In the Dark Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 I personally think dating someone in hopes of finding them attractive later is a potential recipe for disaster. Most certainly there are other more superficial traits which a woman can be attracted to other than physical which can make them worth dating but as we all know sex is another important part of a relationship and with physical attraction on one side, will cause an unfulfilled relationship. There fore the disaster happens where the other half wonders what went wrong and it was due to the fact the relationship was doomed from the first place because the other half was never certain about something. Yes yes I do know there are men who do this as well, but in this World as tradition goes, men are brought up with the pressure of being the provider & making something of ourselves if we are not already born in to it is important where as being provided by the opposite sex has no dignity. Link to comment
sjjohnson89 Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 I would never date anyone if i didnt find them attractive, but, what i was saying was that attraction isnt just about looks. I might not be attracted to someone first off, but then later might be because i find stuff out about them and become attracted to them. The inner beauty does then show through the outer, someone could be 'ugly' but i could find them beautiful if i was touched by their inner beauty. I hope that made sense. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 ^^ Indeed. It's the situation where people start dating someone they are not attracted to in hopes they will find them attractive later. Getting to know someone on a friends basis and seeing how feelings for that person evolve from there are absolutely fine. No one is going to get ditched, no one is gong to get hurt, no possibility of losing a friend, no recipe for disaster. Link to comment
Yaz Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 Boy: "My teacher says real beauty is on the inside," Fletcher: "That's just something ugly people say to make themselves feel better," Liar, Liar (film) Link to comment
Yaz Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 I went out last night with my brother and some of his friends to a party. There was a girl there who was something a cross between Pam Anderson Lee and Elle McPherson. Everyone was standing in a group around her, so I was brave and went up to say hi and introduce myself. Not one male turned around and not one answered me when I came over to say hi. They were all mesmerized by the hot chick - despite around 2/3 of them having girlfriends, I found out later in the night. It made me utterly sick. Link to comment
sjjohnson89 Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 I went out last night with my brother and some of his friends to a party. There was a girl there who was something a cross between Pam Anderson Lee and Elle McPherson. Everyone was standing in a group around her, so I was brave and went up to say hi and introduce myself. Not one male turned around and not one answered me when I came over to say hi. They were all mesmerized by the hot chick - despite around 2/3 of them having girlfriends, I found out later in the night. It made me utterly sick. Yes, i would expect that, that isnt exactly surprising. Though, is this the best you can come up with to support your argument that looks are everything? Not good enough Yaz. Read my last couple of posts here and you will see in writing i dont think like this, how many times do i have to state that not every guy is like this. Yaz, it seems to me you want to believe that looks are everything, question is why. Tell me Yaz, how do you judge men? If Brad Pitt walked in a room you were in would you not notice him (if he wasnt famous i mean)? The question then is how important are looks, would you take inner beauty over external, i know i would. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 And this is the environment you are which which fuels your opinion of man and rightfully validates it How can you think otherwise when you are exposed to it? Something about my experience while observing men which irks me is the behavior of checkout and paying more attention than necessary to a woman who is generically attractive. My boss does it something chronic and he is a married man. the reality Yaz is....many men will ignore other women for the drop dead gorgeous woman in the room. They are being visually entertained so they make conversation. Some of us guys notice this and treat women regardless of looks equally, some of them just choose to go to the attractive women not because her conversation is interesting (regardless if it is or not when they get there), but because they are visually entertaining so conversation could be pretty darned bland and they will still stick around talking BS. Try not to place yourself in the kind of situations when you know the result will be of one which will be sickening to you. I can not say how many men are like this, but I personally feel there are more than I would like to say. Where ever yo are Yaz, you seem to have men who are not worthy of you let alone their own GFs. Link to comment
sjjohnson89 Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 I agree, i think the percentage of men that do this are greater, much greater than those who dont. So, it seasy to go saying 'every' man thinks like this, but that isnt the reality Yaz. Just because most do, doesnt mean some dont. Link to comment
Iakasot Posted February 13, 2011 Share Posted February 13, 2011 I'm not sure how true this is in general, but I know that I'm attracted to less than 10% of men. I hate that I feel this way, but I can't change it. I do know a lot of girls who date a lot of guys and are much less pickier tho. It's not just you, most are like that, and a lot are even pickier. Ones that date a lot of guys are just better at pursuing and engaging that 10%, they're not really less pickier. They're usually the ones to dump the boyfriends, no? That's because it's so easy for the guy to not be in the 10% anymore due to fluctuating confidence and security levels, so they move on to another one due to loss of attraction. For guys, it's the reverse, we're NOT attracted ONLY to 1%-15% of girls, whereas girls are ONLY attracted to 1%-15% of guys. Guys have SOME level of attraction for almost all girls, whereas an average guy to a girl is 0 in terms of attraction that she FEELS for him (not whether she thinks others would find him attractive). The thing is, a lot of guys will be reluctant to admit to having that level for almost all girls, because it's so easy to just be labeled as loser/creep/desperate/etc... I think actions speak louder than words, so if a girl says she's really into me and wants me, etc, I always look at the possibility that she's saying those things coming from "well he SHOULD be attractive from looking at him objectively" not "i FEEL attraction", whereas if she is ripping my clothes off and can't get enough of me, that speaks a lot louder and more clear. To be honest, I'd rather be a girl in the dating scene, due to having a lot more options and the opposite sex being attracted to me in a more stable manner that doesn't fluctuate if my confidence or security become shaky temporarily. Just knowing "he's always gonna be attracted to me" or "he's never gonna be attracted to me" would give some sort of a security to me. I know looks deteriorate with age, but it's a slow process, and the male's brain that you're dating will get used to it and still have a relatively high level of attraction. With girls she can love you one week, and next week not be in the mood and you notice you weren't confident that week, but if you bring it up to her as the reason she'll be like "no of course that's not it", because she doesn't wanna seem simple and figured out and doesn't wanna admit to herself that that could be the reason. Then the next week she says "let's just be friends". Is it a wonder that women end 70-80% of relationships? It's because the mental factors fluctuate more than looks. Most of the men who are dumped aren't bad, women just don't FEEL attraction for them anymore. Just like the good guy you wish you were attracted to but aren't because he's not in the 10%, those are the situations where women can give a guy a chance they're not attracted to, but obviously it doesn't work out. To conclude, for men attraction is primarily based on looks and niceness when it comes to giving sex (usually identified in terms of flirting), for women it's primarily based on confidence and security (whether physical, financial, or mental), I think looks are the lesser of the two evils. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted February 13, 2011 Author Share Posted February 13, 2011 boy: "my teacher says real beauty is on the inside," fletcher: "that's just something ugly people say to make themselves feel better," liar, liar (film) lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
Yaz Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Fletcher: "When your mother was pregnant, she looked like a fat cow! But did I tell her that? Noooooo, she would've been very angry. So I just said 'you look beautiful!'" Liar, liar Best movie ever. Link to comment
sjjohnson89 Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Fletcher: "When your mother was pregnant, she looked like a fat cow! But did I tell her that? Noooooo, she would've been very angry. So I just said 'you look beautiful!'" Liar, liar Best movie ever. You do realise that liar liar is a comedy dont you? You arent meant to take anything said in the movie serioulsy you know, ok it did accurately describe what likely goes through the mind of many people and would say if it werent for manners. But still, point remains, try watching some movies that actually theme themselves around relationships based on heart, not body. Yes, its a good film though. Link to comment
Yaz Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I think the movie demonstrates how much people have to lie in order to get what they want from life, including a partner. I don't want to be lied to. I would never lie to myself, and if I did, I'd forgive myself. I don't know that I'd be so kind to others I think I'm fine on my own for now. When I'm a bit older, and can find mature (blind) men, maybe I'll feel more ready for it. It's just so frustrating. Fabulous looking girls get to wear their looks on the outside. I can't staple my PhD to my forehead without people thinking I'm insane. No matter how smart, funny, nice, kind to small animals I am, I still am not attractive. That counts. It's not that I think I'm awful, it's that I'm realistic about men and the way they behave toward me. I don't want to go through all that pain to find someone who will love me, but still admit that I'm not their 'ideal woman; because I'm unattractive. I feel sad for the people who miss out on my wonderous eccentricities because they judge me for my looks. Sucks to be them. Link to comment
sjjohnson89 Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Yes, it sucks to be them, you are a catch Yaz whether you want to believe it or not. I hope some guy comes along one day and sweeps you of your feet, if that day happens i want my words to echo in your head 'i told you so'. Im usually attracted to whats hard to get through to, what i have to earn the respect of, like cats (not sexually ofcourse lol). Truth is Yaz i like the positive things you say, your negative half though is what is going to make finding a partner difficult. You need someone with a similar mindset to myself, someone who will see through your image, see that you are 'smart, funny, nice and kind to animals'. To me that is more of a catch than an Anne Hatheway standard looker. If i knew someoen like you where i am, i would make it my mission to get through to you and eventually prove to you that its not always about looks. Me talking here isnt good enough, it is something that has to be experienced to be understood. Right now i can see how my words are bouncing of you, they are empty without proof. Chin up Yaz, people like myself may only constitute 2% of the population, but we are out there lol. Link to comment
Yaz Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 You don't sound so bad yourself Thanks, though. I always have these fits of low self esteem, and then I realise that those men - they aren't worth me, let alone the girls they have. I love cats : D Link to comment
sjjohnson89 Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 You don't sound so bad yourself Thanks, though. I always have these fits of low self esteem, and then I realise that those men - they aren't worth me, let alone the girls they have. I love cats : D Yes, exactly Yaz. You deserve better than those guys, its not a case of you not deserving them, you are better than them. I saw my parents over the xmas break, they bought a ragdoll, beautiful cat, the most innocent being ive ever seen. I love the way they roll over on their backs like dogs for tummy rubs lol. (cough) Back on topic. Link to comment
Yaz Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Pfft topic. Cats are so much more awesome than partners. It's a relationship of respect and reliance which never grows old or waxes cold. If you prefer dogs, then so be it. I just love cats, and I want to marry my cat, even though I would never sleep with her or anything it's the best non-blood relationship I've ever had. There is no greater gift than the love of a cat. - Winston Churchill. Link to comment
cursedgirl Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 they all say im beautiful when they approach me.yet they all choose other girls to be with in the end..who can tell ME what's going on here?? Link to comment
Yaz Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 they all say im beautiful when they approach me.yet they all choose other girls to be with in the end..who can tell ME what's going on here?? They're men, they lie. Maybe the other girls are 'easier', if you get what I mean. Link to comment
The_Seeker Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 They're men, they lie. Maybe the other girls are 'easier', if you get what I mean. Oh we get what you mean, Yaz. Cursedgirl, it's probably because you know what you want and need and know your boundaries. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 No one here can tell you definitely. We would have to know you in person and the people who you are choosing. Most likely something along the lines of, you have preferences they prefer, but the other women have more to offer n one way or another, either both shallow or not. Link to comment
cursedgirl Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 They're men, they lie. Maybe the other girls are 'easier', if you get what I mean. why would they be bothered lying to me at the first place.meh..if they dont like me,stay away..why make me hooked and then "dump" me? i guess im just pissed right now. Oh we get what you mean, Yaz. Cursedgirl, it's probably because you know what you want and need and know your boundaries. what kind of boundaries? No one here can tell you definitely. We would have to know you in person and the people who you are choosing. Most likely something along the lines of, you have preferences they prefer, but the other women have more to offer n one way or another, either both shallow or not. sorry if i sound ugly..but i go to best uni,study towards a very promising career, have a decent family and, according to them,i look "good"..i have more to offer than they ever need. Link to comment
The_Seeker Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Boundaries like FOR EXAMPLE Guy - "Daaaaaannnnggg, gurl. I would love some of piece of that...You must be bad." You - A) "..." [Looks away and don't pay attention] B) "Has your mother ever taught you how to talk to a girl?!" C) "Creep. Stay away from me!" D) "Go get yourself a ..." E) All of the above. Hope that helps. Link to comment
cursedgirl Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 hahaha that's very funny..however .i dont think any guy will talk to anyone like that... when guys compliment me i say "thank you"..or,under certain situation,i give them a kiss. Link to comment
The_Seeker Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 hahaha that's very funny..however .i dont think any guy will talk to anyone like that... when guys compliment me i say "thank you"..or,under certain situation,i give them a kiss. LOL Depends on what area or city you live in. I had that happened to me, hence why I used the example. Link to comment
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