Depressed now that I am Getting Married?

[cm4547]

I am engaged to a wonderful man. The only problem is that every since we have been engaged, I have been depressed. Im sad alot and stressed out, and dont care about anything. I nip pick everything he does and gripe at him and I dont even want to have sex with him. He is so sweet to me and has even taken over alot of the wedding tasks to help take stress off me. He cooks me dinner every night. Tells me how wonderful I am to him all the time. I should be on clound 9, but instead I dont to care to clean the apt, or be social with people, or even cuddle with him. He told me today that he wants the old me back.

I would say that this problem was him and I, but I have gotten this way before when it comes to being engaged. I want to be married. I have been proposed to two times in the past and went through this same depression in the engagement process and it caused me and my former fiancee's to break up. Right after the the breakups, I was the normal me again and not depressed but was single and regretting what I did. I dont want the same thing to happen to this man. I love him with all my heart and dont know what is wrong with me or how to fix this.

[DN]

You need help to figure out why you behave like this - there may be something in your past that causes you to act out in this way.

 

And you had better do it soon or you will almost certainly lose this man.

[veralyn]

what is it about getting engaged that makes you feel differently than you did before you were engaged? the only thing different is the title

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone. why do you think that you are suddenly depressed and stressed? is it the stress of wedding planning? are you guys having financial troubles? are you not ready to let go of your single life yet? i think it's really important to figure out what triggered this depression. has that happened before?

[addictedblue]

Maybe you realize that once you get married you aren't allowed to meet another man, ever. That would depress me, but I'm only 21...

[Blue Skittles]

I think it might help you to talk to a therapist because it sounds like your bf is head over heels for you and doing everything to make you happy. Maybe there is some kind of underlying issue, or a fear that you have that is making you feel this way. Try to be honest with your fiance about how you are feeling and share with him when these feelings come up. He sounds really supportive and he might be able to help you through some of this too. Also, do your best to make an effort - you know you love him so SHOW him that he is loved, even if it takes some extra energy out of you, it wouldn't hurt to cook him dinner sometimes or clean the apt. or treat him to an evening out to show you still care.

[FathomFear]

Sounds like you have a complex that causes you to self-sabotage. Have you sought professional help about this problem, considering it has caused you problems before?

[bebeblondie]

As others have said, I would suggest talking to a therapist. You might have some issues you need to work through and I think it's best to find a professional therapist sooner rather than later.

[lavenderdove]

Yes, you need to see a counselor... Perhaps it is the fear of being trapped, or now that you've chosen someone, you're have one of those 'is this all there is to life?' moments.

 

Feelings can change and shut down when you're threatened in some way, so there must be a reason for this change.

 

Did your parents have a bad marriage? Or did your mother express feelings about being trapped in marriage? I think you need a counselor to help analyze why you are shutting down and pushing him away. It might have somethign to do with your children and family growing up.

[cm4547]

I prob do need to go talk to someone. My parents did have a bad marriage. My mother stayed with my dad for 15 yrs for her kids until my father started treating us bad and she left. It may have to do with my childhood. i never thought of that.

[cm4547]

Thank you all for your replies.

[abril]

I am going through the same thing. This is the second time I am engaged. The first time I broke up I went back to being normal and my depression went away. Now I am engaged to a wonderful man and I don't want to regret breaking up, but I feel so depressed. I know you posted this back in 2010 so I wanted to know if you actually got married. I want to know if your depression goes away after getting married. I want to know if it's just the fear of the unknown and once you are married then the depression goes away.

[journeynow]

oh, shoot. This thread will probably be closed because it is old. abril, you need to start your own thread, I'm afraid.

[Capricorn3]

abril: This is an old thread. Please start your own thread so as to get replies to your own questions. Thanks. Thread Closed.