At Home Births

[lostnscared]

I said it another thread, but my parents are the ones that are financially helping us out. My mom is the one getting the nanny, and paying for my midwife as well as all my doctors appointments, and my dad is the person who is getting us the house. My parents are very wealthy and that is how they were able to do it. I also recently moved down south to live with her, and the housing is relatively inexpensive. As for my boyfriend, he currently lives in Chicago, and so when he moves down here in August, he will technically be unemployed until he starts working for his friend's brother and law's business which will be three months after the babies are born. He has has a good amount of savings that will hold us until that time, and his parents are buying the baby stuff, as well as the baby shower. I've said this in other threads, so I'll pardon your skepticism. Not sure why it's your business anyway how I'm paying for any of these things if they are not coming out of your pockets. And not sure what not being married has to do with getting any of these things. Especially being that they are things that are being given to us by family. And has no bearing on your life.

 

Sorry if that comes off as rude lol. I'm really trying not to be.

 

At the time that I stopped medication my morning sickness was horrible, I was throwing up at least 6 times a day if not more. It went away a week or two after. And I'm aware that HG or MS can stop after the first trimester, but for me my symptoms even beyond the HG (the majority not just the MS) went away once I had resolved the feelings that were plaguing me about the pregnancy.

[OptomisticGirl]

Back to that topic at hand:

 

Was there a reason that some of you chose to birth at a hospital, rather than doing a home birth? I'm genuinely curious.

 

For instance some of my friends said that they didn't choose a homebirth because either they were considered high-risk, or they were on medicaid and obviously did not have the money for a midwife to perform the delivery at home--some of them were scared of the risks involved.

As of now, none of my close friends that have children, have ever had children in an "alternative" way--as in not in a hospital, or with an epidural, etc, etc.

I think I read somewhere that in the United States home births are not practiced as much as they are in other countries.

 

I won't give birth at home because for me, it's too much of a risk. I salute any woman who has done or will do it but for ME, it's too big of a risk. I'm optimistic but I'm also a worriere and I could never give birth at home because if something were to go wrong with the baby (which, to be fair, they can go just as wrong in the hospital setting) I would blame myself for that choice to give birth in a home rather than a hospital. Not saying all mothers who give birth in homes put their kids at risk but I would feel as such in that situation. That and while I Believe labor is suppose to be painful (modern medicine just numbs it for those of us who have a low pain tolerence), I want an epidural, even if it's a walking one.

 

And L doesn't want a home birth and thankfully, we both agree on it.

[lostnscared]

I won't give birth at home because for me, it's too much of a risk. I salute any woman who has done or will do it but for ME, it's too big of a risk. I'm optimistic but I'm also a worriere and I could never give birth at home because if something were to go wrong with the baby (which, to be fair, they can go just as wrong in the hospital setting) I would blame myself for that choice to give birth in a home rather than a hospital. Not saying all mothers who give birth in homes put their kids at risk but I would feel as such in that situation. That and while I Believe labor is suppose to be painful (modern medicine just numbs it for those of us who have a low pain tolerence), I want an epidural, even if it's a walking one.

 

This is the same reason, a friend of mine(who is 3.5 months pregnant) is delivering in a hospital. She thinks it's risky to deliver at home, and also wants an epidural.

But how do you know it will be painful for you? My aunt suffered for years with really bad period cramps, but when she had her two daughters she said both labors just felt like she needed to take a big poop and weren't painful to her. She delivered naturally at the hospital btw. I've read other stories too of women who said they had bad periods but when it came to labor it wasn't that bad.

I do get the risky thing. I think it will probably deliver at a birthing center, since it's close to the hospital, because where I'll be moving is about a 20-30 minute drive and I could see how that would be dangerous since I'm having twins, but before I found out I was going to deliver at home.

[OptomisticGirl]

BEcuase to me, labor is suppose to be painful. It's what we women were put on this Earth to do - bring new life into this world and to me, even as a none spirtiual person, that isn't suppose to be roses and candy canes. It's suppose to be uncomfortable but a beautiful experience.

 

And of the 3 pregnangcies I have been close to 2 were risky. My best friend had a BEAUTIFUL pregnancy up until her 7th month. Gained weight great, no morning sickness, then at 7 months she was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and at 8 months precalmpsia which sent her into early labor and of course caused a slew of problems during the delivery the doctors didn't try to stop. My sister barey gained any weight because her morning sickness was so bad and at 7 months her placenta started tearing and they had to take my nephew by emergency c section. I think it's instances like this that Batya was talking about how it's hard to believe in your philosphy that you can just 'heal' yourself. Colds, headaches I can kind of believe in but medical emergencies such as what my best friend and sister went threw... it's just a little harder to believe. Modern medicine has evolved into what it is to help us.

[Hope75]

I asked because you brought it up in this thread several times that you were buying a house next month and hiring a nanny and also mentioned your bf wasn't working for 3 months following the birth- so of course I was curious since my husband and I are both working homeowners who pay for our own children, mortgage, taxes, food expenses and medical insurance, and will have 2 children in 5 weeks when my son is born and can't afford for either of us to be out of work for 3 months, let alone a nanny. I mentioned you not being married because typically if you are on your partner's health insurance you need to be married, and you are not, so I was wondering where you were getting your medical coverage. It really isn't my business but since you brought it up several times I was definitely curious, as I mentioned above. It must be nice to have wealthy parents to buy you everything!

 

ETA regarding the MS, even if you stopped the medication at 11 weeks and a few weeks later your symptoms resolved that still coincides with when MS and HG typically cease for most normal pregnancies anyway which is why they call the 2nd trimester the honeymoon of pregnancy as that is when women typically feel their best as the fatigue and MS fade and they are not so big they can't breathe or move well.

[Hope75]

Do you have a midwife now who is licensed in home births and willing to take you on as a home birth? Typically you need to start searching at the beginning of pregnancy if you want a certified midwife to deliver you at home because their schedules fill up very fast. I would suspect even if you wanted a home birth that at 22 weeks it would be too late to find out who was available when you are due, and your having twins may risk you out of a home birth attended by a licensed midwife anyway. There are women who do what is called 'unassisted births' at home which aren't attended by anybody but personally I think that is very dangerous especially if you are having twins.

[lostnscared]

I'm curious. Why do you think labor is supposed to be painful? Is it because everyone you know has found it to be painful (so that is your expectation) or is it because you just can't fathom how a baby can come out of the birth canal without it being painful?

 

As for your friends and sister pregnancies sorry they turned out that way! I personally only know of one person who had a high-risk pregnancy, she had a short cervix and had to get it stitched. But her delivery was normal, matter of fact she was the one who said that she dilated up til 8 cm without finding it very painful(she said it was manageable) then once she got to the hospital she was given the pitocin, then an epidural that didn't work, and wasn't allowed to eat or drink even though she was very thirsty. She said that is when her labor got very bad.

 

Well according to my philosophy a person wouldn't end up in a high risk situation such as what my friend went through where they would need to heal themselves in the first place unless they had started focusing on having a pregnancy and/or labor that was out of their control(so to speak) or took their pregnancy/labor out of their hands and into someone elses(i.e. doctor, hospital, etc). But obviously not everyone believes that, and I respect that.

I do believe that modern medicine has evolved to help us. I just believe that we can heal ourselves. Also believe that for myself all of the external sicknesses I've experienced have been the result of feelings, thoughts, emotions, etc that were going on inside me. So the way I would explain it, is if I found myself in a position where the pregnancy turned into a medical emergency then it was because of feelings I was having about the pregnancy, about myself, etc--whether I was conscious of it or not, or admitted or not. Or it would be because for whatever reason I was not meant to have the baby, or was meant to have the baby in a certain way. Not saying this is the case for everyone, but just that this is what I believe for myself.

Obviously there are situations where a person needs to go to the doctor, hospital, etc especially if it is an immediate emergency.

[lostnscared]

Technically the house will not be in my name, it will be in my dad's name, so it isn't my house persay, but months ago I never would have thought he would help me this way, because he was very angry with me when he found out I was pregnant and he certainly didn't help me earlier this year when I was barely making a living. The nanny that my mom is getting for us is only $600 a week which would be similar to the cost if we were to put the baby's in daycare so in a way it evens out, because initially before my parents agreed to help we both were going to have to work. I do realize that my situation is rare and that it isn't necessarily mine doing since I'm not the one buying things, but these were all things that I wanted to have and I do believe that in some way it seems like these doors started opening once I started following this belief system.

 

You could be right about the MS. But with my allergies ezcema I've had it for years in the same spot and it would never go away even with eilidel, flonase, zyrtec, etc. But I was able to get rid of these things on my own.

 

I'm biased since I don't like doctors, but I do believe that some of my "sicknesses" that I cured were a result of myself.

[OptomisticGirl]

Neither really. It's just suppose to be. If it were wine and roses we as a race would have found a way to make babies without the use of actually giving birth to them without pain.

 

And really, the only reason they don't let you eat and drink is if you need a c section, you can what's the word? suffocate on whatever is in your system. Or it can come up. And of the two neither were high risk either. Even my sister's wasn't high risk until the placenta started to tear away.

 

But - and I'm asking this out of curiosity - how do you (a person in your philosphy) determine when it becomes a immediate emergency if you believe you can heal yourself? How far would it go between believing you can heal yourself and knowing you need modern medicine? That ultimately is why I Won't deliver in a home or birthing center. It's not doctors I Put my trust in - although that is why they went to school and make the good bucks - but medicine itself.

[lostnscared]

Do you have a midwife now who is licensed in home births and willing to take you on as a home birth? Typically you need to start searching at the beginning of pregnancy if you want a certified midwife to deliver you at home because their schedules fill up very fast. I would suspect even if you wanted a home birth that at 22 weeks it would be too late to find out who was available when you are due, and your having twins may risk you out of a home birth attended by a licensed midwife anyway. There are women who do what is called 'unassisted births' at home which aren't attended by anybody but personally I think that is very dangerous especially if you are having twins.

 

I already have a midwife who is willing to take my own as a home birth. We've paid the deposit and I've seen her three times during the pregnancy as well as talking to her on the phone. Now there is a high chance I can't deliver at home because she has never delivered twins at home before and is unsure about whether or not she feels comfortable being a part of it. So I am currently looking into birthing centers. I do know about unassisted pregnancies, but I don't think I would do that since I'm having twins...

[lostnscared]

But there are women who were able to give birth without pain, lol. I guess the way I look at it is, making a baby is pleasurable, so why can't birthing one be pleasurable as well?

My friend didn't need a c-section. She had her baby vaginally. But once they gave her the epidural they would not let her have anything to drink or eat. And she was very thirsty because she kept throwing up. She said the ice-chips did not do anything for her. But they were high-risk if her placenta started to tear away. Is that not high risk? Why else would they have done an emergency c-section.

 

Honestly not sure how to answer your last question in a way that makes sense. Because I'm still learning. I honestly don't know. I think it would be intuition. For instance if my water broke right now at 23 weeks, obviously I would go to the hospital because while I could deliver the baby on my own here at home, I'm also positive that the baby would not make it.

[OptomisticGirl]

To be fair, no one knows if it were pain free but that woman. They could easily be lying. not saying it doesn't happen or would ever tell a woman 'yeah, right' if she were to say her birth was painless but to me, it's suppose to be painful. One of the things in life we women are suppose to endure.

 

Well yeah, once your given the epidural you can't have anything because if you need to be wheeled in for an emergency c section you are already numbed for the surgery. You can't eat or drink because you could choke to death in surgery. Just another way doctors cover themselves because there ARE people who would sue screaming 'you let my wife have a turkey sandwhich!' It is his high risk but her placenta didn't start tearing til she was 31 weeks. Up until that point it was just a difficult pregnancy - kept losing weight, throwing up all the time. When they delivered my nephew there was a line of blood up to his chest- 30 more mins and he would have drowned and she would have bleed to death.

 

You would be surprised. A nurse at works' daughter gave birth at 20 some odd weeks, baby weighed 1 lbs. and is now six months old and wonderful. The marvels of modern medicine. 100 years ago my nephew nor my niece would have survive because they were both premature. I guess I could have worded it in a direct way. If for instance something were to happen to you like what happened to my sister, would you have went the healing yourself route or went to the doctors?

[lostnscared]

Not sure why these women would lie--especially when there are so many labor horror stories out there, why wouldn't they also add to the bunch? My aunt said it didn't hurt for her. And she said this to me years ago when I was a kid. To me labor is suppose to be beautiful, and intense, but CAN be painless. Do you ever wonder why we are suppose to "endure" pain to bring in a life? I guess I just don't understand why women are suppose to be in pain or suffer at a time that should be beautiful and powerful? Making babies is pleasurable so why can't delivering them be just as pleasurable and intimate? To me bringing in a life should not be a traumatic experience.

 

From what I researched a pregnancy isn't viable until 25 weeks. So I would go to the hospital if my water broke now, because while I can heal myself, I cannot heal the baby and would not want to put the baby at danger if a delivery happened too soon. I'm not so risky that I would put the babies lives at risk. For instance right now my midwife has admitted that she is not sure that she feels comfortable delivering me at home, many birthing centers around here do not take twin births(I've only found one that is a "maybe" so far) so if push came to shove I would most likely do most of my laboring at home and then come to the hospital to deliver--even if I did not want to. I would do that to make sure the babies were okay, because as I said I can heal myself, can't heal the babies.

The same thing would happen if I was in a situation that was an emergency.

 

But in your sister situation, how would someone know if their placenta teared? Did she get symptoms that let her know that?

[lostnscared]

It seems like the consensus is that people think homebirths are risky and/or dangerous. But I could have sworn I read earlier in this thread, that infant mortality is actually lower in homebirths than in hospitals. There are also programs like hypnobabies and whatnot that help with pain, if people are worried about pain.

[OptomisticGirl]

Why does anyone lie? It's a great thing to hear other people's birth stories - I love hearing baby birth stories - but at the end, you have to take the bad as well. I know a girl who dismissed all negative birth stories and only concentrated on the good and it never prepared her for what could go wrong and she thought labor was suppose to be this great ship in the sky, no pain. She was in labor for 30 some odd hours. I think we are suppose to endure it because bringing a life into this world isn't just a walk in the park. Same reason we preach to young teens about pregnancy - the respsonsibility of bringing a life into this world is no small feat. Even with pain it can be beautiful and powerful. My mom was in labor for 46 hours with my sister - they eventually had to raise my mom's cervix themselves because it wouldn't drop or whatever. She didn't have an epidural and my birth was only 7 mins so she was def. not prepared. She said the pain was horrible but the second my sister was out, she knew all that pain was for that moment and it was beautiful.

 

She started bleeding and at first they thought it was a tear but couldn't see the tear - and her bleeding would start and stop. The last time she went though - when they delivered my nephew - she was pouring blood. Her husband actually had to give her blood she lost so much.

[OptomisticGirl]

It seems like the consensus is that people think homebirths are risky and/or dangerous. But I could have sworn I read earlier in this thread, that infant mortality is actually lower in homebirths than in hospitals. There are also programs like hypnobabies and whatnot that help with pain, if people are worried about pain.

 

in low risk pregnancies I believe it may be lower. But that's the thing - you can have a low risk pregnancy up until the day you deliver and then something happen to send you into the high risk pregnancy bracket. Pregnancy is one of the things you just can't control how it's going to outcome, whether it be a smooth sailing birth or you die in childbirth because it's so random and everyone is different.

[lostnscared]

Well obviously you can take the bad as well. And I'm not saying that people should dismiss the negative birth stories. But merely that one person's experience is not indicative of others. If everytime someone had a sob story or a negative experience and I listened to it and believed in it then how could I be surprised if I found myself in a similar situation? My point is that we all are unique. Labor will not be the same for everyone. And I don't believe that's by "chance". For instance a person can say that all they focused on were positive stories, that they only focused on the good, but deep down they were in internal conflict--i.e. letting what others had told them about labor effect them more than they admitted, focusing so much on NOT having a painful labor than on having a painless labor and ended up with pain. If you put the same amount of energy into not wanting something then that "something" can happen(according to my philosophy). Again I put a lot of energy into not wanting to be pregnant until I was 25, wealthy, etc and I focused so much on being pregnant not under the right circumstances and that is how I ended up pregnant. I think that is where the line gets blurry. There are many people who say they want painless labors, and say what they did to prepare for them but did not get them--but I look at the outcome. Whether the outcome is favorable or not, if something happened to me I believe it happened because whether I want to admit or not I was focused or wanting it to happen. So again if I have a painful labor it won't be because I wanted pain, but merely because I was either doubting it possible to have a painless birth, placing too much energy into not having a painful birth(rather than just focusing on painless) and/or having conflicting thoughts--telling people I want a painless birth but deep down getting nervous. Anyway doesn't matter because I know you disagree.

 

I do think that with pain it can be beautiful and powerful. Most women I know will all attest that the moment the baby came out, the pain did not matter. My point though, is that it doesn't have to be the way, and certainly not for every women. It can be beautiful and powerful the whole way through-from beginning to end.

 

Well if I started bleeding crazily, then being that I am pregnant yes I would go to the hospital. But not because I cannot heal myself, because the bleeding could mean something is wrong with the baby or that I'm miscarrying, etc.

[rocio]

in low risk pregnancies I believe it may be lower. But that's the thing - you can have a low risk pregnancy up until the day you deliver and then something happen to send you into the high risk pregnancy bracket. Pregnancy is one of the things you just can't control how it's going to outcome, whether it be a smooth sailing birth or you die in childbirth because it's so random and everyone is different.

 

Those statistics are for pregnancies that are low risk prior to going into labor.

 

This topic has pretty much been beaten to death. There are always going to be people who believe that home births are more risky regardless of the evidence. Which is fine. We all have to make our own birthing decisions and take responsibility for those decisions. We don't have to agree.

[lostnscared]

in low risk pregnancies I believe it may be lower. But that's the thing - you can have a low risk pregnancy up until the day you deliver and then something happen to send you into the high risk pregnancy bracket. Pregnancy is one of the things you just can't control how it's going to outcome, whether it be a smooth sailing birth or you die in childbirth because it's so random and everyone is different.

 

I disagree--but you know why I disagree lol.

I just believe that we have more control over our lives, body etc, then we give ourselves credit for. Also believe in nature--if for whatever reason I lost the baby or had an accident while in labor, then it could only be because for whatever reason it was not meant to be.

[OptomisticGirl]

To me that just puts all the control in my hands and even as a none religious person AND a control freak, that's too much control of my own life.

 

It may not have to but for me, the natural process is. Of course with modern medicine we now have that option not to feel pain or not even give birth vaginally if we don't want to.

 

But - and again, not antagnozing, honestly just asking a curious question - if you can heal yourself, why go to the hopsital? If all this thought is put into healing yourself, should you not be able to heal the bleeding or whatever else it might be? Or is it one can heal the little things but not the big ones?

[OptomisticGirl]

I disagree--but you know why I disagree lol.

I just believe that we have more control over our lives, body etc, then we give ourselves credit for. Also believe in nature--if for whatever reason I lost the baby or had an accident while in labor, then it could only be because for whatever reason it was not meant to be.

 

I Agree that everything happens for a reason, it's the only way I have been able to deal with some of the stuff I have been through in life. I guess I JUst see pregnancy as this mystical aspect of life that can't be controlled.

[OptomisticGirl]

Those statistics are for pregnancies that are low risk prior to going into labor.

 

This topic has pretty much been beaten to death. There are always going to be people who believe that home births are more risky regardless of the evidence. Which is fine. We all have to make our own birthing decisions and take responsibility for those decisions. We don't have to agree.

 

Well yeah, that's what I said. I was just pointing out you can be low risk until the moment you start trying to deliver.

[dramallama]

I think that if you want a medical procedure done at home and it will only affect your life, that's fine. But to put an unborn child's life at risk just because you "feel" that home births are more "natural" for you, then you are not really thinking of the child in that case and what is best for them, and what will greatly increase their chances of survival. We are in an age now where we do have access to health care, so I think it makes sense to take advantage of it if you are physically able to. But it's not really a "person decision" when it affects someone else's life.

[lostnscared]

To me that just puts all the control in my hands and even as a none religious person AND a control freak, that's too much control of my own life.

 

It may not have to but for me, the natural process is. Of course with modern medicine we now have that option not to feel pain or not even give birth vaginally if we don't want to.

 

But - and again, not antagnozing, honestly just asking a curious question - if you can heal yourself, why go to the hopsital? If all this thought is put into healing yourself, should you not be able to heal the bleeding or whatever else it might be? Or is it one can heal the little things but not the big ones?

 

Why don't you want control over your life lol? To me having control over your life, means you have the ability to create the life you want, whereas when you feel like you don't have control you may feel powerless or limitless in achieving the things you want. I used to be a control freak as well. Matter of fact I still have moments where I struggle with it. But the beauty is that once I realized that I had control over every single thing that happened to me, I also realized I have control to create anything I want to happen to me as well.

 

I would go to the hospital for the baby not myself. I could heal a bleed, but the baby is not me. My powers are limited to ME not to another life. So if something happened to me that's one thing, but if there was something wrong with the life inside of me then no I cannot heal the baby--I don't know how. There are "healers" though and people that have the ability to heal--I just really haven't explored that. This man can heal: link removed

 

So at this point the only reason I would go is if someone else's life was put in my hands--not my own.

[OptomisticGirl]

I have control over my life and am a completel control freak to the T but there are times (I Believe) you have to let go and trust, whether that be in someone else or something of higher power. I achieve the life I want because I take the steps to get it but the bad and good things that can happen to me aren't related to me - they are related to the universe and what it decides to throw at me to test me. I would be devestated if we ever lost a baby and after a time I would know it was for a reason but I have no control over that. That's what sends many women into depression after a miscarriage - they feel like they did something wrong and they could have stopped the baby from dying when there was nothing they could have done. There is nothing wrong with looking at that you have control over every aspect but I do believe it opens that person up more to if something goes wrong they blame themselves and depression can follow.