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JLKLEE

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  1. JLKLEE
    day 15 A friend died last night and it just makes it seem like a stupid break-up is not even worth thinking about. You should always appreciate the things God gives you because you never know when they can be taken away...in an instant. I don't want to waste my time on someone who doesn't appreciate me.
  2. JLKLEE
    Day 14 The more time we don't talk, the more I feel better and see the situation for what it is. I feel like I was blinded by love and couldn't see reality. You are trash, seriously. You would think that you would get your life together but apparently taking a step back and seeing what low people you chose to surround yourself with is not in the cards. How can you not see the consequences of the choices you make? The more I think about it, the less attracted I am to you and the less I can see you as a GOOD husband and a GOOD father. I'm pretty sure you will spend the rest of your life in your college party state. I just don't even look at you the same way.
  3. JLKLEE
    Day 11 Weird...I'm not even counting the days. I had to open the calendar to check. I feel confident today. My emotions were so up and down last week. I felt really nervous that I would never hear from him again but today, I feel like he is just stupid for breaking up with me. I have so much going for me and he really does not. So regardless if he is in my life, my life will still be awesome
  4. JLKLEE
    Day 9 Not thinking about it too much today. Came to the beach with my friend so my mind is occupied. I still miss him. I wonder if time away is really what we need or if we are completely over. Regardless, I won't break NC. If we work things out it is because he puts in the effort.
  5. JLKLEE
    Day 8 It gets easier to not want to call him. I still miss him a lot though. I guess, just like everyone else, I feel like our story "isn't over". I try not to have hope, but I can't help but feel like me completely cutting myself off from him will give him the opportunity to see what life is without me. Even in our relationship, I was ALWAYS there for him. I've also read some where people say that some people don't "fall out of them", they just run away from the problem rather than deal with it. I can't help but feel like he did this. The attraction and feelings were definitely still there. He wasn't pulling away from me. We had just spent a great holiday with his parents. But we were arguing about things going on in his life and I think he just ran away so he wouldn't have to deal with it. It does kind of make me feel crappy though, thinking I'm not good enough and all these other girls are.
  6. JLKLEE
    Day 7. I'm at the point where I don't even count the days. I just try to think of it less and less. I know I need to be completely out of his life for him to appreciate anything (If he does).
  7. JLKLEE
    I'm on Day 5. We have been broken up since November but just recently I became ok with NC. I no longer count the days but just try to focus on my life. I feel like he was either stringing me along or was putting in the least amount of effort to keep me there. I got a lot of the "I'm just trying to give us time", telling me he wants to work on things when he is drunk, telling my friend he is thinking about working on things, telling me he will make an effort, telling me he wants me in my life, texting me after a week of NC to tell me he hoped I had a good week. I finally decided I had had enough. It hurt too much to be in contact with him and getting breadcrumbs here and there. I feel like I did everything I could do to try to give us another chance so it is time to move on. If sometime in the future things can work out, MAYBE I will entertain that. But I just feel better not feeling like I have to look at my phone every second because I don't expect a call. I do know that all my other ex-boyfriends have come back. I wonder if he will too.
  8. JLKLEE
    NIC day 8!!!
  9. JLKLEE
    Technically Day 7 but he texted me on Thursday to say he hoped I was having a good week and I replied "Thanks, you too". I'm kind of sad today. I would be lying if I said I was doing NC to get him to realize what a horrible mistake he is making and come crawling back. I feel like the longer we aren't in touch, the more angry and resentful I feel towards him. I hope he is thinking about me every second of the day and it drives him crazy. I large part of me wants to text him but I keep telling myself that if I do, I am just postponing finding out how he really feels about me.
  10. JLKLEE
    Well I'm on day 5. But he did contact me yesterday and say "Hope you are having a good week and the new job is going well". I replied about 7 hours later and said 'thanks. you too"
  11. JLKLEE
    Well I tried doing NC when he broke up with me at the end of November. The point of me doing NC then was to heal. His attitude towards me has changed. When we broke up, he was very cold towards me. But within the last few weeks, he has seemed to be warming up to me and has even talked about his feelings towards me and us working on our problems to one of my friends. I'm doing NC for a bit now to give him the space he requested. So.. DAY 1
  12. JLKLEE
    Day 6 This is the longest we have gone without speaking. I'm scared. I'm trying to move forward but I still want him back. I just know that he can't have all of me when I have very little of me.
  13. JLKLEE
    I HATE you so much right now. Guess what? I'm finally moving on with my life. So you know the restaurant industry we have both been in? Ya know, since you graduated in 2009??? Well I graduated in 2011 and I QUIT my night club job. I am SO happy!!! I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I am finally moving on with me life, while you stay stuck in the restaurant industry because you have no drive to get out. I'm not sure why I feel so much anger towards you right now. Maybe because for the last 2 1/2 years I could tell you everything. I thought you loved me. I thought you cared. But now I wonder if you ever even did. I'm sure I'll cry myself to sleep tonight because I'm sad, but it is so much better than calling you.
  14. JLKLEE
    haha, it is Day 5 now...ya know, the day that I always give in and call because I can't seem to get past it. Well I'm having a much easier time NOT calling you. I'd love to speak to you and get some sort of response. But then I tell myself that I'm such a great girl and a great catch that I don't deserve to be on the back burner. You kissed some other girl!!! We have only been broken up for a month and a half and you've gone and kissed a girl and stayed at her house. Well guess what? I did the same thing this past Sunday. And I felt like crap. Because that is not me. I'm not going to follow your actions because I'm better than that. I'd love to think you will call me up one day realizing your mistake but I'm beginning to wonder if I ever meant anything to you in the first place.
  15. JLKLEE
    Day 5 For some reason I am having an easier time. I think I've started to find more confidence in myself and know that he eventually will contact me but if not, he really is making a big mistake. All my exes have said that they made a mistake for ruining things with me. I've had trouble since the break up getting past day 5 but I don't think that will be a problem this time. I don't know what is going on but I just feel so confident in myself!
  16. JLKLEE
    Day 4 Feeling ok today. I have my 3rd job interview in a little bit for a media buyer at a local advertising agency. My mind is on that right now. Later tonight I am going to the UNC vs. Miami game with my mom. I did call out of work this morning though. I just didn't want to get up. My mind has been kind of funny lately. I've been working 3 jobs plus an internship but I'm more than ready for a professional job. I'm kind of putting all my eggs in one basket with this job interview. I feel very confident but you know, that is always a chance I do not get it. I feel like I need some consistency in my life, rather than going from one job to the next to the next. I try to read as many threads as possible on why you should go NC. Right now, I'm doing NC hoping that he will come back but I am also trying to keep a clear head that he may not. Regardless, it is not fair to myself to hang out with someone and him reap the benefits of a relationship while I do not get the same in return. If there is any chance of us getting back together, it certainly has to be after both of us have spent some time apart to work on ourselves.
  17. JLKLEE
    Day 3 I went out last night and got dinner with one guy then met up with a guy I've known for a while and we have kissed before and ended up staying with him. I had a good time (we didn't have sex) but I've been very emotional today. I feel like this confirmed that I need to just hang out with my girlfriends and work on myself. I'm not ready by any means to kiss someone else, let alone date them. It especially is not fair when I keep hoping he will come back to me. I hate feeling like this is isn't it but also feeling like it could be. I decided to take this month challenge for myself. It is going to be SO hard. I'm going to make a calendar and put it on my wall and every morning I wake up, I'll scratch off a day.
  18. JLKLEE
    Day 2 i keep thinking about him. But I'm going to get dinner with a guy I used to hang out with back in the day. I'm not interested in him but he's fun and will take my mind off things. I'd be lying too if I said a part of me wants my ex to see me out, since he thinks I'm just sitting around sulking over him.
  19. JLKLEE
    I keep thinking about how you kissed that girl. I shouldn't have even asked. You told me you only stayed at her place twice, one time sleeping on the couch and another time in her bed. I guess that is when you kissed her or she kissed you...you didn't really specify. It is so crazy how we had a hard time communicating when we were together but now you are 100% honest to me and make it a point that you are trying to work on that. WHY? Why do you even care to point out that now you are trying to be honest since you couldn't do that in our relationship? I asked you if you liked her and you said you were not trying to date her. But now I can't stop obsessing over it, wondering if you are over there, wondering if yall are having sex.
  20. JLKLEE
    Went out tonight with my friends. There were a lot of guys who were hitting on me and trying to talk to me, including a married man. It was nice to hear other guys tells me I'm beautiful and put forth effort to talk to me but it doesnt change the fact that I miss you so much. I decided to go NC for real this time. I know you think I can't but I have to. I was such a good girlfriend to you. I never made you mad or upset. I feel like most of our problems were because of you and your insecurities and immaturities. Why can't you be happy with me? Why are you scared to give us another chance? I really love you so much. It is crazy that I love you this much. I know we have only been broken up for a little over a month but I'm scared to death that if I don't contact you, I will never hear from you again. If that is the case, was what we had not real? I know you are scared to show your feelings, but to never speak to me again? To never try again? I think you are making a huge mistake. I hurt every day. I think about you every day. But now its like a game. I HATE this!
  21. JLKLEE
    I told you yesterday that I would disappear. I know you think I'm bluffing but I'm not. I think you are making a mistake. I think you are being silly. But how would you know/see that if I continue to stay around and treat you as you are still my boyfriend. You didn't deserve me brining you your family ice cream bars because your throat hurts. I'm willing to give you another chance but as hard as it is, it can't be because of me. I hope you realize what you had. I hope fear doesn't keep you from trying again. But I'm serious, you will not hear from me.
  22. JLKLEE
    Today is Day 5 for me The last time we spoke he told me that we couldn't see each other right now because it is too hard. But that eventually we would begin to hang out, that we just needed time to ourselves. He also said we would absolutely stay in contact. Well that contact will not be by my doing. Every day that goes by, I feel more and more hurt.
  23. JLKLEE
    I hate you right now. Our mutual friends just got engaged. I was hoping for that with you. But I haven't spoken to you in 4 days. It feels GREAT....not! I'm so sad. Why does it have to be this way?
  24. JLKLEE
    Tonight is going to be very hard for me. It is your company's holiday party, the party I went with you to for the last 2 years. But, as hard as it is, I'm not going to contact you. I wonder if you are going to do anything with anyone. I wonder if you are going to meet anyone. I wonder what pictures are going to pop up online. Maybe I'm making a big deal about it for no reason. I went to the gym today and saw this really hot guy. I imagined myself with him and it kind of scared me. I was scared that I may end up with someone else and not you. If that happens, it is your loss. I'm confused. I'm a good catch. I've got my head on straight and I have a lot of ambitions and goals. I know what I want in life. I'm a good person. I'm attractive and I'm nice and caring. You need to get it together because if not, you will regret losing me.
  25. JLKLEE
    I am having some feelings of anger today. Today is the beginning of day 3 of no contact. Last time we spoke you told me that we would absolutely keep in contact and eventually see each other again. I wonder if the "stay in contact" means by my doing? If so, it is not going to happen. You let me go to work on yourself and if you want me in your life or ever want me back, it has to be by your doing, your fight, and your will. I hope you come around. I can't expect you to stay in contact with me every day because I know we both need time to ourselves, just like you said. I guess time will only tell.
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