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SA's Healing Journal


SA2000

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"S" texted me last night saying that she owes me for helping her get her car out. She is going to cook steak dinner for me on Monday. It was a lot of work but now I am the big man on campus. She would have seriously been screwed had I not helped her. I went inside and dried off for about an hour and a half and just hung out with her.

 

Later that night I checked my ex's blog after I got an email that she has started following my blog again. There were a few posts about being broken hearted and what not and a few saying "Come back" and "I love you" or whatever. There was also one that said "I know the truth. I hope she was worth it". I will just assume that this was not directed at me although I am sure it was. I dont know what it means though. Maybe she caught word that I am seeing someone else now. There is no "truth" to know though. I started dating this other girl after she broke up with me and I waited a good 6 months.

 

Whatever. I am going to disregard it and stop checking her blog.

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I'm sure she is just upset because I am not waiting around for her. Maybe I am wrong and its directed at someone else although I am the only one that even knows about that blog. But she made her bed. If she wants to change the outcome she will have some work to do. I will never rule her out as a candidate but she has a lot of ground to make up. She can only blame herself for this mess at this point. I told her months ago that I was ready to do what it took to fix things but she couldn't commit and wanted to "clear her head". I wonder if her head is suddenly clear.

 

What sucks about her kind of reaching out after almost a month of not speaking is that she is making things a little more confusing for me. I am starting to like this new girl a little bit and things would be much easier if the ex was completely out of the picture. She isn't really IN the picture as we haven't spoken but I can tell that she is sending out signals. Lets see how loud they get.

 

As far as new girl is concerned this doesn't change anything. I don't like her any more or less. I am not trying to rush things and there are, as usual, some areas of concern. I guess we will have to see what happens. Its funny how at one point I was comparing myself to her new dude. Now the shoe is probably on the other foot.

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I haven't hit the gym in 3 days and was forced to take 3 of the last 5 days off due to snow and such. The gym should clear my head a little and get me back on track. I am sleeping better now though and have been generally happier as of late. I am really feeling back to normal. A way I haven't felt in a few years. I think regular exercise is starting to effect my moods and regulate how I feel/think. I am sure removing the stress that comes with the ex helps as well.

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I hit the gym pretty hard last night after work. I hate taking more then a day or two off. It feels like that first day back is always a bit of a struggle. I hadnt eaten much all day so I didnt have as much energy as usual but none the less got in a good workout.

 

While I was at the gym "S" texted me asking if I was going to visit her at work. I ended up stopping in around 11 and staying till close at 2. After I left she texted me to see where I was going to park my car as my parking spot is under 4 feet of snow. I told her I found a spot and was going to bed. I think she was trying to invite me over but I was playing dumb as I dont want to spend too much time with her. Just visiting her at work was enough.

 

This morning I woke up really tired. Although I am not hungover at all I didnt get a lot of sleep. Had I gone to "S"'s I would have gotten even less. While we were at the bar I ran into the ex's best friends bf. He came over and said hi and asked what I was up to. Hes pretty cool. I wonder how much of me hanging out with new girl is getting back to the ex. The city we live in is big but tiny at the same time.

 

I woke up and actually kind of missed the ex. I havent really thought of her lately with this new girl in the picture but I really do miss the history the ex and I had. The thoughts are beginning to fade but I still miss our friendship a lot. At the same time though I am feeling MUCH more myself these days. I am starting to let go and move on. We are now 5 days away from a month of NC. Crazy.

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You know that the NC is for the best right now. After you hit that month mark, you feel 100x better.

 

After my ex showed up unannounced 11 days ago, we have been in NC and I hope it stays that way forever. I know it won't, but I just gotta keep moving forward.

 

I've been basically living at the gym as well. My pants sized has dropped from 38 to 34 since the breakup, so I'm definitely doin my thing. Hadda drop $$ for new pants, but hey, it's cool with me. Keep hittin that gym. It balances our moods.

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Yeah I think taking a few days off is what killed me. Today was the first day I missed the ex in a while but it wasnt nearly like it used to be. But Ill get back in the gym. The NC has definitely helped my stress levels. While we were talking again in December I would get stressed out over things all of the time. Thinking about if she was going to call or text me or not and where it was all leading. With NC I dont even think about it because I know I wont hear from her. I have gotten one text in almost 4 weeks which was on Tuesday. Although I will admit it messed with my head a little I feel better not walking back into the same old situation that was not working for me. Just got to continue to work on me. And this six pack I am starting to see. Haha.

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She texted me saying I was the first person she thought to call. We texted back and forth. I was in a nasty accident so I am telling her what steps to take. I'm glad she texted me but I would have broken NC either way. Not calling or texting isn't my style. I don't care where we are at or whatever. I care about her as a person. She's ok. I'm glad.

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She texted me saying I was the first person she thought to call. We texted back and forth. I was in a nasty accident so I am telling her what steps to take. I'm glad she texted me but I would have broken NC either way. Not calling or texting isn't my style. I don't care where we are at or whatever. I care about her as a person. She's ok. I'm glad.

 

i think thats one of the few situations where i would break NC. your a good dude.

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Haha. I was drunk but not that drunk. I'm going to dial ot down a notch though for a few weeks. I want to get into really good shape in the next few months and drinking won't help that.

 

This morning "S" brought me water and food. She basically took care of me all day and then left for work. I'm still at her house now finishing my lunch. The way to my heart is through my stomach. This chick is alright.

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Just playing devil's advocate here. It's not true NC if you are still reading her blogs or whatever because you are still somewhat tied to her. I feel like this was her way of emotionally suckering you in since she already knows that you are the only person to read that stuff. Granted, we all have a soft spot for our exes and we should act decent towards any person in need. But I hope this gives you more power not to read the blogs and stuff.

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She ended up texting and calling me so it worked out. I told her to get an attorney and go to the Dr. We talked for like 15-20 minutes about the accident and then I let her go. She said she'll keep me posted. I actually feel really indifferent now. Strange.

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