Is she wanting her cake and eating it?

[MK9]

my girlfriend broke up with me and cheated on me with an online boyfriend. I treated her like crap, called her a filthy * * * * * , and told her she means nothing to me. Now, she liked me again, and apologized.

 

maybe you should try to not care what she think. it might actually work.

[MakeItCount]

"I hear my brother's other buddy is free to bang too. You should give him a call."

 

Then just block her damn number and be done with it man. Stop using her endless texting as an excuse. If it comes down to it, tell her she's not someone you want in your life.

 

CUT. HER. OUT.

[askltk]

my girlfriend broke up with me and cheated on me with an online boyfriend. I treated her like crap, called her a filthy * * * * * , and told her she means nothing to me. Now, she liked me again, and apologized.

 

maybe you should try to not care what she think. it might actually work.

 

It might seem like I'm bothered, and tbh a little part of me is, but the same time she's done nothing wrong, and I've no ill feeling towards her. I'm not that way inclined to treat people badly - hence why NC is better because it stops any chance of discussing it up. I've said my peace, left on decent terms.

 

The texts on Wednesday weren't rude, I just merely pointed out that I didn't want to be around while she was seeing someone. It's irrelevant now that the guy has since told her that "it was just a bit of fun" (my bro hates her, and took great pleasure in telling me that after he spoke to his mate).

 

Xmas party tonight, got to love the holidays.

[MarmiteCrumpet]

Jesus. I have read this entire thread.

 

Listen, you are a lovely man etc and we can all see that you have good intentions. But for the love of all that is holy, tell her to sling her hook. She has zero respect for you and (I'm sorry) but that is your doing.

 

You constantly ask this forum (things to the effect of) "why does she do this?" "why did she text and ask me for Xmas?" "why does she want me whilst she has a b/f but doesn't want a relationship/sex with me?". And the answer every time...is because she can and because you let her.

 

Man, it has been A YEAR and what has really changed?

[askltk]

"I hear my brother's other buddy is free to bang too. You should give him a call."

 

Then just block her damn number and be done with it man. Stop using her endless texting as an excuse. If it comes down to it, tell her she's not someone you want in your life.

 

CUT. HER. OUT.

 

Got a message from her yesterday asking how "we need to sort this out". Deleted.

 

Listening to you for once. NC all the way.

[askltk]

Jesus. I have read this entire thread.

 

Listen, you are a lovely man etc and we can all see that you have good intentions. But for the love of all that is holy, tell her to sling her hook. She has zero respect for you and (I'm sorry) but that is your doing.

 

You constantly ask this forum (things to the effect of) "why does she do this?" "why did she text and ask me for Xmas?" "why does she want me whilst she has a b/f but doesn't want a relationship/sex with me?". And the answer every time...is because she can and because you let her.

 

Man, it has been A YEAR and what has really changed?

 

You poor soul, I apologise that you had to read this whole thing! But thank you for it.

 

Yep, my intentions were always good. But in reality that was abused by her. It's all my own doing, I accepted the crumbs, I let her treat me like she has. She's no saint, but ultimately she was doing what was best for her, and so was I - not really considering myself.

 

I've had positives over the past year, but it's a year wasted.

 

I asked because i could never fathom why, when really the only question I should be asking "why do i give two hoots!?".

 

Thanks for reading tho.

[diamond78]

Got a message from her yesterday asking how "we need to sort this out". Deleted.

 

Listening to you for once. NC all the way.

 

 

Ha! I wonder if her saying that came after the other guy telling her she was just "a bit of fun"?

 

There is nothing to sort here anymore...She took advantage of your love for her. End of story.

 

I'm glad you are finding the strength to ignore. Sometimes that can be a very hard thing to do when you still care about someone...

[askltk]

Ha! I wonder if her saying that came after the other guy telling her she was just "a bit of fun"?

 

There is nothing to sort here anymore...She took advantage of your love for her. End of story.

 

I'm glad you are finding the strength to ignore. Sometimes that can be a very hard thing to do when you still care about someone...

 

I'm not too fussed - but I'll update this to keep the happenings in context! Ha

 

Basically, my bro was telling me yesterday that, having been out with her Wednesday night, he didn't want a relationship with her and that he would leave it open should they want to hook up in future. They didn't sleep together Wednesday because her sister was home, so it's not like she wants him to meet the family!

 

But yeah, I'd say its pretty coincidental how she gets cast off by one, and wants contact again.

 

Nothing to sort - she took advantage of me for too long. I'm happy with the decision.

 

Ignoring isn't difficult when you leave your phone at home! Ha TBH I ignored her monday before all this happened, and although I felt bad at the time, it was the first real time I'd not bothered to text her. She couldn't survive 2 days without knowing why I was ignoring her. It's also easier because I was never the one to initiate contact in the first place, so I'm used to not being the one to start things.

 

Anyway, it pains me to be back on ENA, but i've always said how i took comfort in posting here - even if I cheesed alot of people off with my inabilities! Ha

[confuseddotcom]

It might seem like I'm bothered, and tbh a little part of me is, but the same time she's done nothing wrong, and I've no ill feeling towards her. I'm not that way inclined to treat people badly - hence why NC is better because it stops any chance of discussing it up. I've said my peace, left on decent terms.

 

I completely disagree with what I've bolded above. She's lead you on for her own needs with no regard for yours. She knows it and you know it. Don't get me wrong, you let her treat you like this so you've got to take your share of the blame. But just because she can treat someone like dirt, doesn't mean she should. She's got a wonky moral compass IMO. Move on from her, please!

[askltk]

I completely disagree with what I've bolded above. She's lead you on for her own needs with no regard for yours. She knows it and you know it. Don't get me wrong, you let her treat you like this so you've got to take your share of the blame. But just because she can treat someone like dirt, doesn't mean she should. She's got a wonky moral compass IMO. Move on from her, please!

 

Wonkey moral compass, i like that.

 

I hold my hands up, i'm as guilty as she is. By "doing nothing wrong" - i mean sleeping with another guy, as we aren't together. I have seen her in a completely new light tho..the one that everyone else has seen her in for a while. She is, shall we say, putting it around a bit. But think thats more to do with her only personal issues (needs to feel wanted/poor family life/craves attention).

 

She lead me on with actions, only when I stood up and said thats enough did she feel the need to define herself. She can't see what she's done wrong, the same way I continued to let it happen.

 

I genuinely thank everyone's contribution, esp those who are brutally honest and harsh.

 

As a side note, and once again time is everything, i somehow managed to a pull a date with a girl at the office Xmas party. That gave me a lift, and although i don't want to jump into anything, going out with someone new is quite refreshing.

[askltk]

Saturday night...and i've resorted to inviting myself out with my Bro's mates because the closest thing i got to arranging a lads night out as a night in with a DVD with a guy who may as well be married.

 

NC is tough, which i'm guessing why I put off doing it again! It's not so much i miss her, i miss the contact. Not the right way to view things i know. We got in such a routine, although never discussed it. It just happened. I know now that it was all a mistake, and what was created was completely unhealthy.

 

Haven't heard from her since the "we need to talk" message. Funny, the guy she was apparently seeing was completely open and said he no intention of seeing anyone - and subsequently dated (and took home) another girl last night. This doesn't matter, but I thought i'd update what's going on! I do question where she finds these guys....then again my perception has massively changed over the past week.

 

Time to get the glad rags on i reckon!

[Iakasot]

Read the whole thread. What interested me in this thread to begin with is that I've been through the same thing with girls. It seems like now I'm nice to everyone BUT girls lol. I enjoyed the thread in a sense that it was like a novel with its share of drama and character development, and fun to read. It was about the development of two characters, you and her. You, the protagonist found out who she really was, and the ending will hopefully be happy, with you falling in love with another, better girl.

 

Glad to know that you saw the light that she wasn't a good person, don't ever forget your realization, and stick to NC for once, stop with that LC/NIC nonsense. Don't even read her texts, I'm serious. You're not truly ignoring them if you're reading them, block her number, block and delete everything. She stalked you by intentionally going to places where you'd be, including your dentist appointment, if she continues, get a restraining order. It seems like you're not taking this seriously, she wants to maintain control of you, same way your ex ex was. You might be saying "ohh ex ex is great, there's no hard feelings", but you have to acknowledge that you go for the same types of women who are nice on the outside but users on the inside.

[askltk]

Reading the whole things is a top effort. I'll take the novel comparison as a compliment - although as a story isn't the main protagonist supposed to be somewhat heroic? Ha Not some drippy, ill-respected idiot! Ha

 

NIC was never going to work, because i was under some illusion that breaking up would mean she wouldn't get in touch with me. But, she has. for and entire year. But, i'm to blame for 1) replying 2) letting go on for as long as it has.

 

Anyway, an eventful weekend. Got out on a night out with my brothers mates, new crowd - new people etc.. was a good crack just weren't really my seen place wise. But good all the same.

 

Ex text me saying good night? xx (she was out with my lil sis in the city as well), which I didn't reply to. Seriously considering changing my number, because the longer NC goes on, the more tempted I'll be to reply. If i didn't use it for work, I'd have done it already.

 

Holidays coming up, never a good time to be single I've found. But suppose it's what you make of it!

[MakeItCount]

I got dumped a couple months before Christmas. Didn't find out about the new guy till a few days after New Years. You'll survive...it sucks, but you'll survive. When it does suck, just remember to something really crappy in your life, and how it was over and you were fine. That's how I look at things - there's always an end, no matter what it is.

 

Why does she keep hanging out with your family? This girl is so incredibly selfish dude, you gotta see that at this point.

 

At least you've admitted you were in denial a little bit still. Now we seriously work on this.

 

Worse come to worse I call this chick myself. Seriously.

[MakeItCount]

OH, and next time she says that you won't get rid of her that easily:

 

"Watch me".

[askltk]

I got dumped a couple months before Christmas. Didn't find out about the new guy till a few days after New Years. You'll survive...it sucks, but you'll survive. When it does suck, just remember to something really crappy in your life, and how it was over and you were fine. That's how I look at things - there's always an end, no matter what it is.

 

Why does she keep hanging out with your family? This girl is so incredibly selfish dude, you gotta see that at this point.

 

At least you've admitted you were in denial a little bit still. Now we seriously work on this.

 

Worse come to worse I call this chick myself. Seriously.

 

 

I'll survive, it's not the end of the world. TBH its not even a new guy that bothers me, it's the fact that I got myself into a situation where she thought I'd still be willing to be the one person who cared for her. But, that was of my own making, I allowed it, so she got away with it. It's the crippling lack of respect she has (and what I had for myself) which annoyed me. I'll get over it, now I'll let myself. Theres always something worse happening.

 

She hangs around with my sister as she works with her, and have become quite close. From my point of view, I like it for my sister (long story, but the Ex socialises in a much better crowd for my sis, go's to great places - and I much prefer that to her hanging around the idiot BF she has). My sis is quite good tho - she keeps everything to herself.

 

She is selfish - i just don't think she sees it. Her behaviour isn't even questionable on her part. She even said "oh I knew you that's why you werent talking to me, but we're not together", and in the same message said "I want you, I'm happy with how life is and I dont want it to change". She knew I wouldn't like it, and yet still thought so little of me that I'd just take it. It's what I bought on myself, but still.

 

If i was to hear from her (which I undoubtedly will do over the Xmas holidays), that will be my response!

 

Thanks for the "we" comment, I know it must be like banging you head against a wall with me! I'll pass you on her number should I relapse!

[diamond78]

At this point, if she were to message you over the holidays, I wouldn't send her a response. Your silence will tell her that you're not putting up with her breadcrumbs anymore. Do not respond to her, please!!

 

And I can't believe she said... "I want you" and then followed it up with "I'm happy with how life is and I dont want it to change"

 

So, basically she doesn't care how wanting you in her life effects you and what your feeling?? She just wants things her way only?? This girl is the epitome of selfish.

 

Just wondering, but how old is she??

[askltk]

At this point, if she were to message you over the holidays, I wouldn't send her a response. Your silence will tell her that you're not putting up with her breadcrumbs anymore. Do not respond to her, please!!

 

And I can't believe she said... "I want you" and then followed it up with "I'm happy with how life is and I dont want it to change"

 

So, basically she doesn't care how wanting you in her life effects you and what your feeling?? She just wants things her way only?? This girl is the epitome of selfish.

 

Just wondering, but how old is she??

 

She's 24, as of last Monday. I'm 25.

 

I won't be responding. I made it clear when I said my piece on Wednesday.

 

That comment is to be expected from her tho. She's had it her way (granted I let her), she's had her cake and has filled up on it over this past year. She likes things as they are because she can run off with who-ever she pleases, knowing that when it goes wrong, i'd be there to care about her.

 

Not sure if she realises just how selfish that is, who knows. She's pretty immature when it comes to relationships (I was her first proper in love BF, whilst having a number of "seeing" people when she was younger), and don't think she was used to people caring for her like I did. Then again, I shouldn't care about her, clearly she's not someone I chose to associate with now.

 

I've had my time out, pockets of NC, but I always got drawn back in because I still cared for her. Idiot! But then thats my nature, some appreciate it...and clearly some dont and ultimately abuse it.

[askltk]

Brother let slip that his mate saw the Ex last night (he immediately apologised, but told me to "sack the her off, she's putting it about"). We had a laugh about it, n that his mate isn't interested in a relationship, merely getting his leg over. I don't begrudge him that, I'd take an easily lay right now! Ha ok so that doesn't sound like me at all!

 

I don't wish the Ex any negatives (i should, but annoyingly I'm too nice for that), just my opinion of her has changed so drastically over the past week it makes me question what I ever saw in her.

 

NC get's easier day by day, and although she's being used (again) by sounds of things, she'll possibly realise how good I let her have it over this past year (not that I want anything to do with her now).

 

It's at least one New Years resolution to stick to! Ha

[LIzardKing]

Sucks to hear things about the ex regardless. I wouldnt assume things(she is being used) could be the other way around. In truth it really shouldnt make a difference. Hopefully you will stick to NC. Im pretty sure we have heard the same words before.

 

It sucks to care about someone and they totally take advantage of it.

[askltk]

Sucks to hear things about the ex regardless. I wouldnt assume things(she is being used) could be the other way around. In truth it really shouldnt make a difference. Hopefully you will stick to NC. Im pretty sure we have heard the same words before.

 

It sucks to care about someone and they totally take advantage of it.

 

Yeah, I've said all this before, and I've always ended up being talked back in. This time, it genuinely is different - she's sleeping with someone and, with what has followed, my opinion of her has changed

 

I'm not making any assumptions, just happened find myself knowing more than I should (or want tbh). Yeah, it does suck regardless, but in the same breath in this scenario it's having a negative effect on my perception of her which is aiding NC.

 

Yup, it does suck to care about someone - doesn't help when you assist in them taking advantage of it. But, lessons should be learned by now, and although I'm content with who I am, i do think I need to change my attitude somewhat.

[askltk]

Right, now the Xmas festivities have been completed - I can concentrate on re-establishing my own self esteem....via venting.

 

I got the "Merry Christmas" text from the ex. Ignored it. Then got a picture message of her and her sis in matching onesies. Like an idiot (feeling down on Xmas day), I replied laughing, and that i hope she was having a good day - and best wishes to the family. Couple of text's through out the day, and left feeling ok. Got another one this morning wishing me a happy boxing day, and to enjoy company with grandparents. I did the same...and left it at that.

 

I would'nt have not replied as it's Xmas, but at the same time I'm pretty sick of myself from doing it. She told the new guy how I am "too nice" apparently. Guess theres the proof. MUG.

 

Her "seeing" someone now looks like it's turned into more than that, having stayed over on Xmas eve, and at Cinema tonight (I don't ask for this information, I get told it inadvertantly). I've come accross some of the other guys she was seeing over this weekend.....one was too drunk to stand, the other was thrown out of a bar for dealing cocane. This doesn't matter, just realising that I'm a completely different type to them.

 

I've gone on record before - and proof is NC is working. I'm meeting up with an old Ex (of 5 1/2 year childhood sweetheart) on thursday, through her request. She's got a bf and flat etc.. so its purely a catch up. And, as said as it sounds, I'm looking forward to some female company.

 

Apologies to all for this update, havent had the most magical Xmas ever - yet i know some here will be going through alot worse. Just wanted to vent it out, and I'd rather release it this way then mope about like the world owes me something when it doesnt.

 

Happy Holidays.

[MakeItCount]

Like an idiot (feeling down on Xmas day), I replied laughing, and that i hope she was having a good day - and best wishes to the family. Couple of text's through out the day, and left feeling ok. Got another one this morning wishing me a happy boxing day, and to enjoy company with grandparents. I did the same...and left it at that.

 

dude. I wish I could reach through the screen and strangle you right now.

[Ms Darcy]

I don't think you are nice. I think you are deluding yourself and can't let go of this girl.

[diamond78]

I would'nt have not replied as it's Xmas, but at the same time I'm pretty sick of myself from doing it. She told the new guy how I am "too nice" apparently. Guess theres the proof. MUG.

 

 

Happy Holidays.

 

 

Hmmm, okay so she just let this new guy know that you're her doormat. That's not a good look for you. STOP RESPONDING TO HER. I'm sorry, but she is making a fool out of you. She has just plainly let it be known that she can do/act however she likes towards you because she knows you will put up with it.

 

 

Please, block her...change your number...something!!!