Excruciating pain

[sososadnow]

OF COURSE you will find someone else. You're young and smart and when you're ready you'll find the right person. It will take time, however. You may need a year or two between the death and the breakup. I hope you have great friends. Follow your dreams.

[RubyWoo]

Thanks... I think as every day goes by it's just starting to kick in that he really doesn't plan on coming back and is much happier without me.

 

It's hard to get my head around that concept because I have always tried to be a good girlfriend, granted we all have flaws and make mistakes but to the point of moving on from me so quickly?

 

Can a man just jump to the single life and have fun and start dating other girls so quickly after 5 years?

 

I'm a mess right now I really miss him.

[RubyWoo]

One week NC and I got a text today as I was having lunch with a girl friend... "I miss you and your special way"

 

What do I do, what do I do!!! I really want things to go back to normal between us

[mhowe]

You do nothing. I know it sounds counter - intuitive, but all he said was "I miss you". Not "I want to get back together". If you go running back for that breadcrumb, you will be severely disappointed. If he really wants to get back with you -- it won't be happening thru text messaging, will it? Stay with NC, continue to hang with your friends ---- and wait to see if he is really willing to make an effort. Seven words isn't an effort!

[xStitches]

I agree. "I miss you" isn't enough. It's a start, but not enough.

[mhowe]

I agree. "I miss you" isn't enough. It's a start, but not enough.

 

It's not even a start --- it's only a statement of fact. Christ, he could have said "I like carrots". Yeah, so what!

[xStitches]

I beg to differ. That message changes the game. Receiving it allows Ruby to get some closure to some of her questions about whether he still thinks about her. By not responding, it puts her back in control of the relationship. That's miles away from where she was yesterday, and it can really help her find the strength to either a. move on or b. hold out for a full reconciliation on her terms.

[RubyWoo]

So I just do nothing and wait... Will that give him the impression that I don't care or make him mad?

[mhowe]

No, it won't give him either impression. How could it? He said he missed you.....ummm okay. Don't you want more information than that before you contact him?

Hell, you miss him too....but it's not really a reason to contact someone who broke up with you. And no, you don't wait. You get on with your life. He will be in stronger contact if you don't respond to every little text --- honestly, is that statement enough for you?

[RubyWoo]

I know, I just feel sooo weak for him and just wish he would just come back home and be the man I fell in love with, the happy, determined, loving boyfriend he can be. And probably I'm just getting my hopes up with that text...

[mhowe]

The text was 7 words. And I know you don't want to hear this, but if he wanted to be the man you fell in love with, don't you think he could have written a bunch more words, or maybe show up? Please don't settle for this behavior. I know it's hard....

[RubyWoo]

Went clubbing last night and I absolutely hated it, at some point I thought I was just going to start crying. All I wanted was for him to be there so I could kiss him, hold him, feel his body against mine. Today it's two weeks since I last saw him and I'm really * * * * ing missing him now.

 

I've had a friend staying over for a few days and been quite busy with roller derby training too, but she leaves tomorrow and I can tell it's going to be falling apart time...

[DerekJason]

Went clubbing last night and I absolutely hated it, at some point I thought I was just going to start crying. All I wanted was for him to be there so I could kiss him, hold him, feel his body against mine. Today it's two weeks since I last saw him and I'm really * * * * ing missing him now.

 

I've had a friend staying over for a few days and been quite busy with roller derby training too, but she leaves tomorrow and I can tell it's going to be falling apart time...

 

the 2 week mark is rough, im not gonna lie, i was a HOT MESS at 2 weeks, now at 11 weeks, its not nearly as bad, you will get thru this Rubywoo. Not for nothing, you seem like a very caring girl, plus you're HOT!!!! so keep your chin up! Feel these emotions and let it make you stronger.

[windmask]

Hey RubyWoo

 

u asked in ur original question why does he want his own apartment ahhhhhh well maybe so he can have someone else over whenever he wants OR maybe u nag a lot and u make him feel a little bad and hes tired of it And if those two reasons arent right well then he feels this relationship isnt going to work for much longer and hes preparing to move on already. sorry if thats being a little to forward i know its hard to hear things like that. but listen u cant force someone to do things or make them love you.

 

theres nothing u can do really u shouldnt stop him from getting his own place but i really suggest that u sit him down and be like how do u feel about this relationship. ask him if hes interested in it or not i must warn u though that u shouldnt expect anything good then. if hes honest and truthful am sure he will give u the exact reasons for his decision to move out to his own place.

[northpickle]

Went clubbing last night and I absolutely hated it, at some point I thought I was just going to start crying. All I wanted was for him to be there so I could kiss him, hold him, feel his body against mine. Today it's two weeks since I last saw him and I'm really * * * * ing missing him now.

 

I've had a friend staying over for a few days and been quite busy with roller derby training too, but she leaves tomorrow and I can tell it's going to be falling apart time...

 

Hey, just want to say I know what you're going through, I'm 2 weeks in and tried to go out with a friend last night, it actually made me feel worse that everyone else in the world seemed to be having fun and enjoying themselves, and I was hiding in a corner!

 

But we are trying and we will get there, yes we will

[RubyWoo]

I don't know, I don't know how I'll make it past this... He's probably with someone new already and I feel like a worthless idiot. I keep getting mental images of him with another woman and I feel SICK.

[RubyWoo]

Feeling like c*rap tonight. It's really hitting me that he must not give a damn about me... I lost my dad 3 weeks ago, and after 5 years together he seems to be SO HAPPY with NC.

 

I could never do that to someone I love (he says he loves me but needs to get "his sh*it together) when I know they're going through so much pain losing their parent AND their boyfriend at the same time.

 

The way I understand things, that is not love. Maybe he never really loved me anyway, he's so happy doing his own thing flirting with all these new skinny hot girls and sleeping with them too.

 

I could get run over by a bus right now and I would be happy to be gone.

[ellene728]

right there with you. It has been two weeks for me as well...my friend and I went out a few nights ago but only for a couple hours. I put on a happy face and did my hair and makeup but when I came home I still felt empty and alone. No matter how much "fun" I have partying or clubbing or going out, I still come home alone with no one to warm my feet at night and my heart breaks all over again. I'm so sorry for everything you're going through I wish I could give you a big hug! I just found out my ex has been sleeping with one of my friends (well, ex friend now..) and the thought of him with someone else is nauseating. I don't understand how he is able to be with someone else, I can't fathom the thought of kissing anyone but him. I wish I could give you a good piece of advice but I don't even know how to help yourself I just keep visiting this forum and trying to keep myself busy. They say time heals everything.

 

On another note, I cannot IMAGINE leaving someone I "love" when one of their parents has passed away, that is just cruel. I am SO SORRY this happened to you, it's hard to grieve the loss of a relationship on its own, I cannot begin to imagine grieving the loss of a boyfriend AND a parent. Stay strong and realize that a good guy would never do something like that to you! You are a beautiful girl, and from your posts you seem like such a sweet genuine person, you deserve much more than what this guy could ever give you.

[RubyWoo]

I know breaking up with me when my dad just passed is really cruel... at the same time, I guess if he doesn't want to be with me, why stick around?

 

But when he says I'm the most amazing girl he ever met and he'll never love anyone like he loved me I wonder "why are you dumping me then?"

 

I'm in so much pain, I just want to cry. I don't think I can make it through this.

[22n32]

Stay strong. If he doesn't relize what he had with u then he isn't right guy for u..

 

It will get easier.. don't sit there and dweel on it.. just thru u into depression further.. Totaly counter productive..

 

U have to start accepting it, and go thru the procceses of grieving and healing..

 

Before u can even think of ever having a chance u have to get ur mind right..

 

Focus on urself, life, friends and future wo him.. just can't keep dwelling.. its his loss..

 

Be strong it will get better..

[Alison245]

Hey Rubywoo,

 

Am so sorry to hear the stuff you've been going through - I can relate in ways as my other half of 8 years decided he wanted space...follwed by wanting out of our really pretty amazing relationship due to him not 'sure of how he feels' grrrrr......but in short I'm 3 weeks on healing and taking each day at a time.

 

Seriously a massive well done on even going out and dressing up - I had to attend a wedding within a week of it ending and spent it in some odd zombie like state with a permagrin slapped on but inside felt drunk and detatched from myself and my life. Get moment where I shudder at what's happened so I cannot imagine how you must be feeling.

 

Truly sorry to hear of you father passing away - make sure you surround yourself with people who will just sit and hug you as it can feel suddenly very lonely.

 

The small comfort I take each day is that I DID have that relationship and I WAS a fantastic girlfriend and if he cannot see it then that will be his loss as there is no way we should be with someone who is in any way 'tolerating' or 'putting up' with us...I know its cliche but maybe spending some time getting to work on yourself is really empowering. Ive been running so so much to burn off all that nasty toxic anxiety and as a result feel really good about making my body really strong even if my mind doesnt quite feel it. As for the idea of him being with other girls as you say - whenever that hulk rage grows - i get running - usually about 10 -11 at night is when its worse so night runs are my cure!

 

If you ever just need to vent - this place has been a bit of a lifeline on those long days or nights.... Don't despair, the physical ache does subside and you will feel clearer and stronger each day x

[RubyWoo]

Thanks 22n32 and Alison... I don't even know how to push through. I just came back home from my parents house, my mum was cleaning the wardrobe and packing my dad's clothes, I just got to my apartment and just sitting here alone and seeing what my life is right now is too much for me to handle.

 

I'm bawling my eyes out with no one to hold wondering what did I do wrong to make him leave and go find someone else. Why wasn't I sexy, funny or good enough for him to stay. And wondering why is life so damn unfair to take my dad away from me when he was such a great father. I'm drowning.

[Alison245]

hun,

 

it may feel so dark right now - please dont feel like you're drowning....sounds so ridiculous but go put your pj's on, grab a mug of something and get wrapped up on the sofa, grab your phone and call someone that you know will listen to you - have a good cry and start tomorrow as a fresh day that you have control over.

 

It is so so unfair that this has happened to you - you did nothing to deserve it and i can only imagine what you're going through, sending a massive hug and a big ol man sized tissue.

 

Are you able to talk to your mum or do you feel like she's struggling herself? Must be so hard to see your dads stuff packed up. So much change - i can relate in some small way as ive had to move to my Dads house (single parent) in a small town miles from friends so have an immense feeling of isolation but I make small plans each day to see friends -whether it skyping or meeting for a cuppa - makes such a difference. xx

[22n32]

Thanks 22n32 and Alison... I don't even know how to push through. I just came back home from my parents house, my mum was cleaning the wardrobe and packing my dad's clothes, I just got to my apartment and just sitting here alone and seeing what my life is right now is too much for me to handle.

 

I'm bawling my eyes out with no one to hold wondering what did I do wrong to make him leave and go find someone else. Why wasn't I sexy, funny or good enough for him to stay. And wondering why is life so damn unfair to take my dad away from me when he was such a great father. I'm drowning.

 

It has nothing to do with u being not sexy or good enough! you have to get that outa your head.. sounds like this was more about him then you.. certain things he needs to do, part of growing as a person..

[RubyWoo]

It's just that I feel if I was different he would have stayed. If you think someone is amazing, smart, fun and hot you wouldn't say "I love you but I'd rather risk losing you than stay", right? Obviously whatever he's got going on (whether it's another girl or the fun single life with his mates) seems more attractive and a better deal than me.