Is she wanting her cake and eating it?

[askltk]

My thinking is to be straight up honest with her and tell her you dont want to play games anymore. Tell her you dont want to be "friends". Like I always say be true to yourself.

 

The longer you stay in the game the harder it is to get out!

 

Chris

 

It's been 10 months (how depressing is that!) - pretty sure thats long enough! Ha

 

I thought NC would be the end of it - like I thought NIC would be. I'm not angry, hurt etc, I'm honestly just bored with it.

[Real Deal]

next time she texts you just tell her (I would call) that you would prefer NOT to be in touch with her and for her to stop texting contacting you. Be polite about it but don't be SUPER nice if that makes sense. In other words be direct and take charge of the situation. If she asks why then tell her you just think its best for both of you to completely move on and there are no hard feelings at all and wish her the best in the future. If she asks if there is a chance of you guys being friends down the road just tell her that anything is possible but given how much things have changed already it is highly unlikely that either one of you will care too much in the future.

 

Is this a head game? Yes, but it is also what you are telling YOURSELF but saying it aloud to her. How she takes it is her issue to deal with. Remember - You are responsible for you and nobody else.

 

I heard a saying that truly happy people pay no attention to what others say or do (in a nosey way) because they are so consumed with improving themselves and having a great life (in other words enjoying life). This is especially true when it comes to ex's or people that we tend to feel have "wronged us". Although, people only wrong us if we allow them to.

 

Make sense?

[askltk]

Makes perfect sense.

 

Think we need to formally cut ties - and by that I mean actually telling her. Her text seems so forced, empty of any purpose except to just keep the "routine" going (by that I mean her texting me every day). Vary rarely have they been worth replying to (not that I have). I should have taken charge A LONG time go, better late than never now.

 

I might steal your words here Real, should she text me later.

[Real Deal]

Have at it man. Like I said, be polite but concise. No need to make a big deal out of it. Say your thing and be done with it. Remember, this is what SHE wanted and you are simply respecting her wishes (but more importantly respecting yourself). You may see a bit of anger creeep in pretty soon (from her towards you). Ignore it and don't let her mess with your head.

[MK9]

sometimes silence speaks louder than words. just be subtle in your withdrawal,i,e, answer her text back less and less as possible. Then she will wonder, "maybe I made a mistake," "perhaps I have done something wrong." And since she thinks it it her fault for losing you, she will change and chase after you. Thus you must train yourself to hold back on a higher level, don't let her take you for granted.

 

From my experience, women don't like direct and concise approach to things. Or so it seems, they rather guess. For instance, if you tell a woman you love her early on, that can annoy her. But if you make think you love her, that's pleasure. They want an air of mystery, they want insinuation, they want subtlety.

[MakeItCount]

sometimes silence speaks louder than words. just be subtle in your withdrawal,i,e, answer her text back less and less as possible. Then she will wonder, "maybe I made a mistake," "perhaps I have done something wrong." And since she thinks it it her fault for losing you, she will change and chase after you. Thus you must train yourself to hold back on a higher level, don't let her take you for granted.

 

 

Time for that has passed. He hasn't been answering and she keeps texting like she's clueless...which she probably is, along with being selfish. Who cares if they don't like it? Their opinion doesn't matter at this point.

 

Money advice again real. Let us know if it happens ask.

[LIzardKing]

It seems like they are all possible tactics in order for her to miss him to come back. Trust me that ship sailed along time ago. Time to quit the games and move on for real! Easier said then done but its your only healthy option at this point.

 

 

Chris

[askltk]

It seems like they are all possible tactics in order for her to miss him to come back. Trust me that ship sailed along time ago. Time to quit the games and move on for real! Easier said then done but its your only healthy option at this point.

 

 

Chris

 

I don't want her back....

 

And there is no "tactic" - a relationship, friendship or otherwise, should be forged from deceit.

 

That why I agree its the only option.

[askltk]

Time for that has passed. He hasn't been answering and she keeps texting like she's clueless...which she probably is, along with being selfish. Who cares if they don't like it? Their opinion doesn't matter at this point.

 

Money advice again real. Let us know if it happens ask.

]

 

Of course, I'll keep you all posted.

 

I'm not playing games, applying tactics, wanting the chase. I'm finished. Real's advice is spot on. A withdrawal on next text - if it comes. Sure it will. I just don't want it to lead to a text chat.

[askltk]

So, as suspected, the text came. I'd had a busy night getting my ears lowered and headed to the gym, so didn't see it until quite late. Something random about "had I had a good day - she's been bored and heading to the gym"..

 

I got that quite late, so haven't responded as yet.

[Real Deal]

Remember, avoiding it or trying to be coy means that you are telling yourself that what she thinks is more important than what you think/want. Bad move - with her or anyone else. No different than if you see a woman you are interested in out in public and want to approach her or talk to her. Guys get all scared of rejection because they don't want to "bother her" or be all creepy. F that, if a girl rejects you, so what! At least you are doing things on your terms and this should be treated no different. More often than not the outcome in either scenario will be to your liking and no matter what you are being true to yourself and your desires/wants/needs. This, my friend, will take a guy further in life than anything else. We've got your back brother...do your thing....

[Real Deal]

By the way, I would call and not text. Be a man about it (I do not mean that you are not because you have been doing great). If she doesn't answer leave it in a voicmail (you made the effort at that point). Then, drop off the grid and go have some fun.

[askltk]

Thought about it throughout yesterday, went to the gym - got myself feeling good. Went to call, got voicemail but didn't leave a message. Not sure why, thinking I didn't want to sound rehearsed, or that I wanted to say it to her, so she KNOWS exactly what I'm saying. Thinking of trying again later (although is 2 calls a bit creepy!? Ha)

 

Ended up crashing out at home, woke up this morning to no text - so maybe she's got the jist anyhow.

[Real Deal]

again, you are too worried about what she will "think" (as in the rehearsed thing). Who cares? Let it fly man. However, don't call a second time, wait for her at this point (although this may contradict what I said above). If she doesn't contact again (which I doubt) then you have met your objective. If she does text again I call her shortly after she does and let it rip....

[askltk]

Thanks real

 

Il wait and see what happens - if she texts again (at a sensible hour!) il ring her back and be front with her.

 

Although it contradicts - it's the right thing not to call again!

 

It's weird - her seeing someone else has given me a whole new release from her. Maybe acceptance, maybe that I've got a ton of stuff going on right now keeping me busy.

[askltk]

Ever just have "One of those days" - one that just continues to relentlessly beat up on you? Mine was yesterday.

 

After over sleeping, missing football (and subsequently losing 5-2), get drenched in a down pour on my run, smashing my car into a concrete column and losing my phone (and subsequently finding it with a cracked screen!) - my ex decided yesterday was the day that she'd stop contact. I'm annoyed I didn't get to make my clean break in contact. but at the same time I wasn't going to call again to make a big gesture about wanting "space".

 

Now, I'm actually quite pleased the no message in truth, she's got the picture that I'm not wanting to be her puppet, especially now while she is actively seeing someone. This is the first time in 10 months (give or take the time in NC previous), that she hasn't got in touch. I haven't replied to ANY messages for the past 2 weeks - but not having that message come up yesterday, of all days, felt oddly peculiar.

 

Anyway - I'm only venting, rather get it out then let it build. As it happens, I've put my phone in to be repaired today, so I'm without it for up to 3 days. Fully off the radar now, with no phone / facebook etc...

[askltk]

That lasted long - she broke NC after less than a day. Smooth. She's be hanging with my sister alot recently - she's gone through a break up and as well as being her work colleague, she sees the Ex as "older" sister. I'm actually glad she has that relationship, and she's been great recently about not talking about the Ex etc..

 

Didn't call the ex out on the contact. I actually deleted it the message without reading the whole thing.

 

Been hitting the gym alot more recently, albeit for fitness / cardio ready for the football season. One thing I'd day to all dumpees is exercise / gym / sports is the best way to make yourself feel better.

 

Anyway, have thrown caution to the wind and started online dating - sod it, nothing ventured etc!

[MakeItCount]

What did she say? This chick is so oblivious dude. Well done.

 

Don't get too swept up in online dating. If you don't have a thick skin it can really mess with your head.

[diamond78]

Wow, I just read this ENTIRE thread....yes, the ENTIRE thread all day yesterday. I went through so many emotions, it was like reading a novel. lol

 

But boy oh boy, this woman had me fired up!! I think it was incredibly selfish of your ex to string you along for a year...a whole year! She does not deserve you, that's for sure.

 

While reading, I kept waiting for the moment where you finally wake up and let her know about herself and go cold hard NC. If you would have done that a long time ago, she would be singing a different tune today.

 

I'm a believer of NC/NIC/ and LC, but this woman needed a huge dose of NC.

 

askltk, I can tell that you are a great guy, but you were way too nice with girl...way too nice and she 100% took advantage of your kindness. Yes, I do believe she cares about you, but to try to monopolize your time/life while meeting other guys was just too much for me.

 

Now excuse me while I continue to finish digesting this most epic thread...

[askltk]

What did she say? This chick is so oblivious dude. Well done.

 

Don't get too swept up in online dating. If you don't have a thick skin it can really mess with your head.

 

Just some stuff about how I was, and that she met up with my sis over lunch etc. She's actually been really good, my sister had trashed her car on Friday and Ex took her to work and back, at 1am, at a massive inconvenience to her. She also mentioned about her personal website, and if Id seen it (which I hadn't, obviously). She was always good with my sis (she got her the job in the first place), and mixed her in with a great crowd of girls - so she's doing these things because shes her friend, and not because she's my sis. Hence, I didn't reply (even tho I wanted to say I appreciated what she was doing).

 

Off the dating thing already - it's extortionate! Luckily I didn't sign up fully!

[askltk]

Diamond -

 

First off, I second your WOW! You read the whole thing? I was thinking I could turn this into a book, or some poorly filmed straight to DVD Movie! Ha What were your emotions!?

 

Thanks for your kind words. Yep, she was selfish enough to string me along, but at the same time I'm guilty for letting it happen - and TBH, thats worse than what she did. I let it go on for it as long as it did, and to the extent that it did. The great people on here pointed out all my faults, and yet i chose to ignore their sound advice because, in the early days, I thought my situation was different. That SHE was different. I know better now.

 

I thought NIC was enough, and that I wouldn't chase her - with the thinking that actually if she wanted to break up, she wouldn't contact me. Only up till recently has this stopped (albeit only for one day).

 

Thank's for the "good guy" comment, and I know I'm too nice. Annoyingly it was that side of me that helped push the relationship to breaking point. I get that now. She knew what I was like, knew that I still cared for her, and that I would ALWAYS be there for her (and stupidly up to a few months ago, I was). I was used as her emotional tampon (squeezed that in for you MakeIT) and ultimately got tossed out once she'd finished (ok, apologise for the whole "time of the month" analogy there!).

 

I'm sure she does care about me, the same way you still care about someone you loved after an amicable break up. I don't think she'd have gone along with initiating daily contact if she didn't. I just couldn't see past her on that blasted pedestal to figure out what was going on. If I'd gone NC much earlier on, then I agree - we wouldn't be in this situation now, and things would be very different. But, we both didn't - and thats the reality.

 

Enjoy the "epic" thread - plenty of ups n down (mostly downs), and if you can get a positive from my mistakes, than at least my moaning and venting has served a purpose! Ha

[askltk]

Week since an update - almost feel obliged to keep this "most epic thread" going!

 

What's gone - not much as it happens, which is a good thing. Bar going out alot more and be ultimately disappointed with the whole pub/bar/club scene. Don't get me, going out with mates, enjoying yourself and having a laugh is always good - but meeting someone? The whole "eyes meet accross a crowded dance floor" seems somewhat unrealistic, or maybe that's just my interpenetration. I've had a manic few weekends recently, going out and meeting new people - keeping busy etc. I'm now busy all the way into October, which

 

A friend of mine has become newly single (a long term gf of about 4 years who he'd bought a house with), in which he did the dumping, so he's constantly wanting to meet up. I'm doing the whole shoulder to lean on role at the mo, not that I'm in any position to give advice. He agrees with me over the whole clubbing scene too, which is handy.

 

Genuinely no idea what the Ex is up to, haven't seen her in 4 weeks (bumped into her at festival), and have been NIC. It's a much better place to be not knowing. She has a tendency to still text, at stupid times of night - which I delete the following day when I wake up. A day or so will go by with no message, and it'll start again. Usually asking what I'm doing, who with etc.. Although tempting to reply (especially when out drinking), I've avoided it. I can assume she's still seeing someone, feel sorry for that guy - I'd go spare if my new GF was still trying to make contact with an Ex. Then again, it's just her playing the angles - trying to keep everyone "hooked" while she ponders what she ultimately wants.

[askltk]

"just to let you know, my hand me down phone (the iPhone I gave her) was smashed by *boss at work*, and i get splinters when I text bad times x"

 

Most pointless message ever. Was even tempted to text back something along the lines of "well you must have gone through alot of pain to text me!" - but thought better of it.

 

Being an apple sheep, i tended to give my old phones to her - and couldnt be bothered with the hassle of getting them back! Ha

[MakeItCount]

To know what she is thinking about you just start psychic Reading, that helps you in knowing what was there in her mind and also helps you in finding your true soul-mate.

All the best!

 

I think you take the prize for the worst plug ever.

 

ask - I honestly cannot believe that you're not replying, yet she's still just...sending msgs like you're having conversations?! Baaaaaaaaaaaaaahahaha.

[askltk]

What's with the Plug?

 

MakeIT - would I lie to you man? Ha

 

Messages aren't convo as such, they tend to be random statements every few days or so. "my phone is broken" or "I'm heading to city with you sis", or "you've bought an iPad? Can't believe you didn't tell me". Nothing work replying to.

 

There was quite the development over the weekend, one in which I came out smelling of roses - only to be used in the process. Ex went out with sis, was an emotional wreck, cried the entire time and got insanely drunk. Turns out, guy she was "seeing" has stood her up, on top of her home life collapsing around her. I obviously didn't want to know any of this, but was kindly informed by a number of texts.

 

I replied (I'd had a few drinks), and basically said i have no business in her dating life, I don't want to know. I hoped she's was ok, and that home life will get better (there is quite the back story here which i mentioned on the early pages of the thread). **enter emotional tampon**.

 

Turns out she's pretty messed up - and as much as some wicked part of me wants to go "serves you right - now you know how it feels" - frustratingly I couldn't help feel sorry for her (not that she got left out to dry). I was credited in getting her past her problems when we first got together - and being too nice for my own good, her reaching out struck a chord with me.

 

She got into some pretty deep stuff about her family, confided in me (ergh), and we actually talked for 2 hours - first time since we've talked briefly at the festival a month ago. She was in pieces, uncontrollable sobbing etc... but calmed her down. It was emotional blackmail, but I guess I feel for it.

 

Half of me wants to enjoy the fact she's struggling, but the personal side of me just wants to help her. I won't be doing either. Her problems aren't my own - and it's not for me to fix, or care about. I made my point to her on the phone - thats for sure.

 

I'm just annoyed with myself that I broke NC like that.