nothing to do with me right now. So I can have her back in the future? What makes me not good enough right now? So I want to get her back. I know I can get her back. But I'm not going to try to get her back. I don't have the energy to try. I have nothing left to give. I'm emotionally exhausted - weathered by this whole process.

 

Things I have to admit: I have been hoping this was all a dream, but it is not. I love my ex, but she no longer loves me. The person she is now is not the person she was when we fell in love. My life will go on without her.

 

I am also too tired to keep dating. I have been out with a bunch of women and they are but momentary distractions from the emotional void that I feel in my body. There is one that I would like to have - but the timing is not right.

 

I have to recognize that I have a problem, a problem that I need to fix. That is, I need to be happy being by myself. In 2002, I met my ex fiance. We were together until 2008. After that, I spent a year and a helf *****ing and moaning about her. I dated other girls in between and the longest I've ever been single for a continuous period of time since the age of 18 is maybe 7 months. I don't want to live life like this anymore. I don't want to depend on another person for my happiness. I want to learn how to be happy being alone - doing things for me. I'm tired of feeling devestated because I lose somone I love when they are not crushed.

 

So basically I feel empty today, ENA. I feel empty with nothing left to give. I feel like I've hit rock bottom emotionally, but do not necessarily consider this a bad thing. I love my ex with all my heart so much that I hurt. . . but I have no strength to care whether she is seeing someone else. No strength to care whether her exams are going well. No strength to contact her and ask her to work things out. I am tired of being the one who cares the most. I deserve someone willing to fight for me . . . and I guess there is no one out there like that right now. So I deserve me. I deserve me focusing my energy on me.

[jwhite]

May the bridges you burn light the way home Burn them ALL

[lalalollipops]

I'm feeling really sht today.

 

Last night my ex texted me and told me that his aunt died, and since his mum and dad are already gone, he's pretty close with his aunts.

So of course I had to text him, to you know, offer my sympathies, tell him he could talk to me bc I know he's hurting (he doesn't have alot of support around him). There was no hidden agenda on my part, I wasn't planning on discussing the past relationship, just wanted to console him and help him vent.

So a few minutes afterwards, he texted back with a 'I'm fine. That text was intended for my cousin. Sorry to disturb your evening.'

 

***. That makes no sense, he would've called his cousin though.

 

From feeling really sad for him (and alittle hopeful too) to having my heart pounded to a pulp in the space of a few minutes is a really sh feeling.

I think I need to change my number again.

[zep]

Wow what a DI-K! Seriously he obviously meant to send that to you. Unless you have the same first name as his cousin, but even then, you are 100% right he would have called his cousin. No one tells family about deaths in the family via text!! Whats really low is that he used his aunts death as an excuse to get an ego boost from you. He's a real jerk lala, you are soooooo much better off without that guy in your life. Change your number!!

[JohnGalt]

This is ridiculous. This is the second time. This guy is playing mind games. Get your number changed

[Clueless90]

I saw my ex on the train today after work, I was needless to say shocked after not seeing him/hardly any contact in 6/7 months, he put me through a hell of a lot, we lived together for 2 years from the age of 19 and planned to get engaged etc and then he broke up with me the eve of my birthday and strung me a long for 2/3 months to disappear for 2 weeks and pop out of no where with some random super young girl (only 16) him and I 21/22 and then to break up and try and contact me several times

 

He didn't see me get on the train as he was talking on his phone and looking at his hands/shoes or something and after his email to catch up over coffee last week it just felt so weird seeing him as I thought I had completely let go but I had this crazy anger inside me and that probably surprised me the most as people say it means you still have feelings for them right? I feel like I moved on ages ago and have since said no/ignored his attempts to meet up/communication but somehow I feel like seeing him set me back...I don't understand