Is it wrong to NEVER want children?

[Seraphim]

SO telling people you hate someone is not harming? Wow, that is news to me. My father had gfs that hated kids and they went out of their way to tell me that too and other kids. It felt so good let me tell you.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I do think it is true your mind could change. The closer I get to a SO the more I contemplate it, but I think that is just socialization.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

SO telling people you hate someone is not harming? Wow, that is news to me. My father had gfs that hated kids and they went out of their way to tell me that too and other kids. It felt so good let me tell you.

 

 

I doubt the OP would actually tell a child she hated them, but having the feeling doesn't harm them.

[jengh]

You sound exactly like me. I've never wanted children. I never played "house", I really dislike kids, I have no patience.

 

I also have pcos. Very, very, very severe case of it. If I could just get all those girly bits removed right now, I would. I'm just so not maternal.

 

Luckily, my bf doesn't want kids either. Nothing wrong with it at all!! It's a personal choice that many people just can't understand.

[Fudgie]

 

The only other thing I would say is, I somewhat agree with Victoria - you seem to have some strong emotions beyond just 'not my bag' on the subject of children. You say you hated yourself as a child, it sounds like you had unusual experiences and relationships with others growing up.... this is by no means meant to suggest that I think you need to work on changing your attitude to having kids, but the feelings and experiences that have spawned that decision don't sound healthy, and I guess I'm saying it'd probably be good to examine those at some point. While your viewpoint itself is normal, the place it stems from sounds like it isn't.

 

Agreed.

 

I had a bad childhood and had to grow up quick. Didn't have much social interactions and spent all my time with adults. I was very self-loathing. I am not that way anymore, but for years, I just hated myself because of how limited I was. I didn't have the freedom, knowledge, or insight and I KNEW it.

 

My relationships with my sibs weren't very good either. They are fine now, but for a long time, I was an absent sister emotionally. I have few good memories of them. We are still distant today.

 

I've been to some therapists but they say I need to start to "like" children in order to get over it. I'm not satisfied with that answer.

 

I will re-visit the problem when I am older and my friends start reproducing. Otherwise, I may lose friends because I can't deal with the children.

[Seraphim]

Oh I can understand it, I can not understand hate and never will.

[Fudgie]

I doubt the OP would actually tell a child she hated them, but having the feeling doesn't harm them.

 

Right.

 

I wouldn't tell a child that I hate them.

I don't tell people outside my family (other on here) that I hate them. The end.

 

With children, I am polite but concise and leave quickly so I don't have to spend time with them. You would never know the difference.

 

I think most people don't know my true feelings about children. I am just polite and put up with their reasons for why I should have them.

One family friend was like "I'll be your SURROGATE" and I declined, but inside I was screaming "NO NOT ON YOUR LIFE".

[sidehop]

I've been to some therapists but they say I need to start to "like" children in order to get over it. I'm not satisfied with that answer.

 

I will re-visit the problem when I am older and my friends start reproducing. Otherwise, I may lose friends because I can't deal with the children.

 

I think they're more asking you to understand them. You can never force someone to just 'like' something. You also can't hate something that you don't understand which I'm assuming you're only hating their negative tendencies you see about them.

[BellaDonna]

Kids don't even know I don't like them!

 

LOL that made me laugh.

 

Fudgie, throughout life there will always be people who pry and who want to tell you what you "should" do with your life, like your family friends for instance- who are mad that you don't want children.

 

The bottom line is that it is YOUR life so do what you want. If you find that certain people among your family and friends are very opinionated and give their advice when you are not seeking it, it's best to offer those people minimal information. Don't even give them the opportunity to preach to you about why you should have children.

[Fudgie]

But how do I understand babies? They don't do much. Simply put, they are barely awake but the neurons inside their brain are producing and connecting at huge rates, preparing them for life. I don't know what's there to understand outside of that. I'm clueless.

 

Children are a different story. I did Child Psychology but that was very complicated...total mess. I don't know what to do.

[Fudgie]

If you find that certain people among your family and friends are very opinionated and give their advice when you are not seeking it, it's best to offer those people minimal information. Don't even give them the opportunity to preach to you about why you should have children.

 

Yeah you're right. I guess I need to keep my mouth shut a little

 

opinionated mother + opinionated me = trouble.

 

It's hard to know who feels what though. Everyone has kids it seems, but others are cool, and others, not so much.

 

My (former) nanny (yes, I had a nanny...) is fine with my choice, and says maybe it's for the better...because she's been there for years putting up with ME as a child. But her sister? She's livid.

 

Boy it's confusing.

[Seraphim]

The thing is and it always makes me wonder, people for whatever reason LOVE to spout their preferences to all and sundry and then wonder why they end up with confrontation, that goes for people telling you to HAVE kids as well. I am not here tell you to HAVE kids. I am not expounding the virtues of my kid to you, I am not telling you not to have kids. I am just telling you hate is very negative. If you discuss your choices will everyone who will listen then you can expect to have arguments. That makes me shake my head sometimes.

[Sanesoul]

You are entitled to your opinion, of course, I just don't agree with you lumping every child as the same.

 

My daughter is highly intelligent (her father has a near-genius IQ), and has a wonderful personality. She has always lit up a room when she enters. Everyone falls in love with her immediately. You can call me biased because I'm her mother, but I have never been gushy over children, and I could see what everyone else was telling me.

 

Lumping children together is the same as lumping adults together, and that makes no sense because they are all completely different.

[HouseKitten]

Maybe some of people's reactions just comes from the fact that you're only a couple of years out of your teens.

 

I mean, I think the reaction people have towards young girls who ADORE babies and NEED to have one can be equally as patronising - the assumption is that you're really too young and inexperienced to know either way. Unfortunately, it's so easy to be a teenage mother these days, a lot of girls are finding out first hand that it's not just a cuddly squishy toy. The same assumption of naivety is being put on you - how can you possibly know you don't want kids when you've probably never spent much time with them, right?

 

People will think what they will. I'd imagine having a boyfriend old enough to be your father also raises eyebrows, but you're still with him - you just have to grit your teeth and accept that some people always think they know better.

[Fudgie]

Like I said in my other posts, I don't go around saying I hate kids. Really, I don't.

 

I try my best to be polite and just say "I don't want them". But that alone bothers people.

 

I think what really bothers people is when they find out I have PCOS and am lots of meds that could jeopardize my fertility later in life. They feel like I'm "ruining" myself.

 

Again, I never mention hate to anyone.

 

You can be polite to a lot of people and they'll still be angry at you for not doing what everyone else does.

[Fudgie]

Yeah this probably true. I am very young. Perhaps when I hit my 30s, people will start to believe me here.

 

I've spent enough time with kids to know I don't want one, that's for sure.

 

Surprisingly, people are more accepting of my boyfriend than me choosing not to have kids. We go out in public and still get odd looks but it doesn't matter too much. Some are angry with him because he isn't wanting kids either. They feel I'm "wasting my time" with an old man.

 

No one has really questioned me why I am with my boyfriend. They just leave it alone. But I am getting questioned all the time on WHY I won't get pregnant ever. I guess that's why it bothers me. I feel like my opinion is being invalidated.

[Sanesoul]

Yeah this probably true. I am very young. Perhaps when I hit my 30s, people will start to believe me here.

 

I've spent enough time with kids to know I don't want one, that's for sure.

 

Surprisingly, people are more accepting of my boyfriend than me choosing not to have kids. We go out in public and still get odd looks but it doesn't matter too much. Some are angry with him because he isn't wanting kids either. They feel I'm "wasting my time" with an old man.

 

No one has really questioned me why I am with my boyfriend. They just leave it alone. But I am getting questioned all the time on WHY I won't get pregnant ever. I guess that's why it bothers me. I feel like my opinion is being invalidated.

 

Are you from a certain culture that insists on having babies all the time? I'm curious because I have a huge family with lots of doting motherly types, but I never got harassed because I didn't want kids. It was brought up, but not often, and after I told them my case it stopped.

 

It seems odd to me that this seems to be such a huge topic of conversation.

[Fudgie]

You are entitled to your opinion, of course, I just don't agree with you lumping every child as the same.

 

My daughter is highly intelligent (her father has a near-genius IQ), and has a wonderful personality. She has always lit up a room when she enters. Everyone falls in love with her immediately. You can call me biased because I'm her mother, but I have never been gushy over children, and I could see what everyone else was telling me.

 

Lumping children together is the same as lumping adults together, and that makes no sense because they are all completely different.

 

I do think parents are just a little biased when it comes to their own kids.

It's natural though, I think. I haven't met anyone who wasn't that way.

 

All kids are different, but there are some common similarities that I just couldn't deal being with.

We often "lump" things that we don't like or make us feel uncomfortable. I am no exception. For example, I see people "lump" old people together all the time. It makes me angry. I'd rather lump kids together (which I don't like) than old people because I feel old people need help and I appreciate them a lot.

[Sanesoul]

Well, I do.

 

They're annoying.

I can never understand what they are saying.

Terrible hygiene.

Lack of manners.

Loud.

lack of common sense.

 

I was pretty self-hating as a child too. Couldn't want to grow up.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with me simply because I don't like a subset of the population that is very popular with everyone.

 

My daughter is none of these things. Most of the children I have been around are not like that either. Maybe you are just around kids who aren't being raised properly.

[Fudgie]

Are you from a certain culture that insists on having babies all the time? I'm curious because I have a huge family with lots of doting motherly types, but I never got harassed because I didn't want kids. It was brought up, but not often, and after I told them my case it stopped.

 

It seems odd to me that this seems to be such a huge topic of conversation.

 

My family itself is very open and such, but we are meshed with another family (not related) who have been connected to us for decades. In THAT family, which I see a lot, it's BABIES BABIES BABIES.

 

2 other girls, around my age, also in that family, are getting ready to be married and pregnant. I am like the "last one" left, in a way. In that family, I am like a daughter to the women and that's why they keep nagging me.

[Sanesoul]

I do think parents are just a little biased when it comes to their own kids.

It's natural though, I think. I haven't met anyone who wasn't that way.

 

All kids are different, but there are some common similarities that I just couldn't deal being with.

We often "lump" things that we don't like or make us feel uncomfortable. I am no exception. For example, I see people "lump" old people together all the time. It makes me angry. I'd rather lump kids together (which I don't like) than old people because I feel old people need help and I appreciate them a lot.

 

I am biased, but I'm also a realist. I don't lie or have rose-colored glasses either. If my daughter was a little snot-bag, I would say so.

[Fudgie]

My daughter is none of these things. Most of the children I have been around are not like that either. Maybe you are just around kids who aren't being raised properly.

 

Considering that I grew up with 2 sibs with mental problems, then yes, it's a fair assessment.

Although, it wasn't their or my parents' fault that they were like that.. My parents did their best. They are MUCH better now, but they were terrors when they were little.

 

I knew they had things wrong with them, but it's hard to keep that in mind when you're 6 and day in and day out, all you can hear is the SCREAMING.

 

I've known some other annoying children, but by that time, I wanted no part of it.

[Fudgie]

I am biased, but I'm also a realist. I don't lie or have rose-colored glasses either. If my daughter was a little snot-bag, I would say so.

 

Wow, really? Well kudos to you! I'm impressed!

 

Not many parents can do that.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I am biased, but I'm also a realist. I don't lie or have rose-colored glasses either. If my daughter was a little snot-bag, I would say so.

 

That is like why your daughter ISN'T a snotbag

It is funny but sometimes the people who don't like kids much tend to be the type who would make good parents, with intelligent kids. Good you crossed over! lol

[Sanesoul]

Wow, really? Well kudos to you! I'm impressed!

 

Not many parents can do that.

 

You betcha. I had a rough, rough childhood and it's shadowed my life and subsequently, how I raise my child.

 

I do not tolerate poor behavior from my child, although I am very loving. I do gush about her from time to time, but I'm so damn proud of her.

 

I think this all stems from your own experience as a child, which is completely understandable.

 

I just hope that in time you will be able to give children in general a chance (not having them, but knowing them). You may find that you can have a fulfilling relationship with a child.