loulou37 Posted February 2, 2012 Author Share Posted February 2, 2012 yes darling I am , thankyou for asking. and I say again , thankyou for this thread , its not causing me any harm or hindering my healing , if I want cold hard facts there are another 900 threads on this forum that I read , respect and comment on ... this is my coffee break head break reality thread...the reality been ..... I am not with my man and I hurt and here I can mull that over with no concern for opinions . I am glad you like it shooting star loulou x Link to comment
theface71 Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 I would like to state what has been said I'm sure before in this thread but I think it needs to be said again to balance out some of the negative thoughts that still creep up here. Moving on does not mean trying to replace nor substitute the people that we have loved and lost. For some us they really can't be. For some of us moving on means still having a life without those that we love but at the same time we still miss and wish we were with again. This does not mean we are all sitting anxiously by the phone for a call in which the person says I made a mistake...we can hope for the call but we are not letting it affect us from still having a life without the person that has made an impressionable impact on our lives. It does not make us weak but strong in the sense that we still feel a bond for the person and know that to be with someone else at the moment would be a fraudulent relationship. That is my two cents... Link to comment
loulou37 Posted February 2, 2012 Author Share Posted February 2, 2012 Well said!! i couldn't of said it better... loulou x Link to comment
stagn Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 Goodluck to all of US! We deserve a second chance. Yes and I like to offer a second opinion. Why do you think WE deserve a 2nd chance when WE got dumped? I am assuming that we didn't do anything wrong. It's simply the dumper isn't attracted to us anymore or something else. Unless you were being abusive in the relationship, I don't think it's wise to be submissive and think that WE deserve a second chance. The DUMPER should be the one asking for a second chance and it's up to US to give it to them if it's worth putting ourselves at risk again. I once believed in a lot of things, i.e. Love conquers All, Second Chances, etc. Maybe I'm bitter after the last relationship. I honestly can't ever let anyone back into my life ever again if they walked out in the first place. In the past I would consider it, but this last relationship ripped me apart really bad. It's been a month since I saw her face and I'm in a better place. But really that last relationship taught me a lot. Sometimes the best lessons are the hardest to forget. Heck, I bought a last minute plane ticket to Paris just to clear my mind. BTW, I think this tread is good. Always good to have hope. This is the getting back together forum. I am just pointing out that people should be realistic too!!! Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Some posters, like myself, get a bit tired of private messages flying toward them when they offer advice. It gets a bit depressing to be honest, so i tend to take this side of the forum in moderation. I would assume other posters who were the more positive ones tend to do the same (as they themselves have messaged me in the past that the PM's get a bit overwhelming). I do plan to shoot out a post to float around where i explain my way from experience, general readings and experience from friends on how they got their ex back. The last person i would want to take advice back in any attempt to get back with an ex, is someone who has failed to do so, or never tried, and these tend to be the ones who post that getting back with an ex never happens, etc. Though there advice is never wrong, its part of their reality, and the reality of many. And to be honest, this isnt a site about dating/building attraction, it attracts people who are lonely (hence the name), so you wont find many people who are hopefuls about re-attracting or even attracting someone in comparison to other sites (imo). Link to comment
Popoloids Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Yes and I like to offer a second opinion. Why do you think WE deserve a 2nd chance when WE got dumped? I am assuming that we didn't do anything wrong. It's simply the dumper isn't attracted to us anymore or something else. Unless you were being abusive in the relationship, I don't think it's wise to be submissive and think that WE deserve a second chance. The DUMPER should be the one asking for a second chance and it's up to US to give it to them if it's worth putting ourselves at risk again. Life has many different chapters for us. One bad chapter doesn’t mean it’s the end of the book. Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. You can't change the past. But you can always do better today & have a brighter tomorrow. LIFE is about trusting our feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories and LEARNING from the past. Never give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. Sometimes in life you need a second chance, because you weren't quite ready for the first... I want to be better not bitter... Having this kind of mentality doesn't mean I'm not being REALISTIC. It's just the way I am. We are all different and unique individuals. We handle things differently... I respect everybody's opinion and also trying to learn from other's experiences. Thank you for all the opinions and advises you're giving to us. Highly appreciate everything. Link to comment
Popoloids Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I do plan to shoot out a post to float around where i explain my way from experience, general readings and experience from friends on how they got their ex back. The last person i would want to take advice back in any attempt to get back with an ex, is someone who has failed to do so, or never tried, and these tend to be the ones who post that getting back with an ex never happens, etc. Though there advice is never wrong, its part of their reality, and the reality of many. So so true... Thanks Thorshammer on your very honest input! Appreciate it a lot. Link to comment
stagn Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Popoloids I can understand where you are coming from. I also want to be better instead of bitter. But you know my R ended because of something beyond my control. I mean if I was cheated or it's a petty fight, I can accept that. But I'm getting better everyday. I read this poem recently that has helped me get to a better place. Getting there is a work in process. Anyway this thread is about being supportive. Let the good times roll in that when love from that one grain of salt comes around we'll be ready for it 2nd time around. Link to comment
dumPI Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Regarding second chances ... For the first, I think they depend on US! Let's face it after being dumped we are in NO POSITION to attempt getting back together: our ego is hurt, we are still shocked about what happened, our feelings are a mess (just read again all the post about feeling anger, depression, sadness, guilt, hope, whatnot, blaming them, blaming us, (not) forgetting, (not) forgiving ... while riding the emotional rollercoaster). Plus we all have read in this forum that second chances after a short period apart are damned to fail. That means time (a lot of) is needed. So let's use it! In that time: -HEAL! -Focus on you, analyze what were your shortcomings, what you did wrong, what you didn't do right or why attraction which once was there ended up disappearing. -From that knowledge build a better self. A self-confident one. Self-esteem must radiate from you at every single thing in your life. Why don't many of us approach our exes now? We fear being rejected once again. We don't know what they want. We don't know what we want. We want a different outcome, etc. When you reach the self-confident state mentioned above everything will be less dramatic. You might miss them but you won't be needing them. The less you need, the better you can try/wait for a second approach. Maybe by then your new self will have been attracting other people and you won't be interested in struggling with all that comes with trying to reconcile or maybe you'll try just to find you are no longer interested. Anyway, all the previous fears will be gone as you'd have realized you are not losing them now. You already LOST them a while ago. It's a matter of re-attracting. Starting at square 1, different time, different self, different conditions. The only risk? They might have found someone else. But that risk is been there since they broke up (or before). Or did you think they broke up with us to be in a monastery for the rest of their lives? Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I like that stagn fabulous and so true Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Plus we all have read in this forum that second chances after a short period apart are damned to fail. That means time (a lot of) is needed. So let's use it! I think this is very significant dump fear drives the erratic desperate behaviour when we go to crazy town , because we dare not let any time pass ..thinking the more time that passes , the worse it is ..and its just not the case .. and I think that sentence would help a lot of people who are fresh out of a BU ..like a day ..it would calm then down a bit and fight the fear. Link to comment
dumPI Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I think this is very significant dump fear drives the erratic desperate behaviour when we go to crazy town , because we dare not let any time pass ..thinking the more time that passes , the worse it is ..and its just not the case .. and I think that sentence would help a lot of people who are fresh out of a BU ..like a day ..it would calm then down a bit and fight the fear. One example that some months might mean nothing -> We think the more time that passes, the easier for them to forget about us. But, do we want them to REMEMBER us? No, we want them to LOVE us which is something they can't do right now. Have you forgotten your past exes (either dumpers or dumpees)? I don't think so. Could you love them again? Many will say "Never ever". I believe that under the right circumstances & timing our hearts could reignite again. My personal opinion is that most of the times these circumstances are never created again or they could be created but no one dares. Sometimes fate creates them as when two broken up people meet after years and start again. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 morning everyone hope your all in good spirits ...or drinking good spirits .. Link to comment
g1llybabes Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 morning everyone hope your all in good spirits ...or drinking good spirits .. At 9.46am shooting star lol I have to say that might me nice to update my nerves. I have an interview today. I think things are positive for me at the moment but I am very nervous. I hope you have woken up to sunshine and cold as I have. Its looks like its gonna be a bright day Link to comment
stagn Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 It's damn cold here in Paris. Wish I was back in the bay again. Gilly, good luck with your interview today. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted February 3, 2012 Author Share Posted February 3, 2012 morning everyone hope your all in good spirits ...or drinking good spirits .. hey hunny!! the sun is shining and all is good have a good day...sending lots of love and positivity------>>>>>> loulou x Link to comment
jolbell69 Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 This thread just gets better and better!! Thanks for the input from Thors and stagn!! None of us are saying we don't want to hear other opinions - of course, everyone has a right to express their ideas, and I am always open to hearing from those with well-thought-out, experienced and CONSTRUCTIVE advice. This forum consists of many individuals with unique experiences and unique personalities, so it's only natural that we will disagree at times. Personally, I love debate, but my problem is when the advice remains the same, whatever the situation, whoever it is, and; for me, this is not helpful. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted February 3, 2012 Author Share Posted February 3, 2012 Have a good day guys...i'm off to work, cos believe it or not, even though i want my ex back, i do have a life lol ;-) loulou x Link to comment
g1llybabes Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 It's damn cold here in Paris. Wish I was back in the bay again. Gilly, good luck with your interview today. We are due Snow tomorrow Thanks for the good luck message. I really hope it goes well. It has been exactly one week now since through consequence and my own stupidity I lost my bf, my niece and my job all in the same day. My life will never be the same again. Today though I am positive, since tuesday we have spoken every day for and hour plus, only once about our relationship and I wasnt pushed away He told me. We will see. So now thanks to the thoughts, advice and experiences of those here. I feel positive that we may get back together. Who knows, maybe he will love the new me more than the old one. If not I am still here and I will go on. I am a strong woman with many things going for me. If I can be big enough to look at my mistakes and my life and not be a victim then I feel positive that I can make a good job of my life. I hope others feel the same. The things that have happened have changed my life forever. Even if we dont get back together. I can thank him for making me see what a mess I was making of everything. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted February 3, 2012 Author Share Posted February 3, 2012 This thread just gets better and better!! Thanks for the input from Thors and stagn!! None of us are saying we don't want to hear other opinions - of course, everyone has a right to express their ideas, and I am always open to hearing from those with well-thought-out, experienced and CONSTRUCTIVE advice. This forum consists of many individuals with unique experiences and unique personalities, so it's only natural that we will disagree at times. Personally, I love debate, but my problem is when the advice remains the same, whatever the situation, whoever it is, and; for me, this is not helpful. I always love what you write jolbell! i'm not very good with words, unlike some of the posters here...you always say what's in my head but i can't put out... you are so right there: but my problem is when the advice remains the same, whatever the situation, whoever it is, and; for me, this is not helpful. That is what i was hoping this thread would give, different views and advice..i even stopped posting myself as i just didn't feel anyone was hearing me..it's nice to have us all in one place, we can all get to know each other a little better and understand each other's situation. As Thor said, PMs get a bit much to cope with..and anyway, we can all take something from our advices being posted on an open forum, for all to see. Thor is one of my favorite posters loulou x Link to comment
loulou37 Posted February 3, 2012 Author Share Posted February 3, 2012 Here's a good little website i found, in case anyone fancies a read: link removed Edit: i'm adding something else i found quite interesting! link removed Link to comment
jolbell69 Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Thanks loulou!! This thread is doing exactly what you hoped it would - for me anyway...xx Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 yes the sun is shining here ....my garden looks beautiful .... need to pop out so will have a look at those links later loulou .. how did the interview go gilly ? here is a link for a beautiful site that I use ..there is loads to read and to see and the illustrations are fabulous hope its to some of your tastes link removed Link to comment
Tired Tiger Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 well i'm definitely not playing the victim TT... ...where is the support!! I'm not sure why it is you felt the need to defend yourself, loulou - I thought it was clear that I was addressing another poster. Be that as it may, I believe you expressed a desire for positivity? To that end, my point was that the use of all these 'dump' words (dumper, dumpee, dumped, et al), is indicitive of a negative perspective. Call it semantics, but word association reflects attitude, and these words are, in fact, the opposite of positive. Now, that's not to say it isn't perfectly normal to think that way for a while post break up, but for those in a position to even consider a reconciliation - the victim/villian connotation indicates the opposite of the necessary qualities of compassion and releasing resentment. This is more of a generic thought, rather than anything directed specifically at you, loulou. I don't know if this is perceived as positive or supportive... it just is what it is. Maybe I'm just not a puppy dogs and rainbows kinda guy. Carry on. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted February 3, 2012 Author Share Posted February 3, 2012 Thanks for the support TT, i don't like the words "dumper" or "dumpee" i just have become used to using these words on the forum :s it's something we can all understand.. loulou x Link to comment
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