Please Help Me Keep My Feet on the Ground - Getting to Like the New Man a Lot

[Silverbirch]

Hi,

I really didn't think I would be writing this - the break up - he called for a break 6 months ago - it just devastated me. I was such a mess and never cried so much in my life.

 

Well, some ENA members would know that I had an acqaintance friend for 2 years prior to breakup, and it appears he has always liked me. Over the 2 years, we have gotten to know each other better, and I'm finding that I really like him more and more as time goes by. He's lots of fun, there is so much to talk about, so much in common, and sometimes, I actually feel attraction towards him.

 

It's been obvious to quite a few people that he likes me a LOT.

 

I don't want either of us to be hurt, and I don't want to lose his friendship.

 

I dont want to be back with the ex. If the ex was banging on my door wanting to come back, I wouldn't want to go back. I like this new guy now more than my ex in every way.

 

I just want to make sure that I keep myself centred and don't do anything rash.

[symbiot]

I think you should just let nature take its course. Don't hold back and don't rush in. Just see what happens. The perfect moment doesn't exist.

[sadchick83]

Ahhhhh Silver, good for you! Take it slow, and don't worry about losing the friendship.

I'm friends with quite a few guys I've "tried" with. If you are both worried about losing the friendship,

Its a good foundation for a relationship built on respect.

Good luck my friend!!

[Silverbirch]

Hey thanks. We haven't even had a proper kiss yet, but I don't think it's too far off. Feels like being a teenager. We're both a bit nervous I think, but it's pretty obvious there is something there.

[hausser]

Ah what a cool post, you'll be fine I'm sure and it must be great to have that feeling again!

[Silverbirch]

Yes Hausser, I think that we have definitely some shared passions that make for great friendship at least and we like each other as people as well. I'm finding myself feeling attracted, but obviously won't know for a while if there is genuinely something physical between us.

[elcie]

I've been reading about this developing situation in your journal and I've been getting good vibes for a while.........best wishes, elcie...

[Silverbirch]

Hey thanks Elcie. It's kind of sweet and cute. He sends me emails saying: "Thank you for a pleasant evening . . . . I think you are a very warm and likeable person." Then he rings me and says: "I hope that wasn't too forward." LOL Then, every time things start warming up, I notice one of us cools off a bit, it was mostly me to start with. Anyway, when he does the "cooling off", he starts calling me "Mate" (that's what Australian men call each other). He gave me a kiss goodnight on the cheek, and then he came back another 3 times and kissed me on other parts of the face, closer to the lips each time. I think next time he does that, I might have to just slip, lose my balance and give him a big pash on the lips.

 

Anyway, I've got the cleaning bug which is weird but feels good. I've been cleaning my bedroom - washing walls and windows, steam cleaning the carpet, have moved all the furniture and soft furnishings out and cleaning them before they come back in here. At first, I was doing it because I have an allergy to house dust, but then as I got into it, I felt like I was cleaning my ex out of my life and making way for my new life.

 

One of David's ponies which he had rescued is a bit unwell with laminitis. I have a better spring paddock for that type of thing and have offered to have her stay with me for a while if he likes. If she hasn't improved by the end of the week, she will be coming to stay with me for a bit, and her paddock companion will be coming to stay with her so she doesn't stress. They are so adorable!

[Silverbirch]

Oh Hi and THANKS Symbiot and Sadchick - I hope you aren't still too sad BTW. I dunno, isn't it a bit awkward if they were friends, then more, then did they become friends again??

[hausser]

Sounds like it's going just right! Am happy for you, nice to read posts like this, light at the end of the tunnel as it were.

[chitown9]

When one door closes, another door opens....

[Silverbirch]

Hi Thanks again Hausser and Chi. I have got a couple of things which I need to wait and see about. I'll post about it in my journal. He's been on his own for a LONG time, raised his daughter on his own virtually (she is a year younger than my son). He has made a few comments about his home being "animal friendly", and he hates housework, but does it when he HAS to. I'm getting the impression that if I ever visit his home, it might be the once, and never again. I'm hoping I'm wrong. I mean, that's okay, I don't mind meeting outside of home or having him here, but I don't want to be with anyone who is "feral" if you know what I mean.

[hausser]

See proof above that women are naturally more perceptive than men! You've already got him worked out, sounds about right to me actually lol, you could take "animal friendly" as a whole bunch of things lol, guess you'll have to play it by here!

[Silverbirch]

LOL Hausser, "Animal Friendly" is startiing to sound a bit scarey to me. He is a big hulk of a guy, but is very gentle-natured. Doesn't eat meat as he can't bear to feel he has contributed to animal suffering. He is naturally gifted with horses, but more importantly, he and I both share the same equine philosophy in that where we can, we practice natural horsemanship pracctices - don't use a whip to start with, but a lot of other things too.

[1guygirl]

oh i love horses and a real life robert redford horsewhisperer type guy would be a big KA-CHING for me....you lucky lady silver and im loving hearing you having a smile in your postings xx

 

ok so hes untidy...and yeah its abit scary when you yourself is a tidy person, you dont wanna be clearing and cleaning up after someone....but....dont make an issue out of something thats irrelevant in the bigger picture here. chill...he may 'buck up' if he was living with someone and it was a shared space. the main thing is that you two enjoy each others company, its a mutally respectful relationship and maybe one day that will grow into a healthy loving one. jus go with the flow whilst tuning in with your gut at the same time.

 

all the best

[Silverbirch]

Hey Thanks 1GG. Well, I think he reminds me a bit more of Viggo Mortensen as far as personality goes. I really disliked Robert Redford in The Horse Whisperer, and there were things in that movie that a real "Horse Whisperer" wouldn't do. David and I have both been learning techniques in horse whispering for the last couple of years although my teacher insists that it is really "Horse Listening" and I would have to agree with her.

 

About the tidiness, I have to be careful because David has been saying, "You and I have to get a farm together, we would be so good together." He practices barefoot trimming and I'm interested in spending time with ponies which haven't had much handling and are difficult to "catch" which is how it often is when ponies/horses have very neglected feet. I told David that I'm very interested in undergoing some study in equine massage, and he says that he is going to do further study in equine nutrition. So many things seem so right about us together. For these last 2 years I've known him, he has always said that he would never marry again. Then about a week ago, he said to me, unprompted that now he's thinking that the reason he always thought that was that he hadn't met a woman who really stood out to him as somebody really special. He says most times I see him how he knows a few married couples, one of them I know the husband, and they are like us and very happy (the wife is a vet nurse and equine nutritionist), I just smile and laugh and say "maybe" or "you never know what could happen". I definitely wouldn't be thinking about or discussing marriage just yet- I'm not even in a relationship with him.

 

Sometimes he needs slowing down and sometimes he could do with some encouragement.

 

I was thinking today how whenever he visits me, he sits on my lounge when he is inside, and I've been sitting on a different lounge not too close to him. He's leaned over a few times and touched my arm, but I've been a bit nervous and not really ready to be physically close to him. But now, I do want to be physically closer to him so I'm sort of on a different page just now to him.

 

Like I said, he gets very happy and excited saying how we would be so good together on a farm and rehabilitating horses together, and that he couldn't live with anyone except for a woman he would be in a relationship with. Then, he backs off, and starts calling me "mate" and treating me like a buddy.

 

If what he is telling me is the truth, he's been on his own for quite a long time, and I don't know how set he is in his ways, if he compromises. I know he doesn't go out much, and I like to go out - not every night of the week, but definitely more than he goes out, so there are still quite a lot of things I want to get to know about him before I'm 100% certain that I want a romantic involvement with him. I do like him a lot though.

[Silverbirch]

Sorry repeat posting

[twitchyfingers]

It sounds like you two are taking it nice and easy, and getting to know each other in a patient way. That's great. I think it's understandable that there's a tendency to get a little closer, then pull back a little. He's obviously treating you very respectfully, which is lovely.

 

I laughed at the "feral" comment.

[1guygirl]

ooooer i could crush a grape!!!

[Silverbirch]

Thanks Twitchy and Hi again 1GG.

 

Well, there's lots of things about each of us that make a lot of sense as to why we should take things really slowly. He's always saying how he never goes out because it's not for him. He just works on the farm, with his other jobs, spends time with his horses, and of course, when he can afford it, charters a plane. He's also close with his daughter who still lives with him though she is overseas right now.

 

Anyway, when he came over last Friday night, he told me that when he was with his ex-wife, they used to go out clubbing because they loved to dance. I wouldn't have ever guessed it. He hasn't done any of that for years. I think he only told me because when he said he doesn't like to go out, I told him that I do. Not every night or even week, but every couple of weeks, I like to go out somewhere and enjoy myself. Well, he likes all my music collection, and some of the artists I played are coming out our way as they do a couple of times a year. There is a resturant/pub locally where they come. It's been there nearly 150 years, and David didn't even know about it.

 

Anyway, next thing he tells me he doesn't have clothes for going to those sort of places. Says he hates shopping and isn't into clothes. I tell him that I am. I love clothes and bling and all of that, and I love to get dressed up. Tell him, I bought a belt a couple of months ago from Paris.

 

Says he: "You mean Paris the store or Paris the brandname?

 

Says I: "Actually, I mean Paris, France."

 

Says he: "Oh, then I suppose you will be wanting to find someone who will take you to those places where you can get all dressed up."

 

Says I: ~pause~ "Yeah"

 

Says He: "Well, I might surprise you and go get some nice clothes . . . . You and my daughter would get along so well."

 

Anyway, there was lots more said and when I think about it, makes me smile and feel happy.

[Silverbirch]

Quick Update:

 

I'm going to be seeing him tomorrow. He rang today when I had my phone on charge and had wanted to come today, but I got the message late.

 

Anyway, it's been very windy here and my lips are really dry. Since yesterday, I've been putting lashings of lanolin and papaya ointment on my lips in the hope I will get a BIG kiss soon.

 

I just want to say to people, especially to people just out of a hurtful breakup, that I really felt like I would never love again, and nobody would love me. My b/u was a real shock, and it was harder than any other breakup I've had, even when my marriage broke up. With this last b/u, I really believed I had lost my best friend. Not having contact with him was the best thing ever. I came to see him and the relationship in a different light.

 

I'm still trying to keep my feet on the ground and use some caution. It hasn't been love at first site with this new guy, but to be really honest, I do recall 2 or 3 times thinking what a great butt he had while I was with my ex, but I NEVER strayed from my ex. I do believe I am falling in love with David, and from what he said on the phone today, I think he feels the same way. Well, I'm going to really try and take things slowly - if I can.

[Realitynut]

YAY! I'll live vicariously thru you! Way to go, I knew you were a great catch!

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Carla, and it will happen for you too if you let yourself see a man for long enough. Remember when I first went for coffee with him and it didn't go too well - or that's what I thought, but that was because I was still pining for my ex.

[Silverbirch]

For Carla!

[symbiot]

I'm so happy for you. I hope to have someone again someday.