SA's Healing Journal

[SA2000]

Haha. Sorry Calblee. I only date ladies.

[SA2000]

I bet my ex is really missing me today. Bahahaha. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, ex!

[SA2000]

Tomorrow is the ex's birthday. I am starting to really miss her now. Just gotta make it through these few days. I just kept going back and forth on wondering if she's spending the day happily with someone else or if she's spending the day wishing I'd surprise her with flowers which is a total me thing to do. Part of me really wanted to do that. Just randomly send a specific number of roses so shed know they were from me. But I didn't. Let her feel life without me.

[thekid55]

Tomorrow is the ex's birthday. I am starting to really miss her now. Just gotta make it through these few days. I just kept going back and forth on wondering if she's spending the day happily with someone else or if she's spending the day wishing I'd surprise her with flowers which is a total me thing to do. Part of me really wanted to do that. Just randomly send a specific number of roses so shed know they were from me. But I didn't. Let her feel life without me.

 

You are doing the right thing. When in doubt, do nothing.

[faithful14]

i want to date you SA2000...........

 

I would date you SA, but I'm probably too young for you lol

[SA2000]

Man I can't do this anymore. All of this being sad or depressed or whatever. This is a messed up situation. We were both at fault but I shouldn't want the ex back after all that we've been through. Although I miss the good times and the valentines days and all of that I should have left before we split. I needed this time alone to become a better healthier person. Every day I get a little better. We were self distructing and weren't helping eachother the way an engaged couple should. She left once and I begged and pleaded for months. Finally I went home. Nothing changed. We can't work because she cant mature. Its not that she doesn't choose to it's that she doesn't know better. She has underlying issues that need to be addressed. But all she knows is what she has been exposed to growing up. I can't live like that. She needs help and I hope she gets it. But I can't subject myself to that again.

[thekid55]

I feel the same way brotha. I feel the same way. I found out tonight that the douche my ex hangs out with now does coke. Now, I'm from a small town where anyone doing drugs is a big deal so whenever I hear about drugs in general, I'm kinda like, wow. But cocaine? If this is the type of man she wants to be around, then go for it. I can't compete with the type of emotional rollercoaster he'd give her. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if she does it/has done it.

 

I'm pretty sure you feel the same way about her. Seems like she needs a lot of different emotions flowing to keep her calibrated. However, when she needs stability, go bug good ol' SA. It's an F'ed Up situation, but hey, some women are just plain nutty.

[SA2000]

I texted the ex this morning just to say Happy Birthday! I left it at that. I miss her.

[SA2000]

She responded cordially thanking me. Im sure that made her day.

[gallop30]

it was ok to text her,since you guys had contact for her accident,not that you need my approval or anything,just saying

 

it's tough bro,1 month over,2nd month will be harder,it'll be harder and harder before it gets any better. but you have us here ,and then you have the lovely S,right?

[SA2000]

True. I have a double dinner date with "S" tonight. We were out the night before last night. I didnt really talk to her last night so she knows where we stand. No ladies on 2/14 haha. She texted me late and said Oh hey happy Valentines day. I texted back saying I was at the gym. We are going to go to one of my favorite restaurants tonight. After that I am going to go home. I need to clear my head a little tonight.

[gallop30]

SA,don't be scared brother,you're not doing anything wrong,not leading S on,just enjoying the company of a lovely lady. are you scared to fall in love? don't worry,that wont happen,not yet at least.

 

go spend time with S before Kid shows up and snatches her away from you,remember how he likes cougars? lol

 

as long as we're healthy,have a loving family and TRUE friends,life is good

[Broken Pumpkin]

When I talk to her it's almost like talking to anyone else. My stress levels aren't raised at all.

 

That's great. Can't wait till I'm there.

[thekid55]

If you watched wrestling growing up, watch some of The Rock's WWE Youtube videos. I can't stop laughing and he returned last night.

 

As for the ex, good with the text. Leave it there. Just have a good time tonight and go from there. We'll read more later on.

[italiannmf24]

SA, just at a curiosity, how long after your spit did the ex start dating someone else?

[SA2000]

If you think positively and keep a positive great things will happen for you I swear! I've been in a pretty good mood lately. Yesterday I had my Mom reach out to her friends Hubby who is way up the ladder at another firm so I should be hearing from him soon. He'll be a GREAT resource as he's very successful. As I was leaving the office the manager of the area I hope to move to next which would be a big salary increase stopped me and asked that I put a lunch meeting on his calendar. This is going to be a great year.

 

Time to hit the gym.

[SA2000]

SA, just at a curiosity, how long after your spit did the ex start dating someone else?

 

Like immediately. Maybe a week or so. They had been "friends" and gone on a few dates last time we split. My ex craves constant attention.

[SA2000]

So tired at work this morning. I went out to dinner with "S" and then to a bar by my house for a few drinks. Lately things have seemed a little different as far as how I am feeling goes. I still don't consider "S" someone I would want to date long term but I definitely dont mind hanging out with her. I think that she is more interested than I am but whatever. With the weather warming up and things moving in the right direction at work I seem to be in a better mood lately. Although I have my ups and downs I seem to be up a little more now that I have a brighter future to look forward to.

 

I would say the main contributing factor to my success would be the gym. I feel so much better now that I am in the gym with consistency. The first couple of weeks were difficult to get through but once you make it a habit it starts to really take hold. I have more energy and generally feel better. Also my moods have been regulated and I no longer need assistance with sleep. I have been eating like a champ and have been generally pretty happy. I wish I would have started working out regularly years ago. I feel like it helps me think more clearly and make better decisions as well. Had I been going to the gym regularly 3 years ago who knows where I would be. But we can only move in one direction. Forward.

[22n32]

Like immediately. Maybe a week or so. They had been "friends" and gone on a few dates last time we split. My ex craves constant attention.

 

same with my crazy ex.. constant attention.. even though after we split her goal was to grow and mature and be single... and bam 2 weeks later she is talking to someone.. they get lonely fast and have to be with someone just to feel a sense of worth..

 

i think by not allowing themselves to be alone they dont actually mature and grow.. they just stay the same.. its why i think my ex is doomed for life..

[SA2000]

Agreed. I personally have grown quite a bit through this all. My whole outlook has changed for the better. I hope my ex is maturing as well but I dont think that is the case. I dont really know what her day to day life is like anymore but from what I have heard she is regressing. The reason that we grew apart is that we both got cold feet. She is now trying to relive her early twenties (I went through that phase as well) by partying a lot while I on the other hand am working to improve upon myself. I dont doubt my ex has the ability to go far and stand on her own two feet as that was one aspect that attracted me to her but I feel as though she will continue to try to find happiness at the bottom of a bottle and wont take the time needed to mature further to reach her full potential in life. I do hope life treats her well though.

[hulk7280]

same with my crazy ex.. constant attention.. even though after we split her goal was to grow and mature and be single... and bam 2 weeks later she is talking to someone.. they get lonely fast and have to be with someone just to feel a sense of worth..

 

i think by not allowing themselves to be alone they dont actually mature and grow.. they just stay the same.. its why i think my ex is doomed for life..

 

lol whats with girls that move on so fing fast.. are they really that heartless and cold?

 

omg.. my ex met her new bf a week after we broke up and they started dated 2 weeks after that!

[SA2000]

I think they are either mentally prepared because they have been considering the split for a while or they already have someone in mind. I have broken up with ladies and have been dating someone else relatively quickly so I understand both sides of the coin.

[thekid55]

Respect with the new Drizzy pitcture.

[SA2000]

I jumped on Facebook to see what was up with some of my buddies (Ah, ol' Facebook.) and ended up seeing a few pictures from the Packers glorious superbowl victory that were taken at the bar the ex and I met and worked at. After looking at the pictures I started to think about how glad I am that I am not there anymore. Although the ex wasnt in the pictures it reminded me of the people who work there and how life was while I was there. I could go back tomorrow if I wanted but I dont. Not at all. Its crazy to think that I was not maturing for the past 3 years and have had so much growth in such a short period of time.

 

Whenever I see the inside of that bar I automatically associate it with the ex and how life was while I worked there. I am really ready to move on from that life style. From time to time I wonder if I could ever be with the ex again. But after looking at those pictures I am starting to realize that we would most likely just split again and it would be my doing. I would go back to prove I could but would be unhappy and end up walking out again. It feels really good to be more excited about the future then stuck on the past.

 

To whom ever might be reading this with pain in their hearts and tears in their eyes please know that it does get better. A lot better. I am not completely there yet but use this time wisely. This is the best time to grow as an individual. Use this time to look inward and find ways to be a better you. I know it sucks right now. But in time if you allow yourself you will heal and feel better then you have in years.

[SA2000]

At my buddy's house eating dinner. I haven't been here in close to a week. Man, I missed it here. Home cooked meals, somewhat normal family life, and good friends. I guess they got into a huge fight while I was gone. I better hang out here more often for the sake of their marriage. Haha.

 

I appreciate the opportunity to see a young family in their struggles from the outside. Also I am super comfy here. My buddy asked when I was going to bring "S" over. I told him I wasn't going to bring her around his kids. That's too close to home.

 

I cut my workouts short the last 2 days but still feel pretty damn good. Working out is so huge when you aren't feeling well. I am almost worried that another down day or week is going to hit again. Like maybe I'm forcing myself to feel the way I'm feeling and just burying my real feelings or whatever. I'm not gonna over think it though. I'm just going to ride the good mood wave.