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Excruciating pain

RubyWoo

By RubyWoo
in Breaking Up Advice

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DerekJason Contributor

DerekJason

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I didn't want to say anything about calling me (don't want to sound like I'm waiting around for him) so I texted:

 

"I miss you too and I miss us, so many memories and moments. I'm getting really good at derby"

 

Good or bad?

 

sounds fine to me, its hard to keep a poker face, although i never got a single crumb so what do i know.

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SorrowandPain Apprentice

SorrowandPain

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You need to go NC. These text messages that he sends to you are just bread crumbs. If you REALLY want this guy back, text him one and final message: "Please don't contact me unless you want to reconcille." Then move on... chi

 

Do what chi said. You don't deserved to be jerked around and call to his every whim like this. You are an amazing woman who doesn't need someone pulling your strings whenever he wants.

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RubyWoo Rookie

RubyWoo

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Just woke up with an inmense feeling of sadness and emptiness today... I miss him and I'm starting to get really upset... Thinking he has probably just found someone else or is just sleeping around having his single fun and I've been dumped and rejected like a piece of trash. Today is going to be hard, I can tell. I don't want to go to work I just want to curl up in bed

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quirky Experienced

quirky

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Hey Ruby,

 

I am really sorry about your dad.

 

just wanted to send you some cyber support, you sound like a great girl. I know how hard it is, I fully understand that longing. When you feel a bit different or a bit of an outsider the bonds you create can be even more important. You will have to accept that it will be hard for a while. It's unrealistic to feel ok after 5 years with someone. Just accept it and ride it out.

 

I hurt so much that I couldn't fathom that pain and loneliness like that existed! It challenged everything I believed about love and it made me scared to trust men. I was doing NC with my guy but would eventually respond when he contacted me. He would call and CRY down the phone saying he's dead without me, noone else comes close etc I would open up just to realise that for whatever reason it wasn't happening again (this is where the fear to trust men feeling emerged)

 

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that eventually the main thing that worked was proper NC and the longest we did was 9 weeks. It worked from both sides. It will also help YOU realise what you want from life and a relationship. When he eventually came back my standard was very high and I had had enough of making up excuses for him. Excuses about his immaturity, his past, his ADD, his lack of experience etc. I also went through a phase of severe self blame believing that I was the worst gf ever!

I had stopped making excuses and accepting crumbs and he had pulled his act together. He sent me a book, a long letter, flowers and eventually booked a flight to come and see me.

 

So don't worry..if they want it they will come for it eventually. All you need to do at the moment is look after yourself and find little everyday things that help you get through the day (for me it was hot showers). I remember looking at a flower wanting to pick it up and show it to him and then I thought 'I will pick the freaking flower for myself!'. Because today he is not here and today I am still alive and I have to keep going. Look at the facts and don't give too many excuses.

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confusedg Rookie

confusedg

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It takes a while to learn to let go, love yourself etc. And it usually has to get worse before it gets better. But once you have turned the corner you may appreciate -

 

Hot showers/baths

New friends

Targets (career wise)

Different flavours of tea

Starting a new blog/hobby

Cooking - shopping for exotic food

 

But till you have gotten worse and turned the corner, this list above will seem entirely meaningless. As this list doesn't have "him" so everything seems meaningless.

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RubyWoo Rookie

RubyWoo

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I am trying to do things for me: taking care of myself, joined a sports team, getting a tattoo next Friday, signed up for driving school, I have events lined up for the next 3 weekends of October...

 

But I still miss him terribly, feel sooo lonely and can't help but picture him with another woman and getting sooo damn upset.

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Klokwurk Explorer

Klokwurk

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I have been scouring relationship sites like these hoping to get some * * * * ing sense of peace, but I have had a hard time finding it till just right now. I clicked on this thread because of the title, describing exactly every morning since she left, and I am glad I did.

 

I know this may be weird, but your assiduous posting of your pain and the feelings associated with getting strung along make me feel less * * * * ty, because I went through the same thing just last month. I of course wish that you were not going through this, but a small part of me is very thankful that I found this thread and felt the connection to a larger picture/community/what have you.

 

You REALLY get it. You post every other day how * * * * ty life is. Yup! That is exactly what this crazy process is like! My ex left me July 8th, and it STILL drags me to hell every morning, every night I wake up dreaming, it still feels like a terrible, horrible agony, nightmare, reaching out in the dark to touch someone who isn't there. We were together 3 and a 1/2 years, joined at the hip. It was a very intense relationship, very flawed but very beautiful too. And now it's gone...

 

Everyday sucks. These dumpers, they just don't get it. Someone in a previous post said, We are freaking super stars! or something like that. I really shed a tear at how pathetic that sounded, but in some weird way, it really is true. Think about how much you are hurting. Breathe it in. REALLY take in the pain. It hurts, oh my God it hurts. Once you take control of that pain, even if it is just for a second, you have already regained some control of your state of mind, and taken it from him.

 

He is stringing you along. He absolutely is. Do No contact. I have been no contact for almost 5 weeks now, (only one line of email in response to her asking me to call her, asking what she wanted to talk about) and I have to say it is the only way to not be an absolute wreck. You seem like you really loved him really hard, so you will most likely stay an absolute wreck unless you get some of that power back through no contact. For the first 2 weeks I had to keep my phone off entirely, and only when she flew back to her country i was able to turn it on again. Be very late in responding to texts, better yet, don't respond to them at all.

 

I am telling you to do this because I was strung along for 6 weeks, and after we had sex a few times, she said she was actually seeing someone else and moving in with this guy for the remainder of her time in this country. Don't make my mistake. Don't let him play you. He seems as callous as my ex. He is in a VERY ADVANTAGEOUS position to inflict GREAT PAIN on YOU. I can't stress this enough. You seem like a very sweet girl who is very sensitive. I am very sensitive too, so perhaps this is why I am telling you this. Or maybe it's because we are the same age.

 

Protect yourself. Stop responding to him. Don't tell him anything, just stop it. It is not worth the risk. Trust me.

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RubyWoo Rookie

RubyWoo

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Thanks for your support! What you say makes perfect sense, and I wish you didn't have to go through any of this either because it is horrible beyond words. It must have been so painful to hear she was with someone else. How did you deal with that pain?

 

I have only just been able to sleep in "our bedroom". First I moved to the guest room, then I moved the double bed matress to the living room so I could sleep with the TV on to stop the silence. My brain goes round and round in circles thinking "why, why am I alone, why am I here suffering and he's out with mates, or with her"

 

Weekends are the worst, I dread walking home Friday evenings. Usually I would walk home sooo quickly so excited knowing I was going to see him and we'd spend two days doing stuff together... Now I come home to an empty apartment. I guess he wasn't that excited to see me after all.

 

I'm proud because it'll be a month tomorrow and I have not initiated contact, not even once. When he has texted I have been able to wait for a day to text back. That's the best I can do right now but if he texts again I will try to ignore it.

 

I deserve someone who is madly in love with me, someone who can't picture waking up without me. I guess it just kills me that it couldn't be him...

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Klokwurk Explorer

Klokwurk

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Yea, I had to move the TV into my room to keep me company too. I used to never be able to fall asleep with the TV on but now I can't fall asleep without it. Kind of annoying really.

 

I am going to acupuncture once a week for emotional balance, taking omega 3 pills, cooking, and I ran for the first time since we broke up this week. I am very ashamed, but I took to drink really bad that first week when she told me she was moving in with that guy. After hurting myself, and sort of losing my mind, I realized self-destructive behavior was not what I really wanted for myself. I realized that I could've happy again, and that the next girl I meet, I don't want to have to explain to her, "yea, I broke my hand when I couldn't deal with my ex leaving me." that just would not make good dinner conversation when I am holding my spoon funny.

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