Please Help Me Keep My Feet on the Ground - Getting to Like the New Man a Lot

[Sanity]

Like others, I'm happy for you!

[chitown9]

Next time he calls you mate, call him mate back, and then she give him a big smile!..

[Silverbirch]

Hi Symbiot, Sanity and Chi. LOL, yes Chi, I think I will call him mate back if he does that again.

 

Well, saw him again tonight. We both had a busy day but managed to catch up, and he had to leave my place to pick up his daughter from the airport at around midnight - she is coming home after 3 months in Europe. Anyway, it was a lovely night, and at one time, right up until this week, I had assumed he was an extremely unromantic man. I could not have been more wrong.

 

I'm sleeping over at work tomorrow night, but we are going out on Friday. He seemed quite besotted and said quite a few things, and I tried to hold myself back, and did say that I like him a lot too, but we are still getting to know each other.

 

It's almost 3am here as I write. I'm very tired but sort of excited and will have to get some shut eye now. Thank you for your support everyone.

 

Sorry if it's annoying to repeat myself, but it goes to show you that life does go on. After breakups, so many of us, myself especially think we will never get over our exes, ever want to be with anyone else or be happy, but it can and does happen all the time.

 

Something else I feel now is this sort of relief about myself, that I will be okay regardless or whether men continue to come and go in my life - I'm a serial monogamists and been in 3 long-term relationships now. Who knows I could have another 10 relationships before I die, but if those relationships end, I will still be okay even though I might have to some grieving if and when the relationships end

 

I do think that David and I have a LOT in common and that we seem to want the same things in life, and there is an attraction there on both sides I think.

[Silverbirch]

Well, I'm pleased with how things are going. David sent me two lovely texts this morning. Sort of surprisingly though, I had a bit of a cry this morning. Certainly not for my ex, but with a sort of acceptance I suppose that people will come in and out of my life all my life, that I should just enjoy this while it lasts for how ever long it lasts because you don't know how life turns out. At the same time, I know that it's important not to be needy and clingy. I know he would hate that. From what I can make out, he is a very independent person, who chose to live without relationships with women for a long time and worked on bringing up his daughter and sorting out his life. I guess I am pretty independent too, and I can see now that it was my ex who was very needy and not as independent as he seems at face value. I like being with David, but I know it's very important not to lose myself in a relationship or put up with crap.

[okiedokiestomp]

the key is to make sure you keep your expectations in check. They must continually be matched against reality not what you want and project onto the relationship.

[Silverbirch]

Yes, I would agree with that.

[Realitynut]

yes, my expectations were WAY too high, hence I was continually disappointed, and told him so! No wonder he got sick of me. Still no excuse for cheating on me tho...ugh!

 

Trying to figure out our time differences SB. You said it was almost 3am, and it was 11:58am on this site. Hmmmm...I'm trying to figure out EXACTLY when you will be laying a big wet one on his lips....not good at math. lol 15 hour time diff?

 

Anyhoo...what ever time it is...hope it's a good time, and continue to keep us posted! We need some "hotness" instead of tears on this site!! LUV YA

[Silverbirch]

Just thought I'd check in to update (I've been doing this on the thread Silverbirches Healing Journal). Well, lucky me because we are well and truly and item. There has been so much kissing (and more) that my lips are now permanently a dark pink! Oh God, he is the best kisser! He's asked me to marry him a couple of times, and if things stay this good in a year and he still wants to marry me - I'M GONNA DO IT!!!! I've posted some photos of him on my journal thread. I am SO SO HAPPY!

[Carus]

Thats great news Silver* You deserve all the happiness you can handle...lol

 

Much Love

Carus* 8-)

[symbiot]

I hope my story turns out like your. I'm so happy for you.

[Silverbirch]

Hi Symbiot and Carus Hey Carus, when are you going to open yourself up for love again?? Soon I hope.

 

I was beginning to think I was never going to get a big kiss on the lips and when I thought about how I never even sat on the same sofa as he does, I thought I had better make some subtle changes so when he came, I sat on the sofa he was on, but right down the other end. Then my dog climbed onto his lap (my dog loves him). David was stroking my dogs paw, and the doggies eyes were practically rolling to the back of his head in ecstasy. I just lifted my foot up onto his lap and said "I'll have some of that too thanks Then when he touched the best spots on my feet (he did seem very willing or at least didn't put up a fight) , I gave a few little sounds of appreciation. Then I just took my foot down and said "Thank You". Well, not long after that I got the best kiss of my life.

 

It's such fun being with him. I feel really young around him.

[twitchyfingers]

Hi, Silver! I am reading the tale of your blossoming romance with my morning coffee here in California. You're an international sensation. This is better than any romance novel.

 

So glad you are having so much fun. Carry on!

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Twitchy. You just gave me a really nice chuckle. I'm hearing California Dreaming in my head now!

 

Twitchy, go have a look at Silverbirches Healing Journal thread. I have temporarily put up 3 photos of him. You will see what a handsome hunk he is. He's 6 feet 2 telling me he has shrunk with age and that he used to be 6 feet 4 inches. Says he likes his women compact and teasingly calls me "tidy" - elaborating on that with "everything is just right and in the right places!

[Carus]

Hey Carus, when are you going to open yourself up for love again?? Soon I hope.

Haha....Been there done that... But, well darlin', I'm ready when ever love is...

 

But for now it seems the Universe has other plans for Carus*

 

I'm in your cheering squad though..*

 

But just as a steadier ~ I'm glad you are wise enough now to see how things are in a year before making such big commitments. Honeymoon stage can sweep one away. I have a friend here who just got engaged this week....He's only known the girl for 20 days!

 

Now love is a funny thing and who's to say they wont last 20 years....but um, yeh....

 

Always good to 'see' you*

Carus* 8-)

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Carus,

Main thing is you are getting on with your life and passions, and yes, the universe will lead the way. We are both reminding ourselves this is a honeymoon period which we should enjoy, but as neither of us are teenagers, there is some shared wisdom. We are both very aware of not letting the other parts of our lives become neglected. ATM, we don't see each other every day - he has work on most weekends, and I work every second weekend, but we manage to see more of each other mid-week. We both have jobs where we need to be very fit and healthy and we are both outdoorsy people who can take on a lot, especially in the physical sense and we both have to keep that constant in our minds. On Saturday, I walked 3 of my ponies (and my dog at the same time for part of the way) somewhere between 15 and 20kms on road and trails as I'm working up their fitness levels. I knew the next day that I wouldn't/shouldn't exercise my legs, but I did do a lot of work with my arms. Last year, I was in a job where I used my arms so much to the point of overuse and developed tennis elbow and carpal tunnel syndrome came back so I was a bit stuffed for a while, but I seem fully recovered from that right now. David gets sore all over from his work and running his farm. He should give himself more breaks, but he's mostly self-employed now so that's more difficult for him. Even though I'd love to see him every day, and I know he would like to see me every day, we don't. I think I've learnt a lot from previous relationships and I read a lot trying to learn how to make those other relationships work which were never really meant to be. So maybe I will put some of that learning to good use, and be sure not to pressure him to see too much of him. Anyway, I think a woman treats herself best when she leaves the man always wanting more if that makes sense. It's also a lot more fun and better when you do get to see each other. The time is appreciated so much more. He does ring me each morning and eveningn and that's nice too.

 

Yes, it's early days yet, and it all seems so wonderful. I've been disappointed and hurt before, but I feel optimistic, but same time realistic. I'm not crapping to anyone or myself when I say that there is something very different about my relationship with David. It feels very, very different, but very good. The best it has ever felt with anyone. Maybe it's partly because I got to know him as a friend over quite a long period of time before getting involved with him.

 

For a lot of reasons, it makes sense to take things slowly, but I want to have fun too and enjoy being in love.

[Silverbirch]

Started feeling a little panicky last night. He hasn't done anything to give me any cause for concern, but I'm pretty much convinced that this really is NOT a rebound, and I'm scared that my feelings for him will become more deep than his for me and that I'm going to end up getting dumped again.

 

I think in my previous relationships, I got to love the men more than I cared for myself which was a problem - but obviously I got over that after the relationships ended.

 

There are quite a few things about him and how he treats me that do seem different to the previous men I've been with.

 

I really do want to keep my feet on the ground. Anyone else with experience with this? Thanks.

[symbiot]

First of all I'm really happy for you. My advice is that if you start to feel like you need to be with him you should step back. Take it slow. Taking a step back will keep you longing and if you do if enough you will get used to not being with him all the time and you will realize that while you want to be with him you don't need to be with him. I'm not saying that you feel this way but I just want you to be mindful. I want this to work out for you. Having said that though women seem to get away with being " clingy " more so than men do. I think is because women can creat life and are therefore naturally more nurturing. Keep us posted.

[Silverbirch]

Thanks for replying to my post Symbiot. I'm not sure if I'm feeling the need to be with him, but I LIKE being with him. I could be wrong, but I thinnk we are on the brink of what could be push/pull phase so even though I don't want to be with a person I am not compatible with, I DO want to play my cards right.

 

I knew he was calling by my place yesterday on his way home from work and gave him a quick call to say I was about to hop into the bath so I mightn't hear him if he came. He said he was just `15 minutes away, for me to just enjoy my bath and he would fix a brokne wire on one of my fences and do some hoof work on one of my ponies. Just as I thought, I didn't hear him arrive and when I got out of my bath I saw him in the paddock. I hadn't asked him to fix the fence but was grateful and thanked him. We had a coffee and chat. He huggeed me and saiud "You're such a cute little gadget." I'm pretty certain he means that as a compliment - I hope so and that he doesn't just think I'm piece of fluff. Anyway, I said to him that if he wanted, he could come back for dinner after he had fed his animals, and he wanted to do this and spend the night. At around 7pm, I got a call from him saying that he still had a lot to do at home, that he was tried and would I be upset if he didn't come, but that he would come the next night. I told him I wasn't upset, but a little disappointed, but that he should catch up on his sleep. I got myselrf busy doing things at home and had a thoroughly good and cosy time at home on my home.

 

He has been saying to me many times that in his marriage which ended more than 15 years ago, his wife made him her "hobby", let her own friendships slip by the by, didn't have interests and basically lived for him, was clingy and disgruntled when he wasn't there. I do believe that, but I think also that he sounds like he was VERY much into a particular sport/recreation which she wasn't involved with (he was going interstate competing). She was the one who left.

 

It's very apparent that he wants a woman who is independent and her own person who will not suffocate him. He tells me also though that the last woman he was involved with (quite a few years ago) was TOO distant with both companionship and emotionally. I guess this is going to come down to whether or not we are compatible with regard to the amount of togetherness we develop. He has also said this is going to take us a while to fine-tune. He also says every time he sees me how he really wants us to get a property together for a couple of reasons, but mostly so we can see more of each other as our work, animals and work on our properties keep us from spending more time together.

 

Through his own admission, in the short time we have been together, he has changed his mind about a number of things, firstly about ever getting married again (and that was not through anything I said because I definitely didn't say anything to him about marrying - but he has asked me several times and says its something he hopes for further down the track). He says he is sort of embarrassed because for years he has told anyone who would listen that the would NEVER be involved with a somen who smokes cigarettes because to him it is revolting. Thirdly, it seems I was correct with my suspicions about his references to his home being "animal friendly" because that it is the way he likes it." I am allergic to cat hair, and my cats have to stay otuside. I also put restrictions on my dog as I'm a fairly house-proud person. I do however have a porch and verandah set up nicely for my pets and they play together out there and cuddle up. I'm also working now on making my dog more independent (he currently sleeps on my bed, but I've got some strategeis in place to change this) Well, now David tells me that he doesn't like his pets being inside and would like to have a set-up similar to mine with all the pets outside. He said to me also (without me saying anything), that if I live with him, he knows he is not good at housework, but that he would pay for a housekeeper cleaning lady, get a dishwasher, and things like that.

 

I haven't heard from him today, but I am at work, and my mobile phone does not get connection to him from here due to location. I just sense though that both of us, but especially him, will retreat, at least for a bit. He is a man who has spent many years without a partner and used to his own company.

[Silverbirch]

He's also remarked to me several times that over the 2 years, he has noticed that I have done quite a lot on the property without any help and he really admires that. He says that when he was married, he and his ex-wife lived in this tiny little house. He would come home from work, and she would have a list of jobs she wanted him to do such as painting and carperntry, but she never helped out with it, just expected him to do it and complained and nagged him. In the end though, she was the one who left. Sounds like they feel into the trap of the gender stereotypes and thinking they were going to live happily ever after, instead as it usually does, it tore them apart.

 

He's been watching me put up a new paddock fence and had offerered to lend me his hands while I put up the wire, but didn't offer to help out with any of the hard stuff. I do want to do it myself, but I was a bit puzzled at first at what all of his is about. It's hard work, and as I'm not tall, I need to stand on a milk crate to fasten the star pickets into the ground. I've managed this on my own. even though I'm sure it would be pretty easy for a large tall man like he is. Now I'm finding that I want to do ALL of it on my own for the satisfaction of kowing - I DID IT! My ex had said for 2 years that he was going to drill some holes and picture hangers into some solid walls for me, but never did. I asked David yesterday if he could show me how to use the drill correctly myself, and he is going to. He tells me that he was very impressed that I have my own electric scrub-cutter and have cleared what was a real mess of a backyard into an enclosed small grazing area.

 

I guess ijust at the mement, it's about figuring out how much time is right for us to spend together and not slipping into roles where we will resent each other later. There's so much we talk about and I think a lot of it is also about each of us reaching our own personal fullest potential without that depending on the other.

 

O the inside, I suppose I'm feeling besotted by him - don't know if that is quite the right workd - but I love being with him and the physical attraction has become very strong. I do think I need to be a little nonchalant. - not in a fake way, but to be genuinely nonchalant and remind myself that if it doesn't work out with him, I'll be fine. I will besad, but I can be happy with or without him.

[chitown9]

I don't know how you are resisted this man all this time! He is gorgeous, and it does seem to be a good fit for both of you. I am dissapointed about one thing though. Can you guess what it is?......

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Chi! Please tell me what it is.

 

He just sent me a lovely text saying how sorry he was for bailing out last night but he was so tired, and if I'm not too tired, he would love to see me tonight otherwise it's okay if I don't want to see him. I messaged him back that last night was fine, no worries and glad he caught up with some rest. Said the truth that I had a cozy night in with my little dog and caught up with some things that needed doing in my home. That is actually the truth. I did some things to my bedroom and it is looking beautiful with new soft furnishings and when I get home, I've got some very nice pictures to hang. Dinner is cooked as I put last nights in the fridge and will just heat it up, and I think he will like it. Chi, I feel excited when I know I'm going to see hiim. This seems so hard to believe.

[chitown9]

Well, I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am for you! I know this is going to work because both of you are intelligent and sensitive to each other needs. What I am disappointed about is: you are still smoking? Please stop! Believe me, when you do stop you will never understand why you ever smoked in the first place. Like the ex, what did you ever see in him? Ugh!....On and onward to better things...

[Silverbirch]

Yes, you are right about the smoking Chi. I will go to my GP probably this week and get the script for the Chamapix. The smoking is annoying me so much. I really want to give it away - not just for David, but for myself.

 

Well, we spoke briefly on the phone after his text yesterday. He told me he'd had a long day, having to work in the rain, that it was cold and he was covered in mud and starving. I had heaps to do myself and he still had hours ahead of him of work to do at home and to get cleaned up before he could come over. When he did arrive, it was wonderful!! He was clearly very excited and happy to see me too, and I know that it scored very BIG points with him that I was not upset or annoyed about him needing to be late again.

 

He loved the meal and we listened to favourite music and talked. What surprises us both so much is that several times now, we have been sitting in my living room, me with my head on his chest and with his arms around me, and we have been so relaxed, we have both fallen asleep like that for around 2 hours, and both of us sleeping so contentedly and soundly. That happened agaiin last night . . . . and then we woke again for a while

 

We talked and laughed a lot and talked about the things I've brought up here. We both agree that relationships, including ours are more exciting and happy when each person misses the other just a little bit at least. Then when you do get together, you appreciate each others company so much more. We both feel it's extremely important to keep busy with our own lives in between times. I'm finding that I AM so busy while he is away, and I want to get things done so that when we are together, I can really BE there with him.

 

It was so nice waking again this morning together and with that lovely view. Yesterday I bought my little dog a new bed as there isn't room for all of us now in my bed. Fuzzie, my dog just loves David and actually goes to him in preference to me which is pretty amazing considering that he doesn't like most men. Anyway, Fuzzie likes his new bed which I'm keeping on the floor besdie my bed. Definitely, if we do end up living together, there is a bit of re-training that will need to take place with both our pets, and this is a good start for me. Fuzz is a bit over-attached, but I think this won't be too hard to change, and at least he loves David.

 

I was a bit naughty in that we had daylight savings commence today meaning that I was supposed to be at work an hour earlier. It was difficult for us to get out of bed LOL so I just went to work a bit later and told them I had forgotten about the daylight saving and my colleagues didn't seem to mind at all.

 

I likely won't see David now until at least Tuesday night (it's Sunday afternoon here right now). He has tried to keep Wednesday free to be with me, but I told him that it is okay, if he has to do something, especially for work, I will still be here. He said that there is a possibility he might have to go out to another pony which is in quite a bad way with his professional mentor. It's also another pony which was left homeless, traumatised and neglected due to the bushfires, and is currently living on a property in one of the lovelies parts of the countryside. A little stallion who is meant to be very feisty. He has asked if he has to go, would I like to go with him, and that way, I could also meet friends of his on that property who lend hiim their plane to fly in exchange for work on their horses. Of course, I said yes.

 

The sun is out today and the weather is just perfect. I'm having to do admin work here until 9.30pm so can't spend any time outdoors. I'm practically living for the outdoors these days except for the times David and I are either curled up on the sofa or in bed. Even on the days it is raining and cold, I just put on my gumboots, my oil skin coat and woolen cap, and get out there and get as much done as I can. Life is grand right now.!

[symbiot]

If you ever stop posting I'm gonna be sad. this is great. It's like reading a novel.

[Silverbirch]

PS Chi, did you see the photos of David. He is SO handsome! If not, I will post again.

 

When he came over last night, it was a bit like this - only better:

 

 

 

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