At Home Births

[lostnscared]

I thought you wouldn't be able to do a homebirth anyway because your pregnancy was highrisk? As I said homebirths have lower rates of infant mortality so for that reason it's hard for me to really to use that as a reason to choose a hospital. As I said the only reason I would choose a hospital is if I was highrisk. Otherwise nothing that I've researched or read so far has indicated that I would somehow be putting my baby at danger anymore so than I would if I chose to deliver in a hospital. There are always stories of women who wouldn't have made it had they not been at the hospital--just as much a there are stories of women who had safe and natural deliveries at home.

Before I was pregnant it was important to be in control as well. I only wanted to be pregnant in certain circumstances, i.e. having a house, good paying job, married, etc. And that was one of the reasons I freaked out initially when I first found out. But to me knowing you have control over your life, is not the same as trying to control every circumstance, but rather it's a knowing and understanding that you can have the life you want despite even the most dire circumstances. Not sure if your comment about not relying on other people giving you thinks was a jabb at me, but in my case I feel awfully blessed and very grateful that I can have such things, because even with all the financial planning and control in the world at one point I wouldn't have believe that I could have afforded a nanny, or a nice house, or to not work, and so on when I was only 24. Also just watching many people I know that did financially plan, and did have great situations, who have homes, and great employment situations, but have had to sacrifice a bit since of having kids--I do feel lucky that this is not the case and was willing to take the "help" because for me a family is a support system and as spoiled as I sound I think that having this help is only beneficial to the children's quality of life. Many friends of mine who are also pregnant but aren't getting any help would love to trade places. But if I were in a situation such as you(older, more groomed in my career, and had the time to save etc--which is what I originally planning--like you I wouldn't have needed the help).

I won't say what my opinions are on planned versus unplanned pregnancies--but just that I look at the outcome of a situation. If a person is pregnant(then rather they say it was planned or unplanned) then yes I admit the first thing that comes to mind is that whether it was conscious or not, or planned or not it was something they wanted. I know people disagree with this.

Since I never tried to conceive intentionally--I don't know much about that. As I said before the one thing I know that I don't have control over, is another "life". A baby can choose to come and go when he/she wants--so I did realize early on that if a miscarriage or anything such as that happened it was out of my control.

[lostnscared]

That's your perrogative though. You don't even follow my philosophy so of course you wouldn't attribute it to what I did. And obviously we are in two completely different situations and have different mindsets. I personally see anything I receive that I "wanted" as a gift from the universe and it does not matter what context I received it rather it was sweat, blood and tears, or given to me by family. The fact that I received indicates that it was something that I did WANT and that was given to me as I wanted it by the universe. And I don't really care what you agree with tbh, because I never said that what YOU have earned from hardwork is in anyway comparable to my philosophy, to my life, or to what I was given. Nor really is it your business how I was given it, or that I have it--other than the fact that I told my story on here and explained how I believe A=B. Fact is nothing you have stated throughout this thread has indicated that you in anyway partake in the larger crux of my philosophy, so of course you would believe you would need to take concrete steps, have blood, sweet, and tears and do everything through hardwork. I don't disagree with that method, but in my eyes having what you want does not have to be hard, does not have to take years, and does not have to involve concrete elaborate steps--it's just a knowing and trusting. And outside of my own life, I have seen in it happen for people who weren't given "things" but simply acquired them without trying.

Get the feeling that you are somewhat dismayed or bothered that I did not have to work the way you did, or do what you do, to get the things I am getting. And if that is the case then I'm sorry LOL. If isn't the case then please disregard. But again not sure why you keep using examples from your own life and comparing it my situation, and then trying to bash my philosophy, or say that you do believe in it, when it is quite obvious that you don't, that your life is different from mine, that you are different from me, that we have two completely different approaches on life, and that quite honestly I appreciate how you achieved your things but really don't care.

And I'm not trying to be rude or bash you, but just not seeing why exactly you feel the need to give me examples from your own life(and in a condescending manner) try to act as if you believe similarly in what I believe(you don't) and that you are somehow offended, or at least feel humbled that you got the things you wanted in a different way than I did, or that you've made better choices or responsible ones based on your perception of control, responsbilitiy, and motherhood.

At this point I really see no point in me and you continuing to go back and forth about this. It's obvious you don't agree with me, and that you have no idea what the entirity of my philosophy is, nor do you believe in what I believe.

So why not just let it go?

[lostnscared]

I understand this--again I think a mother just has to do what is best for her child. I know that at the hospital I would have to deliver at if I could not do a home birth, there is not a birthing suite available.

I think homebirth is a great option for the women who choose to do it and are in relatively low-risk situations. But it isn't for everyone. We all have decide what is "safe" for us and what we trust and what we do not.

[Batya33]

It's not a jab at all -I just wouldn't personally consider it as a personal accomplishment in any way if someone else bought me a house and a nanny. I'd be grateful and appreciative of course (if I accepted that and I am not the type to if I could possibly avoid it - you sound that way too) You wrote that you believed it happened to you because of a philosophy you practiced - because of something you did or accomplished. To me from what you wrote it sounds like a typical scenario of someone choosing to give you money (whether it's the lottery or your parents or a friend) and not because of some personal accomplishment. You and your future family are very lucky to have such generous parents since you would prefer to be in a situation where you don't have to work or care full time for your children. That worked out nicely for you.

[Seraphim]

I think this has gone so far from home births it is almost outrageous and I am surprised the contest of who is better is allowed to continue without warning of staying on topic.

 

And as far as people thinking people who have their kids at home are causing a "dangerous" environment for their child to be born in and therefore you are not a good mother, they have not read anything about childbirth and they should try being less judgemental.

[lostnscared]

I didn't say that it was a personal accomplishment. If I implied it that is different manner--but I reread what I wrote and I didn't. All I said, is that all these began to manifest right around the time that I began to study, focus, and really want these things to occur--so I did attribute these things happening to what I also was believing and working on during that time period. My mom is generous but my dad has never been a very generous person--but doesn't matter I understand that for you it just isn't the same or you don't agree.

 

That's fine.

 

I'd really like to go back to the topic though.

 

I wish this thread wouldn't have derailed.

[Batya33]

I didn't say that it was a personal accomplishment. If I implied it that is different manner--but I reread what I wrote and I didn't. All I said, is that all these began to manifest right around the time that I began to study, focus, and really want these things to occur--so I did attribute these things happening to what I also was believing and working on during that time period. My mom is generous but my dad has never been a very generous person--but doesn't matter I understand that for you it just isn't the same or you don't agree.

 

That's fine.

 

I'd really like to go back to the topic though.

 

I wish this thread wouldn't have derailed.

 

Thanks for clarifying that you don't see it as a personal accomplishment. I certainly agree in helping to bring good things into your life through some sort of faith or prayer (but if it happened I wouldn't feel comfortable taking credit for it in the same way I take credit for money or degrees I have earned on my own). I don't think this thread was derailed -you were explaining why you believed in having an at home birth which is related to your belief that you can control what kind of labor you have when you deliver.

[BellaDonna]

This thread has run its course.