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FairyGodmother

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About FairyGodmother

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    Bronze Member
  1. Thanks for your feedback, I appreciate all of it. I think my main problem is bottling things up and exploding - I think I just need to take a step back and try to figure out how to diffuse my anger so that this type of situation doesn't happen again.
  2. Hi everyone, I'm going back to Uni for a career change, and decided to do a 4 week summer course to prep. It's all online due to COVID-19. I was put in a group with 5 other people to do weekly group assignments. They range in ages from 18 to 35. I dislike group assignments because I generally end up doing a vast majority of the work, and I find this frustrating. This time has been no different, but with the addition of one very challenging individual, let's call her Alexa. The first week we needed to submit lecture notes to our group chat by a certain date. I was the only one who did
  3. So, the first thing is that you say this: But also this: So, whether you meant to or not, you are judging. Perhaps on a conscious level you logically know it's not right to judge people, but it seems like your unconscious is not quite there yet. Maybe try to work on your acceptance of other people's lifestyles. You're not obligated to be around them, and neither is anyone else. Secondly, it's a massive generalization to say that all people just want sex, parties, and money. That may be true of the people that you are in contact with, but it's certainly not true of the entire
  4. Insecurity is, unfortunately, a self-fulfilling prophecy. Acting out of our insecurities can push our partner away. I like analogies because they help me understand situations differently, so maybe think of it this way: Let's pretend you're a vegetarian and you always have been. And let's pretend your partner is a vegetarian, but he only became one when he started dating you. Before that, he ate meat. Okay, so there's no real problem at this point in time because you both share the same values which is that you're vegetarian (ie you're only dating each other). But now, you're getting ups
  5. Yes, I've realized from various replies that I need to work on this specifically. Thanks.
  6. Two of them are very close, let's call them Ariana and Beyonce (lol). The other is close to me, let's call her Cher (again lol), and I thought Cher was also close to Ariana. However, yesterday when I was telling Cher that I was frustrated at myself for talking too much during the call she said it wasn't my fault and that she also feels that talking to Ariana is like pulling teeth. It was really surprising because they have always been close, but apparently when Cher asks Ariana about her personal life Ariana shuts down and says that Cher "wouldn't understand". I feel like all of this is
  7. I agree with this but in retrospect I've realized these people have some special circumstances which make this not applicable. To be less cryptic, we all had really bad home lives. There was alot of physical/emotional abuse, and in a way we were such good friends because we perfectly understood each other's situation. Our friendship was based on alot of avoidance i.e. fun, light hearted, care-free. So, without thinking, I asked them about their personal lives on the video call because we used to know everything about each other. But they were super reluctant and uncomfortable talking about
  8. I think you're right, but I didn't want to accept that yesterday because it made me sad. It was easier to think that it was my fault that it was awkward because I talk too much. When, in reality, yeah I talked alot to fill the silence but the silence was there because we probably don't have that much in common anymore. It's amazing that you were able to verbalize exactly what I'm guilty of. On reflection, I think it's because I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and when I tell people about it alot of the time they understand it better if I expain how my life was growing up (violent, ab
  9. This is a really interesting question. I did ask myself after the call when I felt like everything had gone all wrong, "what were you hoping to get out of this?". I guess to a certain extent it was nostalgia. I wanted to re-experience some of the easy-going, generally hilarious, friendship we had in high school 10+ years ago. They also had first hand experience of how my home life was, hint: not good, and I feel like that gave us a unique relationship as compared to other friends I've had. I also thought that we maybe had more in common than what we actually do. I am starting to realize
  10. Thanks, I will definitely try that. That is spot on, it felt exactly like I was interviewing them. I will work on asking different kinds of questions and respecting the natural flow of the conversation more.
  11. Probably, I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder so I tend to be pretty harsh to myself when I feel like I've done something wrong. It's something I'm tring to work on, but thanks for the reminder to be a bit more compassionate to myself. 5 years for two of them, and incidentally it was those two it was most awkward with (maybe that should tell me something). I speak to the third one more reguarly. There wasn't much going on in the background, but I would say their expressions were fairly blank. One of them actually messaged me yesterday to explain that she was upset about somethi
  12. Thanks. I guess I'm just scared that if I don't say anything that it will be silent and no one will say anything. And then if that happens maybe they won't want to talk to me again because we have nothing to say. But then I guess alienating people by talking too much isn't any better.
  13. Hi everyone, I need some help on how to have better conversations with people. A bit of background: I moved to different countries alot throughout my life due to various factors incl my parent's jobs, studying abroad, and being in a long-term relationship with someone from another country. Even when I have stayed within the same country, I've moved cities alot as well. As a result I haven't had many long-term friendships. In the last couple years I found it "easier" to not have friends, maybe to avoid the disappointment of losing them when I move away? I try to keep in touch, but it never s
  14. Yeah, it took alot of deep breathing for me to not kick her out the second I heard her slating us on the phone. Thanks, I think you're right. I do want to go, but only for the time it takes to be at the service and speak to Granny.
  15. My SO and I have been together 5.5 years. In that time I met his maternal grandmother (Granny) & step-grandfather (Grandad) many times and grew to know them well. Grandad was a lovely man with a great sense of humor. I was so sad when we got the call a few weeks ago to say he had passed away. The funeral is on Wednesday, so we had planned on going to his hometown from Monday to Thursday and staying at his parents house. Sadly we cannot afford a hotel room. My SO has a genetic degenerative disease, and had to be hospitalized in July so I quit my job (I am the sole provider) to nurse
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