How Do You Feel Today?

[Limiya]

LikeWater - I was hoping no one else was feeling the same, because i don't want anyone to be going through the same heartbreak i've been through.

I think most of it is because i am questioning myself all the time. Why did he leave me? Why wasn't i good enough? What has she got that i haven't? Etc?

And these questions bring me down. They lower my self confidence and self esteem, which is what i want to improve.

I feel good when i'm doing my hobbies and fun things and with my friends i'm mostly fine. Yes i think of him every day, even when i'm busy. But it's when i get home and have time to myself, the pain returns. Not as full force as it was in the early days, but it's there.

I know it will take time for both of us. It's not been that long. There is hope i will get over this eventually and be able to move on. Same with you.

 

Unfortunately (fortunately), we open ourselves and loved someone with all our hearts. That means we're capable of real love and real emotion and feelings. This makes us genuine and strong, and we will have that again some day. Hopefully with someone who deserves us and treats us a lot better.

 

I want to wish you a Happy Birthday, and i hope you're going out to do something special for yourself today. Treat yourself. Pamper yourself. You deserve it.

Limiya

[LikeWater]

Wow. Your words... I could have written that myself! I too am sorry you feel the same as I do because I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on anyone. It's so frustrating that I sit here and struggle while she's just fine out probably having the time of her life. I hate that! I treated her so well. Maybe that was my downfall? Maybe I treated her too well. I don't know.

 

Limiya, thank you for the B-day wishes. I truly appreciate it. You are right, we will both get over this. Time is tricky like that. I'm sure years from now we'll look back at this as some sad distant memory. I wish both of us luck in this hard journey.

[Limiya]

That's the thing. We tell ourselves that they are out having the time of their lives and they must be so happy with this other person, that they must be treating them so much better than they treated us etc. The thing is we don't know. We don't really know. We just assume that this is the case because we don't know otherwise. We might see pics of them smiling on FB or something and expect them to be having the time of their lives, but they want people to this that, because the don't want people to know if they are having a hard time.

So i know it's our own mentality which is torturing us. I just wish it would shut off. We have to try and keep perspective.

We'll get there. I promise.

 

Limiya

[LikeWater]

That's the thing. We tell ourselves that they are out having the time of their lives and they must be so happy with this other person, that they must be treating them so much better than they treated us etc. The thing is we don't know. We don't really know. We just assume that this is the case because we don't know otherwise. We might see pics of them smiling on FB or something and expect them to be having the time of their lives, but they want people to this that, because the don't want people to know if they are having a hard time.

So i know it's our own mentality which is torturing us. I just wish it would shut off. We have to try and keep perspective.

We'll get there. I promise.

 

Limiya

 

Yeah, you're completely right. I don't know for sure how she feels, if she misses me, etc. That's part of the problem I think. I don't know anything. I'd love to just have a little bit of a clue on how she feels about me these days, if she'd like to be friends one day, if she still has any love for me at all. I want to know how she's doing and what she's up to. I want to know if she's happier with me removed from her life.

 

But I know it's pointless to dwell on these questions and I have to accept that we may never speak again. That's a really tough thought. I'm just tired of the confusion and the hurt, I'm tired of her still having so much power over me. I wish I'd been more careful in handing her my heart. I still have so much to say and I'll probably never get the chance. Oh well, what can I do? Only thing I can do is allow time to do its thing and to try and force myself to fully accept this.

 

You're right. We'll get there.

[clochard]

@LikeWater, happy birthday dear and sorry for the pain you are going through. I wish that next year around that time you can look back and just smile at the wisdom and strength you gained from it. I guess we need to be patient with ourselves to get there.

@Limiya, from the post you sound like such an awesome girl, who truly feels love and cares, so in the long run it is his loss. I am pretty sure one day he realises what an idiot he was (sorry to use rude words, but there is no better explanation

 

Me personally i was doing okish the last two weeks as i was visiting my family for christmas. I had a lot of talks with my mum and old friends. Now i am back in the foreign country and every street lamp here reminds me of him. I mainly stayed because of him, so it really hits me that there is nothing left for me here. I also started to ruminate again whether it was all my fault, was my unhappiness in work causing us to drift apart, etc. I know there wont be an answer, but i still miss him so much every day.

[Centi]

Hey Girly (Limiya),

 

Don't feel bad about your progress. As you are well aware, the time varies for everyone. Let yourself heal, don't rush it. Stop wanting to forget and hate him, because that's just another way for you to actually think about him.

 

As far as him moving on and and not worrying about you, well you also know the answer to that. He isn't the same person anymore. The person you were with doesn't exist anymore. So don't worry about this new person and their feelings about you. They're a stranger after all, and who cares about their opinion? Not worth it at all.

 

At the end of the day, the only person there for you is yourself. What do you think about yourself now? How are you feeling about you? What have you been up to? How did you get your nails done this week? Sounds to me like you're going out a bit. That's good. Sucks that your friend got a bit presumptuous and tried to hold you. There is one thing about that though, maybe all these guys noticing you more are starting to see you come out of your shell a bit more. That's a good thing! You might not notice it so much, but others are noticing that you're starting to get better. The beach holiday sounds like an awesome plan. A little time in the warm sun will probably (definitely) do wonders for you

 

Myself? Well, I went on a date this past Saturday. It was a lot of fun! I've been talking non-stop with this girl since I met her, and finally getting to see her was awesome. I tell you what, I couldn't remember what it was like to be with someone who is genuinely interested in you. Amazing feeling! You're not quite here yet, but when you do get here, and you are receptive to people really being into you, things will start speeding up in the healing department.

 

I'm not going to a beach, but I'm heading to BC (the Nelson area) this weekend to hang out with a friend and his new kid. We're going to hit up the ski hill, which I am in DIRE need of doing. It's going to be a great mini-vacation. The first I've done since my break. So very much excite.

 

I've also managed to get my spending habits back into a semblance of a line.

 

In all, life's getting better each day

 

Chin up, keep smiling. You'll be fine, promise.

 

Centi

[LikeWater]

@LikeWater, happy birthday dear and sorry for the pain you are going through. I wish that next year around that time you can look back and just smile at the wisdom and strength you gained from it. I guess we need to be patient with ourselves to get there.

 

Thanks for the B-day wishes and the kind words, clochard. It means a lot. I wish the same thing for you, that by this time next year you can reflect back on this as something that ultimately helped you become a better person. I do hope that's what this experience provides for me in the long run. Patience is key. I hope you're doing okay and I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Is it not possible at the moment for you to relocate to your original country, back with your family and whatnot? I know changing residency from one country to another involves a lot of BS, but I hate to hear your stuck in a country that has nothing for you. Who knows. Maybe there's something hidden there for you that will reveal itself in time.

 

We have both got to stop second guessing ourselves, though. Considering the situation I did all that I could. Deep down I know that, and I have to hold onto that knowledge. I did all that was in my power to do. That it wasn't enough is irrelevant. If my best wasn't enough, we weren't going to work out anyway. I'm sure you did the best you could within your relationship as well, so no more beating yourself up, okay? I'll try to keep the same in mind for myself

[C_Unknown2005]

I'm over my ex , been recovering from a nasty head cold... spent the weekend in my bed because of the antibiotics and no one called. Thats life...

 

 

c

[klin]

Feeling good again. I love living where I live. I love that I moved out after we broke up. I also have developed feelings for a friend that I live with. I know that dating him would be an awful idea because I'm not over my ex, but he's a wonderful friend and an excellent distraction and he makes me laugh a lot which is excellent. School has started and I'm looking forward to my courses. I am doing well.

 

I am back to the point where, in my rational mind, I don't want him to contact me and I am excited about the elements of my newfound singlehood. Mostly, I don't miss fighting so hard to prove myself to him and getting upset that he wasn't fighting back. He just switched off during this summer and I do noooot miss that.

 

Do I want him back? Oh definitely sometimes, but I know that his decision broke my heart more than I thought was possible, and I can definitely see the pros to finding somebody who I don't have to "rebuild" with, but who genuinely wants to get to know me and spend time with me. I don't want a relationship that's stressful. I hated that in the end of this last one. It takes two, and I wasn't the one that walked. (I'm still a little bitter, but definitely not so consumed.)

[Limiya]

Hey, Thanks so much for those words above. Who knows if he will realize one day. He is consumed in his new relationship, and part of me wants him to be happy, and another part of me wants him to suffer for what he did to me. Like i have suffered. Lots of internal healing for me to do to come to terms with things.

As for you being back in the country again, do you want to stay there? Or do you want to leave? Do you think leaving there would help you or would you feel you're running from it?

 

Limiya

[John John]

I'm feeling pretty awful these last few days. Since I was dumped 2 months ago, I've had a few prospects from online dating websites, but I guess I'm kind of picky, so I've declined a lot of winks/smiles, whatever lol. There was this one girl I was pretty into...but we texted back and forth for like 5 weeks without even a phone conversation. We were supposed to speak this past weekend, but she didn't pick up, so I basically sent her a text putting her in her place being like "A guy can only wait so long for an actual phone convo." So I'm sure that's done. I was excited about this girl, and I feel it was sort of helping me begin to get over my ex.

 

And now that my ex is about to officially move out of our apartment, it kills me. Even though I'm not there and haven't really seen her, it just kills me inside to know that I've officially lost her. And I really have no idea where she stands. I know she still loves me, she's just currently now "in love" with me. I don't know if she'll ever entertain the notion of trying again, but I guess I have to completely write her off in order to have any chance of moving on.

 

I didn't sleep a wink last night. Just feeling so down and miserable. I miss her so much. It didn't have to be this way.

[Limiya]

Hey Centi,

Thanks for such an amazing post. It really hit home for me. I appreciate the lift too

Yes i need to stop rushing myself to heal. I have to accept it's going to take time and that's it. Nothing i can do about it but look after myself in the meantime.

Yes i guess he is a different person now. He's like a stranger the last time i saw him. I really struggled with that. I still do. In my mind and heart he is the same man, but in reality he is someone else, and WITH someone else.

I struggle with that the most. Not sure how to get round that one.

I know his opinion shouldn't matter. I know he doesn't think badly of me because i was always so good to him. So i'm not sure why his validation is always so important. He is quite a negative mindset really. He always complained and hated everything and everyone, yet adored me over the past 6 years. So to be dropped from that shelf he put me up so suddenly has really impacted my state of mind i think. It's something i need to work on.

 

As for me, i like who i am. I really do. Always have done. Sometimes i wish i could be a bit tougher, but that's not my nature and i accept that. I'm a giver and lost sight of who i was when with my ex as my life revolved around him. Now i'm finding myself again. Doing things i enjoy (dancing, teaching, horse riding) and hopefully more this year. I'm making new friends and getting close with family again. I've realized who i can really trust and rely on when i'm down. I'm thankful to have those people in my life. However i've also realized i can rely on myself also. I have stuck to NC extremely well, and i never thought i would be strong enough. Yes i'm down at times, and i still cry. However, i've managed to survive the worst so far and i'm proud of myself for that. I am treating myself more, like pampering myself by getting massages and spa days and just doing what comforts me.

 

You're right about guys starting to notice me more now i'm single. It's weird because even one or two of my exes friends have come out the woodwork to sniff around and hint at getting to know me better (no thanks). It's flattering but i know i'm not there yet to be interested in anyone. I want to be healed as much as possible first before i look for serious long term love. That will happen when i'm ready.

 

I'm glad you went on a date. It must be nice to be at 'that place' finally eh? It must be so refreshing to have that interest there. And it's genuine.

I hope you enjoy it and take things easy. Things are looking up for you and it's your own hard work which got you there. Yay bravo!

Keep in touch and let me know how things go for you.

All the best.

 

Limiya

[Limiya]

I hear ya. I have to admit, that lack of sleep will NOT help your state of mind. Trust me. I've really found this out the hard way. It's a vicious circle, because you're upset, so you can't sleep, and lack of sleep makes you tired, frustrated and cry easier. Which makes you depressed and think more.

I've been going through these sleep cycles myself and it's awful. I always feel more aware, and logical once i've managed to start sleeping again.

Easier said than done though, i know.

 

HUGS to you.

Limiya

[clochard]

Hey, Thanks so much for those words above. Who knows if he will realize one day. He is consumed in his new relationship, and part of me wants him to be happy, and another part of me wants him to suffer for what he did to me. Like i have suffered. Lots of internal healing for me to do to come to terms with things.

As for you being back in the country again, do you want to stay there? Or do you want to leave? Do you think leaving there would help you or would you feel you're running from it?

Limiya

 

That is actually a really good question, esp the point of running from it. I know i have a lot of self-improvement to do, e.g. i am doing CBT classes right now for low self-esteem and i have the feeling it gets a bit better. Even after 3 month almost after BU i feel utterly confused and do not know where to go and what to do.

[klin]

I am feeling good. Going longer and longer without thinking about him and having it bother me less when I do. It's a big relief.

[LikeWater]

I am feeling good. Going longer and longer without thinking about him and having it bother me less when I do. It's a big relief.

 

Glad to hear it, klin. I'm in the same boat

[TakeAStepFrwd]

I feel scared. I have never been so scared in my life. If I feel okay for a second I feel scared for the time when it will hit me again. I'm scared that a small memory is going to trigger something and I'm going to lose it. I'm scared that I will cry. I'm scared to go back home because it feels so lonely and so empty. I wonder when this fear will go away.

[The Bozz]

I'm a bit depressed tonight. I discovered this amazing song, and I'm dying to share it with someone... then I remembered how I used to share my discoveries with my ex, back when she still cared. I miss so much something I took for granted... being able to share your life with someone. Living alone is doing me no good, I hope March comes soon so my sisters will come live with me.

[Mike H]

Not feeling too bad today, considering i didnt get much sleep. Got plans to go for a meal later on this afternoon so looking forward to that

[AutumnBorn]

I'm the most powerful woman in my ex's world, so I feel pretty powerful. Other than that, I feel truly happy and at peace.

[John John]

I am overwhelming sense of dread...like, I have an impending breakdown on the way. The ex is moving out this Tuesday, and I'm moving back in next Thursday or Friday. Not looking forward to moving back into an empty apartment.

 

I'm excited for a date I have with another girl this Monday evening, but still nervous about what's to come.

[Centi]

Grats on the date! Focus on that for now.

 

It is really hard to go back into the old place, especially if there is still memorabilia laying around from the old relationship. You'll be ok. I hope she wasn't evil like me and strategically placed things in just such a way to make them stand out. I'm terrible

 

My advice - Just get it done, put all the stuff that hurts away or get rid of it. Don't let everything lay around because you're going to end up dredging up emotions every time you work on unpacking. It sucks. Just do it all in one fell swoop and press on.

 

Best of luck, you'll get through.

[C_Unknown2005]

I feel myself moving on. Just been really busy with work lately and I haven't had any down time this week. Got tickets to see the Band "Muse" for a show in a couple of months. Pretty excited to see this band.

 

C

[klin]

At this point, I seriously don't know if I'd want to date him again. Honestly...it's not even about wanting to win - a large part of me legitimately doesn't want to ever have any form of relationship again because it's all so broken now. I'm still sad that this is how it had to be, though. I'm sad it's over and I'm sad I lost my best friend, and I'm sad that he chose all of this. I'm not depressed and broken and upset - I know I'm moving on, but I'm not grateful that it happened like this.

[JohnGalt]

My bday is on thurs. it'll be 3 months on Sunday since the breakp. My sleeping patterns are erratic. My appetite is non existent. I want to rip my heart out because my heart feels empty. I'm no closer to reconciling with my ex than I was on day one. Im hurting badly, but I'm much better than I was on week 2. I am doing stuff again, having fun with people, even getting out and doing things alone and enjoying myself.

 

 

I miss her terribly but I have come to accept we aren't meant to be. It just sucks.