loulou37 Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 Doing really, really well. The weather is gorgeous here, and I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm in a good place ... Good, that makes me smile loulou x Link to comment
lanaa Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Yes, we have been married for 37 years. love your story how long were you apart before getting back together? Link to comment
digdug Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Good, that makes me smile loulou x Lol ... good ... me too!! Link to comment
DN Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 love your story how long were you apart before getting back together?A few months. Soon after she came back we got engaged. Link to comment
JLKLEE Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 My ex broke up with me the week after Thanksgiving. It pretty much came as a shock to me because we had just spent an amazing weekend at his parent's house, with him showing me pictures of him when he was little and telling me he wouldn't want anywhere else there with him. Since we have broken up, we have stayed in contact and seen each other probably once or twice a week. Of course the subject of us getting back together has been brought up but he is the type of person that, if he is skeptical that things wont change, he won't even put himself in a vulnerable situation. The problems we had was that he felt like I was not independent and my "timeline" for things didn't work for him. I feel like both of those things can be worked on. I know he really needs to feel like things can work out before we can try again. Just recently, we were at lunch and he admitted to me that he had slept with someone else. So many thoughts ran through my head. I wondered if he liked it, if she was as good as me, is she as pretty as me, etc etc. It hurt, I won't lie. But we aren't together. I did however, tell him that I understand that things happen (he referred to her as a "one night stand") but that if he wants anything with me in the future, it's not going to happen if he is going around and sleeping with people. In fact, in a joking way (sorta) on the way home I said "Don't have sex with anyone else" and he said "I'm not". Things felt much different after that conversation. I feel like he is more willing to give us another try. I told him that I would like him to think about us taking a weekend to go to the mountains and just get away. He said he was absolutely think about it but that it would have to be in a couple months due to work commitments. I just hope he keeps his thing in his pants because I really can't forgive him sleeping with multiple girls. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 i hope this all works out for you, i wouldn't focus too much on sleeping with other girls, when my ex ex and i split up, we had both slept with other people, we never spoke bout it, at the end of the day it didn't change how we felt for each other, sometimes that's what it takes to bring them back, they go with someone else and they realise how special you are. loulou x Link to comment
lyndsaylynn Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I read this in blase harris' book.... Quote: your friends and aquintances may have assured you that there is more than one fish in the sea, more than one grain of sand on the beach. Those words are true, but empty! you are in love with a particular fish in the sea and a particular grain of sand. loulou x Love that quote loulou. It's beautiful and heartbreaking. Although I have no hope of reconciling, I am glad that you started this thread. Link to comment
Sara1970 Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I like this thread I'm in touch with my ex - I did try NC, but prefer being in contact with him. For now I mainly leave him alone, but I always reply in a positive way when he emails me. I don't expect for him to change his mind, but I would like to cultivate a friendship with him at least. He's a good guy. I want to know that he's ok, as he seems to want to know that I am ok too. We'll see how it goes. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 I like this thread I'm in touch with my ex - I did try NC, but prefer being in contact with him. For now I mainly leave him alone, but I always reply in a positive way when he emails me. I don't expect for him to change his mind, but I would like to cultivate a friendship with him at least. He's a good guy. I want to know that he's ok, as he seems to want to know that I am ok too. We'll see how it goes. Yea i tried the NC route but it just wasn't for me..the urges to contact him became unbearable..once i had contacted him and opened up the line of communication, i felt so much better... loulou x Link to comment
jolbell69 Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I agree loulou!! I also did NC for 2 months, 1 of those months was because I needed some space and time myself. However, I also prefer being in contact because, even if we never get back together, I care too much about him to just cut him out of my life altogether. Link to comment
g1llybabes Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Hi everyone, this is my first post here, this seems the only forum for positiveness My situation is much more recent. My bf and I broke up on Friday. Our relationship has been plagued with problems all from me. I had let my past influence everything I was doing, during our year together ( we are LD btw about an hour from each other) I was always overthinking finding the negatives and generally just being awful. I was getting better but then there was a trigger and I had an out burst with all the past issues we had came flooding out. This was too much for him. He had given me many chances and this time he told me he was trying to forget the past and concentrate on the good and i kept rubbing his face in it and it made him hate me. It was over he wanted nothing more to do with me and wouldnt talk to me. He dumped me over a text. I of course went into the begging and pleading mode until the same evening my 4 yr old niece was killed in a hit and run. This made me look at things so differently. On saturday her parents donated her organs and her heart was transplanted to a little boy in Scotland. I thought if something good can come from this then so something good can come from me. I got to grips with that living in the past only breeds the past. I text him for a trial to see how it went with a clean slate and explained everything to him. But Sunday night he still wouldnt talk to me, saying i should forget him and move on, he didnt want to talk to me etc. I replied with a I hope in time we can at least talk and he would give me a last chance and i hoped this was not good bye forever. I had read all the ebooks and sites that so NC so I was ready for a month of nothing then i would send a how are you text. But yesterday he text me about his passport interview and a job he was going for. and that he hoped i had a good day. I replied with something light and told him to keep me posted about his job. I didnt expect a reply but I got one. Saying im glad things are looking up for you it will all work out in the end. I thought thats it- he was just checking i was ok. So i replied with i know it will and i hope everything will work out for the best including us, do you fancy a quick chat?. he declined and said he had lots to do but perhaps tomorrow. Then at 5am i had a text from him saying he had found out i had lost my job what was going on he was worried with 3 x kisses on the message ( all these had stopped of course) i replied asking if i could call today and he said yes. We have just talked, first quite light had a few laughs about his passport interview yesterday ( to which he relayed one of his answers where he referred to me as his girldfriend) then he asked about what had happened. I got a little upset and told him my thought path at the weekend and how i would never be the same person again. I asked if this was him giving me another chance and to wipe the slate clean ( i have never done this before) and he said we'll see. I said ok, can we still keep in contact? he replied i dont want to stop talking to you and laughed and called me a nutter. then the conversation ended. It was about 40 mins long. So what do we all think of that? I think its positive we have gone from wanting nothing to do with me to we will see. Is this my chance to prove to him i can let go of the past and learn from my mistakes before he commits to giving it another go? How much contact do I have now? he always said I text too much before and was too demanding of his attention. I would really like to text a thank you but not sure if I should, how I should or when? If these talks continue how long before I ask if I am his gf again. I know I am jumping the gun, but that has been an issue of mine impatience! I dont want to pressure him and push him away again. Any thoughts would be fantastic do you think its a good sign? Link to comment
loulou37 Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 I agree loulou!! I also did NC for 2 months, 1 of those months was because I needed some space and time myself. However, I also prefer being in contact because, even if we never get back together, I care too much about him to just cut him out of my life altogether. I think NC has it's place, i needed it so i didn't do anything silly :s it weaned me off the constant contact we had previously..LC is still hard though, i get a little of him and i want more, but that's the next hurdle i need to overcome...baby steps huh jolbell! loulou x Link to comment
JLKLEE Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 i hope this all works out for you, i wouldn't focus too much on sleeping with other girls, when my ex ex and i split up, we had both slept with other people, we never spoke bout it, at the end of the day it didn't change how we felt for each other, sometimes that's what it takes to bring them back, they go with someone else and they realise how special you are. loulou x Well I haven't slept with anyone, just kissed. And he said he slept with this girl 3 weeks ago. It's hard not to focus on him having sex with other girls. Were you and your ex in contact often when y'all were broken up? Did y'all still have sex? Link to comment
loulou37 Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 Well I haven't slept with anyone, just kissed. And he said he slept with this girl 3 weeks ago. It's hard not to focus on him having sex with other girls. Were you and your ex in contact often when y'all were broken up? Did y'all still have sex? We were still in LC, just friendly stuff and no we didn't have sex as we lived in different countries.. loulou x Link to comment
loulou37 Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 g1llybabes: i feel this is more like a blip rather than a break up, as it's only been a few days...but to me it sounds like you two are going to be ok, i would say spend some more time apart if possible but i know that's hard when you love them..maybe you could calm down a bit on the texting, that would help, if you do work it out, remember this BU, remember your faults and try to change them, for the sake of your relationship. loulou x Link to comment
g1llybabes Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 g1llybabes: i feel this is more like a blip rather than a break up, as it's only been a few days...but to me it sounds like you two are going to be ok, i would say spend some more time apart if possible but i know that's hard when you love them..maybe you could calm down a bit on the texting, that would help, if you do work it out, remember this BU, remember your faults and try to change them, for the sake of your relationship. loulou x Thank you LOULOU. I really do hope so. So many forums out there are as you say negative. One in particular where I have been told some dreadful things like- if he loved you he would of talked to you straight away and he is just clearing his conscience. You are in the Friends Zone and all sorts of things. I will learn this time, loosing my niece and him made it all too real. The past is not a good place to be. I will never be the same again ever. He and our relationship are far too important to me. Im so glad you think its a blip to be so soon. That makes me so happy Do you think I should text a thank you later? How should I phrase it without being pushy or attention seeking or space invading as it were. This is only the second relationship I have ever had and my first was my marriage. So i would love to have some advice. Thank you so much for your reply. Sometimes you really do feel alone in life. This shows me there are good people here willing to offer their experience and advice positively Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 You should not text anything. Leave it alone --- because the reason you want to say thank you is so he wil respond. That means it is attention seeking and space invading. And worrying about asking him if you are his gf again is getting wayyyy to ahead of yourself. His response was: we'll see. Currently, you are not bf/gf. So don't act like you are. I am sorry re: your niece and breaking up put a lot on your plate. But you've got to take it to heart that while you are not alone --- you need to be independent. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 I wouldn't text him and say thank you, i would just leave it, show him you got some self control, although you want him back you don't need to be bowing down to him so to speak, i know what is is like when you feel the relationship is in their hands, we are walking on eggshells trying to please them... loulou x Link to comment
g1llybabes Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Thanks mhowe, I am all to aware of my need for independence I am trying my best to get advice to enable me to do that. it was not so much I want a response more to show that I appreciate how supportive he was when we were talking about my niece. I do see how it could be taken by him though as attention seeking. I mentioned about loosing everything important in one day and he did say I havent gone anywhere so thats good too I think. Its hard to know how not to act not bf and gf So you would be of the opinion dont contact again unless he contacts me? Link to comment
loulou37 Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 Thanks mhowe, I am all to aware of my need for independence I am trying my best to get advice to enable me to do that. it was not so much I want a response more to show that I appreciate how supportive he was when we were talking about my niece. I do see how it could be taken by him though as attention seeking. I mentioned about loosing everything important in one day and he did say I havent gone anywhere so thats good too I think. Its hard to know how not to act not bf and gf So you would be of the opinion dont contact again unless he contacts me? I would wait until he contacts you. loulou x Link to comment
hodgeheg Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I don't wish to reconcile because this break-up and no contact (which I started before joining this forum and not knowing the term "NC") has shown me that my ex does not have the qualities which I want in a partner. We weren't right for each other, I think that makes it a little easier but just as sad for me. I think I offer advice based on my own experiences and this is probably skewed by the fact that I don't want to reconcile. My advice is my own opinion and I don't try to be negative on purpose. That being said - I wish you all the luck in the world if reconciling will make you happy then go for it! Just stop if it's causing more damage to yourself. My parents broke up, had 3 months of NC, my Dad rang out of the blue one day and straight out asked my Mum to get back together. This year is their 20th wedding anniversary Link to comment
loulou37 Posted January 31, 2012 Author Share Posted January 31, 2012 Hey hodge, i've never thought of your advice as negative, you've always seen both sides you've always given me great advice. loulou x Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Thanks mhowe, I am all to aware of my need for independence I am trying my best to get advice to enable me to do that. it was not so much I want a response more to show that I appreciate how supportive he was when we were talking about my niece. I do see how it could be taken by him though as attention seeking. I mentioned about loosing everything important in one day and he did say I havent gone anywhere so thats good too I think. Its hard to know how not to act not bf and gf So you would be of the opinion dont contact again unless he contacts me? Yes. No contact intiated from you. And if he calls or texts, no discussing your "status". He is, at this point, willing to be supportive ----on his terms. The way you act NOT GF/BF is you treat him just like you would a regular friend. Except that for now, you leave gettting in touch up to him. Link to comment
g1llybabes Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 I was personally talking about other sites where people have been rude not this one. I thnk if you ask for an opinion you should be prepared to hear both positive and negative. You are asking someone else their thoughts after all. Link to comment
g1llybabes Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Yes. No contact intiated from you. And if he calls or texts, no discussing your "status". He is, at this point, willing to be supportive ----on his terms. The way you act NOT GF/BF is you treat him just like you would a regular friend. Except that for now, you leave gettting in touch up to him. thanks mhowe- its hard to be strong with the contact thing, But i can do it. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.