Sometimes I think it really is all about looks....

[cursedgirl]

thx for making me laugh but that doesnt fix my situation. i am utterly confused.and at times pissed. i guess i need a change, tho aimless

[Yaz]

It is confusing and angersome. The most confusing angersome thing about it all, is that only we can help ourselves. Being empathetic and stuff helps, but really - I'm here to vent and share. The only person who can get my act together is me!

[In the Dark]

First of all to reply to your previous response on what you have in qualities.

It's as I said, they may prefer different qualities in a woman.....shallow or not.

 

You seem like a stand up sort of woman with a successful career ahead of her, some men are intimidated by that for some reason.

It appears to me, more and more people are making there preferences more refined for lack of a better word.

These guys may want someone who they can boss around or something.

To make them feel like an alpha male?

 

hahaha that's very funny..however .i dont think any guy will talk to anyone like that...

when guys compliment me i say "thank you"..or,under certain situation,i give them a kiss.

 

I have to say it does depends where you live.

When I was with my ex, I had guys hitting on her behind my back and in front of me with some crude remarks....sexual gestures, saying you need a "real" man and lastly.....a guy while driving by barked at her

[The_Seeker]

Why thank you for agreeing with me! Finally!

[In the Dark]

^^ I didn't know I disagreed with you that often?

 

But it appears to be true from what I have experienced.

Say if I go to a different township with more diversity, I come accross much more interesting women.

Lol reminds me....I know of people who came from the small town I am in who though they were hot and figured they are too good for the people in the town so they go to the bigger cities which they feel they could strut their stuff only to find their over blown egos are totally uncool and the people there are way more physically attractive than them without the ego.

 

Makes me laugh because it reminds me of the clucky chicken in the flock placed in a bag and swung about.

Once you do that they don't think they are all that anymore.

 

I have to say, sometimes when we continuously get stuck in these situations regardless of what we do it does feel like....this is it.

 

But from what I have experienced it is not, it's just the difficult task of finding the right people/groups/places where there is someone who does find interest in you.

Often it is like a box of chocolates....you never know what you are gong to get.

[cursedgirl]

sign..who knows what they want..they dont even know what they want.

yeah some guys are weird ..they yelled "sl__"(forbidden word ) at me while driving past me and i was just jogging. there are pleasant ones tho..they say "hello" from their car..

but that's not what im talking about..im talking about real approach..like they ask for number,ask for date and sort of stuff..but no matter what,i havent been able to find myself a bf.

[Iakasot]

sign..who knows what they want..they dont even know what they want.

yeah some guys are weird ..they yelled "sl__"(forbidden word ) at me while driving past me and i was just jogging. there are pleasant ones tho..they say "hello" from their car..

but that's not what im talking about..im talking about real approach..like they ask for number,ask for date and sort of stuff..but no matter what,i havent been able to find myself a bf.

So you're condemning guys for not asking you out even though you won't ask them out? Doesn't seem fair to me. Did you read my long post a few pages back? Asking a guy out can increase their attraction towards you, because not a lot of girls ask them out, so you're instantly special to them. Plays into attraction towards "niceness", because many girls aren't nice when it comes to romance and have the entitlement attitude, the guy thinks "wow, finally a straightforward girl". But how many of the guys that you want to ask you out would you ask out? I think for you it's more about the asking out itself than about who they are as a person. Point is, you don't really like them enough to actually go and ask them out either. That's not really fair to guys.

[cursedgirl]

im not blaming them for not asking me out. they do. but even so they end up choosing other girls. and it's not cuz they found something off-puting about me.it's cuz they weren't serious about me at the very beginning and that's why im pissed. i'd rather they stay away form me if they dont plan any further relationship at the first place.

[In the Dark]

^^ Yeah I know what that's like.

You're good for the mean time....but not for a lifetime.

[BriarRose]

im not blaming them for not asking me out. they do. but even so they end up choosing other girls. and it's not cuz they found something off-puting about me.it's cuz they weren't serious about me at the very beginning and that's why im pissed. i'd rather they stay away form me if they dont plan any further relationship at the first place.

 

Being beautiful (you said they say you are beautiful) only gets you in the door. It doesn't necessarily keep them around, I don't think. You can't expect them to know when they first approach you if they want a relationship with you. You can only know in that moment that they are attracted to you.

 

I've certainly had men that were attacted to me, but didn't want a relationhip with me.

[Yaz]

Being beautiful (you said they say you are beautiful) only gets you in the door. It doesn't necessarily keep them around, I don't think. You can't expect them to know when they first approach you if they want a relationship with you. You can only know in that moment that they are attracted to you.

 

I've certainly had men that were attracted to me, but didn't want a relationship with me.

 

So true. This is what I get all the time. Now I know what guys were talking about when they said nice guys finish last. Ugly girls finish last: we're friend-zoned or ignored.

[BriarRose]

So true. This is what I get all the time. Now I know what guys were talking about when they said nice guys finish last. Ugly girls finish last: we're friend-zoned or ignored.

 

I wouldn't say I am ugly, but I don't think I am very sexy. I need to revamp myself somehow. I am very "girl next door". It gets old. Sometimes you want to turn heads, you know?

[sjjohnson89]

So true. This is what I get all the time. Now I know what guys were talking about when they said nice guys finish last. Ugly girls finish last: we're friend-zoned or ignored.

 

Definetely lesser looking grils and nice guys dont win the race too often, but when they get to the finishing line theyve often picked up something more meaningful than a plastic trophy. Im a nice guy, im not winning the race thats for sure. But im not interested im winning the plastic, i interested in something far more special than that.

[cursedgirl]

Being beautiful (you said they say you are beautiful) only gets you in the door. It doesn't necessarily keep them around, I don't think. You can't expect them to know when they first approach you if they want a relationship with you. You can only know in that moment that they are attracted to you.

 

I've certainly had men that were attacted to me, but didn't want a relationhip with me.

but if you always meet such guys,you start to think "what the !" yeah maybe i shouldnt blame them.i guess it's just my life.

[Yaz]

I wouldn't say I'm ugly, either, but I've certainly been called that by men. I don't know. I'm lost in all of this.

 

I think I'll just try to shower every day and groom myself. It's an arduous task.

 

I feel like I should have a blog somewhere to celebrate when I've showered, instead of being lazy and sitting in the bath for an hour at night. Grooming is just as important as being pretty; but if you aren't pretty - doesn't mean you can let yourself go. Not that anyone would notice, but what happens if I run into the one man in the world who is the perfect combination of blind, crazy and sympathetic, who will marry me?

[cursedgirl]

what sort of life are you having that makes you so bitter Yaz?

[Yaz]

I'm not upset about being bitter - being bitter is hilarious.

 

I am aware that one day I might find a man that will love me for who I am.

 

BUT, if I was in a relationship? I'd still be upset that I can't provide the one thing men value above most things, which is sexual attraction. It makes me feel like a failure as a woman. Does that make more sense?

[cursedgirl]

why dont you think you are sexually attractive? i think every woman can turn guys on..they are animals.

[BriarRose]

I'm not upset about being bitter - being bitter is hilarious.

 

I am aware that one day I might find a man that will love me for who I am.

 

BUT, if I was in a relationship? I'd still be upset that I can't provide the one thing men value above most things, which is sexual attraction. It makes me feel like a failure as a woman. Does that make more sense?

 

Yaz, surely men have sexually desired you - I'm no beauty queen, God knows - maybe a 3 or 4, but there have been men that have been very sexually attracted to me.

[Yaz]

why dont you think you are sexually attractive? i think every woman can turn guys on..they are animals.

 

That is also true, providing there are no better looking women around. This is why I have a problem if my guy watches pornos - because he's using it as a mental bank of images so that he can get off properly when he's with me (because the way I look turns him off). That's actually happened to me.

 

I'm not the kind of person men look at and think of sex. I'm the kind of person men don't look at.

[BriarRose]

That is also true, providing there are no better looking women around. This is why I have a problem if my guy watches pornos - because he's using it as a mental bank of images so that he can get off properly when he's with me (because the way I look turns him off). That's actually happened to me.

 

I'm not the kind of person men look at and think of sex. I'm the kind of person men don't look at.

 

I can totally relate. They don't look at me and think sex. I look sweet and innocent. That was fine when I was 14, but in my 40's it's not the look I want.

[cursedgirl]

what look reminds guys of sex then? and why is that important? looking sweet is nothing less than looking sexual,if no more. i'd say Pamela Anderson is sexy? but she just looks like a porn star..i dont even think she's "beautiful",if you look at her face. if a guy can only appreciate that kind of women..eww he better stay away from me.

[sjjohnson89]

That is also true, providing there are no better looking women around. This is why I have a problem if my guy watches pornos - because he's using it as a mental bank of images so that he can get off properly when he's with me (because the way I look turns him off). That's actually happened to me.

 

I'm not the kind of person men look at and think of sex. I'm the kind of person men don't look at.

 

Thats the only reason you dont like a guy to watch porn? Hes watching other people have sex Yaz, the only person a guy youre with should link with sex is you. At the end of the day cursedgirl is right, men are a little like animals, as long as you are a woman, thats all that matters. I dont like being called an animal, but a guys sex drive cant really be denied to be such.

 

"I am aware that one day I might find a man that will love me for who I am." Good to hear you say this though Yaz.

[BriarRose]

what look reminds guys of sex then? and why is that important? looking sweet is nothing less than looking sexual,if no more. i'd say Pamela Anderson is sexy? but she just looks like a porn star..i dont even think she's "beautiful",if you look at her face. if a guy can only appreciate that kind of women..eww he better stay away from me.

 

I didn't say I wanted to look like a porn star, just that I look too innocent. There is a happy medium (and it's not Pam Anderson, lol!)

[sjjohnson89]

what look reminds guys of sex then? and why is that important? looking sweet is nothing less than looking sexual,if no more. i'd say Pamela Anderson is sexy? but she just looks like a porn star..i dont even think she's "beautiful",if you look at her face. if a guy can only appreciate that kind of women..eww he better stay away from me.

 

For me there is a difference between sexy and beautiful, sex is all about lust, sexual desire, though i think most women can be sexy. Beauty is harder to define, it can be about elegance, it can be about posture, personality etc. For me beauty is far more powerful than lust, thats me anyway. Im still a guy though beauty leads to lust as well. Im not into porn stars, they are cheap and easy, sorry if that causes offense, just not really attracted to them.