Girls, Be Honest. Would You Date a Guy in a Wheelchair?

[jkhunter]

Lalalollipops, petite--thank you both for your honest answer. I completely understand how you feel and, believe me, I wouldn't willingly choose to be in this situation either. I know it does make it harder to find someone that will look past my injury. It seems like it lowers my chances quite a bit, actually. Plenty of women think I'm great and are more than happy to be my friend but viewing me in a romantic light, they're not so willing to do. I can understand that, though. It's just hard to accept at times.

[Ms Darcy]

I would ... so long as he is still independent and could still function sexually (which it sounds like he probably could from your answer). I totally would. Love knows few bounds!

[abitbroken]

I would be more apt to date someone who uses a wheelchair who has an injury versus someone who has a degenerative disease and uses one, honestly, just because if there was a future - i would want it to be lengthy. If the person had a woe is me attitude and made everything "about" their situation, I would run. But if they were a pretty well adjusted person and we connected mentally, i would give it a shot. It would bother me more if he couldn't use his hands/arms. That would be more of a challenge for me. But if it is just that he can't walk, heck - I'd find a female friend for a running partner. That wouldn't bug me at all.

 

I think you sound like a well-rounded person and it will just take finding "the one."

[PhilliesFan001]

Absolutely! It all depends on the person. If he were miserable, had a "woe is me" attitude for the rest of his life because of the accident...that would turn me off (although I'll be honest, if I were in that position I can't imagine how I would cope).

 

Just from what you've posted, I have tremendous respect for you - you do sound like a positive, well adjusted individual who has become a survivor, not a victim, of an accident. You do sound inspiring and the fact that you want to become a counselor and help others is beautiful and would definitely make me give you a second glace, had we met in person. If you have a good personality, no wheelchair will stop you!

 

OP I have no doubt you'll find someone. Of course some people don't want to date someone with a disability, I'm sure it's not easy at times but for every girl who says no, there is one who would say yes. As a side note, in high school one of the most popular guys in my school was paralyzed and in a wheelchair. He played on a wheelchair basketball team and he was a jock (and actually a total jerk, I didn't like him at all haha) and he dated more than I did. It wasn't because people felt bad for him; he was genuinely popular and sought after by girls because he was extremely confident, extroverted, positive, etc - he never let the wheelchair become a social handicap, if you will. He lived his life as a normal guy, because he was one. Nobody felt sorry for him because nobody saw him as "Jason, the disabled kid" he was just "Jason, one of the popular guys."

 

I'm so sorry for your accident and all you've went through OP, how horrific. It sounds like it's a miracle you're alive and if you can manage to keep a positive attitude and empower yourself, you WILL find a woman who finds that energy attractive!

[petite]

Lalalollipops, petite--thank you both for your honest answer. I completely understand how you feel and, believe me, I wouldn't willingly choose to be in this situation either. I know it does make it harder to find someone that will look past my injury. It seems like it lowers my chances quite a bit, actually. Plenty of women think I'm great and are more than happy to be my friend but viewing me in a romantic light, they're not so willing to do. I can understand that, though. It's just hard to accept at times.

 

I have no doubt that it is hard, but know there are women that would have no problem with your situation. My friend met a guy on a dating site, he was in a wheelchair, but played tennis, and basketball, had a job and overall he tried to keep his lifestyle as normal as possible, or as close as possible to what it was before his accident. They dated for 1-2 years before breaking up, but not because of his disability, they had other problems.

 

Don't give up hope, just make sure that you are doing things that make you happy and try to not let your disability cripple you to the point of falling into deep depression. It takes a special kind of person and I am sure you will find someone like that, some women can handle it and others can't.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Yes, definitely. BUT would take it very slowly, more so than usual. But yes, it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me.

[FairyGodmother]

Yes. My boyfriend has cystic fibrosis and cystic fibrosis related diabetes, and despite the hardships, I would rather be with him than anyone else even if they were completely healthy. Although, admittedly, dating someone with a physical disability or chronic disease is not for everyone. I think being with him has taught me alot though, and has helped me grow as a person. It changes your outlook on life - in a good way. I'm certain that there are many women who would be willing to date you, wheelchair and all.

[forestcat]

Just wanted to say that I respect you too (for fighting to survive, and trying to keep positive and getting your life back).

 

If I met a man who was in a wheel chair and he had a good personality, treated me well, and we had a connection, I would.

 

I am not paralyzed but I've had severe, chronic health issues for years, so I understand what it is like for people to treat you differently and not be understanding (in my own experience, most of the people in my life don’t get what it's like to have a condition that I have to deal with for 24/7 for years; and how it affects life, unless they have gone through it or something similar themselves).

 

Also my grandmother (before she passed away) was paralyzed so I learned to look past the wheel chair at a young age.

 

I think it really depends on the person. Many people wouldn't but some people would. I hope you find someone in the future.

[bfg9000]

Yes, I would. I'm incredibly picky and have a lot of dealbreakers, but none of them are physical.

 

Edit: In fact, I feel so strongly about this and want to tell you that I've delurked and made my first post since joining over two years ago. I'm young and not "desperate" in any way (no biological clock here!). I feel very strongly about personality, intelligence, being a good person, and sense of humor. I imagine others do as well, and I hope you can find them.

[jkhunter]

I have to thank all of you who are giving me such a positive outlook on this matter It really is encouraging to know that so many of you would not let a wheelchair stop you if you liked the guy. PhilliesFan001, I want to thank you in particular for the compassion and encouragement. I have to say, I'm really glad I started this thread

[jkhunter]

Wow, I feel honored, bgf9000! Thank you for "delurking" to answer this thread

[Seraphim]

Yes, I would. I'm incredibly picky and have a lot of dealbreakers, but none of them are physical.

 

Edit: In fact, I feel so strongly about this and want to tell you that I've delurked and made my first post since joining over two years ago. I'm young and not "desperate" in any way (no biological clock here!). I feel very strongly about personality, intelligence, being a good person, and sense of humor. I imagine others do as well, and I hope you can find them.

 

I do too. I personally find it much more important than the physical.

[WhenWillILove]

I'm reading the responses and I'm kind of angry at those that say they wouldn't. It's not like the handicapped chose their accidents. Come on. Everybody deserves a chance.

[Batya33]

I'm reading the responses and I'm kind of angry at those that say they wouldn't. It's not like the handicapped chose their accidents. Come on. Everybody deserves a chance.

 

Yes of course people with disabilities are deserving of what everyone else is entitled to. but the question was whether I would get involved in a romantic relationship with someone with the OP's disability - that's very different than asking if I would be friends with or hire the person to do a job he could do despite his disability. Last I checked we're not obligated -morally or otherwise- to choose someone as a romantic long term partner. And I don't think a person with a disability wants someone who is going to "give him a chance" -he wants and deserves someone who will be enthusiastic about being in a relationship with him.

[Ginger1]

I ave never really thought about this because I haven't met too many people in a wheel chair. I think it would be a little bit hard at times, but I honestly think that if we hit it off really well I would definitely date!!

[petite]

Yes of course people with disabilities are deserving of what everyone else is entitled to. but the question was whether I would get involved in a romantic relationship with someone with the OP's disability - that's very different than asking if I would be friends with or hire the person to do a job he could do despite his disability. Last I checked we're not obligated -morally or otherwise- to choose someone as a romantic long term partner. And I don't think a person with a disability wants someone who is going to "give him a chance" -he wants and deserves someone who will be enthusiastic about being in a relationship with him.

 

Completely agree.

 

No one has a right to tell me who I should date, whether it's a race, religion or anything else. People have their own preferences and should not feel obligated to date someone they wouldn't, whether they are disabled or not. There are many people with many other characteristics that I wouldn't ever date, that aren't disabled.

[Alpine]

I would. I know it's not the same, but I once dated a guy who had one arm amputated. I didn't look at him any differently whatsoever. I imagine that being in a wheelchair has it's challenges, but you can still make relationships work even long-term relationships with marriage/children At the school that I teach at, I know a dad who is a parent of a child who is in a wheelchair. He is a fantastic dad with a loving wife, and yes he has more challenges than others but he makes it work!

[BritterSweet]

I can't say I know for sure since I've never been in such a situation. I must admit, I was tempted to say yes because saying no would make me feel like a horrible person. All I can say with absolute certainty is, "Who knows? If it ever happens, then we'll see."

 

PhilliesFan brings up a good point in that your attitude about it plays a big part. Guilt-tripping would be more of a turn-off than one would perceive the wheels themselves to be. But rising above it and being a positive person makes you simply admirable.

[eternalsunrise]

I would definitely date a guy who happens to be paralyzed & in a wheelchair if he has the right (for me) character and personality!

[jkhunter]

So many of you are inspiring me and giving me hope. I thank you so much!

 

You know, I might not be able to offer as much to a woman physically as I used to but I have so much love, passion, and affection to offer. I can still do a great job satisfying a woman sexually, so that's not any issue. In fact, Viagra was created specifically for men with spinal cord injuries so give me a pill and 15 minutes and I'm ready to go! LOL

 

I do think so many of you are right. I am a pretty positive person and I don't let my injury keep me down. I think some amazing girl is going to see my personality shining brightly and look right past my paralysis.

[Batya33]

So many of you are inspiring me and giving me hope. I thank you so much!

 

You know, I might not be able to offer as much to a woman physically as I used to but I have so much love, passion, and affection to offer. I can still do a great job satisfying a woman sexually, so that's not any issue. In fact, Viagra was created specifically for men with spinal cord injuries so give me a pill and 15 minutes and I'm ready to go! LOL

 

I do think so many of you are right. I am a pretty positive person and I don't let my injury keep me down. I think some amazing girl is going to see my personality shining brightly and look right past my paralysis.

I agree. I don't think you need someone who will look past your disability but rather the disability will not be relevant to what she is looking for or she is looking for someone who uses a wheelchair. Meaning, I don't think it requires a person with unusual or better qualities than the woman you would have been looking for before you had your accident. She may have flaws that you will not be able to look past but you will accept them as part of the "package" (again using a wheelchair need not be a "flaw" I'm just giving an example of where the situation might be reversed).

[jkhunter]

I agree. I don't think you need someone who will look past your disability but rather the disability will not be relevant to what she is looking for or she is looking for someone who uses a wheelchair. Meaning, I don't think it requires a person with unusual or better qualities than the woman you would have been looking for before you had your accident. She may have flaws that you will not be able to look past but you will accept them as part of the "package" (again using a wheelchair need not be a "flaw" I'm just giving an example of where the situation might be reversed).

 

Yes, I agree. The type of person I have been looking for all my life is one that wouldn't see my being paralyzed as an issue to begin with. I'm someone that wouldn't be put off by someone being in a wheelchair (this was before my accident) and want someone with the same values I have. I've never overlooked someone because of her physical appearance or abilities/disabilities. For me, it's all about who she is and how she treats me.

 

I guess since I've always had some self esteem issues being in a wheelchair has heightened that so I'm feeling insecure about it right now. However, as I said in my last post here, all of these responses are giving me so much hope!

[journeynow]

I would definitely date a guy who happens to be paralyzed & in a wheelchair if he has the right (for me) character and personality!

 

Same here. Character, personality, interests. If we click, we click, no matter if we sit or stand, and we'd learn to work out details around our uniqueness.

[Batya33]

Yes, I agree. The type of person I have been looking for all my life is one that wouldn't see my being paralyzed as an issue to begin with. I'm someone that wouldn't be put off by someone being in a wheelchair (this was before my accident) and want someone with the same values I have. I've never overlooked someone because of her physical appearance or abilities/disabilities. For me, it's all about who she is and how she treats me.

 

I guess since I've always had some self esteem issues being in a wheelchair has heightened that so I'm feeling insecure about it right now. However, as I said in my last post here, all of these responses are giving me so much hope!

 

I've never overlooked someone because the person had a disability either. Whether I would be interested in marrying a person and having a family with a person who used a wheelchair is, to me, a separate issue. Would you get involved with someone who generally would have had my reaction and made those choices but then made an exception for you or would you be put off by her sharing with you that until she met you it would have been a dealbreaker for a serious relationship or marriage? It sounds like you would. Obviously you should only get involved with someone who has the same standards or standards you're comfortable with!

[jkhunter]

I've never overlooked someone because the person had a disability either. Whether I would be interested in marrying a person and having a family with a person who used a wheelchair is, to me, a separate issue. Would you get involved with someone who generally would have had my reaction and made those choices but then made an exception for you or would you be put off by her sharing with you that until she met you it would have been a dealbreaker for a serious relationship or marriage? It sounds like you would. Obviously you should only get involved with someone who has the same standards or standards you're comfortable with!

 

When I say overlook, I mean passing someone by as a serious romantic relationship. I was saying that, before my accident, I would not have had a problem with marrying a woman in a wheelchair if she was the right type of person for me. No, I wouldn't be put off if someone told me a guy being in a wheelchair would have been a dealbreaker for her until she met me. Knowing that would, in fact, make me feel more special since she changed her viewpoint just for me. You're right, though, I will definitely look for someone with values I am comfortable with.