Grrrr..."pedophile"

[OptomisticGirl]

Well I never said that parents should cut off their children completely. I said they shouldn't (and most parents wouldn't), show up to the wedding to support an abusive relationship.

 

And that would be cutting the child out on the child's most important day. What you believe should and shouldn't happen is not going to work for every scenario.

 

Also, why is it that Fudgie's relationship is not "real" to you? You said this in one of your very earlier posts and it's very childish in itself to be honest. Does that mean CC's relationship is not "real" because they were LDR up until recently? (I hope that's the same board member, lol) Or does that mean my relationship with my fiance is not "real" because he lives in the Uk, I in the states and realistically for the first year of our marriage we will be living 4,000 miles apart?

[simply]

You didn't answer anything. You just claimed that people can't disagree with you because it "boils down to disapproval".

 

But the disapproval in fudgie's case would be irrational and childish. So, fudgie is still very much in the right and the parents are wrong (Hypothetically, of course, as Fudgie's dad approves of this).

 

Yes, but her mother doesn't approve yet. Why do you think that is? fudgie knows it, why do you think she's so hesitant on telling her? It's not childish at all to disapprove of a relationship that you feel is not beneficial to your child. And again, I never said parents should cut their children out of their lives completely.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Yes, but her mother doesn't approve yet. Why do you think that is? fudgie knows it, why do you think she's so hesitant on telling her? It's not childish at all to disapprove of a relationship that you feel is not beneficial to your child. And again, I never said parents should cut their children out of their lives completely.

 

She doesn't approve because they haven't told her yet. And they haven't told her because she's very stressed at the moment.

 

And yes, it is childish to refuse to attend your child's wedding and to completely ignore their relationship.

[Fudgie]

Well, my father is the biggest person in my life and he's fine. He told me I should wait to tell mom. He knows her better and he says to wait for a better time. I trust him on this.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I'm sorry, Fudgie.

 

It's really hard when people try to invalidate your relationship. It happens to me sometimes as well because of the distance (but hopefully no longer!).

 

Here you are starting a thread about the annoyance this causes and looking for support and you're having to defend your relationship. =/

[OptomisticGirl]

Yes, but her mother doesn't approve yet. Why do you think that is? fudgie knows it, why do you think she's so hesitant on telling her? It's not childish at all to disapprove of a relationship that you feel is not beneficial to your child. And again, I never said parents should cut their children out of their lives completely.

 

I would assume fudgie, as her daughter, knows why she hasn't told her and you, as a complete stranger, wouldn't know. Fudgie explained why her mother hasn't been told. It isn't that she would dissaprove, she is stressed right now.

[OptomisticGirl]

I'm sorry, Fudgie.

 

It's really hard when people try to invalidate your relationship. It happens to me sometimes as well because of the distance (but hopefully no longer!).

 

Here you are starting a thread about the annoyance this causes and looking for support and you're having to defend your relationship. =/

 

Amen! I'm tired of people saying people's relationships aren't valid, like mine and CS's simply because of the distance. If there is a rule book on the 'proper relationship', I missed that memo...

[simply]

And that would be cutting the child out on the child's most important day. What you believe should and shouldn't happen is not going to work for every scenario.

 

Also, why is it that Fudgie's relationship is not "real" to you? You said this in one of your very earlier posts and it's very childish in itself to be honest. Does that mean CC's relationship is not "real" because they were LDR up until recently? (I hope that's the same board member, lol) Or does that mean my relationship with my fiance is not "real" because he lives in the Uk, I in the states and realistically for the first year of our marriage we will be living 4,000 miles apart?

 

Actually, it's childish to call somebody childish for voicing an opinion, I'm not judging fudgie's relationship, I even wished her the best.

 

As for the "real" relationship comment, it basically means what society declares "normal" which i'm not entirely all for. But if you're asking for my opinion on the relationships you mentioned, I'll give it to you.

 

Do I consider a kid dating somebody nearly 40 years older then them a "real" relationship?..No, I don't.

 

Do I consider CC's LDR a real relationship.....No, I don't.

 

And yours, same answer, I don't think waking up every morning to a text message, email, facebook message or live chat would fall under the category of a "real" relationship, by society's standards that is and I would have to agree, from personal experience. I've had an LDR before, great girl too, but there was no way I could deal with the absence of intimacy.

 

Don't take any of this the wrong way, it's just an opinion.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Yep, been together 4 years....means nothing.

[simply]

I'm sorry, Fudgie.

 

It's really hard when people try to invalidate your relationship. It happens to me sometimes as well because of the distance (but hopefully no longer!).

 

Here you are starting a thread about the annoyance this causes and looking for support and you're having to defend your relationship. =/

 

Wow, you really need to relax, your taking this all too personally, especially for a topic that isn't even about you.

 

I'm not trying to invalidate Fudgies relationship at all, and she knows that she doesn't have to defend her relationship to anyone, especially me. I'm just giving another perspective on this, what you, fudgie or anyone does in their life is their decision, and their life, I respect that. But there are legitimate reasons why people might not favor a relationship like this, and I'm simply giving her that perspective, it's an open debate, it has nothing to do with me attacking anyone. Like honestly, how many times have I wished Fudgie all the best? Don't take this personally CC. Same with you Optimistic Girl.

[OptomisticGirl]

I suppose it's a good thing you aren't our parents then.

 

 

I always find it funny when someone believes they know what makes a relationship 'real'. Makes me wonder how high on their throne they sit...

[Cognitive_Canine]

Wow, you really need to relax, your taking this all too personally, especially for a topic that isn't even about you.

 

I'm not trying to invalidate Fudgies relationship at all, and she knows that she doesn't have to defend her relationship to anyone, especially me. I'm just giving another perspective on this, what you, fudgie or anyone does in their life is their decision, and their life, I respect that. But there are legitimate reasons why people might not favor a relationship like this, and I'm simply giving her that perspective, it's an open debate, it has nothing to do with me attacking anyone. Like honestly, how many times have I wished Fudgie all the best? Don't take this personally CC.

 

I'm not taking this personally at all. But, it's a bit ironic, don't you think?

[Fudgie]

It's ok CC and OG. Sometimes it happens althought I have to admit, I didn't think it would happen here. I'm. Typing on my own phone too and the whole thing is making my thumbs hurt.

 

simply,

 

First, I do take offense to being called a "kid".

 

Second, CC and OGs relationships aren't all digital stuff. That's a temporary replacement for a real, physical connection. They can't be together in person right now but they will be in time. What matters is where the heart is. LDRs are common and do work and I do consider them real, absolutely.

 

I get to see my boyfriend often. I love him dearly. We share hobbies and stories together. We go out to eat. I don't see how we are any different than anyone else.

 

You saying relationships aren't "real" is offensive. You clearly don't see that. I don't know what to say more but you saying that our relationships aren't "real" is hurtful and invalidating in some way. It's not really needed is it? No. it's not.

[greywolf]

Well I never said that parents should cut off their children completely. I said they shouldn't (and most parents wouldn't), show up to the wedding to support an abusive relationship.

 

If my parents did that, I'd be too ashamed to go to them if I needed help.

[simply]

I suppose it's a good thing you aren't our parents then.

 

Makes me wonder how high on their throne they sit...

 

10 feet above those in LDR's jks, don't have a hernia over that one, I don't put myself above anyone, I have a close friend who's been in an LDR for 5 years. I told him from the beginning I would never do that myself, but I'm still his friend, I just say, "whatever blows your hair back, it's not something I would do". And I leave it at that.

[OptomisticGirl]

10 feet above those in LDR's jks, don't have a hernia over that one, I don't put myself above anyone, I have a close friend who's been in an LDR for 5 years. I told him from the beginning I would never do that myself, but I'm still his friend, I just say, "whatever blows your hair back, it's not something I would do". And I leave it at that.

 

Very well, YOU might not ever be able to do but that does not mean our relationships are any less real than your own.

[simply]

If my parents did that, I'd be too ashamed to go to them if I needed help.

 

I'm sure there would be large a from when the abuse starts in the relationship, to the point of the wedding.

 

So any good parent would be there to support their child, do whatever they could to get her out of a situation like that. But if the daughter is being resistant and refuses to be helped, or lashes out on the parents for trying to help, well, then what is a parent to do. You can only help someone who wants to be helped. After that, you've gotta let them find out on their own. In the mean time, I wouldn't expect most parents to support the relationship.

[Fudgie]

simply,

 

If you had said "I wouldn't have dated someone so old/young" or "be in an LDR" that's fine. I wouldn't be offended.

 

But claiming that certain relationships aren't "real" is hurtful and unneeded. You need to see this.

 

It is invalidating.

 

It is hurtful to me to hear yet another stranger say that our love isn't "real". It is also hurtful to CC and OG. Being in LDR is hard. Words like this do not help.

[greywolf]

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to my classmate about my relationship, and he said the same thing -- that it wasn't a real relationship. Wouldn't even let me defend myself, he just kept on repeating himself whenever I tried to talk. ugh. You know, I totally get why people think that. What I can't understand is why they bother to tell someone that. There's some things that you just keep to yourself because it serves no purpose to tell someone that except to hurt them.

 

Also, who am I to tell someone whether their relationship is real or not? I'm not in it. I don't know the dynamics of their relationship. And if it's not real, would it not be considered cheating then? If I had a boyfriend here, and another one in another country that I talked to every day, did sexual stuff on webcam, would that be ok if it's not a real relationship after all?

[OptomisticGirl]

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to my classmate about my relationship, and he said the same thing -- that it wasn't a real relationship. Wouldn't even let me defend myself, he just kept on repeating himself whenever I tried to talk. ugh. You know, I totally get why people think that. What I can't understand is why they bother to tell someone that. There's some things that you just keep to yourself because it serves no purpose to tell someone that except to hurt them.

 

...unless you assume your way of thinking is the only way to think....

[Cognitive_Canine]

I don't understand why we are comparing this to abuse....

[simply]

You can't come to a forum and expect to hear what you want. You come here for help and to hear honest opinions. If you know this entire relationship is so great, and so real, then why do you need the reassurance from people on this site to begin with?

 

The term "kid" wasn't actually directed at you, but if you wanna get technical, you are a kid, well, compared to someone who is 58 years old. I'm NOT saying you're not intelligent, independent or a mature person. But when you reach a certain age, looking back at yourself when your pushing 60, your gonna consider a 21 year old, a "kid".

 

And so what, I don't think LDR's are real relationships, I have my reasons, but that's not what this thread is about, so I won't even go there. It's just my opinion. You got another perspective on this and something more to think about, or even something more that made you want this relationship even more. Either way, nobody on here should take offense to this. It's only an opinion. So, good luck to all of you.

[OptomisticGirl]

Considering she was posting about someone else having issues with the relationship, not herself, I laugh at your reasoning. I truly do.

[Cognitive_Canine]

"LDR's aren't real relationships"

"Don't take offense"

 

And, she wasn't asking for reassurance. She was venting about people who invalidate her relationship. You provided an example.

[Lamour detruit]

Well damn, this topic went crazy fast.

 

First off, I don't think anyone can make the judgment whether a relationship is real or not unless you're the person in it. Every person that is in this thread has a real relationship. Only they themselves know how deep their relationship is and how much love comes from it. Ones that judge can only see it from the surface. With that said, I can certainly understand people being apprehensive about large age gaps. In general, I dismiss them as a phase and something that does not work out. In general, I am right about that. In terms of fudgie, clearly she is different from most her age, and the fellow she's in a relationship with seems like an okay guy, so I see no problem there considering she is above eighteen. To say pedophile is clearly silly, and should be disregarded as such.

 

In terms of long distance relationships, again..it's a different beast from a relationship where you're close to one another all the time. LDR's are real, but one has to be realistic. You don't truly, really know a person until you've spent an extended period of time together and know how well you mesh in situations that go on and that derive from spending days and days together. You don't see each-other as much in person in long distance relationships, so it is easy not to get sick of one another..so I do think it's necessary to find out how well it goes when you stop being a long distance relationship before you make any big moves.