Alison245 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Keep pushing forwards Ruby with learning to love who you are without his validation. It must have been really messed up seeing him like that - just remember that IF he wanted to find you - he could.....if he wanted to hound you and tell you he messed up - he could......and if he was a truly good bloke, he would have been there for you during such a tough time with your dad passing away. Might be worth remembering that you would never have expected one of your friends to treat you so badly and bolt when you needed them so why should you tolerate it from the one person you held above everyone else. I can relate the the feelings of inadequacy and feeling rubbish about myself but slowly the haze of self loathing and blaming myself has subsided and I know that he was the one - and the same in your case - in which they were inadequate. My ex dropped the ball so to speak and so did yours. In time they may - or may not realise what a mess they left in their wake but we simply cant sit and wait for that day My feeling 'ugly' has worryingly manifested into a shopping addiction and rather pricey new haircut but on the flip side I've joined a running group and am now able to run for over an hour without turning purple so am also internally making myself better x Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 Thanks Alison for your words of encouragement! You are doing great and you must be so proud of yourself for running over an hour, wow!! I know you are right, if he wanted to find me he knows where I live... Seeing him messed me up because the fact that he came running for me gave some sort of stupid false hope. I just got a text about 30 mins ago... "Seeing you was hard but it was good to see your face again. I have 26 hours this year and I'm making good money. You?" I wish him well, but I just want to reply with something mean like "well now that you're single and have money, all those skanky women must be going crazy, you have everything you wanted" I don't know if he's trying to get close to me or what is going on. I'm just going to ignore it and go to sleep as soon as I get home from work. So so upset now. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Don't you see how silly he is? He loves the good drama now and again, but when it comes to actually being in your life, he's nowhere to be found! Of course he can pick up the phone any minute and talk to you, but he doesn't. He really loves drama and attention, but he's obviously probably got a GF or GFs and he can't freely call or see you without getting busted. And what is the 'seeing you is so hard' nonsense? He can see you anytime he wants if he really wanted to. Nothing is stopping him from doing that except HIMSELF. So he still is not interested in a relationship, so there is nothing in this for you and nothing has changed. I'm sure he'd drop by for a shag now and again, but unless he does something serious like tell you he made a mistake and wants to get back with you, all of this is just noise and keeping you on the hook while he runs around with other people. Tell him to call you if he shows he can be responsible and hold down a job for a long time and quit seeing other women, otherwise there is not point to this. Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 I know... I would rather not think about the other women or him having another GF... it kills me inside and I'm not strong enough to handle those thoughts now. When he gave me back the key of our apartment I told him I didn't want to talk to him or see him because I have feelings and it seems he doesn't. I guess he's so much happier without me after all. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I don't think it's a question of him 'being happier without you' and you shouldn't run those kind of negative scripts in your head that somehow make you seem like a loser and him a winner. I think if it was an accurate perception that you have romantic feelings for him and he is not interested in a committed relationhip, it is more likely a case that you both just want different things out of life and are not a good romantic match because of that. As you said, he wanted to drink, drug, party, chase other girls, and frankly that is about him and his needs and not that you're somehow making him unhappy as a person. He just wants to be free to party... other women are just playmates in the party game, not 'better' for him than you are. Perhaps they appeal to him because they drink and drug and are shallow... that's not who you want to be and certainly they are not better than you if that is what appeals to him. Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 I know... it's just that for so long he said he loved me and his life was so much better with me in it, that he was so happy to be with me. And now when we're getting older, he turns the other way and starts acting like he's 18. I know he's probably sleeping with other girls, making out in clubs and having the time of his life. And meanwhile I'm suffering so much. I don't deserve this and somehow I am the one who is alone. The one that gets to be all alone on a Friday night, weee!! I'll just reply "Glad things are going so well for you" and disappear. I wouldn't mind dissapearing from the world to be honest. Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Don't repy at all. Disappear from his world, not ours. Go out and find someone who will put the action behind the words "I love you". Link to comment
Airbag Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Don't repy at all. Disappear from his world, not ours. Go out and find someone who will put the action behind the words "I love you". Easier said than done though. I really want to find someone who truly cares about me. Someone who understands me and completes me. Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 Airbag!! *hugs* My super Friday night plan is to get drunk on margaritas and pass out on the couch. Link to comment
Airbag Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Airbag!! *hugs* My super Friday night plan is to get drunk on margaritas and pass out on the couch. Sound like a solid plan, lol! Link to comment
northpickle Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Airbag!! *hugs* My super Friday night plan is to get drunk on margaritas and pass out on the couch. Hugs to all from me too! I'm still deciding whether to go out or not tonight, no-one seems to have any plans but I know a few places where there will be some friendly faces, if you see what I mean. I know a lot of barflies Fridays are the worst for me, it's when he would pick me up after work and we'd spend the weekend together usually having a lot of fun. I'm still trying to get into the mindset of "it's his loss" - I'm getting there slowly, we all will in time x Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 Go out if you feel like it!! I have dinner and clubs lined up tomorrow night with the girls from the derby team, I know I won't feel like it but I'll try to do it anyway... I feel really strange when I go out though, I see couples kissing and remember what we used to do and I just want to cry and go home. This is really messing me up, I hate him for this. Link to comment
northpickle Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I understand, when I go out, either to bars or even days out, I still wish I was with the ex because his company made me feel more alive than anyone else can do right now. I had my own social life when I was with him, you understand, but I still miss him a lot. You know what I was doing earlier this week? I was walking around and checking out women's ring fingers to see if they were wearing a wedding or engagement ring, and started thinking "What is up with me?! Why does no-one want me?!". BUT I stopped it quite quickly. I see and know women who are very messed up or have dysfunctional relationships and are married, it means nothing. In fact, it means I haven't let myself been strung along and ended up marrying the wrong person. I haven't met the right person yet. I'm completely free. I hope you have a good time tomorrow, I'm sure you will. You might not enjoy all the night and there might be some moments where you feel a bit down, but the more times you try the easier it will get x I still haven't made my mind up! It's just gone 7pm, plenty of time Link to comment
Mr_LFA Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Been reading this from the start and I hope you're starting to heal RubyWoo. You'll be a stronger person after all this I promise (I am). It took me at least 6 months to get back on my feet again, when I was 'dumped' by my first love after a 3.5 year relationship. I was a complete depressed mess for months but it all gets better slowly. You have a good heart and deserve someone who will love and respect you no matter what. Remember YOU are number 1 right now! Link to comment
Airbag Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Been reading this from the start and I hope you're starting to heal RubyWoo. You'll be a stronger person after all this I promise (I am). It took me at least 6 months to get back on my feet again, when I was 'dumped' by my first love after a 3.5 year relationship. I was a complete depressed mess for months but it all gets better slowly. You have a good heart and deserve someone who will love and respect you no matter what. Remember YOU are number 1 right now! Definitely need to read this over and over until it sinks in! Link to comment
witchychick Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 I was dumped 2 weeks ago and he is now avoiding and not talking to me. Even though he said he wanted back eventually. I hardly leave the house. But I dont have hardly anyone to hang out with anyway now. Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted November 6, 2011 Author Share Posted November 6, 2011 Witchychick, I think it's better that you don't talk to him for a while... it's the only way he'll get to miss you... I'm having a really really tough day today Link to comment
witchychick Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 He won't talk to me anyway-the last time I tried to contact him was on Tuesday and he avoided my calls and he hasnt been on facebook in over a week. Sorry you're having a tough time,I am too. Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 Stop contacting him, let him come to you if he wants to fix things. That's the only advice I can really give, since I'm going crazy without him right now... Link to comment
Mr_LFA Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 You really have to force yourself to stop thinking about him and what he's up to. If you don't you WILL go crazy. You have to think why am I so crazy right now about someone that doesn't want to be with me? I know it's hard but sometimes you have to just think that they are 'dead' (at this point in time), in order for you to move on and start the healing process. I've been in that dark dark place but you'll eventually find a way to the surface and be happy again. Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted November 8, 2011 Author Share Posted November 8, 2011 Thanks, that's what I've been trying to do but it's really really hard. He said I was the most amazing woman he had ever met, that he would never love anyone the way he's loved me... but still he packed and walked away. It is a horrible horrible feeling. Makes you feel really worhtless and useless... I am a good person, I am intelligent... really insecure about my looks but I guess I'm no monster either. Still I feel like I'll never find anyone else or I'll never love a man like I loved him. Link to comment
KronicMan Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 really insecure about my looks but I guess I'm no monster either. ( if your last avatar was you, then, you shouldnt be insecure, you have a unique look, kinda like zooey deschanel...that look is in lol stay strong Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted November 8, 2011 Author Share Posted November 8, 2011 Hahaha yes that was me, a sorta retro girl I don't know this, whole relationship has made me feel so little by the end of it all. Like I did not matter at all and any woman out there is better for him than I am. Like he wasn't attracted enough or cared enough to stay and get help. I went through 2 months of counselling (suggested by him) to work on my issues. He went to one session and never came back. And the one with the tortured past, broken family and an addiction to pot. How are you doing Kronic? Link to comment
SorrowandPain Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Ruby, I know how hard it is to remove self-defeating thoughts but you really are a hotty and a kind person. It really is his loss. Link to comment
KronicMan Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 How are you doing Kronic? i am doing ok. these past 2 weeks i have been wanting to cave and call my ex just to say i miss you. its really hard. and sometimes i feel so embarrassed that my ex replaced me so quick, but thats the only thing holding me back from calling her Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.