Is she wanting her cake and eating it?

[MakeItCount]

woop we have a stalker on your hands

[askltk]

woop we have a stalker on your hands

 

Ha - wouldn't that be an hilarious turn of events!

 

Nah, just coincidence - although I thought the FB tagging was a bit odd. Ergh - not fussed.

[askltk]

Genuinely think she assumes I'm stupid. Why would she bother lying?

 

Basically Ex went on date - fine, not fussed. What annoys me is she felt the need to cover it up, and lie to my sister at work. She span her a story about seeing her mum and being ill - when really she was on date with a guy she met on holiday. Guessing even in NC, she feels the need to defend herself.

 

Being of FB helps, as does the NC. Just don't see the point in lying. Positive note is I can genuinely look at her with pitty, and see her for what she is - a user. Sure you guys spotted ages ago, i've just been blinded!

 

Apologises if this sounds like venting, not intending it too!

[MK9]

Good to see you back to your senses. And you did it like a man, too.

[askltk]

Good to see you back to your senses. And you did it like a man, too.

 

Almost, not sure how manly i've been tho.

 

Not sure - I just think i was frustrated last night. If I'm honest - her dating isn't a big deal. I get that, we're both single - that's what you do (although at this moment I'm not (lack of decent opportunities!).

 

What grinds me is that, theres no need to cover it. What is there to protect? My feelings? If so - don't bring my sister into it. Ex doesn't know I know (a friend of mine had the stupid idea that texting me he saw her out was exactly what I wanted to hear). We bumped into one another last weekend, and has since emailed me about her job search (or lack of it), tagged me in check in's on FB (even tho I'm off the site) and text me useless information.

 

Glad I see this side of her - that pedestal I had her on doesn't exist any more. Guess I'm just disappointed with myself that it's taken this long, but also that she's changed to someone I really haven't got time for.

[askltk]

Oh - and just to point out - I know that the length of time is down to my own actions! Self inflicted! Ha

[token09]

askltk, caught up on your thread for the first time in a while.

 

I'm glad to see that you are coming out the other side of this intact. You seem a lot more positive in your posts. I really do take some encouragement from what you're doing.

[askltk]

askltk, caught up on your thread for the first time in a while.

 

I'm glad to see that you are coming out the other side of this intact. You seem a lot more positive in your posts. I really do take some encouragement from what you're doing.

 

Learn from my mistakes pal. Those here will advise you, listen to them. Don't let you situation drag on like I did.

 

Glad you can take something from this, it's been a great way to release my thought / feelings here - rather than with the Ex.

 

Don't think it's over yet tho - and by that I mean 100% over her, but I'm almost there. My "healing" has been appalling - pro-longed by my own self-destructive behaviour since BU.

[MakeItCount]

One thing I need to point out to you, and to token after skimming his thread ... we ALL have to go through something like this in life. The important thing is, do it ONCE. Next time this happens (and I guarantee you'll probably get dumped again, it's just how life is), you'll know how to deal with it.

 

You think next time I'll stick around for 5 friggin months looking pathetic? No. It's going to be hard, sure, but I'll stick to NC like it's going out of style until I'm ready to deal with an ex in a healthy, unemotional way.

 

Learn my friends, learn.

[askltk]

One thing I need to point out to you, and to token after skimming his thread ... we ALL have to go through something like this in life. The important thing is, do it ONCE. Next time this happens (and I guarantee you'll probably get dumped again, it's just how life is), you'll know how to deal with it.

 

You think next time I'll stick around for 5 friggin months looking pathetic? No. It's going to be hard, sure, but I'll stick to NC like it's going out of style until I'm ready to deal with an ex in a healthy, unemotional way.

 

Learn my friends, learn.

 

Indeed - It'd be tough not to learn from this whole ordeal.

[askltk]

Caught up with a pal of mine last night - we've both been threw the mill of over the past year (he's had a similar position to me, but with and Ex of about 4 years ago playing him and 2 other guys off one another).

 

As much as I didn't want to get into the Ex talk (I've been blocking out talking about it), it kind of felt ok last night - get another "nice guys" opinion. We batted the ideas around - and i realised that the Ex is no different to his, or any others ex. They want to keep you around for the boost to know that - when they need a pick'me'up, there is someone who wants them a mere text message away. I still doubt they do this intentionally, or that they understand the ramifications of their actions - but it's up to US to make that decision they aren't capable of. To have more respect and self worth for ourselves than to merely be a "drug" they turn to when their feeling low.

 

I've made it clear through my ramblings in this forum that I will always care for my ex - it's just part of who I am. At the same time, you have to accept that the only person you can truly affect is yourself.

[token09]

Make it work and askltk, its good to read some of the things you have said here.

 

One of the things that gets me though, i never did wallow before really. just really brushed myself down and moved onto the next one. I got dumped by my first long term gf, and we did fix things a couple of times. but then i just had enough the last time we argued, went out, went out and had a ball and eventually was onto the next girl. Was still speaking to that ex all the way through that time, but it never got to me as much.

 

This time i've done the same kind of thing, but i did wallow. then i went out and had fun. met a new girl. but i can't move my head on.

 

It's frightening, nobody has ever had this kind of hold of me. I'm a very confident, stubborn guy who looks after number 1 first and foremost. but for some reason, she still matters. And that's what's holding me in.

 

Maybe as you say askltk, i have to accept that i'll always love the wee smeg, but have to somehow accept that it's over and get her out of my life.

[askltk]

I think you've got to be royally shafted by an ex (by that I mean cheated on, treated badly etc), to not have some feeling for them. But then again, I'm one of those "nice guys". Key is to accept that there not part of your life anymore, remember the good times but leave it in the past, where it belongs.

 

My first GF was my high school sweetheart (In american terms), and dated for 5 1/2 years. It ended mutually, we stayed in touch as she dated other guys, had 1 night stands etc... and although she told me all this, I didn't care as I was over the relationship, and it made her look a tad pathetic. It was her that came crawling back once she found out I was dating someone else. It took that for her to realise things arent better with anyone else.

 

I still care about her to some degree, you would after spending your whole adolescence with someone. - but her actions never affected me. Im proud of her for getting her job in the police, and know she's with someone decent (the guys before were idiots) - but that's as far as it goes. She's reached out in the past to meet up, but I've remained NC as, well, the past is the past.

 

I still have the feeling that, should I get into a new relationship now, what would the Ex's relationship be? I would think, and I've said it before, it would make her realise I'm gone - beyond NC. Sometimes they have to realise that you have to truly lose something to understand its value. I'm hoping that, when that time comes - I'm in another new relationship.

[Real Deal]

I'll stick to NC like it's going out of style until I'm ready to deal with an ex in a healthy, unemotional way.

 

Learn my friends, learn.

 

THIS is they key IMO. When you know that you can talk to/interact with the ex and there is NOTHING they can say or do that will rattle you. Basically you could walk in and 3 dudes could be running a train on her and you can give it the old 'meh, whatever'. If you get to that point is when you are a cool MF....

[askltk]

Brilliant - the Ex text's me saying the "weather in *our favourite holiday destination* is nice, let's go!" - * * * !!?

[askltk]

THIS is they key IMO. When you know that you can talk to/interact with the ex and there is NOTHING they can say or do that will rattle you. Basically you could walk in and 3 dudes could be running a train on her and you can give it the old 'meh, whatever'. If you get to that point is when you are a cool MF....

 

Running at train....! Ha

 

It's the key - and I'm not ready to deal with her like that yet. It's getting to that point which is the tricky bit.

[MakeItCount]

LOL@running a train. Well apparently her last boy was ummm...not up to par in that department Not everyone is as good as me..lol.

 

text her back and say that you'll meet her there with *insert some random name here*. When she asks who that is, tell her it's your sugar momma

[askltk]

LOL@running a train. Well apparently her last boy was ummm...not up to par in that department Not everyone is as good as me..lol.

 

text her back and say that you'll meet her there with *insert some random name here*. When she asks who that is, tell her it's your sugar momma

 

You really condoning breaking NC....!? Ha

[MakeItCount]

Only for the lulz.

 

Nah I was kidding. I like that you're stickin to it. She's starting to pull out the big guns of temptation now.

[askltk]

Guess she is.

 

I'm sticking to it - actually had enough now. She'd been acting differently since back off Holiday, like when we were in LC - it would be regular text which phased up to a few a day (with 7 hours inbetween).

 

Don't get me wrong, I miss the contact - but I don't miss her (if that makes sense).

[askltk]

If i had any doubt I'd had enough - it's done now.

 

Text me again this morning, saying she was on date tonight, with a guy she met on holiday. I'd already figured all that out few weeks back, but if I'm honest - I'm genuinely relieved she said it. I'm not angry or upset, im pleased she had the decency to tell me (not that I asked, but she knew I'd find out anyway).

 

Dunno, is it wrong that I appreciate her honesty? As much as knowing makes me feel a tad uneasy - it's SO much better than what I went through with the over analysis. Is this what full blown closure feels like?

[token09]

Just sounds like you are in a better place yourself askltk. It's good that you've been able to take control of the situation and come out of it a bigger person.

[askltk]

I'm much better for it. Hell, I dragged it on myself. I openly admit that. Last month or so i've taken sterner action.

 

In the past, when she'd been dating, I got worked up because it was all a cover up. Now shes been honest, I actually respect her more - and I'm alot less bothered by it.

 

I did the whole don't tell her regarding Vegas girl, and felt bad about. Could be telling because she's open to the idea of being with this guy. Who knows. All I'm worried is me for the time being.

[Real Deal]

If i had any doubt I'd had enough - it's done now.

 

Text me again this morning, saying she was on date tonight, with a guy she met on holiday. I'd already figured all that out few weeks back, but if I'm honest - I'm genuinely relieved she said it. I'm not angry or upset, im pleased she had the decency to tell me (not that I asked, but she knew I'd find out anyway).

 

Dunno, is it wrong that I appreciate her honesty? As much as knowing makes me feel a tad uneasy - it's SO much better than what I went through with the over analysis. Is this what full blown closure feels like?

 

Pretty classic move on her part. See, she thinks you have totally moved on and wants to know if you are seeing anyone. Basica and predicatable move on her part (my ex did the same but told me in person she was "into someone else"). Few months later when I was off doing my own thing she broke down and said there wasn't anyone else and she was "fishing for information". Basically she figured if she said that she liked or was seeing someone else I would be more forthcoming. They almost ALWAYS do this and then ACT like they don't care when they find out you are seeing someone else. Then, it sinks in for a few weeks and drives them nuts.

 

Why? Because you are not even remotely bothered by them getting banged by some other dude (even if you are you are too cool or do not expend the energy to let them know). Also, in their mind they are the greateast thing in the world and you should chase them forever, right? WRONG.

 

Women are super competitive on a level that men cannot comprehend most of the time. You are playing this like a master. It is driving her CRAZY that you are off the radar so to speak. She is drawing her own conclusions that you are liking another girl and do not even have time to answer her petty attempts to make you jealous. KEEP DOING THIS!! Not to get at her but for YOU. You should feel a slight power shift. The next few days and weeks should be very interesting and since you are in the middle of things you might not see it but there is a HUGE power shift going on right now. Like as in while you are reading this she is stewing.

 

Think about this - if this "guy" on the date was so great and she was super into him she would not even think to text you because she would be having so much fun. Make sense?

 

Stay cool and keep us posted my brother.

[askltk]

Real - as always man, great to hear your advice. Doe's give me a real lift - appreciate it.

 

Glad that I'm finally getting things right. I don't know what she thinks I'm up to, I'm sure she can find out anyway (through my sister, FB - even tho I havent been on in near 2 weeks). I'm not seeing anyone, but i've been out quite a bit. I think bumping into her at the festival was a good thing - I've made some postive improvements and guessing she noticed.

 

Don't think this is her first date with the guy (last week with the lying), but honestly, it did cross my mind - why is she checking in on me? We'll see - but I'd rather know than be lied to or find out from another source.