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Excruciating pain

RubyWoo

By RubyWoo
in Breaking Up Advice

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somethngwrng Enthusiast

somethngwrng

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I'm getting the nightmares too. Sometimes they disturb me so badly that I wake up and can't get back to sleep for hours. During the day I'm mostly OK other than being nervous all the time. Night time and sleeping really bring out the loneliness.

 

I'm sorry that you're going through this. You guys were together for such a long time, I can't even fathom being with someone for that long, let alone having someone walk out on it. It must be gut wrenching but I wish you all the best for getting through it.

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Alison245 Newbie

Alison245

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oh maaan the dreams are awful.....ive noticed the stronger I get in the day and the less I talk about it, the more I dream! Guess its my brain trying to sort through all the stuff and make sense of it....nice try brain! Im just grateful for being able to actually sleep now as the nights awake staring at the ceiling at 6am were horrific - guess we can all say we're on a slow and painful path but we're on it

 

Cherylca has it bang on Ruby - in the sense that you are feeling to loss of two men you loved greatly but it is the loss of you father that warrants this emotional rawness. As cold and brutal as it sounds, your ex failed to catch you when you needed him most.

 

Im trying to remind myself that whatever happens - the most positive thought I can take from a beautiful relationship that I was very happy in was that I was HALF of it, I contributed to making it a beautiful loving relationship and it was him who failed. You made the beautiful loving relationship you miss, not him alone so although you wont want it with anyone else, it is completely possible and will be even better becuase you will have what you contribute plus someone who will catch you at every stumble.

 

Have you considered going away for Christmas with your mum? Maybe a relaxing break, or somewhere special for you both so you can have some quality time without the pressure and reminder of how christmas was for you both? I know already that Christmas will destroy me hence booking flights to Australia (im in the UK) and getting away so that a fresh, new ,completely different christmas for me.

 

xx

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RubyWoo Rookie

RubyWoo

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I know, we have to remind ourselves that if they wanted us, they would be with us... but I still struggle waking up and not seeing his face, smelling his skin and feeling his arms around me.

 

I really want him to call me and say he's realised he can't live without me and wants to come back home.

 

I'm an idiot, I know. But I can't help it. I just feel like texting today saying I love him.

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Springs Community Regular

Springs

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I love the support on this forum. It is consoling to know there are so many other people out there going through the same feelings, and so many who have come out the other side. It gives me some hope that some day, I will find me again and be happy just being me, without him or anyone else to make me feel validated. We should all feel that way.

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Klokwurk Explorer

Klokwurk

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The pain is less and less.

 

It really is just a matter of forgetting... I hate it, but I am forgetting her for a few more minutes every day... Soon this love will be no more... I hate thinking about it, but I know I can not move on without letting go of it... Life is so horrible to us sometimes. Soon he will slip away from your mind too. Resign yourself. Some day there will be light again.

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RubyWoo Rookie

RubyWoo

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Hey there! I've been away for the weekend, went to a Makeup Trade Show in another city! I had fun, but I keep missing him. When the bus was getting back everyone started calling their boyfriends/husbands to come pick them up, and I felt sooo down...

 

Tomorrow it's 3 weeks since his last text. I guess he has moved on definitely, or his relationship with my replacement is going really well. I really didn't mean * * * * to him it seems.

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RubyWoo Rookie

RubyWoo

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I didn't... I just went to bed. And then I dreamt of him, of us, making love and now that I just woke up I remember what it's like being in his arms, smelling his skin and I miss him so bad.

 

Is he trying to get close to me? Just trying to be "friends"? Does the text have any purpose at all?

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Alison245 Newbie

Alison245

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Hey Ruby! I've not been on here for a while - hope you're ok?

Just had a quick read over your posts and thought its worth saying that if he truly truly wanted you - if he really wanted to let you know he cared, he would be banging on your door begging to be let into your life again - a text is lazy and is only for his self indulgance and for him to alleviate his guilt - be strong - know that its him being weak and lazy to you so keep walking forwards without looking back over your shoulder at him.....!!! x x x

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RubyWoo Rookie

RubyWoo

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I was weak and I caved in... I texted back and we exchanged 4 messages, and that was it. I am ok with no initiating contact but I can't bring myself to just ignore when he texts.

 

This is how it went:

 

HIM: Your new tattoo looks really good

ME: Thank you, I drew it myself. Didn't hurt one bit.

HIM: Well it suits you. You have more tattoos than me now

ME: That's because I'm super tough, hehe

 

End of the conversation. I guess he really is happier without me. No hint at missing me, wanting me, or anything similar. I really must be an idiot but I can't seem to move on from this.

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Alison245 Newbie

Alison245

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Dont feel bad - you didnt initiate contact and you fought the urge to text back with more Must be so tough as i know whenever I get any contact I feel like it slices through me as a reminder that 'yep - im still sure this is the decision I want' which just stings.....

 

U been able to keep busy?

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RubyWoo Rookie

RubyWoo

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I feel horrible. I was walking to work just now and crossed paths with him. I was on one side of the street and he was on the opposite side. I caught a glimpse of him and his mate going out of a bar (surprise!) so I quickly looked into my bag searching for my mobile phone. I guess he saw me, but I just kept walking. He and his friend pretended not to see me either I think.

 

I'm a myop and he knows I can't see well from afar anyway.

 

How sad is this, 5 years living together, he said I was the only woman he would ever love. And now we can't even see each other. I feel like * * * * , I want to go home and curl up in bed and disappear.

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SorrowandPain Apprentice

SorrowandPain

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Sorry you had to see him. I don't know what kind of game he's playing texting you and then ignoring you on the street but he sounds like he sucks. You deserve much better.

 

I know what you mean with the last part of your message. Recently, I've found it hard to come to terms with the fact that it's over between me and my ex. They've said so many things in the past that felt so real but now it's all gone and they booted us (mine for someone else and you suspect yours did the same). It really really sucks.

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RubyWoo Rookie

RubyWoo

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It's all really really sad... I think it is true, it's over and they're moving on. But I don't know why my heart keeps feeling "this isn't it". I had to ignore him in the street too, we were on different ends of the street and as much as I would have liked to run to him and give him the biggest hug... I can't do it. So I pretended not to see him. It's heartbreaking...

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