BriarRose Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 Don't be ashamed, but remember this isn't about your looks- he has a pattern of disappearing. Whether it's after you sent photos or not is insignificant. This is his routine. The only thing you need to do is remember that this is who he is, and it may not ever change. No, this was definitely the photos. It is too coincidental that I stopped hearing from him the very night I sent them. But with that being said, he is still a flake. Link to comment
SWEET_J Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 I hate to say it...but I believe a LOT of people 'settle' because they DON'T think they can ever do better in the looks department. Some people ARE intimidated by good looks..hence the reason a lot of beautiful women get passed up. There are also those who believe their looks alone will get them whoever and whatever they want. Looks are greatly dependant on genetics. It is more the exception for someone to hit the gene lottery... I would say MOST people fall into an 'average or above average' in the looks department. The rest is ALL up to how aggressive the person is in maintaining an 'attractive' appearance. I have seen many women who look JUST as good dressed down in their everyday clothes...with NO makeup...as some of these celebrities who are done up. Seriously...it's all relative. And as trite as it sounds..beauty DOES come from within. Briar Rose, you sound very beautiful...keep your chin up!! Link to comment
BriarRose Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 It's just sad. He doesn't even want to be my friend anymore - over 2 years we've known each other and this is how it ends? So if they don't want to b*ng you, they don't want to be your friend, either, I guess. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 It's just sad. He doesn't even want to be my friend anymore - over 2 years we've known each other and this is how it ends? So if they don't want to b*ng you, they don't want to be your friend, either, I guess. Is it really sad, though? I think you might be glad that it was only two years of your life, and that you can move on now. He's certainly given you enough reason to. And you have to admit that it could have been a lot less of your time taken up, but you gave him multiple chances to be the person you thought he was. So now you take the lesson and move forward. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 It's just sad. He doesn't even want to be my friend anymore - over 2 years we've known each other and this is how it ends? So if they don't want to b*ng you, they don't want to be your friend, either, I guess. One person is not "they" - that attitude is the fastest way to find yourself alienating well-meaning people. Sorry he acted like a jerk. Link to comment
sjjohnson89 Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 One person is not "they" - that attitude is the fastest way to find yourself alienating well-meaning people. Sorry he acted like a jerk. Yes, try not to make one persons misgivings turn into every mans trait. There are plenty of good people out there, but that guy wasnt one of them. Link to comment
Guest Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 It's important, absolutely. But other dimensions matter as well, just, at a different time. I think the misconception that is frustrating men and women today is over the chronological importance of appearance. It comes first, frankly speaking. Before you know anything about the person, all you know (presumably) is their physical appearance. After appearances are settled as satisfactory to both sides, then the rest of the formalities can be exchanged. You can't shotgun personality and temperament, and humor, and what have you before physical appearance. Link to comment
sweetpea03 Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 After experiencing much rejection after having some medical treatments which have taken their toll on my appearance, I am thinking maybe all men care about is looks (ok, maybe some women, too, but I am a woman, so am not writing from a man's point of view). Granted, I am feeling a bit low right now after sending an ex recent pics of me that he asked for and then never hearing from him again, but still.... I know so many attractive women with DH's or BF's and the truth is, they aren't even that good to them. It just makes me sad. Just wondered what your thoughts were....I know it is the heart and mind that matter, but if no one can look past the physical, they won't know my heart or mind. If it were all about looks, I would still be single.... I live with massive scars and a deformity(as I consider it), but my boyfriend thinks I am the most attractive woman in the world. I met my boyfriend while hanging out with a group of new friends from a club on campus. For what ever reason, I felt very confident that day at the pool party and was about the only girl who was in the pool while the rest sat on the chairs sunbathing or were in the spa. I was the "fun girl" as the guys called me. That is what attracted a lot of the men to me, not because of looks but because of how I acted. Looks alone won't hold a relationship. It's the other things, being the whole package, that will get you a long lasting, healthy relationship. Link to comment
sjjohnson89 Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 If it were all about looks, I would still be single.... I live with massive scars and a deformity(as I consider it), but my boyfriend thinks I am the most attractive woman in the world. I met my boyfriend while hanging out with a group of new friends from a club on campus. For what ever reason, I felt very confident that day at the pool party and was about the only girl who was in the pool while the rest sat on the chairs sunbathing or were in the spa. I was the "fun girl" as the guys called me. That is what attracted a lot of the men to me, not because of looks but because of how I acted. Looks alone won't hold a relationship. It's the other things, being the whole package, that will get you a long lasting, healthy relationship. Youve said it all there, inner beauty is what counts in the long run. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 I never felt that looks alone hold a relationship. I just meant that without it, it's going to be pretty hard to find that person. No one is going to notice my brain and good heart from accross a crowded room, that's all I mean. I do agree one stands a better chance being active in the things they enjoy and getting to know someone that way. Link to comment
-John- Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Man, how many of these threads are there? Between this one, the other one about being realistic and "settling" for something or other, and the "Ugly" people threads, it's like a broken record. I have an idea: just consolidate these generalized "looks" threads all into one. Clean things up. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Man, how many of these threads are there? Between this one, the other one about being realistic and "settling" for something or other, and the "Ugly" people threads, it's like a broken record. I have an idea: just consolidate these generalized "looks" threads all into one. Clean things up. Neither one of your posts has been very constructive, but you are certainly free to comment. Are you on here for your entertainment or to try and help people? Link to comment
-John- Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Neither one of your posts has been very constructive, but you are certainly free to comment. Are you on here for your entertainment or to try and help people? Maybe it's hard to contribute something when people seem hellbent on having the same conversation over and over and over again. I think user "Real Deal" had the definitive comment in the other "looks" thread: live your life with your own purpose; improve yourself independent of romantic goals; etc. And the opposite sex will be drawn to you. Others have said similar things, but he put it in such an articulate and awesome way. What more needs to be said? I will admit, I have yet to realize within myself Real Deal's words. But I believe him. It just feels right. Purpose. It's a good word. Beats sulking in loneliness and agonizing about looks, that's for sure. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Well, I definitely agree about improving oneself independent of romantic goals. It's just hard when you have been alone a long time and very much want a relationship.. you start to doubt yourself, your attractiveness, etc. Well, at least I have...I can't speak for others... Link to comment
sweetpea03 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I never felt that looks alone hold a relationship. I just meant that without it, it's going to be pretty hard to find that person. No one is going to notice my brain and good heart from accross a crowded room, that's all I mean. I do agree one stands a better chance being active in the things they enjoy and getting to know someone that way. What will get you attention and will get you noticed by men is your attitude/confidence that you have in yourself... If you walk into a room with your head held high, people will respond to that. But if you go into a room, thinking I'm not that pretty, I don't have much to offer, then you're only going to have a self-fulfilling prophecy. No guy(or any person for that matter) wants to be around people who do not think highly of themselves. My friend K is not the best looking woman in the world. She has major acne scars all over her face, crooked teeth, etc. BUT she gets a LOT of attention from guys because she is the sweetest lady and is always fun and optimistic. People just love to be around her. Looks don't mean everything. Link to comment
-John- Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Well, I definitely agree about improving oneself independent of romantic goals. It's just hard when you have been alone a long time and very much want a relationship.. you start to doubt yourself, your attractiveness, etc. Well, at least I have...I can't speak for others... Well, I've never had a relationship. Never. Never kissed a girl; or even held a girl's hand. Girls pay me very little attention; and the few times I've tried to reach out, I was slapped down. *shrugs* I have come to the conclusion that I am, at least by this culture's standards, not very good-looking. But I think I may be getting to point of not really caring. Regardless, I'm going to work on me. If I meet a kind, sweet, intelligent girl and she wants to come along for the ride, then great. If not, whatever. Link to comment
rocio Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I would say MOST people fall into an 'average or above average' in the looks department. Mathematically, yes, that would be pretty much guaranteed. Link to comment
LightbulbSun Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I agree with John. Why are people so quick to jump on me for saying that it's all about looks, and so willing to defend the OP who thinks it's all about looks? Seems like we're both posting the same idea, except in different threads... I will argue again that looks matter, but they don't matter completely. And I will give you the same advice people gave me: work on improving your self esteem, until you don't care what people think of you. And then the men will be knocking down your door. Link to comment
sjjohnson89 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I agree with John. Why are people so quick to jump on me for saying that it's all about looks, and so willing to defend the OP who thinks it's all about looks? Seems like we're both posting the same idea, except in different threads... I will argue again that looks matter, but they don't matter completely. And I will give you the same advice people gave me: work on improving your self esteem, until you don't care what people think of you. And then the men will be knocking down your door. I really hope not, im not into guys lol. But yes, your point is valid, self esteem is very important. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted February 8, 2011 Author Share Posted February 8, 2011 I agree with John. Why are people so quick to jump on me for saying that it's all about looks, and so willing to defend the OP who thinks it's all about looks? Seems like we're both posting the same idea, except in different threads... I will argue again that looks matter, but they don't matter completely. And I will give you the same advice people gave me: work on improving your self esteem, until you don't care what people think of you. And then the men will be knocking down your door. Well, I don't think they will be knocking down my door just because I boost my self-esteem, but it will certainly improve my chances. IMO, men only knock down the doors of extremely attractive women. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Well, I don't think they will be knocking down my door just because I boost my self-esteem, but it will certainly improve my chances. IMO, men only knock down the doors of extremely attractive women. Not in my experience or those of many others. I'm not extremely attractive and had my door knocked down(metaphorically)several times. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted February 8, 2011 Author Share Posted February 8, 2011 Not in my experience or those of many others. I'm not extremely attractive and had my door knocked down(metaphorically)several times. Maybe you just don't think you are "extremely attractive". I have known many women who don't realize how good-looking they are. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Well, I don't think they will be knocking down my door just because I boost my self-esteem, but it will certainly improve my chances. IMO, men only knock down the doors of extremely attractive women. Or really brilliant women. Or really famous women. Or women who have built a great standing in a community. Or powerful business women. Or women who are phenomenal artists. Or everyday women who have a great air about them and quiet confidence in who they are. And come to think of it, does anyone really want their doors knocked down to start with? How about a mutually satisfying relationship that builds slowly over time? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Maybe you just don't think you are "extremely attractive". I have known many women who don't realize how good-looking they are. Yes I know of those women and I know from direct and indirect experience that I am not extremely attractive. Many men have found me attractive but not the ones who go for model types -the ones who go for intelligent looking girl next door types was more my experience. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted February 8, 2011 Author Share Posted February 8, 2011 Or really brilliant women. Or really famous women. Or women who have built a great standing in a community. Or powerful business women. Or women who are phenomenal artists. Or everyday women who have a great air about them and quiet confidence in who they are. And come to think of it, does anyone really want their doors knocked down to start with? How about a mutually satisfying relationship that builds slowly over time? I have never known a man to want to be with a woman because she was smart or powerful. I think if you ask men what they want, physical attraction will come before intelligence ( I have had most of my bf's tell me I was bright - who knows where they are now). I really don't mean to sound jaded or argumentative. I just firmly believe that looks and sexiness come first for a man, and the rest follows. I'm not saying looks are everything, just that they are what men want most, IMO. Link to comment
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