Is it wrong to NEVER want children?

[Dako]

I'd recommend getting your tubes tied. I got my tubes cut and thereafter forgot to equate lovemaking with reproduction. Best wishes to you.

[Fudgie]

Someone (actually a lot of people all together) took the time to care and raise you, so you should pay it forward.

 

I didn't ask to be born. If my mother did not have me (which she almost didn't, because she was older and it was hard to get pregnant) then I wouldn't know the difference because I wouldn't exist. I owe my family nothing in terms of monetary obligations or grandchild expectations. And yes, that's how I was raised.

 

I've heard that lame excuse before. It's something people say when they don't really know you and wish to impose their opinion anyway. Please don't waste my time with that. Thanks.

 

BTW, if I did get a huge money gift, I still wouldn't give money to a random homeless person. He may have a drug problem and I would be fueling it. I would help him get to his nearest shelter so he could get a hot meal and a place to stay, and possible resources for financial help.

 

I'd recommend getting your tubes tied. I got my tubes cut and thereafter forgot to equate lovemaking with reproduction. Best wishes to you.

 

My ovaries are already highly cystic from my PCOS (no babies), I haven't ovulated in months (again, no babies), and I'm on the Pill and I take it religiously...I would like to get my tubes tied when I am older. No sane doctor would do it on a 20 year old, even though I'd be happy to sign away any liability.

 

I had a 25 year old friend (female) who got hers done at 25. I want to meet that doctor.

 

good luck to you too!

[Rose21]

I think maybe you need counseling if you HATE kids and babies!

 

Personally, there is NOTHING wrong with NOT wanting kids.

 

I am 95% sure I don't ever want kids, I just don't want to take on that responsibility and would rather have a career based romantic marriage and be able to travel and enjoy love. Have money to spare.

 

But I do NOT hate kids. I have even worked at day cares and had numerous baby sitting jobs where I had to look after a 5 year old autistic kid.

 

I have a lot of patience and I think they are cute.

 

I love kids, and would take it in a heartbeat if I got offered a job at a day care for kids 3 and up (don't want to work with the youngers, nothing against them)

 

But my reasons are perfectly natural for not wanting kids of my own.

 

If I DO change my mind it won't be til I'm atleast 35.

 

But to say that you HATE kids...Just seems a bit off to me.

 

Frankly, I get annoyed when people frown on me and say I'll change my mind later on. Getting pregnant has always been one of my biggest fears too, and I know I don't really want kids and the chances of that changing are very slim.

 

But I do NOT hate kids. I love working with them, and just hanging out with them.

 

I am 6 years older than my brother and he and I have always had a very good relationship.

 

It's one thing to say you think kids are annoying, but how can babies be annoying? They don't do anything! To say that you HATE them is just extreme to me.

[Fudgie]

Because I don't enjoy being around them like 99% of America and thus I need counseling?

I'm sorry, but I don't have the herd mentality.

 

They are loud, noisy, smell bad, unproductive, annoying, ill-mannered etc. And yes, babies are annoying. They scream, cry, are perpetually dependent, and are about as fun as a broken pinwheel.

 

That's why I hate kids/babies. Always have, always will.

 

Obviously you and most of America differ. No big deal. But I'm not going after you for liking them, saying you'll "probably change your mind" or something.

[Rose21]

I may LIKE kids.

 

But I do not want to have them, or raise them even though I am with someone I love.

[Fudgie]

I know I'm in the minority, but I HAVE met a couple people who are like me.

 

I do not like kids/babies. I've never held a baby. I avoid that stuff.

 

But regardless of the NATURE of children, there are TONS of reasons not to have kids.

 

-freedom

-more time for career that I love

-more disposable income - more savings

-more time for hobbies/volunteer work

-pets without worry of having kids around

-being alone/having space

-peace and quiet

-no postpartum depression (all the women in my family get it)

-overpopulation

-many unwanted kids in the world - not for me, but adoption would be great for some

-able to take care of parents/husband/self when health gets bad

 

I could go on..

[Cognitive_Canine]

Because I don't enjoy being around them like 99% of America and thus I need counseling?

I'm sorry, but I don't have the herd mentality.

 

They are loud, noisy, smell bad, unproductive, annoying, ill-mannered etc. And yes, babies are annoying. They scream, cry, are perpetually dependent, and are about as fun as a broken pinwheel.

 

That's why I hate kids/babies. Always have, always will.

 

Obviously you and most of America differ. No big deal. But I'm not going after you for liking them, saying you'll "probably change your mind" or something.

 

I think you have anger problems. You seem to hate a lot of people. Not just kids but everyone in your age group too.

[Rose21]

Other than the not liking kids and them annoying me, all of the reasons you have listed for NOT wanting them, I agree with.,

[Fudgie]

I think you have anger problems. You seem to hate a lot of people. Not just kids but everyone in your age group too.

 

I don't dislike everyone my age (there's a couple that I like), but I don't like those who are really immature and like to party too much...unfortunately, this covers a LOT of people. Does this bother you?

I'm really a mellow person, a pushover almost.

 

Other than the not liking kids and them annoying me, all of the reasons you have listed for NOT wanting them, I agree with.,

 

Yeah I bet so. I just listed a lot of the reasons that many people have for not wanting kids.

[Cognitive_Canine]

It doesn't bother me but I worry that your dislike of most persons will ultimately lead to unhappiness.

 

Are you at least a fan of animals? haha

[greywolf]

This reminds me of a conversation I had with my cousin the other day. He was talking about babies, and I mentioned about how I thought babies aren't cute. He was a little offended... He started mentioning the names of babies that he thought were cute and I said that they all looked like aliens. Then he told me that I had gone too far and that I shouldn't say things like that... lol

 

Having said that, just because I don't think babies are cute doesn't mean I hate them. Hate is a very strong word and I can't imagine myself hating something that I know so little about. Hate is an emotion based on fear and insecurity so it might be wise to do a little introspection and see where these emotions are coming from. Maybe you feel like you'd be inadequate as a mother, or perhaps knowing that you'd have a difficult time having children (due to your PCOS) has made you develop this defense mechanism about hating babies instead.

[Fudgie]

It's okay. I've been deeply unhappy ever since I was a small child. I am now at a state of mild contentment, to be honest. Is that happiness? I think it is for me.

Lots of things have happened that have made me this way. Maybe it's not good, but it's how it is. I'm just bitter. I need to learn to stop having that coming accross with everything I type. It's not so evident when I speak but when I type? Oh man.

 

OH GOD I love animals. And old people. And my parents...well, I like my dad the best.

 

It's hard being at college with only a fish. I miss my dog. My boyfriend has two dogs and I'm pretty sure they get more physical affection from me than he gets.

I love both cats and dogs. My family has a horse and I like to spend time with her. I also have a rabbit. I used to breed rabbits in the past.

I love animals because they are simple and don't judge. They just...exist and seem content as long as they get their basic needs met and you love them and spend time. I wish everyone could be like that, including me.

 

I spend a LOT of time with the older people at the nursing homes and such. I love it there. I just sit and listen when they want to talk, or talk with them. I think the potential "like" I could have had for children transferred over to old people, because I've spent so much time with them, taken care of them, and I never get tired of it.

 

And Dad, well, he's my best friend, pretty much. I love him so much.

 

So yeah that's some of the things that I like for a change...lol

[greywolf]

Generally, elderly people make me just as uncomfortable as babies do.

[Fudgie]

 

Having said that, just because I don't think babies are cute doesn't mean I hate them. Hate is a very strong word and I can't imagine myself hating something that I know so little about. Hate is an emotion based on fear and insecurity so it might be wise to do a little introspection and see where these emotions are coming from. Maybe you feel like you'd be inadequate as a mother, or perhaps knowing that you'd have a difficult time having children (due to your PCOS) has made you develop this defense mechanism about hating babies instead.

 

Babies do look a little odd though, I always thought. I'm sorry but their eyes are so big. It kind of skeeves me out.

 

I have no idea why I have a strong dislike/hatred of babies. I guess I shouldn't say "hate" because that implies harm, and I wouldn't ever want to harm anyone. I just say "hate" because it's like...I just can't stand them, no matter what. I just avoid it all.

 

I'm guessing it goes back to my childhood, having my siblings come and not wanting them there, and then they got mental disorders and I was sort of shoved into the corner for a while because they needed a lot of help. But I was left alone.

 

There's a lot of old emotions there I guess.

[Fudgie]

Generally, elderly people make me just as uncomfortable as babies do.

 

It's okay. Elderly people make lots of people uncomfortable. I don't feel that way, but I can see why many do.

 

Do you think it has something to do with mortality? Or just that they are from a totally different generation with different ideas and thoughts?

[Cognitive_Canine]

Babies do look a little odd though, I always thought. I'm sorry but their eyes are so big. It kind of skeeves me out.

 

I have no idea why I have a strong dislike/hatred of babies. I guess I shouldn't say "hate" because that implies harm, and I wouldn't ever want to harm anyone. I just say "hate" because it's like...I just can't stand them, no matter what. I just avoid it all.

 

I'm guessing it goes back to my childhood, having my siblings come and not wanting them there, and then they got mental disorders and I was sort of shoved into the corner for a while because they needed a lot of help. But I was left alone.

 

There's a lot of old emotions there I guess.

 

Maybe that's the reason you like to date older? So that someone will take care of you. Not in a financial sense but more of a "having a dependable older person who is focused on you" sense.

 

I understand your dislike for children if you had bad experiences with siblings. Both of my sisters are little darlings. Balls of sass and profound exclamation. Even though I've always felt more like a pseudo-third parent to my sisters than an actual sister (they were born when I was in high school), I wanted my parents to leave me alone at that point and it was a nice distraction.

 

They made me want to wait to have kids. Mostly because I knew what having kids really meant. I still want them but not until my late 20's (28) or higher.

[greywolf]

It's okay. Elderly people make lots of people uncomfortable. I don't feel that way, but I can see why many do.

 

Do you think it has something to do with mortality? Or just that they are from a totally different generation with different ideas and thoughts?

 

I just think it's because most of my experience with elderly people is from the health care setting where they generally aren't at their best. A lot of them are grouchy, some will yell at you for no reason, some are needy and attention-seeking. The ones that make me the most uncomfortable are the ones that talk about how awful their lives are for ages because they're looking for some pity.

[Fudgie]

Maybe that's the reason you like to date older? So that someone will take care of you. Not in a financial sense but more of a "having a dependable older person who is focused on you" sense.

 

I understand your dislike for children if you had bad experiences with siblings. Both of my sisters are little darlings. Balls of sass and profound exclamation. Even though I've always felt more like a pseudo-third parent to my sisters than an actual sister (they were born when I was in high school), I wanted my parents to leave me alone at that point and it was a nice distraction.

 

They made me want to wait to have kids. Mostly because I knew what having kids really meant. I still want them but not until my late 20's (28) or higher.

 

I don't know, it's possible. My father is the one person who was there for me. He's the one truly healthy relationship I have. I think I seek to replicate it in some ways...not because I have "dad" issues, but because I love my father and I like our relationship because we're really like equals and we are respectful.

My boyfriend has been "left alone" a lot in his marriage so I think we are pretty interdependent, if that makes sense.

 

I'm glad you had good times with your younger sibs. It sounds like they were MUCH younger if you had to be a 3rd parent. My sibs both have autism but are only a few years younger. I feel bad about not being there for them in the past. Our relationship is improving a little.

 

I think it's good to wait to have kids, very good. Get school out of the way and be settled.

If you do decide to have them though, I hope you'll have them before your mid 30s. My mom had me when she was 35 and it was really difficult for her to get pregnant and she needed drugs. I hope this doesn't happen to you if/when you decide to have children.

 

BTW sorry for coming off harsh before >

 

I just think it's because most of my experience with elderly people is from the health care setting where they generally aren't at their best. A lot of them are grouchy, some will yell at you for no reason, some are needy and attention-seeking. The ones that make me the most uncomfortable are the ones that talk about how awful their lives are for ages because they're looking for some pity.

 

Yaeh they aren't their best in that setting. I feel really, really bad for them, even if I get yelled at. I can't get mad at them, I'm such a softie.

You're right, some of them are REALLY attention-seeking...manipulative really. I just sort of say "Oh really..." and change the topic or something. It's not good for you or for them to be doing that, but sadly, many do.

 

It breaks my heart to see them sad and dejected and in pain. If I was that way, I think I'd be a grouch too...at the least.

 

I think at that point, your body is just starting to shut down, but your mind is either intact and lucid during the process (scary!) or you're delirious and confused. Either way, it's unpleasant at the best, terrifying at the worst.

[dragon lady]

Sounds a lot like me. I can't stand kids, their screaming or their inconsiderate parents. I also grew up with a much younger sibling and I saw the whole parenting role in action for years. It was very off-putting.

 

I think that the most disturbing thing for me is the actual pregnancy though. I don't want any more stretch marks or a stretched vagina. I don't want through the physical trauma and the weight gain. Not to mention the emotional aspects of pregancy, which I've heard can be awful for even the most mentally healthy people.

 

Add to all this my views about overpopulation and you have yourself someone who is not meant to be a mother. I hate that I spend so much of my life trying NOT to get pregnant. I almost wish that I were infertile so that I could actually relax and enjoy my sex

life.

[Fudgie]

That's sad that you have to worry about that...

 

Maybe in a bit, you can get your tubes tied and not worry anymore. Motherhood isn't for everyone. I know it isn't for me.

 

I think the worst part about pregnancy would be the postpartum depression. I don't think anyone can see the changes that a baby brings to your life until the baby actually comes. Then it's totally overwhelming and everything happens at once. I couldn't imagine how new moms feel....

[dragon lady]

That's sad that you have to worry about that...

 

Maybe in a bit, you can get your tubes tied and not worry anymore. Motherhood isn't for everyone. I know it isn't for me.

 

I think the worst part about pregnancy would be the postpartum depression. I don't think anyone can see the changes that a baby brings to your life until the baby actually comes. Then it's totally overwhelming and everything happens at once. I couldn't imagine how new moms feel....

 

It's worse because I can't take hormonal birth control. I rely on a piece of latex to keep me from getting pregnant. The actual tube tying surgery terrifies me, but I've looked into it as an option. I'm not ruling out the possibility that I might change my mind once I get into my 30s though. Apparently the ticking can get pretty loud What I need is a form of birth control with no side effects and a very low failure rate. There is nothing that fits the bill at this time.

 

And yes, given my history of depression and family history of severe postnatal depression, it probably wouldn't be wise to inflict that on a partner or new baby.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Sounds a lot like me. I can't stand kids, their screaming or their inconsiderate parents. I also grew up with a much younger sibling and I saw the whole parenting role in action for years. It was very off-putting.

 

I think that the most disturbing thing for me is the actual pregnancy though. I don't want any more stretch marks or a stretched vagina. I don't want through the physical trauma and the weight gain. Not to mention the emotional aspects of pregancy, which I've heard can be awful for even the most mentally healthy people.

 

Add to all this my views about overpopulation and you have yourself someone who is not meant to be a mother. I hate that I spend so much of my life trying NOT to get pregnant. I almost wish that I were infertile so that I could actually relax and enjoy my sex

life.

 

This is exactly to a t how I feel. I don't want the side effects of giving birth.

[lavenderdove]

First off, you don't need to justify your position to anybody. Having children is a huge responsibility, and if you don't want that, then you shouldn't do it just because other people think that is the way to live. The world is full of infinite possibilities, and there is no one way of life that fits everyone.

 

Next, just stop talking about it with them, stop debating it, stop bringing it up, and squelch the topic if it comes up. You honestly don't need to discuss such private topics with anyone. If someone brings it up, it is very easy to demur and end the discussion. For example, if someone asks about it, you can say, 'who knows, i'm only 20, anything can happen.' That's not a lie, but it's not inflammatory either, and just ends the discussion.

 

It like discussing politics or religion or any other 'trigger' topic that can set people off. The best way to handle those discussions is to NOT have them. They can't make you talk about something private you choose not to debate or discuss.

[Fudgie]

Yeah that's what I'm planning to do.

 

Maybe play the "I'm young, confused, and don't know.." card? It's vague and they can't press further.

[dangletsbang]

I'm currently pregnant..and while I love my son and everything i'm going through is beyond worth it..it is not fun. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone..especially if you're not fond of kids. The aches, pains, stretching skin, nipple discharge, heart burn, puking and easily aquired yeast infections..not to mention the ridiculously dirty looks I get from people because I look like i'm 13..even though i'm nearly 20..oh and the people who assume i'm relying on medicaid/the government to support me..even though I work 50+ hours a week and have my own health insurance..none of it's fun..the only thing I enjoy is feeling my little boy move around..and now that he's getting so big and strong even THAT hurts. Like I said..my little boy is worth all of this..but why make yourself go through that if you don't want kids..?

 

Don't feel bad for not wanting kids..like it's been said, kids are a gigantic responsibility and they're not for everyone..kudos to you for realizing that and being mature enough to not have kids 'just because society says so'..and if you do change your mind one day, who cares..? It's your life..not anyone elses..so live it the way you want to.