Why a man doesn't want a baby with you but they take another woman with a baby?

[PrettyGood]

Why a man doesn't want a baby with you, he use protection and so on, but after break-up he takes another woman who already has a little child as their own? (3/4 years old). Then he is so happy saying that "I'm almost like a real father for her/him and she/he calls me so"

 

So why he didn't want to have his own on the previous relationship when his woman suggested? Why he was scared to death?

[Captain Obvious]

Obviously doesnt want a baby with someone he didnt see being with forever.

[zaza34]

He probably thinks this way he can play "occasionally" being a father, because that is cool, he likes that, but he doesn t like to be responsible for the kid... being a real father is a lifetime responsibility, commitment...

I think the responsibility scare most of guys away when it is about having children... and why would you like to have a baby with such a man? The other thing they don t know that a child (his own) will change them and everybody, so after having a baby lots of men and women grow up and start behave responsible...

[PrettyGood]

Well we were living together and 2 years after he broke up with me I just found out that he made his full bedroom to his girlfriend daughter's room. He died it in pink and bought new furniture. I saw the room pictures. And I felt devastated because it was an old room at the time we were living together and he even didn't let me to put any picture on the wall (what to talk about room restoration)? That's why I'm interested to ask this question.

 

So it looks serious. I don't think he took it just for pleasure if he created a girl room in his private house.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

In the end this baby is not his responsibility. It is kind of like older people who can't wait to be grandparents...because they get all the fun of being with the child without the real responsibility of the day to day stuff and the decisions. It is an ego boost to have the child adore him and look up to him..but at the end of the day he doesn't have to do the child rearing, make the decisions about schooling etc. have the same worries and responsibilities when the child is sick or misbehaves.....

So this suits him fine because if the going gets tough he can simply walk away without a backwards glance.

[zakky]

I think I take the wider view that sometimes you just don't know who you are going to fall for. Sometimes you just fall for people who have kids. I didn't want kids with my previous relationship but then I met a woman who had kids. It wasn't that I didn't see being with the previous girlfriend forever, I just didn't feel like I wanted kids. I fell for the woman with kids, and it was nothing to do with the kids but spending time with them made me like them a lot.

[lavenderdove]

I think perhaps he was not all that committed to you, and when people are not sure if they intend to be with someone forever, they will certainly not want to have kids with them. He doesn't want to have to pay child support and have custody issues with someone he is not sure he wants to marry or make a permanent partner, so he would avoid having kids with you if he was not sure he wanted the relationship (which ultimately he decided against and left, so it was a good think you didn't have kids with him).

 

Once someone does make up their mind they want to marry someone or be with them permanently, that is when they start thinking about kids and want them. And it is easy to fall in love with a 3 or 4 year old child... they are adorable at that age, so perhaps that is what happened wtih him, that he fell in love with the mother and then the child.

 

But what is relevant is that if he has been gone 2 years and you are still not healed from that, it is time to consider going to a counselor to get you unstuck so that you can move on and quit thinking about him that way. You need to free yourself to be able to date new people and find your own partner to have a family with.

[redtan]

Just because he did not want a baby with you doesn't mean that he does not ever want a kid with anyone else. He probably was interested in being a father (or father figure) for some kid, but just not with you.

[sidehop]

Who knows, could be the fear of the stages you go through from the pregnancy to the responsibility. It'd be hard to pinpoint his motives.

[FathomFear]

In the end this baby is not his responsibility. It is kind of like older people who can't wait to be grandparents...because they get all the fun of being with the child without the real responsibility of the day to day stuff and the decisions. It is an ego boost to have the child adore him and look up to him..but at the end of the day he doesn't have to do the child rearing, make the decisions about schooling etc. have the same worries and responsibilities when the child is sick or misbehaves.....

So this suits him fine because if the going gets tough he can simply walk away without a backwards glance.

 

I would say that's a rather pessimistic view of the situation, considering that we don't even know this guy. At this point we only have enough information to gather that 1) he didn't want a child with the OP, and 2) he's now in a relationship with a woman who has a child and does not shy away from helping out with parenting. That's it.

[Celadon]

I was in a similar dating situation in which the guy told me he didn't want to have children but then he changed his mind a few years later. With the woman your ex is now dating, it is possible that he didn't realize he would enjoy parenting a child, but the child "stole his heart," so to speak.

[TiredOfGames]

I've had three significant and long-term relationships thus far in my life. The first was marriage, and at that stage in my life I wasn't even sure that I wanted kids. She desperately did, but after several years together I just never felt like I wanted to have children with her. There was something missing in our relationship, maybe several things. Anyway, after 5 years we broke up and divorced. My next serious relationship didn't result in marriage, but we did buy a house together. We jumped into joint home ownership too early in the relationship tbh. As before there was just something missing for me with that person. She wanted kids, but it didn't feel right for me with her. We broke up after 4 years, sold the house etc.

 

Then I met someone who was going through a divorce and with two kids. We had an amazing connection, and at one stage of the relationship she even wanted to have another child. With her I saw the rest of my future. My feelings for her stretched way beyond love and devotion, and she felt the same. I saw growing old together with her. I WANTED to have a child with her. I also became quite close with her own kids, and they were great kids. I grew to love and care deeply for both her and her kids. They still have their natural father so my GF and I made sure of the boundaries, but nonetheless I would have done absolutely anything for them. The relationship was just not good timing though. Her divorce was drawn out, bitter and stressful, and my being in the mix didn't help with that situation, and it didn't help with her own feelings either. In the end we broke up. But until her I was never sure about kids of my own with any previous relationship. I also know now that I am capable of having those feelings with the right person.

 

With her and her own kids, it just felt natural and right.

[Fudgie]

The gf's child is older. Maybe he enjoys little kids and older and not infants and definitely not the pregnancy stages. Women bloat up an get really hormonal. I can't blame him for not wanting to actually make another human being.