At Home Births

[rocio]

This time around I will be choosing a hospital birth, although I have applied to the local midwives for their service.

 

When I found out I was pregnant with my first, I just knew I'd be having a home birth. Somehow, that's just what I'd always known I'd do ever since I was a child and overheard women talking about it. I still did my research in order to make an informed final decision but in my heart I knew it was for me.

 

What I hadn't expected was the really negative responses people would give me. I've stopped telling people I had a home birth because too many people will really look down upon you as some kind of selfish, reckless monster who doesn't care about her child. Unfortunately, this is the reason I will be choosing a hospital birth this time, although I feel that a home birth is a safer option for both myself and my baby. It's extremely unfortunate to have to make this kind of decision based on what others will think. But here's the thing:

 

Things can go terribly wrong in hospitals and things can go terribly wrong at home. If something went terribly wrong in a hospital, nobody would ever blame the mother. If something went terribly wrong at home, everyone would blame the mother. No woman should have to endure that.

[Seraphim]

I am sorry you feel pushed to do that rocio. It is hard because every mother feels put upon no matter her choice about anything. I think we have to get to the point where we do not give a hoot what other people think. They are not paying for or raising our kids, and they do not have to suffer the pains and exhault in glories so really they do not have anything to say.

 

I get so many slings and arrows as a mother of a "disabled" child I have just learned to tell people to keep their opinions to themselves because I do not care.

[annie24]

I agree that everyone has opinions on topics like these and it can get annoying to have to justify those. You don't have to tell people where/when you are having your baby either. They don't have a right to know, that's between you and your husband.

[rocio]

link removed

 

Research from the Netherlands - which has a high rate of home births - found no difference in death rates of either mothers or babies in 530,000 births.

 

... even when she needed to be transferred to the care of a doctor in a hospital, the risk to her or her baby was no higher than if she had started out her labour under the care of a midwife in hospital.

 

The Department of Health said that giving more mothers-to-be the opportunity to choose to give birth at home was one of its priority targets for 2009/10.

[Alezia]

I think it's cool you gave birth at home. I just know I wouldn't personally be able to it. Genetically we have a history of painful and bad births. I needed an epidural on both occasions - I was almost passing out without it.

[rocio]

Childbirth is more painful for some women than others. No woman should ever feel obligated or pressured into foregoing pain management. All that matters is that you get your baby in the end.

[tinkerbellkj]

I think that having a baby at home (or birthing center) is really awesome. I have a friend who is going to be doing that in a couple of months, and I think it's a really cool thing. People give her crap for it all the time, which is ridiculous. She is an adult, has consulted with professionals, and has the ability to make good decisions on behalf of herself and child.

 

I had a c-section a little over a month ago, because I was not really 'high risk', but I wasn't low either. I had GD, and my baby had some kidney issues (which seem to be clearing up, thank God!!) so I had seen a specialist several times throughout. I was recently criticized by a 'friend' who told me that I was 'not a real mom' for having a c-section. But, I digress, people will criticize anything and everything.

[rocio]

What?!? Not a real mom? Do people actually say things like that?

[tinkerbellkj]

What?!? Not a real mom? Do people actually say things like that?

 

Haha, unfortunately, yes. She has been known to say some very strange things. She had an emergency c-section 15 years ago (the babies heart rate was dropping and she had merconium in her lungs) and she was so upset because it was not part of her birth plan. So she assumes that everyone has a horrible experience with it and she went on to tell me that she didn't feel like a 'real mom' and that I 'wasn't a real mom' and would probably have postpartum depression (because she did) because I would not feel bonded. I didn't experience any of that, I actually had a very positive experience. I always try to make the best of any circumstances, even if they are not ideal.

[lostnscared]

Im having a home water birth. I haven't really gotten that much crap from people about it, because only a few people know about it, and to be honest I don't really care what they have to say being that many of them have had horrible hospital births. The reason I'm foregoing a hospital birth is because I don't want to get pitocin, or be strapped to a bed, or be constantly monitored. I'd like to deliver the babies in a tranquil environment, where I can be alone, and where I can eat, move around as I please, get into a tub, etc. I understand that every woman has a different level of pain tolerance and whatnot. My mom said her childbirths were all manageble until she was given pitocin to speed up the labor and then it was almost as though she had to get the EPI. Or women who've been induced tend to need the EPI too. I also know women who the EPI did not work for at all. I don't mind hospitals and do feel safe in them. I just don't think it's natural to push a baby out strapped on a bed(I mean would you take a poo laying down?) I also don't want all those people around me.

 

I have a few friends that are pg as well and are giving birth in hospitals. I really have nothing against hospitals. And if the birth did get painful I probably would go to one if I wanted pain relief, but I'm really trying to be optimistic and am preparing myself, mentally, emotionally, and physically for a peaceful painless natural birth experience.

[OptomisticGirl]

Haha, unfortunately, yes. She has been known to say some very strange things. She had an emergency c-section 15 years ago (the babies heart rate was dropping and she had merconium in her lungs) and she was so upset because it was not part of her birth plan. So she assumes that everyone has a horrible experience with it and she went on to tell me that she didn't feel like a 'real mom' and that I 'wasn't a real mom' and would probably have postpartum depression (because she did) because I would not feel bonded. I didn't experience any of that, I actually had a very positive experience. I always try to make the best of any circumstances, even if they are not ideal.

 

Wow. That is just uncalled for!!! I mean, I personally won't have a home birth but I would never critice a mom for choosing to! I Can see why women pick it - relaxed and familiar atmosphere, no tubes or doctors running around - but for me I'd just rather have the tubes and stuff. But I would never say that to a mom who chose home birth or anything over 'natural'. God. I was having a conversation with an ex friend - emphases on ex - and said I knew my threshold for pain and I would most def. be getting an epidural when the time came and I was told I was endangering my future kids and I was a horrible decision maker. Well.

[Saffron_]

Im having a home water birth. I'd like to deliver the babies in a tranquil environment, where I can be alone, and where I can eat, move around as I please, get into a tub, etc. My mom said her childbirths were all manageble until she was given pitocin to speed up the labor and then it was almost as though she had to get the EPI. I just don't think it's natural to push a baby out strapped on a bed(I mean would you take a poo laying down?) I also don't want all those people around me.

 

 

I'm all in favour of home births and if it were me, it's something I'd consider myself since I live within easy reach of a hospital. However, are home births really recommended for twins?? A pregnancy with twins is higher risk than being pregnant with one baby and you're more likely to deliver prematurely or need a c section. I hope you don't but it is possible. I agree with what you say about giving birth in a lying down position. I'm not sure where you live Lostnscared but most midwives here (in the UK) don't encourage that position anyways. A LOT of my friends have been popping out kids recently and they've all had positive experiences with the hospitals. One had a water birth, one gave birth on her knees, leaning on the side of the bed, another was on all fours on the bed and one had to have an emergency caesarean. Only one had pain relief and for the rest I think (for the final stage of labour) it was just their partner and the midwife in the room.

[Seraphim]

[/b]

Some people are mental. Not a mother because you had a C section?? Um ok. Someone sounds like they have some "issues". Yeah you are right some people will criticize anything and everything. I consider any woman who has been pregnant a mother,whether she had her baby or not even. I still consider myself the mother of my babies who died. As mothers we just all need to learn to nod and smile and walk away sometimes.

[annie24]

I was recently criticized by a 'friend' who told me that I was 'not a real mom' for having a c-section. But, I digress, people will criticize anything and everything.

 

She sounds like a whack-job with some serious issues.

[lostnscared]

I live in the USA. It's wayyyy different when it comes to deliveries out here. Almost everyone I know has gotten pitocin to speed up the labor(which increases the pain of the contractions) and many of them are also strapped to a bed. The only ones who avoid it are those that go in saying they don't want any interventions and even in those cases, doctors and nurses still try to convince them to either speed labor up, get an EPI, or be monitored.

Yes twins are higher risk, but there are home births with twins. If I don't go a home birth, I will most likely deliver at a birthing center.

[Seraphim]

Strapped to a bed that sounds barbaric...In Canada I have never heard of that. Wow. If anyone strapped me to a bed I would have LOST MY MIND and they would have been facing a psycho woman. I had an epidural that I asked for but it was not offered unless I asked. I did not have pitocin, I guess I was lucky my body went into labour just fine on it's own and progressed really well. I went from 3 CM to 7 CM 6 hours so it was not too bad. I think the epidural slowed me down actually. I had to move to make my labour more productive and get on my left side. It is far better if you can move about, it makes the labour go faster.

[Batya33]

I live in the USA. It's wayyyy different when it comes to deliveries out here. Almost everyone I know has gotten pitocin to speed up the labor(which increases the pain of the contractions) and many of them are also strapped to a bed. The only ones who avoid it are those that go in saying they don't want any interventions and even in those cases, doctors and nurses still try to convince them to either speed labor up, get an EPI, or be monitored.

Yes twins are higher risk, but there are home births with twins. If I don't go a home birth, I will most likely deliver at a birthing center.

 

 

 

No one I know was strapped to a bed or given pitocin without it being medically necessary. I know many many women who have given birth in the USA for many years and I never heard of that happening. Doctors and nurses might try to convince women to speed up labor when they need to for the safety of the baby or the mother and if they are wrong or seem to be wrong the patient and her family have a responsibility to be advocates for the patient and the baby. I was thrilled to get an epidural and disappointed to need an emergency c-section but very happy that it resulted in a healthy baby!

[OptomisticGirl]

Yeah, I have never heard of someone laying down to give birth or being strapoed to the bed. Ever. To be honest being on all fours is a weird burying poistion to me! At the end of the day the patient has to say no and the doctors have to follow those wishes. The reason they offer the things is, honestly, to cover themselves and I would to. Easier to have a woman dislike your sugguations than to sue you if something happens to the baby and say you didn't do all you could to save the baby.

[rocio]

I think when she says "strapped to the bed", she means either hooked up to a heart monitor or IV so that there is limited mobility. At least that's what I had assumed.

 

I think the study I posted with a sample size of half a million births gives clear evidence that it is rarely necessary to speed up a delivery for the safety of the mother or baby. I just quickly looked on the Internet and found a statistic that pitocin is used in 81% of deliveries in the U.S. It seems really high but then just from my very limited personal network, I would say that the majority of my friends/family had pitocin. And I think a lot of women these days are concluding that the safety of the mother and baby are most definitely not at risk in 4 out of 5 deliveries. If that were the case, you would really have to wonder how the human race survived this long.

 

But then, it just goes back to your personal philosophy on risk and intervention. You take a risk every time you strap your child into the car and go for a drive. I know people who are very risk averse and refuse to ride in cars because of a fear of an accident. Then there are other people, mostly in other countries, who don't even bother putting their children in car seats. We all have a different level of risk tolerance which is why it should be up to the woman to decide, within a fairly large range of what is safe and reasonable, how much intervention is appropriate for her and her family. Nobody else can answer that for her.

[Seraphim]

Ok, that makes sense. Yes, I was hooked up to a fetal monitor and IV's and epidural pump.

[lostnscared]

No one I know was strapped to a bed or given pitocin without it being medically necessary. I know many many women who have given birth in the USA for many years and I never heard of that happening. Doctors and nurses might try to convince women to speed up labor when they need to for the safety of the baby or the mother and if they are wrong or seem to be wrong the patient and her family have a responsibility to be advocates for the patient and the baby. I was thrilled to get an epidural and disappointed to need an emergency c-section but very happy that it resulted in a healthy baby!

 

Sorry A TON of women I know WERE given pitocin without it being medically necessary. Matter of fact, I had friends who from the moment they entered the hospital that was the first drug administered--the second was an epidural. The same happened with my mom, with all four of the children she had, as well as aunts, uncles, cousins etc. I'm sure it doesn't happen to all women, esp. if you have a birth plan and tell them no, but for a lot of women I DO know it did happen. All of these women had low risk pregnancies.

I could say more, but being that you feel that the hospital was a good choice for your delivery then I'll leave at that.

BTW, I see nothing wrong with getting an epidural--I think it should def. be an option, I just feel as if in many USA hospitals there are unnecessary medical interventions. That's my opinion though. I have a few friends who are due around the same time as I am, and they are all giving birth in a hospital and with epidurals. I think every woman should have the delivery they want.

And when I say strapped, I mean laying in bed, with an IV. That is how most women push in a hospital--laying down. Especially if they have an epidural. You can't push on all fours with an epidural. So to me essentially you are in an uncomfortable position to push. When I use the bathroom I'm squatting or in a sit down position. I can't imagine trying to push laying down. And it's no wonder many first time moms have to push for a longer period of time. It just seems unnatural to me.

I also had a couple of friends where the EPI did not work AT ALL. So they basically got the shot in their back for no reason. To make matters worse, my friend went to the hospital to have her last baby in March and she was 8cm dialated. She was talking through the contractions and they were managable. What did the hospital do? They gave her an IV, would not let her have anything to drink even though she was thirsty, and then they gave her pitocin. Because she had experience with pitocin, she knew it would make her contractions worse, so she asked for an EPI. They gave her one, and it didn't work on one side. She was crying the rest of her labor, and was not able to get out of bed, drink, and could no longer manage the contractions.

 

I do feel safe in hospitals, but I would prefer to give birth in a different sort of environment. I'm sorry about your emergency c-section.

[Seraphim]

Yes, you have limited movement with an epidural. For me too it only worked on one side not the other. Then they turned it up too high for my operation after devliery because they did it while I was awake and I could not empty my bladder for over 24 hours, they had to cath me FOUR times. I wanted to beat someone to death, it hurt like no one's business.

 

I however was not given any drug I did not agree to. I asked every time before they put anything in the IV. Even during the operation I asked about every single drug put in my IV so it would not go into my breast milk. I was very insitant about it, being baby safe.

[OptomisticGirl]

My best friend had an epidural and she wasn't laying down, she was sat up and pushed. I work with a girl who had an epidural and delievered on all fours. I think a lot of it is in that moment you can't express 2hat you want, whixh is why someone should always be there with you. If I don't want to be lying down giving birth I won't - L will know what I want and I trust him to enforce it.

[Seraphim]

My best friend had an epidural and she wasn't laying down, she was sat up and pushed. I work with a girl who had an epidural and delievered on all fours. I think a lot of it is in that moment you can't express 2hat you want, whixh is why someone should always be there with you. If I don't want to be lying down giving birth I won't - L will know what I want and I trust him to enforce it.

 

Yeah I had a "walking epidural". However my son's pulse almost crashed and my blood pressure plumetted so I was not allowed up after that. I could sit up though, no problem.

[rocio]

Og, your friends probably had walking epidurals, which have only become available in the last few years. You don't need a catheder and you can walk around with assistance.

 

Also ls remember that you might have to be lying down, depending on the specifics of your situation. If your midwife thinks it's important to have access there while you're pushing, she may request that. Just be sure to be flexible and not have rigid expectations, u know?