Excruciating pain

[mhowe]

Pride and dignity can be powerful motivators. Let them assist you when you are feeling weak.

[RubyWoo]

Sorry to hear you're struggling Kronic, I am in that place too so I know your pain! But as Mhowe said, pride is a good motivator... I refuse to contact him, my pride is coming from somewhere I didn't know existed and it's the only thing helping me right now...

[Mr_LFA]

Thanks, that's what I've been trying to do but it's really really hard. He said I was the most amazing woman he had ever met, that he would never love anyone the way he's loved me... but still he packed and walked away. It is a horrible horrible feeling.

 

Makes you feel really worhtless and useless... I am a good person, I am intelligent... really insecure about my looks but I guess I'm no monster either. Still I feel like I'll never find anyone else or I'll never love a man like I loved him.

I know it's really hard right now, but it does get easier as time goes on. My ex told me things like that too, but that was then and this is now. Sorry but what he told you in the past are just meaningless sentiments right now, and hold no value. He may still love you though, but he packed and walked away because he's being plain selfish. My ex and I were living together, she packed and walked away when she 'needed a break', and lied about her new male "friend" right to my face (my gut instinct was right, but my naive head believed her). It was a horrible horrible feeling I know, as I woke up everyday thinking that it's all a bad dream but it wasn't. I went through the same worthless and unwanted feelings, "why him??", "what's he got that I don't have??", "has he got bigger muscles or something?" I felt so low and rejected that I thought no girl would want to sleep with me ever again...lol

 

But the truth was that I wasn't a bad person or anything, it was simply that he's NOT ME. Familiarity breeds contempt. I'm sure you're very attractive from what I've read and there are millions of men who would kill to be with you.

[RubyWoo]

I know... I guess I just have to accept that before he had feelings for me and now he doesn't. I just don't understand why he keeps contacting me, but as soon as I say "if you wanted to fix things you know where to find me" He dissapears. He's making it pretty clear there I guess. It's just a lot to deal with

[Mr_LFA]

I think he is contacting you to ease his conscious and make himself feel better about the situation. I would recommend ignoring anything he tells you right now other than, "I * * * * ed up and want to be with you again". Try not to even reply to his texts etc. as it really is a pointless exercise that is going to delay your own healing. I made the BIG mistake of following my ex on facebook, which probably added months to my own healing. Once I cut that out, it was a lot easier for me after.

[RubyWoo]

You are right, I have to ignore it all. But I feel so terrible when I don't reply, because I start thinking "what if he is testing the waters to get back and I don't write back and he thinks I'm not interested?" So then I reply, and I'm left expecting to hear what I'd like to hear...

[Mr_LFA]

You are right, I have to ignore it all. But I feel so terrible when I don't reply, because I start thinking "what if he is testing the waters to get back and I don't write back and he thinks I'm not interested?" So then I reply, and I'm left expecting to hear what I'd like to hear...

I know it's hard but try not to, as I think our emotions take over if we don't reply but you have to force yourself not to. I'm sure he already knows that you'd take him back, so I don't think not replying to a message is going to make him think that you're not interested. It would work the other way actually. It would make you more attractive because it shows that you have your own life. Like I've said earlier, sending someone a text is lazy and they are just meaningless sentiments which hold no value, right now. Hell, if I really wanted to get back with a girl, I wouldn't be sending them a text. I'd go face to face.

[RubyWoo]

You are right Mr, I have to try and convince myself that he does not want me or love me. Since I sent that text last Saturday saying "if you wanted to fix it you know where to find me" it has been total silence.

 

It's so hard, today I was in the town where I used to work when we first started living together and went past my old office, he used to come pick me up every evening, god we even made love there a few times hahaha. I guess it all means nothing to him now.

[RubyWoo]

Feeling really, really sad today... I think I dreamt of him last night and unconciously I looked for him next to me as soon as I opened my eyes. I can't deal with this anymore, the pain, the hurt, the missing him and him not caring about me.

 

I don't think I'll ever be 100% happy again. I have lost my dad who was such an amazing person, I have lost the person I was in love with too and I have no strength to live anymore.

[iBroken]

I havent read the full 29 pages, but I will say this. The pain does get better and it does go away.

 

You will be happy again and it is very possible that it will be without this man in your life. Stay Strong

[Mr_LFA]

^what she said.

You will have your really bad days and some days will be just bearable, but this is all part of the healing process. You don't want to live because of this guy that doesn't want to be with you? You don't NEED him to be happy.

[KronicMan]

I have no strength to live anymore.

 

but you do, and maybe you need to change your thinking. miss your dad forever, but this ex bf...its really time to say good bye to him- when you do meet someone else you will look back on this and laugh...you probably have so much strength its amazing. sometimes i feel like crap, but today i feel really good because i know my worth and i know who i am....i think you do as well....search deep im sure you loved yourself all along and dont need this dumb ex bf

[ironman73]

Ruby

My sister made me read this book:

 

The Complete Book of Rules

link removed

 

I visited her in Australia and she had 2 men madly in love with her that she just couldn't choose from. Both we very good looking and very wealthy. I was completely shocked.

At any rate, the book talks about making yourself look more desirable to the man. First, do NOT chase him. do NOT go after him. If he emails you- don't email him for a couple of days (or text). Then say- oh sorry- I have just been really busy. That makes him wonder if you are with anyone else. They are after the chase. It really emphasises using the rules from the get go, but you can start part of the way into a relationship OR when you want to get your ex back. I am going to try it on my ex... I will let you know how it goes..

 

Danica

[RubyWoo]

It isn't that I don't want to live because of this break up. It's just that everything I believed in is falling apart. I believed in love, I believed he loved me like I loved him. I believed in good people being happy, not dying from brain cancer like my dad has. Not suffering and crying themselves to sleep like I am.

 

Danica, I am not contacting him, I haven't since I asked for the key to our house. But I don't think any "getting your ex back" techniques will work at this point. Specially if he's sticking his * * * * in someone else.

[Airbag]

Hey dear Ruby,

 

I know everyone's saying "move on" and "just give up the hope". Well, I agree with the "move on" part. But never stop hoping. If you truly believe this man is your soulmate, never ever give up fighting, even if you're silently fighting in NC. I never gave up hope and my ex suddenly contacted me after a few months of not hearing ANYTHING from her. It was just a stupid message though, nothing special.

 

I'm moving on. If we will get back together one day, I want the relationship to be totally different. The past months I really learned a lot about myself. I consider myself a strong and beautiful person. This is something i doubted a lot in the past. There's so much positive energy around me now, and I truly feel great. If you feel great, great things will and shall happen. The real key is patience and love for yourself. Nobody will love you until you find and love yourself.

 

Stay strong, you're a tough girl. And I like your new avatar!

[RubyWoo]

Thanks Airbag! I don't know whether he's my "soulmate", as I think my soulmate wouldn't rather break up with me to enjoy singleness... But I do love him very much. I miss his body next to mine, his smell, our silly jokes no one else understands. I thought I was loveable, I thought he loved me. And it's all come at such a hard time in my life... some nights I burst into tears when I think I'll never see my dad again, and I have no one to hug me.

[Airbag]

I know how hard it is. But I also know that we can get through this hell. It will make us stronger, we just have to trust ourselves.

[RubyWoo]

I hope so Airbag!! Every day it's getting harder, I guess because I realise that he really is happier like this and really doesn't want me. So every day is like a new slap on the face

[KronicMan]

ruby how long has it been since you seen him and talked to him. out of sight out of mind really does work, eventually after weeks and months of not seeing them, you have to tell your brain, its done its over, hes not coming back...and start to feel better about yourself. enjoy your single life while you can!

[witchychick]

I know the feeling,Ruby. I sometimes feel like I am getting worse myself.

[RubyWoo]

Well today I was walking home from work... and he was waiting for me at the other side of the road. We talked and I was trying to keep it light but he started the "us" conversation... so we ended talking about the relationship. He was saying he missed me, he thought about me all the time, he missed sex with me , blah blah.

 

At one point I asked if he was seeing someone. He said yes. I asked he had slept with her... He said yes. So I guess that's it. I'm soooo hurt beyond words. How can someone jump into someone's panties after 5 years living with me. In 2 months he's already screwing someone else?

 

And then he said "but it meant nothing" blah blah. I can't believe this. How easy am I to forget?

[witchychick]

I am so sorry. My ex said there is no one else and I hope that is true,but if there was someone else I know I'd be angry and even more hurt I'm sure. I dont understand men either sometimes. You go find someone better when you're ready,hun. You will. And we are always here for you,too.

[RubyWoo]

Thanks doll... I can't believe it, I really can't. He has been touching, getting naked, kissing another woman... and sending me messages saying "he missed me", and he sees me in the distance and waits for me to talk to me? What the hell?

 

I can't get over the mental images of him with another woman. I have always felt disgusting, fat and unsexy and this just confirms as much as he said I was "the hottest girl in the world" he was lying all along.

 

I have deleted him from my "relationship status" on Facebook (he hadn't done it yet) and blocked him. I'll probably proceed to change my phone soon. I hope he dies a slow painful death, I just wish him to suffer right now.

[witchychick]

I wouldnt wanna think of my ex with someone else and it would piss me off. That is messed up of your ex and I dont get it either. Unless he wanted to keep his options open or something,I dont know hun. I am sure you are attractive,hun. I am insecure too though so I know what thats like. But please dont blame yourself.

[witchychick]

what did u say to him when he told you he's seeing someone?