Grrrr..."pedophile"

[greywolf]

You can't come to a forum and expect to hear what you want. You come here for help and to hear honest opinions. If you know this entire relationship is so great, and so real, then why do you need the reassurance from people on this site to begin with?

 

You must not know what it feels like to have so many people invalidate your relationship. It hurts. A lot. When someone tells you that something that is very important to you isn't real, would you really just be able to brush it off immediately? People want to defend things that are important to them. It's human nature. And we want people to acknowledge things that are important to us. That's normal as well. And we know that not everyone is going to, but it's hard when you feel like it's your relationship against the rest of the world. And I don't think that anyone should have to feel like that.

[Fudgie]

Good grief, my thread was about annoyance and an insult I don't like.

 

I NEVER intended it to turn into "I have to explain myself and my relationship." As soon as you came and started questioning me, that's when it snowballed. When in my post did I say "please, tell me if this is right for me." Nowhere...because you're right, I'm happy.

 

Again, not my original purpose. I just wanted to talk about how I feel the term "pedophile" is hurtful to those of us in such relationships.

 

I understand your intention wasn't to insult but you did it anyway....not just to me, but others.

 

Good to know that my boyfriend thinks of me as a "kid". Lovely. I must think of him as a rotting Cryptkeeper by that logic.

[simply]

"LDR's aren't real relationships"

"Don't take offense"

 

And, she wasn't asking for reassurance. She was venting about people who invalidate her relationship. You provided an example.

 

No, I gave her a point of view from their perspective. She wanted to know why people said those things, I gave her the reasons.

 

I was ASKED for my opinion on LDR's, I didn't just blurt it out, so don't cry when an opinion is asked for then givin. If you can't handle it, don't ask.

 

Second, if a person is really that confident in their relationship, then not one other opinion from ANYONE on the planet should matter, now matter how negative.

[OptomisticGirl]

I love the fact I'm not in a 'normal' relationship. Why? Because my relationship (as CC's, Greywofl's, and Fudgie's) presents us with more challenge than a normal relationship has. Those same downsizes that LD mentioned also strengthen our relationships because we don't see them every day, we aren't with them every day. Our communication skilsl are 50x better than a normal couple and our trust has to be super high to be in a LDR.

[Cognitive_Canine]

No, I gave her a point of view from their perspective. She wanted to know why people said those things, I gave her the reasons.

 

I was ASKED for my opinion on LDR's, I didn't just blurt it out, so don't cry when an opinion is asked for then givin. If you can't handle it, don't ask.

 

Second, if a person is really that confident in their relationship, then not one other opinion on from ANYONE on the planet should matter, now matter how negative.

 

If you have a racist opinion, expect people to be offended when you give it. If you have a the opinion that you can declare relationships 'real' or not, expect backlash and to cause offense.

 

And, yes, opinions of others do matter. Especially when people like you think it's okay for parents with ill opinions of the relationship to abandon the child on their wedding day.

 

Lastly, Fudgie did NOT ask why people feel the way they do. She asked why she cared. She hears people give her their opinion on her relationship all of the time and she is sick of it.

[OptomisticGirl]

No, I gave her a point of view from their perspective. She wanted to know why people said those things, I gave her the reasons.

 

I was ASKED for my opinion on LDR's, I didn't just blurt it out, so don't cry when an opinion is asked for then givin. If you can't handle it, don't ask.

 

Second, if a person is really that confident in their relationship, then not one other opinion from ANYONE on the planet should matter, now matter how negative.

 

It doesn't matter. And that's the joy of it! However, I'm more than certain if you were insulted on any level you would defend yourself. If you wouldn't... well... says a lot for yourself really.

[Fudgie]

Your negative opinion doesn't change my relationship or feelings about it, simply.

 

But I do still find it hurtful and will defend my relationship. Any person would.

 

Doesn't mean I'm any less "strong" than anyone else. I'm willing to bet I've put up with a lot more negativity in it than you have in yours. Never once have I considered backing down.

 

All I ask is for some respect.

 

And yeah, if my relationship or boyfriend is insulted in any way, you better believe I'm going to stand up and defend them.

[simply]

You must not know what it feels like to have so many people invalidate your relationship. It hurts. A lot.

 

but it's hard when you feel like it's your relationship against the rest of the world.

 

Believe me I know how it feels to have family and friends disapprove of my relationships. It's happened. I've been given the "negative" opinions from people close to me. But instead of getting defensive, I took their opinions into consideration and realized where it was coming from. A good place, they go by what they see and hear, they were only looking out for me, as what family and good friends do.

 

"Be careful who's advice you buy, be patient with those who supply it"

[Cognitive_Canine]

It's hard to take name calling of "pedophile" and complete dismissal of the relationship into consideration.

[simply]

It doesn't matter. And that's the joy of it! However, I'm more than certain if you were insulted on any level you would defend yourself. If you wouldn't... well... says a lot for yourself really.

 

Yes it does...it says that I'm confident enough in the relationship to take in any "negative' advice, I don't have to defend what I already know is right. I simply smile, and say, "too each his own"...it's only an opinion, and like you just said(the smartest thing you've said all night) ..."it doesn't matter".....

[OptomisticGirl]

It's hard to take name calling of "pedophile" and complete dismissal of the relationship into consideration.

 

Exactly. I refuse to respect someone's opinion when they have so little of my own.

[greywolf]

Believe me I know how it feels to have family and friends disapprove of my relationships. It's happened. I've been given the "negative" opinions from people close to me. But instead of getting defensive, I took their opinions into consideration and realized where it was coming from. A good place, they go by what they see and hear, they were only looking out for me, as what family and good friends do.

 

"Be careful who's advice you buy, be patient with those who supply it"

 

Yes, but it depends on the reason. A lot people are against it simply because they don't understand or are just being judgmental and see nothing wrong with the relationship except that it is against society's norms. I think it's best if people would keep an open-mind and not rush to criticism because it hurts people. And I'm not just talking about age gap relationships or LDR's. I was in a same sex relationship for a while, and people had plenty to say about that.

[OptomisticGirl]

Yes it does...it says that I'm confident enough in the relationship to take in any "negative' advice, I don't have to defend what I already know is right. I simply smile, and say, "too each his own"...it's only an opinion, and like you just said(the smartest thing you've said all night) ..."it doesn't matter".....

 

Ouch, going after my smarts there. Brilliant of you.

 

Actually to me it says you are just willing to roll over and let other people dictate your life.

 

But as you say, to each their own....

[simply]

Ouch, going after my smarts there. Brilliant of you.

 

Actually to me it says you are just willing to roll over and let other people dictate your life.

 

But as you say, to each their own....

 

People can only dictate your life if you act on whatever they say. I never said I acted on what anyone said to me, just said that I understood where it came from.

[Cognitive_Canine]

People can only dictate your life if you act on whatever they say. I never said I acted on what anyone said to me, just said that I understood where it came from.

 

I really doubt that as you don't seem to understand our relationships nor recognize them.

[Fudgie]

It's hard to take name calling of "pedophile" and complete dismissal of the relationship into consideration.

 

Very true.

 

If a good friend MET my boyfriend and told me they thought he was creepy, id take that into consideration and find out why.

 

However, a complete stranger saying that my relationship isn't "real"? You think that deserves consideration? You're kidding.

 

All it is is hurtful. No more, no less.

[simply]

Yes, but it depends on the reason. A lot people are against it simply because they don't understand or are just being judgmental and see nothing wrong with the relationship except that it is against society's norms. I think it's best if people would keep an open-mind and not rush to criticism because it hurts people. And I'm not just talking about age gap relationships or LDR's. I was in a same sex relationship for a while, and people had plenty to say about that.

 

I understand what you mean, it was very well said. But in this particular scenario, her mother understands her situation and knows it all too well, because she has been there before, and(as Fudgie stated) her mother doesn't want her to be in this scenario, which is why Fudgie hasn't told her yet.

[OptomisticGirl]

People can only dictate your life if you act on whatever they say. I never said I acted on what anyone said to me, just said that I understood where it came from.

 

Advice and judgemental advice are two separate evils. Whether you can see it or not, more than one person has seen your statements as judgemental.

[simply]

Very true.

 

If a good friend MET my boyfriend and told me they thought he was creepy, id take that into consideration and find out why.

 

However, a complete, bitter stranger saying that my relationship isn't "real"? You think that deserves consideration? You're kidding.

 

All it is is hurtful. No more, no less.

 

I never directly said your relationship wasn't real, I compared it to, what society deemed as "real" which I also said I didn't entirely agree with.

[OptomisticGirl]

I understand what you mean, it was very well said. But in this particular scenario, her mother understands her situation and knows it all too well, because she has been there before, and(as Fudgie stated) her mother doesn't want her to be in this scenario, which is why Fudgie hasn't told her yet.

 

Um, I don't ever recall Fudgie saying her mother 'doesn't want her ot be in this scenario'...

[Cognitive_Canine]

I never directly said your relationship wasn't real, I compared it to, what society deemed as "real" which I also said I didn't entirely agree with.

 

Honestly, most people consider LDR's real. So, yes, this was your opinion. And, you did directly say that to fudgie.

[OptomisticGirl]

I never directly said your relationship wasn't real, I compared it to, what society deemed as "real" which I also said I didn't entirely agree with.

 

You used the words 'I don't think it's real'. I think that pretty much states YOU don't think it's real.

[simply]

Advice and judgemental advice are two separate evils. Whether you can see it or not, more than one person has seen your statements as judgemental.

 

See it as you want, bitter, judgmental, whatever, but if she's on the breakup forum in six months, then you can't really say much then. Not that I'm wishing that would happen to her. Just saying, the odds of that happening, are far greater in relationships involving huge age gaps, then that of the same age groups.

 

I apologize if it came off as insulting, but sometimes the truth hurts. As I said in my first post, I don't agree that people should come out with the name calling, it's pointless, but there is a reason your friends are saying it. Regardless of how it comes accross.

[Fudgie]

Um, I don't ever recall Fudgie saying her mother 'doesn't want her ot be in this scenario'...

 

I know...I don't know I have told her yet.

She's dated much older men at my age. She knows I like them already. She will know when my dad and I decided to tell.

 

And yes, you said a few pages back that you felt none of our relationships were real.

[simply]

You used the words 'I don't think it's real'. I think that pretty much states YOU don't think it's real.

 

Well you asked me for my opinion didn't you??? I gave it to you and now your throwing it back in my face? and you called me childish......if you don't wanna hear something, don't ask for it.