The "getting back together support thread"!!

[jolbell69]

Sara - mine and your story are pretty similar. Most would tell you not to send a card, I am different. I say go with your feelings. I sent my ex a Xmas card which was fairly 'slushy' and he loved it. I am wondering also whether to send my ex a Valentine's card - I will make my own decision nearer the time, and it will be whatever feels right for me.

[amber81]

Hi guys,

 

Well I share the same feeling, although I also understand the other people's opinion, however we are free to do and express whatever we feel in this forum, and those who don't agree with getting back, then should not give their opinions on this threads... go to the break up ones....there you should definitely advice NC...

 

Well, I want to tell you a success story... that is not completely a success yet, but It will be, I'm confident....

 

I want to tell you something that is true,that some other guy mentioned in his mail. To win your ex back you need to change... you need become a better person, and change those things that were making your relationship a bad one.... if in order to do that you need to go NC, then go... if you think you can do it while in contact, then do it... whatever works best for you...

 

Another thing, I think is important to give the other person a break (from you)... if they feel they dont want to be with you, then let them have that(at least for a while)... going desperately and needy just makes you look bad, but must importantly, makes you unattractive.... even if you are dying from inside... don't show it.. play it cool, and start working on yourself.... improve your looks (loose weight, hit the gym, new hair style, whatever you can do)... improve in your job, focus on your carrier...and have fun!!!! go out with friends, family and all the support you can get... do good things, help others, do things that make you a better person, you will feel great and that makes you attractive.... get in touch with your self, analyze yourself, learn from your mistakes, and change!!! get in touch with God or any spiritual believe hat you have.... all that is part of you and you need to get the best of you....

 

There is no guarantee that this will work for you, but I assume you are willing to take the risk... however if for any reason it doesn't work, I'm sure will be in a better place and will attract many other good and nice people... so It's a win-win situation...

 

I will tell you about my story... My marriage was so bad, that i left my husband and moved back to Mexico ... being here, I realized that I missed him and loved him... so I started talking to him about getting back, he didnt want to... he was very negative, the only chance he gave me was to keep communication open... but he didn't want anything else..l So I had to learn, I had to change, I had to respect his wishes and all I could do was give him my love, without getting anything back.... for months!!!

I was in pain, I was feeling desperate, but there wasnt much I could do.... either stick to it, or forget about it.... the thing that made me keep going were my 2 kids... we have 2 babies...so I wanted our family back again... today we are still separated, because of other life circumstances (but will reunite at some point)... but he changed... also... I some how made it to his heart again...

 

and look, this is the message he sent me this morning:

 

hola baby

sorry I was asleep yesterday

I dreamt of you last night

 

So, i think it is possible, but It will also depend on the other person... and that is not up to you, you can do so much about you, but nothing abuot them, so keep it up, and do all you can... I hope it works for you!! wish you the best!!! there is hope!!!

[digdug]

I am DYING today. I don't know if anyone read about my night out with the ex, but I've heard very little from her since. I started to think this morning that this is a two way street, and perhaps she is wondering what I am thinking about what happened. I'm sure she doesn't want to appear weak, like me. So this morning I sent her a text thanking her for meeting me on Friday, and that I had a nice time talking. I said I hoped she had a nice weekend, and that she has a good week .... and left it at that.

 

I'm not sure if it was the right thing to do, but I am so tired of the games. For me, it seemed like a nice gesture.

 

~dig

[dumPI]

I am DYING today. I don't know if anyone read about my night out with the ex, but I've heard very little from her since. I started to think this morning that this is a two way street, and perhaps she is wondering what I am thinking about what happened. I'm sure she doesn't want to appear weak, like me. So this morning I sent her a text thanking her for meeting me on Friday, and that I had a nice time talking. I said I hoped she had a nice weekend, and that she has a good week .... and left it at that.

 

I'm not sure if it was the right thing to do, but I am so tired of the games. For me, it seemed like a nice gesture.

 

~dig

 

I think it's the right thing to do. If you used your time for healing, you realized you can live without her so whatever the outcome you'll be fine. You have a chance now to be close to her again. Don't let fear makes you act crazy! Go for what you want. If you don't get it you already know where the exit is

[jolbell69]

dig - I think it was fine to send her a text, and a nice thought, but be careful not to come accross as needy. This is not games - it's common sense. Let her contact you now - what happened the other night was very rushed and passionate, and so much was said and done in so little time. This is not wrong (or right) - it has happened, now you both need to let it sink in and see what happens next. It is not a bad thing that she hasn't contacted you - it's good to take some time to absorb eveything. Relax and breathe - you are NOT dying!!!!! Hugs...((()))

[pippy longstocking]

hi dig

 

I agree with jol and dump ..

 

the text was a nice thing to do and you just have to let this time pass without pushing .

 

I think she needs to stop listening to her friend !!! and getting her to read your mail prior to meeting up with you out of order ...unless I got the wrong end of the stick here .

 

your doing ok dig ....just hang in there.

[digdug]

dig - I think it was fine to send her a text, and a nice thought, but be careful not to come accross as needy. This is not games - it's common sense. Let her contact you now - what happened the other night was very rushed and passionate, and so much was said and done in so little time. This is not wrong (or right) - it has happened, now you both need to let it sink in and see what happens next. It is not a bad thing that she hasn't contacted you - it's good to take some time to absorb eveything. Relax and breathe - you are NOT dying!!!!! Hugs...((()))

 

Thank you, and you are right. Up until today though I keep hearing let her come to you, let her contact you .... and I've done that. I have even taken that approach since Friday. However, today I started thinking that virtually every time we've had contact she has initiated it. I felt that this time, with the circumstances of Friday, that it would be ok to reach out. She has texted me a couple times since I dropped her off Sat morning, but they were nothing of substance. One was a picture of her kids at church with a message telling me that church was good ... stuff like that.

 

I think my problem lately is that I have tried so hard not to have contact, that I'm worried the opposite of "needy" will happen. I don't want her to think I'm indifferent either. I know it's not a bad thing she hasn't contacted me, and I am certain she's taking this time to think things through. This is kind of her way of dealing with things all of the time. I won't reach out to her again, but I thought it was appropriate to at least put it out there in a friendly way, to keep it from getting awkward.

 

Thank you jolbell

 

~dig

[digdug]

hi dig

 

I agree with jol and dump ..

 

the text was a nice thing to do and you just have to let this time pass without pushing .

 

I think she needs to stop listening to her friend !!! and getting her to read your mail prior to meeting up with you out of order ...unless I got the wrong end of the stick here .

 

your doing ok dig ....just hang in there.

 

I was shocked by this also, because her friend and I have always got along. No one likes to see their friend hurting tho, so I understand. For me, I think the most important part of all of this was that she DID read the email before she came, was upset about it, and yet we were still able to talk about it, and find common ground. She hasn't forgiven me, and I don't expect her to. All I can do is try to repair that bridge between us. She's very conflicted ... I think she saw a difference in me, and wants to trust it, but it hasn't been that long ... I don't think she can just yet.

 

Thank you shooting

 

~dig

[digdug]

I think it's the right thing to do. If you used your time for healing, you realized you can live without her so whatever the outcome you'll be fine. You have a chance now to be close to her again. Don't let fear makes you act crazy! Go for what you want. If you don't get it you already know where the exit is

 

No, I won't push. I'm not like that. My approach has always been the opposite. I just want to make sure that I don't sway to far to the opposite end and appear indifferent. I thought it would be ok, since the contact since has been minimal and awkward. I simply wanted to let her know I was thinking about her, and to thank her for meeting with me. Based on where we were 3 weeks ago, I never thought I'd see her again. She's done a lot of thinking to still be willing to hang around, and I know this.

 

As I said, I'm just tired of the power struggle, the "who's gonna contact who first?" thing ... I want this to be pure, and honest.

 

Thank you dump

 

~dig

[pippy longstocking]

you have got a very fair and understanding attitude dig ...and I am sue that is coming accross with her too.

 

yes we look out for our friends your quite right , and she read it , and still came to meet you and then had the night that followed.

 

she does sound very conflicted and I hope her pal can see this and offer a little diplomacy rather than been negative. Your doing everything right , your approach is with kindness and understanding and I hope so much she gets past her troubles dig , I really do .

[digdug]

you have got a very fair and understanding attitude dig ...and I am sue that is coming accross with her too.

 

yes we look out for our friends your quite right , and she read it , and still came to meet you and then had the night that followed.

 

she does sound very conflicted and I hope her pal can see this and offer a little diplomacy rather than been negative. Your doing everything right , your approach is with kindness and understanding and I hope so much she gets past her troubles dig , I really do .

 

Thank you. I hope so too ... she wanted to believe for so long, and I didn't do anything to change. I loved her and I got comfortable. It's a hard pill to swallow knowing you've contributed to changing someone's outlook on a future with you. I think that dream, combined with my changing is what makes this hard on her. I won't push, that's not my place. She's needs to want this, and I can't dictate that.

[skippy10]

Dig: I know your are hurting. Everyone walking this earth suffers from some pain. Those on this thread possibly more than others. I know things are easier said than done but listen to some of the advice you give others and you'll do fine, just may take some time. Godspeed my friend. Hopefully the Super Bowl was a brief and pleasant distraction!!

 

Star: What the heck are "mini eggs"? All my mind conjures up are a mass of ovulating female midgets. Just trying to make sure that the world communicates as one. And speaking of "as one" did you here that the Dali Lama was working at the local pizza parlor? Yes!! A customer came in and the Dali Lama asked if he could help him? Looking at the menu the customer asked the dali Lama "if he could make him one with everything?"

[jolbell69]

First of all - I believe good friends should always remain objective when giving opinions on break ups, etc. Her friend seemed to be trying to make your ex feel even more negative than she already did. Of course, it was not nice for your ex to read the email, but, her friend shouldn't have stuck her 'oar' in the way she did IMO. If it was my friend; I would have told her that in a polite, but assertive way. You and your ex have discussed the email, but has she accepted your reasons for saying what you did? Did you apologise for using the particular words that hurt her? Perhaps, she is still unsure that you are sorry for that email??

 

Regarding today; you sent a nice text and now you see what happens. You weren't wrong to send the text - it was nice. It isn't a 'game' to wait and see, it's giving her a chance to have some time and space to think. You have approached this well and with dignity - now, appreciate yourself, be sure of your self-worth, and wait a while. Stay busy.....

[jolbell69]

HAHAHA Skippy!! Mini eggs are like little chocolate Easter eggs made my Cadbury's and are absolutely lush!!!!

[pippy longstocking]

my attitude is pretty much the same as that dig ...

 

I can't do games ...I wont do games ...I do however believe in the push pull theory , but even that has its time and place.

 

If I get the opportunity to have communication with my ex , from my side it will be with honour and integrity . no bs and no head stuff.

 

that acceptance that they need to want this and we can't dictate it is true ..very true and I think for me , that's when I feel so frustrated and almost out of control ..when you sit back and realise they have TO WANT YOU BACK , and thats why we are all here ...

 

hope ...hope that they do ...hope that they see our love as something they want .

 

I am forever hopeful for all of us ...and if you knew the past 45 years of my life ...you would know that ANYTHING is possible ...and I mean anything .

[pippy longstocking]

Star: What the heck are "mini eggs"? All my mind conjures up are a mass of ovulating female midgets.

 

 

hahahahahahahaha

dear god I am literally rocking in my chair ..oh skippy you crease me

 

 

dig ..did you now that your avatar in a love reading in the tarot means this :

 

 

In a Love Tarot reading, the Strength Tarot card often refers to the wild and passionate sides of our selves. In a love Tarot reading, the Strength card can indicate an energized relationship, one that can be fiery and exciting. This relationship is based on strong bonds and, although temperaments can fly, strong unions can help make this relationship a lasting one.

 

 

[digdug]

Yes, I apologized many times that night, but I was always quick to say that she needs to recognize, apology or not, that I can't take what I actually said back and I know it's still in her head. If she wants to forgive she needs to do that on her own. I just don't think an "apology" fixes things ... actions do. I think that although her friend has pushed in a negative way, my ex knows the "type" of person her friend is. I think that's why she listened to her, yet still came to meet me. She had an open mind about our meeting, and it was not all about the email. The email is what is making this hard for her to return, and I get it. Her friends stepmom was also there when my email came through. She read it, and told my ex the opposite of her friend. She told my ex it was obvious I was hurting and that she really needed to think of both sides of this before acting. I know my ex did this, because she didn't get back to me for 4 days. I said what I said, I can't take it back. It was mean spirited, but I was trying to get her attention. I sent her an email two days prior telling her I couldn't handle the "break" she had put into place a week and half before, because I didn't know what the boundaries were (even tho she said she wanted to do those together) and that I needed a "break-up" in order to concentrate on me. Up until then she had been telling me she still cared for me, and knew I was working on things. She cried when we spoke .... so, when I sent the email telling her the break was too hard on me, it was heartfelt. I heard nothing back from her. Not a "I'm sorry you're hurting and I think this is what you need .... " Nothing. I was upset because I couldn't understand how someone asks you for a break, tells you they know it's hard on you, and has a degree of compassion ... then doesn't even respond when you tell them that you love them to much to have a break.

 

She has since said that her communication wasn't good through that period. She wanted to break-up from the beginning, not take a break, and thought I understood that. However, she wanted to keep lines of communication open for me if I needed her through this period of self growth. She still wants this, but isn't sure she can trust it. The whole email thing took it to a different level.

 

I think she believes me when I say I'm sorry. But, her first husband was very controlling and manipulative. He would say some of the things I said to her when he would feel he was losing control. My email hurts her worse, because of her past.

 

The fact that she is even keeping in her life shows me what a special person she is, and that she too wants to believe. However, she won't commit until she's sure, and I respect that 100%

[digdug]

hahahahahahahaha

dear god I am literally rocking in my chair ..oh skippy you crease me

 

 

dig ..did you now that your avatar in a love reading in the tarot means this :

 

 

In a Love Tarot reading, the Strength Tarot card often refers to the wild and passionate sides of our selves. In a love Tarot reading, the Strength card can indicate an energized relationship, one that can be fiery and exciting. This relationship is based on strong bonds and, although temperaments can fly, strong unions can help make this relationship a lasting one.

 

 

 

Ummm, no ... I didn't know that. Interesting!!

 

There was a WHOLE LOT of that flying around on Friday night, lol

 

~dig

[skippy10]

Ummm, no ... I didn't know that. Interesting!!

 

There was a WHOLE LOT of that flying around on Friday night, lol

 

~dig

 

We should hold a convention in a true garden spot of the world for the people on this thread. Seems that the nice of the nice are represnted here. Truly kind, caring, and sensitive individuals. Bless you all in sharing your stories, your advice, and love for fellow man!!

[Sara1970]

My boy is off school with a cold today, and has been right here ALL day nattering in my ear about skeletons and lights and doors and cameras.

It's hard to concentrate!

 

I did just want to pop in and say that I see a lot of positives in your situation, Dig. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, and you speak a lot of sense. Trust your instincts, they haven't steered you wrong in this yet, as far as I can see. I have my fingers crossed for you, and for all of us here... hard to type this way!

 

I will be ordering my shopping from Tescos in a bit (can't go out with the boy off school) will be sure to add some mini eggs to my order. 'Cause mmmmmm num

[Sara1970]

Later... why are some days so much harder than others?

 

 

[digdug]

Update:

 

She texted me back this morning. She thanked me and said she had a nice time on Friday too. She is sorry she doesn't remember everything, but that is all post getting in the car to go home and have sex memory.. lol

 

I asked her if she remembers what we talked about and she said everything. She even said "you made me cry" and I told her it's because I care. Our talk about the sex part was very open. She mentioned she was sore for two days, lmao and wondered what in the hell went on. I don't remember everything, but filled her in on what I do remember. She said she was "really really really sad that she doesn't remember". I told her it was wonderful as always, and she acknowledged that that has never been one of our issues.

 

I'm glad I texted her. It really opened the flood gates of communication. She mentioned that she was concerned that this may set me back, and I told her that it only makes me stronger. It confirms to me that I am doing the right things for me. I want my confidence in myself to show again. Not for her, but for me. If she can get passed our past, and see me for who I am now and moving forward, then perhaps this will happen. Right now I'm simply happy to have her in my life to share with, and keep a rapport with. The rest will happen in time, if it is to be.

 

I ended by telling her that I'd like to keep rapport open. I want her to feel she can come to me if she needs me. I think it's important that I'm in tune with how she is doing through this. I also said I'd like to talk on the phone more, and not so much text. She said she agreed with what I said, and that phone calls wouldn't lead to more "being naked" lol.

 

I'm really happy I reached out to her. It confirmed what I thought was going on. She was afraid to start texting me again because she thought this incident would set me back. It did a little, because I care for her and miss her, but I know why this is happening and I won't justify to myself for any other reason. I'm done with the games. I'm done with the "let her come to me" attitude. This woman was my best friend and knows parts about me that no one else does. She has a vested interest in how I come along in my journey, and has kept me around despite some of my shortcomings. I have done the same for her, because of it. Neither of us is perfect, and to play games can lead to thinking you are. I just don't subscribe to that way of thinking.

 

I'll continue to give her her space, and use my space wisely. I asked her if she had any regrets, and she said no ... only that she can't remember the intimacy. She asked if I did and said "Nope, none.".

 

That about sums it up. The building of the bridge has started, and I'm well into healing me.

 

~dig

[jolbell69]

There you go dig - all is well!! You have the right attitude and I have a lot of hope for you in your situation. Softly, softly.....

[digdug]

Later... why are some days so much harder than others?

 

 

 

I don't know ... they just are. I think it's because God doesn't want us to just settle with thinking we are ok, but instills the pain to remind us to keep pushing and growing. Pain is good, because it teaches us how we DONT want to feel again, and that helps push us to learn from it.

 

It does suck. I've been there so many times over the past month, and suspect I'll be there again. I choose to look at it as way to remind me that I need to keep pushing. Once you recognize that pain isn't there anymore, it will come accross in your confidence and resolve.

 

There is no better feeling than that.

 

Keep pushing sara ... you've been the bright spot on so many dark days for many people on here, including me. Let this day be hard, and tomorrow will be better.

 

Smile

 

~dig

[digdug]

There you go dig - all is well!! You have the right attitude and I have a lot of hope for you in your situation. Softly, softly.....

 

Yay!! lol

 

Thank you, I'm so glad I listened to myself and was actually right for once. lol

 

~dig