SA's Healing Journal

[SA2000]

Things change quickly around here I guess. T called while I was asleep and said she wants to move home. I was not in the mood to talk. She asked what I would do if she left. I obviously was not happy and told her to do whatever makes her happy. She got mad and ended up hanging up on me. She's gone from telling me she'd follow me anywhere a week ago to telling me she's moving back home, which means were done. Crazy.

 

She says she's mad because I haven't made any effort to move to her hometown. She did it got me thinking at some point I'd return the favor. That some point is not now. My career has been on hyper drive and I can't just walk away now. I guess if she's forcing me to choose the choice is easy.

[SA2000]

Hate going through these kind of things but I guess we don't really have choices. We're both stubborn. Her more than me. But I could see her honestly moving away and never hearing from her again. Or if I do, like months from now. I'll either talk to her in the next day or not for a long time.

 

Half of me is disappointed. Half of me feels like its what is supposed to happen. She's supposed to go home. She's not happy here. I keep thinking I need to let her go and that I'm not moving at her pace. As much as I want to let her go and won't chase her if she decides to take that route, part of me will wonder what could have been. Life is tough. Everyone has a million options that have implications in other people's life. I am so obsessed with not screwing mine up and having control that I let people walk out of my life without chasing after them, which is probably what they need from me.

 

Or maybe there's another path I'm supposed to be on and I'm in transition. I guess I'll find out.

[Realitynut]

Ohhh SA...you know darn well what she wanted to hear when she asked "what would you do if....."

 

But she didn't hear what she wanted to hear...so what else could she do....but slam down the phone!!! lol...i relate!

 

I always got the feeling you weren't head over heels in love.....just well....ok.

 

What is that saying? "Don't marry the first person you can get along with. Marry the first person you can't live without!"

 

Apparently you can live without her.....sigh...another one bites the dust.

[SA2000]

You're probably right. I did know what she wanted to hear. I was half asleep though and annoyed that we were having this conversation. Had I been awake I may have given her the reassurance she was looking for. I tried to explain that u care about her but I have to be patient. But that point was lost when she hung up.

 

I'm an easy going person. Probably too easy going. I am starting to realize that my relaxed persona doesn't help people feel all that important to me. When they ask what I'll do if they leave I tell them the choice is there's and that I won't chase after them. In my mind I think it's a dumb question because it can be perceived as a threat. You want to go? Then go. See ya. But what the correct answer might be is "look, I don't want to be with out you. I love you very much." But I'm a guy so I'm mildly retarted.

 

I'll be upset if it ends like this. I don't think she will be happy. She has told me numerous times that she cares for me more than she's ever cared for someone and that I'm not just her boyfriend but her best friend. That's tough to replace. And the crazy part is we discussed moving in together. I think that's what she needs.

 

If it does end this way then It's back to the drawing board for me. I'm in a MUCH better place now tho then when I split from the last one!

[Realitynut]

Much better place? Cuz you didn't care as much?

 

Well....SA...give it time...this one just happened.

 

And yes...MOST men are mildly retarded when it come to answering those kinds of questions!!!! lol

 

Would you want to call her back, and say you were still asleep and your mind wasn't functioning properly, so you weren't able to respond accordingly??? Or at least less 'retardedly" ???? lol

[SA2000]

I decided to patch it up. I like her and things are going well. Gave it a little time to breathe and discussed the situation. I figured that was best for now. I need to do some serious thinking though.

[Realitynut]

Good Luck! Serious thinking....hmmm...

[SA2000]

Things seem to have gone back to normal. We had a good weekend together. We won't see each other for 2 weeks now so well see how that goes.

[SA2000]

Thought she was gonna be gone for a few weeks but she stayed home. Things are pretty normal again. Work has been going well. I need to concentrate on it more though. I think I'm on the verge of a major breakthrough there. I think I'm positioning myself well for the big move. It would be life changing for sure. It's a few months out but it would be HUGE.

[thekid55]

SA---Checking in. Glad to see you're doing well. Good luck with the big move! You deserve it.

[Realitynut]

Kidd....are ya happily married now!!! way to go!

[SA2000]

Wow. Life changes quickly. She's either moving in or moving 1000 miles away. We have to discuss. Ah... Life. Always interesting.

[Realitynut]

hahaha....sounds like an ultimatum!

[SA2000]

I wish. She already moved. Now it's will she move back or not. Should find out in a few weeks. We are discussing.

[SA2000]

Aftermath nights talk it sounds like she doesn't want to move back. She is home now. Her friends and family are there. The only thing missing is me. But she feels like she is where she belongs. I would probably feel the same way. She wants me to relocate there, which I would love, but it isn't an option. So we're kind of stuck. I'm here and she was miserable here. She's there and I can't relocate there.

 

I'm starting to feel like this is the beginning of the end. It'll take a few weeks to figure out but that's what it looks like. If we aren't in the same city it isn't realistic and we need to address that. We both realize that what we had was awesome but that there are millions of people on this planet and eventually we will find someone else.

 

I hate this wait and see ****. I am not a patient person. Part of me wants to see what happens. Part of me what's to get on with life. I'm ready to get back to a long term serious relationship. And if this isn't it then so be it. Maybe I need to make some decisions here.

[SA2000]

Interviewing for the job of a lifetime which I will get eventually. Life should be good. But it's not. Love life is good. Work life is good. Mom is sick. Not good.

[Realitynut]

Love life is good???? WHAT???

 

So sorry to hear about your mom.....my mom is just starting dementia. She's a young 80. Only goes downhill.....

[SA2000]

Still working on that job. It'll happen for sure in the next few months. It's a HUGE promotion. GF moved in. All is well.

[Realitynut]

Yay! Is this Texas...lol...it's been so loooong.....

[SA2000]

Yes it is. Going on 2 yrs. crazy how things work out.

[thekid55]

My man. Just stopping by. Seeing all is going well.

[SA2000]

All is going really well. Positioned myself at work for a career/life changing promotion that will be HUGE. I'm a few months out but it's already basically a done deal. TX and I are great. Thinking about putting a ring on her pretty little finger soon. Life is good.

 

Now I just need a vacation.

[SA2000]

Actually we do have one major issue. She wants to move back to TX. It's all she talks and thinks about. She goes back every 8 or so weeks for one reason or another. And it bothers me. It makes me question her commitment. I told her and she freaked out. She said she moved here for me and I don't appreciate that. So we will never see eye to eye. And it's reaching a breaking point for me. I love her but I'm this close to saying go home and don't come back. I'm not looking for a part time girlfriend. It's too inconsistent for me. What would happen if we were married with kids? Mommy has to leave for a week again? There's only one way to fix this. I kind of new one day it'd head this way.

[Realitynut]

TX and I are great. Thinking about putting a ring on her pretty little finger soon. Life is good.

 

YIKES...it went from this to not being sure!!!! Tell me it ain't so!

 

You know to sit down and have a frank convo with her. Sounds as if she doesn't think you appreciate her move 'for you'....and all that she is 'sacrificing'....lol

 

Explain to her, that after the children are born, you hope that she won't be running back to tx quite so often. How far away are you from Texas anyway...or her hometown...since tx is so dang big!

 

Tell her you got a great job....your career is going strong and on track....you need to stay put.

 

If she can't handle it...adios. Maybe she just needs to run back while she can. Tell her when she becomes a 'wife and a mommy' she needs to stay where her husband is! No if's and's or but's.

 

I think she'll choose you. Just let her know...MOVING is not in the cards.

 

Peace. Hope it was just a rough spot. Also the Holidays get a little tense.

 

Hey...put a ring on it. Doesn't mean you have to be walking down the isle by spring!!!! lol

[thekid55]

Actually we do have one major issue. She wants to move back to TX. It's all she talks and thinks about. She goes back every 8 or so weeks for one reason or another. And it bothers me. It makes me question her commitment. I told her and she freaked out. She said she moved here for me and I don't appreciate that. So we will never see eye to eye. And it's reaching a breaking point for me. I love her but I'm this close to saying go home and don't come back. I'm not looking for a part time girlfriend. It's too inconsistent for me. What would happen if we were married with kids? Mommy has to leave for a week again? There's only one way to fix this. I kind of new one day it'd head this way.

 

So what's the verdict my friend?