Excruciating pain

[RubyWoo]

I turned around and said, ok then goodbye and started walking home. He ran after me and tried to talk again, so I said to leave me alone, that I couldn't believe it and I didn't want to talk to him anymore. He started asking "so you never want to see me again? you don't want to talk to me ever again?" And I said no. At some point I just walked away and came home.

[witchychick]

I'm sorry.

[RubyWoo]

I think I'm going to get some herb pills to relax because I can't stop shaking and going around in circles about the thought of him with someone else.

 

It comes to show, I was in love with him all along and he didn't give a toss about me. If you truly love someone you don't jump into bed with another woman in 2 months. That's what hurts the most, the feeling of being so easy to replace.

[witchychick]

how are u doing today hun?

[RubyWoo]

Hello doll! I'm not doing too great, I keep thinking about this whole thing, keep thinking about the man who used to kiss me and touch me and say he would never be comfortable sleeping with anyone else, kissing and touching some other woman.

 

I don't know how I'm going to overcome this. I was lucky to have the day off yesterday, but I'm about to go into work now till 5.30 pm and I don't think I can hold back the tears...

 

I thought we had something special, how could he forget about me and replace me in two months?

[witchychick]

I dont know hun,I'm not sure what to say. I would think he cared about you having been with you as long as he was. He obviously hasnt forgotten about you at all,but I dont know why he did what he did. I want my ex back and hes really the only one I want but since he dumped me,and I dont know what if anything is going to happen,I am looking and meeting someone else tonite,just hanging out. He isnt even talking to me,so. Not sure about this other guy though but he knows my situation and we are just going to meet and hang out anyway. I'll have a friend there,too. I really wish you well and hope you find someone better. You will. I wish I knew what more to say right now. Take care of yourself.

[RubyWoo]

6.20 pm, just got home from work and I've gone straight to bed. I've literally held it together all day but now I'm bawling my eyes out.

 

How could he kiss another woman, take off her clothes, touch her in that way... make love to someone else just after two months?

 

I can't take this pain I don't know what to do.

[magnoliatree]

6.20 pm, just got home from work and I've gone straight to bed. I've literally held it together all day but now I'm bawling my eyes out.

 

How could he kiss another woman, take off her clothes, touch her in that way... make love to someone else just after two months?

 

I can't take this pain I don't know what to do.

 

You really have to stop picturing things happening. It will only set you back. Hang in there and move through the pain. It will get better in time.

[RubyWoo]

I'm really trying... I still can't believe he has done it, that he has actually been naked moaning and having sex with someone else... the images keep coming to my mind like a bad nightmare.

 

And then I think of his face, his eyes, his arms that were always around me, for 5 years... And I just burst into tears.

[RubyWoo]

I feel soooo sad for some reason, some help!

 

Almost a week after we ran into each other (well he waited for me at the traffic lights) and he told me had been seeing and sleeping with another girl (that night I took the "In Relationship" bit with him off) he has defriended me on FB.

 

Why do I feel such incredible sadness? Why do I cry over this guy still?

 

Funnily enough it's the same I had an interview for a company I have been wanting and dreaming of working with for about 7 years!! (He knew it was my dream)

 

They are interested in hiring me, and when I was having a good day, he does this.

 

Why why why... Someone help me, we had so much, such an intense relationship and he just goes and defriends me just like that?

[witchychick]

Hey hun,

 

 

Well you feel the way you do because you still have feelings for him and feelings dont just go away unfortunately. My ex broke up with me a month ago and has ignored me and isnt contacting me. He wont get on facebook either. My feelings arent going away for him. He did some things,too when we were together like flake on me for one. But I didnt end it with him because I have feelings for him. I thought it was a a**hole move for him to defriend you,I'm sorry. You'll get better in time. I hope I do as well. Congrats on the job. What will you be doing? If you ever wanna talk,I am on facebook,too.

 

 

 

Michelle

[ironman73]

Actually, I think that it is a blessing in disguise. I unfriended my ex- even though he begged me not to. It keeps me from checking up on him and vice-versa. It allows me some space and helps keep me from obsessing about him- otherwise I would check his FB page all of the time. I also blocked him from google + although he still has me in his 'circles'

[northpickle]

Hey Ruby -

 

Can I just offer my support here, a couple of days ago my ex untagged all but one of our photos together and then blocked me. I had already unfriended him a long time ago but I can honestly say it was like a big slap to the face, especially when I thought he was the one trying to play it cool after BU and I was the one on the emotional roller-coaster.

 

It shook me up for a while but I've realised this, both of you have come out of a long term relationship and both of you need to heal in whatever way you find best. Don't take it personally, he is doing what he has to and you are doing what you have to. And the word in bold is the important one. YOU. I'm not going to sit here and say "forget about it" because I know it's hard, but you have good things going on in your life, and he is now the one missing out on that in behaving the way he is.

 

And ironman is right, he's not a "friend" in any sense of the word. And the defriending may help you to express yourself more freely online without worrying what he see or makes of it. Maybe you should go the next step and block him?

 

Great news on the job, I really hope it all works out for you x

[RubyWoo]

I guess it is better since I won't read it if he suddenly starts declaring his undying love for his new girlfriend. But he KNEW defriending me would hurt me so much... hasn't he caused enough pain already?

 

He sent me a text the day after we ran into each other, saying:

 

"I know I can't say anything to make you understand.I just hope one day you forgive me because I will never feel the same about anybody. I can't help but think I have made the biggest mistake of my life. You are the best woman I have ever met. I can't believe I got so lost"

 

For being the "biggest mistake of his life", he seems to have NO problem going through with it...

[Airbag]

He's just trying to fill the void, in a horrible way.

[ironman73]

Ruby-

This is exactly what my ex said to me. Although he has not gone out (yet) with anyone else. But maybe he needs another relationship to give him some perspective. So that he can see how wonderful you are. It is not like he said to you, 'hey, I am sorry, but this was the best decision for me. I met someone who is a much better match for me and I wish you the best of luck'. Maybe he is being sincere or maybe not. But you need some more no contact time. Why don't you reach out to him in 6 months and see how he is? Try and meet for coffee. I think that is enough time for him to realise whether or not he really did make a mistake. It will let the waters settle and clear a little.

[RubyWoo]

Thanks everyone for your support! Run into him again today... I was going for lunch with a couple girl friends, I was all done up and looking quite good (ha!) and there he was on his way to work.

 

I waved and kept on walking and he followed me saying "Aren't you going to talk to me?" I said I was happy he was with his new girl and everything was peachy for him. He was getting angrier and angrier as we talked, trying to blame me for the break up saying "you pushed me away" and that the sex with that girl meant nothing and it wasn't even one millionth of how good it is with me.

 

I tried to walk away, he came running after me. I said well you made your decision. YOU decided to break up and move out, YOU decided to date someone else when you knew where it would lead, YOU decided to take off her clothes and have sex with her. At some point we were just running in circles so I said I was late and kept walking. He looked at me with puppy eyes, but I had to suck it in and just turn around.

 

At some point he said "I'm a sociopath, and I'll never care about anyone or have sex with anyone like I do with you" Whaaaaaaaaat?

 

IF he really felt bad and thought it was the biggest mistake of his life and he had a mental break down and now his life is falling apart and all that stuff, he could be sending flowers my way and crying at my doorstep apologising.

 

But no, he still blames ME...

[ironman73]

Ha! He totally cracked.

Ruby- what if he made a mistake? People can make mistakes. He has found that he was doubting what he had with you- It was driving him crazy and so he needed to act on it. Yes, he was immature. But it looks like he learned a lesson. No, he is not blaming you. He is blaming himself. What you think he should do in this situation (sending you flowers) is irrelevant. I have seen relationships survive this sort of thing all of the time. One of the parties just needs a reality check. It hurts everyone at the time, but then I really doubt he will do it again. Haven't you ever heard of the child whose parent tells them not to touch the hot stove? They touch it anyway. And they get hurt. He will remember touching the hot stove. Now what do you want to do now? Do you want him back? Because the ball is in your court now. At this point, he will do anything to get you back. So, take advantage of that- if that is what you want. Go to counseling for one.

I wish I was where you are.... I am still waiting to see if my ex misses me... at all.

[RubyWoo]

Yeah but he's not saying "I want to get back together with you, I'm sorry". He just says he's made a mistake but leaves it at that. So I'm not going to make an invitation for reconcialition, plus I wouldn't even want his hands near my body right now. It all sounds like "blah blah blah but I'm still not coming back"...

[ironman73]

Just give it some time. But don't wait for him. I ran into my ex today. He looked like cr*p. He asked me how I was and I told him how busy I was, blah blah. And then in turn he told me how he had been sick and then how he has done nothing since we stopped talking and how his life basically sucked without me. But, like you- I have to hold out. You need to make this guy feel like what life is really like without you and want you back. You don't want to be stuck in another relationship where he is looking for something else. We can be strong together

[Airbag]

Hey Ruby!

 

Things definitely get better. Just look at me for example: I wanted to kill myself and felt so bad for 3 months. Then all of a sudden I meet an even more beautiful girl and she made me realize that it's not my ex that I'm missing, it's love. I'm looking for someone to love me the way I am. My ex left me because she didn't love me anymore. My confidence was crushed, I truly felt horrible. Now I'm starting to talk and even flirt a little with other girls and it feels AWESOME! My confidence is sky high and I have never felt better about myself I have no doubt that I will find love again. I just had to find and love myself first.

 

Take care now and I know you will get there.

 

All the best xoxo,

 

Airbag

[RubyWoo]

Thanks Airbag, I'm so glad that you're getting better, and it gives me hope!

 

Ironman - Would you get back together with your ex?

 

One of my problems now is I have basically NO self esteem after this. How someone could replace me in 2 months after living with me for so many years has really taken a toll on my confidence. I have never really "dated" and it scares me as hell. I think men will go for skinnier hotter girls and I'm sort of the opposite.

 

Hopefully someone nice comes along. It really hurts me that on a Friday night I'm the one home all alone, 3 months since my dad's death with no one to hold me and the ex is already between some other woman's legs...

[KronicMan]

ruby, were all with you. however, i think its maybe to start changing your way of thinking, and maybe start to turn this thread into a positive moving on, dont want him, dont need him attitude! im sure you have alot to be thankful for!

[RubyWoo]

Thanks Kronic, I am really trying to reinforce those thoughts.

 

I got another text from him today. He called 3 times but my phone was playing up and in a different room so I didn't hear it and at some point I guess it turned itself off. When I turned it on I had a "3 missed calls" notification.

 

Then I got this text:

 

"I am really sorry I called. I wanted to hear your voice. You turned off your phone so I guess you don't want to hear from me. I will always love you, you were my world"

 

Thoughts? I'm such a mess right now, so confused. He never says "I'm sorry I made such a mistake I'll do anything to have you back" Even if he did I think it's probably too late now. A quite nice guy has asked me on a date on Saturday too and I'm freaking out because I don't want to hurt this guy.

 

I'm a mess can someone help?

[mhowe]

You are right. He is not saying "I made a mistake, I am sorry."

 

It is still all about him ---not you and what he has put you through. If I were you, I'd keep the phone off. And go on that date. Time to have some fun.