Haa Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 It's just that I feel if I was different he would have stayed. If you think someone is amazing, smart, fun and hot you wouldn't say "I love you but I'd rather risk losing you than stay", right? Obviously whatever he's got going on (whether it's another girl or the fun single life with his mates) seems more attractive and a better deal than me. Hi Ruby. So sorry for what you're going through right now. Just felt like replying as I know how you feel, with regards to your ex. I've felt the same way. As he was leaving me I even pathetically said I felt like if I was thinner, prettier... anything, he'd have stuck around. He told me I was perfect the way I was, was beautiful, couldn't be any better. Didn't make me feel any better because he still left. 7 years & pooft gone. I still have those rubbishy, if I was any one but me, if I was so good, he'd have stayed moments. But that's just cos my self esteem is shot right now. I am me, me is pretty damn good (not in a big headed way), if he doesn't want to be with me, so be it. I could've been the hottest woman on the planet & I doubt it would've have made any difference. This is about him & there's nothing I can do but let go. Sorry, not got any words of wisdom or any thing to ease the pain. Just thought it helps to know others are feeling like you are. Keep posting on here. It helps to get it all out. I used to use this site a lot years ago, just registered again today. Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 Thank you Haa... I just wonder whether these feelings will ever go away. I kept picturing him with another girl and I get sick. I guess you're right, my self esteem is completely destroyed. He really seems to be absolutely fine and happy without me in his life and NC. It stings. Link to comment
Voodoodoll Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 If you think someone is amazing, smart, fun and hot you wouldn't say "I love you but I'd rather risk losing you than stay", right? The thing about this is I don't think he thinks he is risking losing you....He ovbiously knows that you're crazy about him, and that he has in his head ''ah sure i'll have my cake now and eat it and when i get bored i'll just land at her house and say I'm sorry take me back and bam I'll have her again just like that'' I cannot, wait I think I have to say this again, CANNOT believe that this * * * * e house has left you when your father has just died, what a fuuicked up piece of crap.... I swear to God, I would say to him, wait no i wouldn't say to him he wouldn't deserve to see me face to face, I'd bloody text him and tell him exactly how I feel about him and what he's done and how insensitive he is about all of this, and I'd tell him he's biggest stupid ass fecker I have ever met to do all this knowing that your father has died, tell him that you thought about everything and you can now say ''well at least I can leave this relationship knowing that I've loved you with all I had and that i really tried'', I came to the conclusion that you are sooooo not worth a single god damn tear, get out of my life, I'm over you''' ....... When me and my b.f broke up my granny died and my granny loved him like, did he come to the wake? No, did he come to the funeral? ehh NO... I felt crushed, it all happened within the same week, I was sitting with my whole family + extended family at the meal after the funeral and there was a seat empty beside me where he should have been.... it's been 3 months and seriously the more I thought about it, the more better i felt, I really REALLY loved him and tried in the relationship, he didn't ..... although now I have more bullcrap to deal with at the mo, I know that i will get tru this too, even know I don't feel it at the moment... Screw the people that do this to us, we're God damn superstars, the more I hurt about things the more it P isses me off, so now i do anything in my power that when i feel like crap i do something that'll make me feel good again.... oh and just listen to beyonce haha,''what goes around comes back around'' Tonight I'm gonna watch sex and the city because it's fecking fabulous .... You'll be grand girl, we'll all be grand.... xx Link to comment
Tarnation Joe Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 You have to know that this have nothing to do with your attractiveness. Guys don't say they need to find themselves because their gf's aren't as hot anymore. Guys being guys can get unexcited about even the prettiest girl over time. There's an old joke about "Show me the hottest girl in the world, and I'll show you a guy whose tired of ______ing her." Its a curse. Take care. Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted September 21, 2011 Author Share Posted September 21, 2011 I guess so, but I know he has probably found someone else he is more attracted to sexually. Sex was always amazing but lately he didn't seem that into me, I'd buy a new dress or do myself up and I never got a compliment or a "god you're hot!" My self esteem is pretty much gone after this. Voodooo, I guess you're right... but surely he must see that I haven't tried to contact him even once? Doesn't that bother him at all? Link to comment
Haa Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 He really seems to be absolutely fine and happy without me in his life and NC. It stings. Mine seems fine too, going out, drinking etc, but who knows what they're feeling inside. From the outside is one thing, you can project you're having a fab time when in fact you might be falling to pieces inside. I know my ex will just put on a happy, 'I'm OK' front for his mates even if he's miserable as hell because that's just him. After being with someone for years you can't just exit the relationship & just be fine, well, not IMO... ... but surely he must see that I haven't tried to contact him even once? Doesn't that bother him at all? Have you had any contact from him? Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted September 22, 2011 Author Share Posted September 22, 2011 Just a text saying he misses me. And that's it... that's why he think he really isn't thinking about me or has any idea of trying to fix things. Just enjoying himself. Link to comment
Haa Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Mine's prob the same. All I've had was one text saying he hoped I was well & he was sorting my stuff out (I'm still waiting for it) and then some jokey banter type texts last week, the kind we used to send each other. Now silence. Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted September 24, 2011 Author Share Posted September 24, 2011 Did he stop texting or did you? It's just so hard to know whether to reply or not... Speaking of which, I just got a text an hour ago. 3 AM. Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted September 24, 2011 Author Share Posted September 24, 2011 I really want to text back If I don't I might ruin the chance for reconciliation because he'll think I don't care? I do care. And I want us back. Except if he has had another girl in this time, if that's the case he can get lost! Link to comment
Airbag Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Then send a text without hints of desperation, neediness, etc.! Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted September 24, 2011 Author Share Posted September 24, 2011 He wrote "Why can't I get you out of my head? All this rain reminds me of those rainy days in our first flat" I thought about saying something like "I miss those rainy days too" which expresses how good our relationship was but doesn't come accross as needy and begging? Link to comment
Airbag Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 That's perfect. It's absolutely important that you don't pour your heart out immediately. Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted September 24, 2011 Author Share Posted September 24, 2011 I won't, I'll just let him know that I miss the good old times too. I don't think he's really wanting to get back together at this point, so I'm not going to ask for it either! Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 Well I sent the text, and he didn't write back. Typical. I just wish I understood the point in sending me those texts if he doesn't plan on apologizing and come back... Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 Feeling like crap today. Really frigging missing him. Went to roller derby practice and made lots of progress, new tricks and achievements... And I just kept wishing he was there to see how good I'm doing. Link to comment
Haa Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Did he stop texting or did you? It's just so hard to know whether to reply or not... Speaking of which, I just got a text an hour ago. 3 AM. He stopped. After a week of nothing, thought I'd send a casual text tonight. Did I get a reply? Course I didn't. I'd have more luck winning the lottery. Have you heard from yours since? Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 Friday night at 3 am, got a text saying "Why can't I get you out of my head? This rain reminds me of those rainy nigts at our first apartment". I replied "I know I miss those rainy nights with you too" And since then, silence. Why does he text those things?? Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted September 26, 2011 Author Share Posted September 26, 2011 Got another text 2 hours ago while I was at derby practice... " I miss you and I miss your voice. I would call you now but I know you can't talk to me. It's so hard to move on from you" Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 Can anyone offer advice? I want to reply with something cool and nonchalant but I dont know what to say... Link to comment
Airbag Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Can anyone offer advice? I want to reply with something cool and nonchalant but I dont know what to say... "I miss the times we had together too. If you want, you can call me later." Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 Should I invite him to call me though? Or should I just keep it text for now? He isn't saying anything about getting back together, but then maybe if I don't say anything I destroy my chances? God I wish this wasn't so damn complicated. Link to comment
Airbag Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Just send a text saying you are willing to talk to him on the phone. But let him call you, instead of you calling him. If he does, let him do all the talking and remain strong. No acting depressed! Link to comment
RubyWoo Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 I guess that's a way of saying I'm here to talk but not sounding desperate. I'm scared about speaking with him on the phone though, it's going to make me miss him more and in the end he'll just hang up and continue doing his own thing and flirting with all his new female friends. I just saw on his Facebook one of them asked "Have you found the flat yet? x" So I guess he was still living with the mate whose flat he went to while he was going to find something else. That FB post has pissed me off though, she knows he doesnt really use FB so it's like she posted it for me to see. I do NOT like that girl at all (2 weeks into her "friendship" with my ex she started explaining how her man didn't satisfy her sexually) REALLY? Haven't texted back yet. I'm mad right now. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 As long as you are emotional (angry, pissed, nervous, anxious), I would avoid texting. Doesn't matter if it takes a day or two to get centered. Doing nothing means you will have nothing to regret. Link to comment
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