SA's Healing Journal

[gallop30]

that's good SA,i'm thinking if you're over your ex and doesn't bother talking to her(no hidden agenda) i guess it's perfectly fine to do that.

 

i was referring to you being set back every time you two had contact,but if that's not the case now then is guess drinks are on me, and we celebrate. cheers

 

you know SA,we're all friends here,piss each other off little bit(makes posting more interesting),but in the end we help each other,might not be the best advise we give but who cares,and who knows what's best and what's good or wrong.

 

you're a man ,and you handled yourself like almost anybody else,we never stop learning.

 

cha ching

[gallop30]

hey gallop,

 

dont get your panties in a bunch.

 

i cross that bridge when i come to it.

 

Cal,you know i'm just messing around sometimes,you're a good guy ,and so is everybody else in here.

[Calblee]

Hi Gallop,

 

How can i be mad at you? You give good advice and real advice as i have said it countless of time.

 

In fact, due to your post yesterday, i realised something too. I was on facebook and congratulating a mutual friend on his engagement proposal. I saw my ex picture on our mutual friend who was also congratulating him. * at this point, i have done well to remain in NC and choose to avoid all possible avenues to hear or see anything to do with her for the last month and half. * so i thought about your post on whether i was pretending so i clicked on the photo. It was taken in 2 days ago and she looked gorgeous and happy. Then i felt very sad for a hr or so.

 

Was i pretending to be ok and happy and moving on?

No.

 

I was taking big steps to shape my mindset and action into moving on. And it really helps as long as strict NC is imposed. NC is great for the mind and heart to heal over time.

 

Why was I sad?

 

I realised the loss of the possibilities, the loss of what-if & could-have.

 

How did i overcome the temporary setback?

 

I allow myself to feel emotional and down for awhile. Then i start thinking about the negative aspect of the relationship and i remember the reasons that i have come to accept for the good of this breakup.

 

Important Lesson

 

You never stop loving someone no matter what you do. You can't control this aspect. Just allow time to heal and enough distance to forget. However, you can control your mindset and shape your own healing process and recovery.

 

A strong mindset and a positive mindset is important to moving on and healing.

[SA2000]

This cold weather is not helping. I can't wait until it warms up. My mood will be so much better.

[hulk7280]

agreed, and the more you believe in yourself, and work on yourself to help your self worth, the more of a strong mindset you have, because your like damn, im worth so much more then this BS and I know I can find someone better suited for me then my ex, because obviously she wasn't the right one or else she would be here right now!

[SA2000]

Oh I know that. I'm finding that there are quite a few ladies who would love to be in my exs spot. I'm too busy working on me now though. I'll see "S" for the time being but I'm starting to really enjoy just working on myself and my life.

[22n32]

Thats good, im trying to get there myself, just have fun on working on my self.. but i miss having a steady lady around.. i guess when i had a steady lady i wanted to be single.. haha

[SA2000]

I felt the same way. The grass is always greener. I remember wishing I was where I am at now a few years ago. Now I'm here and it's just OK. It's getting better though. I'm going to go kill myself at the gym now.

[gallop30]

we can never know how things would have turned out if we changed something or did this and that differently.

 

the ONLY thing i know it's that we changed ourselves for the "lovely" partner ,we were not our true selves ,pretending to be somebody our significant other "likes" better. we didn't have to,we should have remained true to ourselves ,and accept no bs from anybody,that's when we lost. i didn't,i pulled out before she almost got me all wrapped up in her s..t.

(i lost in a way because i'm not with her anymore)

 

SA,you know what you want and everybody slowly starts getting there too, OURSELVES BACK(that's it ,not more not less)

 

2011 will be great fellas,just sit back and relax.

[SA2000]

It's a process. I'll have my highs and lows. Today was a rough day. I was home sick from work. Last night "S" was kind of pressuring me to take another step with her towards the big "R". I've kept her somewhat at arms length by keeping most aspects of my life private. Then I woke up sick. I need a vacation.

[SA2000]

Damn I look good today. When you look good you feel good. I see those abs starting to poke out a little. This is going to be a good year. I can feel it.

 

Last night I was trying to sleep and "S" texts kept waking me up. She is trying to lock me up for sure. Thats not happening. Haha. As my confidence gets back to normal I start to feel a whole lot better. Its funny how when you start to get a lot of ladies you start to not need them.

 

Now I want to really focus on my small business and career. Its time to really start pushing things. I feel like I could kick over a building today.

[SA2000]

Im not sure what I want to do this weekend. "S" plans on seeing me probably tonight but I am not really feeling that. I want to go out with my buddies and see who else is out there. I like "S" and all and think someone would be lucky to date her but I am not there yet. She would be perfect for thekid55. Haha. She is very consistant and always there when you need her. If she werent in the picture I would probably be worse off but I dont want to feel as though I have the trappings of a relationship. That is exactly what I am looking to avoid. Maybe tonight Ill tell her that I am going out with my buddies and that maybe we can hang tomorrow night. I hate being a dikc but thats just where I am at. We hung out all last weekend. Let a brother breathe.

 

As far as the ex is concerned I havent heard from her since Tuesday. We have spoken here and there since her car accident. She was asking about how things are going with me and whats going on in my life but I didnt really dive into any details. I didnt tell her about "S" or anything like that although I am 99% sure she knows that I am kinda seeing someone. It sucks that it got to this point.

 

I was thinking about the "Stop your divorce" ebook I read by Homer McDonald when this all came about. I am pretty much following what he says in the book without even realizing it. He says to always come off as being in a good mood, agree with your ex all of the time, dont fight the break up, never mention who they are dating, date other people, which he strongly suggests, and dont be needy at all. I am doing all of these things without even trying. I am not doing them because some ebook tells me this is how you get an ex back but because it has been what has come naturally. I find myself wondering from time to time what the ex thinks about all of this. I wont ever ask but I do wonder.

 

Welp, time to hit the gym!

[SA2000]

Eminem - Kim just came on in my iPod. Not a good break up song. Haha.

[SA2000]

Heading to "S"'s. Im not sure why though. I guess I just don't want to be rude after saying I would.

[gallop30]

when was your steak dinner due?

 

go and enjoy her company bro,don't be scared she wont eat you.

if you don't want a relationship,you won't have one and she can't force you to it

[DaveTrump]

Gallops correct. You have nothing to stress about. Just tell her straight if you're unsure about going into a relationship. She'll respect you for that. Be strong!

[italiannmf24]

What is GIGS exactly?

[SA2000]

GIGS is Grass Is Greener Syndrome.

 

Steak dinner was Monday. She's a good cook. I ended up spending the night at "S"'s house. Eh. Whatever. You guys are probably right. I've hung out with plenty of chicks without being in a relationship in the past. We haven't had any conversations along those lines yet but I feel like I should pull back a little.

 

I know I am over thinking things but I'm still a little stressed about this whole thing. I wake up really upset sometimes. I'll hit the gym to clear my head and then work on my business today. That will help me feel a lot better.

[italiannmf24]

Glad to hear that your doing okay, and I know what you mean, the mornings are the toughest at times. You miss the ex the most when you wake up because your mind begins to plan out the day as soon as your eyes open up, seeing that your ex is not a part of your routine anymore it hurts. Keeping your mind off things and hitting the gym a lot will definitly help you in the long run, when you get over this you'll feel as though the biggest weight has been taken off your shoulders.

 

Hope you do well with the biz, keep up the healing your doing great.

[SA2000]

It's not so much the routine anymore. I would say that I got over the every day waking up next to her and doing our morning routine months ago. Now it's just having that person that you really honestly love there. I am not in love with any of these new chicks and don't know if I ever could be. I miss the person I was when I was with the ex. But I also realize that I needed to grow as an individual pretty badly when we broke up.

 

Before we broke up I felt lost. I wasn't happy at work, I wasn't happy at home, I didn't know if I could marry the ex, and felt like life was happening to me. Like I wasn't in control of my own direction. That's when I started to pull away from her. I used to go out with my buddies and while drunk tell them how they were so lucky to have the freedom that comes with being single and how I was much better at being single. I guess that was my own GIGS. Not another person but being single. That grass seemed greener. No stress, no one telling you what to do or where to be, no one nagging, no one else to have to consider when making decisions. Now I have that life and I don't love it.

 

I think as time goes on I'll adjust and yeah I know things will get a whole lot better with time but at the same time I miss being that person that put a smile on someone elses face. I used to do tons of little things. Valentines day would almost always meen some kind of personalized gift. Something special that I had to put effort into. I miss being that person. And I can only be that person for her.

 

But now I guess I have what I wished for. I have no responsibility when it comes to another person. I come and go as I please. I am in the gym a lot because I don't have that person saying "come home. I miss you." and have been able to make real progress. My career has changed with my promotion and is moving in a direction that I am really excited about and interest in my small business seems to be picking up. As the snow melts things look promising. I just wish I had someone I honestly cared about to share it with.

 

A guy who knows both my ex and I texted me to see if I still talked to her. I said not really. He said based on her pictures on Facebook she just goes out a lot. That's cool. She's gotta do what works for her. At the end of te day I know that's not really who she is but she's got to get that out of her system to be happy. He's a judgmental person so he seemed to frown upon her being in "the scene" so much. I just shrugged it off and said I wished her nothing but happiness. I hope she finds whatever it is she's looking for. Honestly though I think she's lost without me. I think she's going out to try to find that happiness but it just isn't there.

 

This is a long post but I'm letting my mind out for the weekend. Trying to keep my eyes looking forward. Although things are definitely not terrible, life will get much better. I can feel positive changes on the horizon. I can feel myself coming back.

[gallop30]

so so true ,and i know she has no idea what she's looking for. she should look to grow up maybe,that would be a start.

 

same with my ex,after she kept blabbing about how "cool" some friend of her friend(in Spain) is and trying to be flirty with him,i left her and she hooked up with him.

 

now she's telling her best friend (after she went to Spain for 2 more moths),it's very beautiful here,but i can't enjoy the love,i'm a stupid b..h,what the fk am i doing here? and so on....so i was thinking,isn't that what you thought you want,a "cooler" guy? seems not

 

so i can see what your ex is doing,and i feel just bad because i know she'll just regret more and more not being with you,and you'll just drift away more and more.

this was a necessary step in case you both might reconcile in the future,to completely let go.

 

when i talked to my ex after 4 months strict NC(unfinished business stuff),she mentioned how she feels like she doesn't know me anymore,at least that's how her heart feels,and i'm like good,now go back to Don Juan from Spain so he can sing you from his "cool" mandolin.(i didn't say that,just thinking it).

 

you both needed this break to evaluate the relationship,each other fix the problems for yourself not for a possible reconciliation,and grow back to the person you need become outside the relationship.

[SA2000]

I agree that I needed this break bad. I won't appreciate it until later though. I'll look back and be like damn. I grew up a lot through that. On top of all of this my Mom got diagnosed with cancer and had her left lung completely removed. Through it all I have gotten into the best shape of my life and a promotion at work which will lead to a lot more money in 6-12 months. It seems as though every time I break up with a girl I just hit te gym harder and better my life. I need to break up with more ladies!

[SA2000]

Weighed in at 178 today. Last time the exs mom saw me (shortly after the BU) she commented on how I needed to gain weight and was getting too thin. I was around 165ish then. If she ever hugs me again shell be like well he turned that around! I'm not at my goal of 190 but I'm workin on it. Just gotta keep eating amd lifting.

[22n32]

thats good man.. i dropped 2lb this week down to 216.. sucks, lifting weights but the stress is still killing me inside..

 

230 seems far off.. haha

[SA2000]

I love lifting weights. That and some series cardio and my depression is out the door. I feel best the first few hours after the gym. Today though I had some random nostalgic happy memories pop in my head post work out. The good times sure where good. Cant wait to relplace those memories.