How Do You Feel Today?

[sharky988]

JohnGalt, I think we both broke up the same week as I'm coming up on 3 months, too. I hope you have some fun plans for your birthday this week!!

 

I still can't sleep, feel on the brink of tears much of the time. I still wake up several times at night to the shock of what he did. Was doing much better before he contacted me NYE.... since then it's almost like the beginning, like his "let's be friends" email felt like another breakup in a way. Ugghh.

[JohnGalt]

I know Sharky. I feel like you're one of the people that's helped me the most. I have to say though - I am in the back of my mind - hoping that my ex will pull a Sharky and come back one day. Camacha, if you're reading this, I'm just kidding bro . . . maybe.

 

Keep your head up Sharky. You've been through your fair share of heartbreak and breaking hearts! You know it is just a process and soon enough you'll be happy again with him or someone else.

[LikeWater]

I feel alright, I suppose.

 

It's weird. I can tell I'm making progress. I'm genuinely happier than I was, I smile more often, catch myself really laughing again. I still think of her every single day, though. She's still the first thought in my head as I wake up, and the last as I go to sleep. Not sure if/when that will ever be over.

 

One thing I'm pretty down about is that we have one truly mutual friend... a person we both knew before we knew each other, and I feel like he has wholeheartedly taken her side in this. I can't blame him, I guess. He is a guy, after all. I just feel like him and I can't really be friends anymore. Not like it was before, at least. It sucks because the only thing she lost when she broke up with me is... me. I've lost friends, I've lost my self-esteem, and I've damn near lost my mind.

 

Video games and music can only distract so much.

 

As the song goes, "You know that I could use somebody... someone like you."

[sharky988]

I know Sharky. I feel like you're one of the people that's helped me the most. I have to say though - I am in the back of my mind - hoping that my ex will pull a Sharky and come back one day. Camacha, if you're reading this, I'm just kidding bro . . . maybe.

 

Keep your head up Sharky. You've been through your fair share of heartbreak and breaking hearts! You know it is just a process and soon enough you'll be happy again with him or someone else.

 

Thanks for the kind words, JG -- and happy early birthday to you!

[klin]

Sigh. Annoyed that I have to avoid social events of mutual friends because he'll be there (I don't think he'd mind, but I'll save myself the pain, thanks), and frustrated that our 4 year anniversary would be in a week. I'm doing well, but I miss him, and I don't like it.

[mj1228]

I hate that I can't eat and can't sleep. I hate that I have to hear your voice everyday at work. I hate that it is so easy for you to act like nothing. I hate that I didn't kick your ass to the curb earlier. I hate that I lost myself in you. I hate that you hurt my kids. I am so full of anger and sadness at a lot of things. I love that I will be stronger at the end of this journey.

[Reflective82]

It's my birthday and I hate that a text from you would make me happier than the loads of texts I have had from friends and family. I know it wouldn't mean anything had changed (I'm not that stupid) but a friendly acknowledgement would be nice instead of feeling like I mean nothing to you

[clochard]

Happy birthday Reflective82 Next year at that time you will be in a much stronger, better position. Keep going, focus on the many friends and family you have and all the people that love you for whom you are.

[klin]

Today was so good. I did a lot of things I loved and the weather was excellent and I got a lot of random compliments and I am just feeling very happy. In addition, I talked with a friend tonight that I hadn't seen in a couple weeks and she said her and her husband (husband was good friends with the ex before the breakup, but are definitely more my friends) were angry with my ex. It gave me a sick sense of satisfaction to be sided with. I'm gaining my confidence back, and feeling happy and successful. I think I'll always feel that I wouldn't have made this decision myself, but it'll work out anyway. Slowly, but surely I'll be well.

[sparrow]

Sharky and JohnGait: coming up on my 3 month as well, and I feel kinda terrible again. Had a bad panic attack at work last week and I haven't had panic attacks IN YEARS. My debit card was frauded at the end of 2012 and all my money taken and it set me back CONSIDERABLY emotionally. It's resolved now and I have my money back, but I'm still shaken. I had to borrow money from my ex and we have to meet again tomorrow so I can pay him back and I have mixed feelings about it, obviously. I am crying and anxious again, lately. Appetite back to nil.... sleeping erratic again. Can't let go of the good memories. I can't. They keep recycling and playing back in my mind and I instantly wake up at 3 am, which was when he used to get back from his bar job. Wish I could stop that automatic internal alarm clock, but it's like my mind has rewound to when we were together and we're just not together anymore. I also have the sinking suspicion he is with someone else, now. Ug. When am I gonna start feeling empowered? Start feeling better? I look and feel terrible.

[Fudgie]

I feel very good. Mostly because of something that happened yesterday.

 

I've been doing well at my job, at the hospital. My father works at the hospital too. I worked with one of his patients (I didn't know it) and the patient's wife didn't either but then the patient's wife realized later (our last names are the same) and wrote him a beautiful letter about how well I worked with her husband (who was very, very out of it and a bit of a danger at times) and how I talked to her and made her feel at ease with the whole hospital stay and what was going on with him.

 

My father scanned the letter and sent it to both my boss and myself...I was so surprised. He wrote to me and told me that he was very proud that I am his daughter and that he loves me.

 

It made my day. I know my father loves me but he rarely says anything.

[sharky988]

@Fudgie that's a lovely story! Thanks for sharing that : )

 

@Sparrow - All I can say is, I feel for you. Maybe it's something about the 3-month mark, or maybe it's the increase in contact? I too feel back to the beginning and haven't cried this much since the first few weeks. Please keep posting about it and know that others here are going through the same thing right along with you. And it DOES get better -- this is just a setback.

[Centi]

@Sparrow - That's a terrible feeling. I haven't had the experience but my mother has and she was a wreck. Don't fret about seeing him again to pay him back. Keep the interaction quick, say thank you, and leave it at that. Then go do something for yourself. It'll get better again.

 

@Fudgie - That's an awesome story! It isn't too often that people take the time out of their day to really say thanks for your hard work. It's an excellent feeling and it does wonders for your confidence. Keep it up

 

As for myself - I'm having a great day so far, even though she called. She's so aggressive, and I never noticed it before. I'm so glad that it's all drawing to a close. Well, mostly to a close, there is still the divorce.

 

Went to a metal show last night, Gojira. Thoroughly enjoyed that. Crowd Surfed for the first time, it was awesome. I'd never have done that before. I may have been a bit in the drink though because I decided to skip a ramp and hop over a decent ledge on the way home from the c-train. I believe I said "Ramps are for B*'s! I'm hopping this! Woo!" My left ankle is a little sketchy now, but totally worth it.

 

I don't know what it is, but I've had a huge smile on my face since I woke up at 0400 to head home and get ready for work.

[mj1228]

Feeling a bit annoyed that fellow coworkers felt the need to tell me you were out getting tanked till 1am last night. Hope your happy this is what you wanted. I got sleep last night finally and feel much better. You are a very sad and lonely individual. Good riddance!

[POSH007]

I'm feeling better today. It has been 5 days of no contact for me, his choice. I will honor that and I am starting to question the reason I held out this long thinking things would change. But the part of me that hurts the most is the sense of betrayal when he was texting me all the time meanwhile actually trying to move on with someone else. I wish he would have just told me in no uncertain terms I was not what he was looking for. I'm looking forward to the weekend, going to hit the gym and watch some football and try to keep feeling good!!! I can either let this defeat me or I can choose to move on and be happy...I keep telling myself this now I just need to believe it!!!

[klin]

I usually do great until friends get engaged, or celebrate an anniversary. I'm frustrated. I feel like shouting "What WAS I to you!?" and I know the honest answer is "Not the woman I want to marry. Sorry." and so I won't ask, but it still kills me to see people so giddy and in love and know that was us until he checked out. I know it's more complicated than that, but that's how I feel. I hate seeing people get engaged because it rubs my rejection in even more. I'm getting a lot better, but it's still going to be bittersweet for a while.

[LikeWater]

Feel like gouging my eyes out so I don't have to see your face everywhere anymore.

 

Feel like Van Gogh-ing my ears so your voice doesn't haunt me anymore.

 

Not having a good day today.

[C_Unknown2005]

Bored and Lonely..... Cant' really explain it but i just have a lack of confidence lately...'

 

C

[jemoeder]

focked op and a little frustrated . i cant explain why i sleep at 12 in the afternoon till 8/9 in the evening just to get up, get cigs and some shopping and retire to my living room watching movies and making a pathetic attempt to study for my upcoming test.

 

cant wait to post on FB a pic of "BEMVIDO A RIO DE JANEIRO" when i finally get to brazil to live there for a year. you didnt know about that he ? hahahaha

 

btw i hope you aint on eNa too

[hiddenkiss6]

Today has been an entire range of feelings. I had an epiphany and thought I was completely over the relationship. Then I broke down because I was upset that I couldn't be with someone that I thought so highly of. But hey, I think I'm pretty ****ing fantastic too. And he doesn't get to be with me either. And I'm going to get him wrapped around my finger so stealthily that he won't even realize it's happening. So here's to being the girl that all the boys go crazy over.

[Aii]

i saw her pic on fb after awhile ..man she looks good and i missed her. I have someone else (sorta) in my life now but i know i'm not fully into her bc i'm still stuck on my ex even if i pretend i was. I really don't know what to do and so lost in the moment.

[Mike H]

Not good at the min. Im sick of all this up and down crap.. Every time i feel like ive had a breakthrough and feeling better, something happens and i go back to square one.

[Chalk]

All this snow limits my escape from this house, aarrggh! Sometimes I feel like head butting a wall. I'm finding it hard to get motivated and have noticed that it comes in waves. The letter he sent me has detracted from my determination to push forwards and onwards. It's really just added to my sadness and disappointment. I'm finding myself a bit bored and disallusioned. I would feel bored and disallusioned with him as well but now there is no one the share it with. I really miss sharing my life with someone.

 

Something I notice about myself is that the process is always much more exciting than the result. For example, the other week (before this dip), I was applying more more jobs, and voluntary work and feeling okay about myself. I was looking forwards to going out with friends on Friday (which got snowed off). A lot of my happiness and buzz was the pre-excitement about what was going to happen and feeling good that I had pushed myself. Anyway, when I volunteered in the charity shop it was boring and I felt very lonely doing it (although I know it will look good on my CV). It felt like a bit of a loss though as it didn't feel like an achievement. It was like the feeling after completing an exam. At uni, myself and all my friends and ex used to all study together. It was hard and it was shocking and it was very stressful but you all be going through it together and your little moments of joy would be precious. After you had finished the exam you'd feel deflated. You'd go out for a party but still feel a bit bored and a bit disappointed. Funny that. It's hard not having someone to stride against the tide with.

 

Right, I'm going out for a walk in the snow. Might throw a snowball at myself!

[Limiya]

Trapped at home because of snow. I've been feeling much more content recently with life in general. My moods seem to have leveled out. I'm not getting crazy crying fits anymore, and my appetite is back.

I'm finding i remember the bad times more and the awful traits he has, rather than the good stuff.

I'm not really interested in what he's doing anymore. I know what he is like as a person, and i feel it's for the best it didn't work out.

 

This is all good progress. Today is the first day in a week i've had a moment of weakness.

A romantic movie was on tv. The guy on there kind of reminded me of my exes extreme romantic side. My imagination started getting in the way. I was imagining my ex telling me he loved me, etc.

My heart hurt a bit. Then i imaged him saying it to his new girlfriend. That hurt even more.

So i stopped watching.

But now i'm feeling that empty feeling again, and thinking of him a bit. He's nothing special. I'm realizing that now.

One day, there will be another romantic gentleman in my life.

 

I look forward to that.

Limiya

[einsteins_girl]

Friday marked one year since my BU, and I just feel exhausted. It feels like one year of holding my breath, subconsciously waiting for any sort of contact & any sort of indication that I mattered to him. But an entire year - 365 days - went by, and I heard nothing. We were together 6 years, and during this past year, he didn't reach out once.

 

I think I hoped that, after the year was up, I'd stop holding my breath, but it seems I still am.