curiocity Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 I wonder whether what I did was wrong: Pre-breakup I pushed her to give me a decision. She was keeping me hanging for too long. Then she tried to be sweet one day and I said to he that she cant just talk to me like that out of the blue because I have feelings too. She was not happy to hear that. Post-breakup, after a few months, I tried to put back together my life and for all outward purposes I was happy. I traveled a lot. I thought she would want to come back and travel with me. But maybe it hurt her that I had started traveling on my own. maybe she wanted to teach me a lesson. Link to comment
MarkD Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 It's kinda scary to see how many people actually do this to their "loved ones". I don't understand the concept...if you have a change of heart, why couldn't you just explain the situation like an adult and not have the guessing games...it is so much harder to get closure when you have so many questions Link to comment
thejigsup Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 If men would LISTEN to us once in awhile, these things wouldn't happen. I know, because I have been told this by several guys, that most female talk just sounds like noise to you guys unless it is about sex. Sooo, we try not to frustrate ourselves by complaining to you. You never hear it, anyway. I'm willing to bet she dropped several hints that things were not good, but your guy radar never picked it up. We stay for awhile, then leave out of frustration. Please guys, LISTEN to us! Link to comment
MarkD Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 The problem a lot of the time is that women want guys to "read" the signs...but we aren't built like that. We need to be told straight out what the problem is to be able to fix it. I specifically asked my GF to be open with me, but she never told me any negative things but instead would write me long letters about how I made her so happy and was the man of her dreams. Link to comment
supercalifragilistic Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 It's kinda scary to see how many people actually do this to their "loved ones". I don't understand the concept...if you have a change of heart, why couldn't you just explain the situation like an adult and not have the guessing games...it is so much harder to get closure when you have so many questions Sometimes they don't even know. I got to talk to my ex about this a few times after we broke up...and he didn't even know why exactly he did this...it was only 1 month later, when we had our last conversation that the main reason came out, by accident, no less. Before this talk he would give me lots of different reasons, most of them contradicting. He even had the nerve to tell me he knew we would be very happy together in the future, he could see us being very happy, just not now. But until that happened, we would suffer a lot. I don't know what he was trying to achieve by saying that, but if his intention was to confused me further, he was successful. If he knew we would be that happy, would it not be worth it to make a sacrifice and "suffer" for a year or two? If he really thought that, why would he risk losing me? And as if he was suffering with me! Pfft. Seriously. He could not have been more spoiled. If his friends knew how good he had it they would be jealous. The first reason he gave me is that he met a girl and he felt attracted to her and would have cheated on me if she had tried to kiss him He had met this girl once, spent no more than 5 hours in a party with her and most of the time he wasn't even talking to her, just to his friends. But for some reason he could not forget her and was very depressed about this whole thing...you'd think he loved her by the way he was talking. One week later I asked him about the girl, if he was still thinking about her...if he had done anything...he said no to both questions. ](*,) But whatever, water under the bridge. The point is, if they don't give us answers and closure it's probably because they don't even know why they are doing it, they are just running away. Link to comment
MarkD Posted January 7, 2010 Author Share Posted January 7, 2010 I completely agree with the running away part. My ex had a really bad situation with her ex cheating on her...She basically picked up and moved to a different city. That should have been a red flag for me. She had trust issues with me because of him...and I paid for it. So she basically has picked up and moved back to that city now that she is done with me....I wish I felt anger but I can't. Link to comment
wlh22 Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 i feel u man.. i had the same experience... and it has changed me as a person and took me long to heal Link to comment
phaze Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 The problem a lot of the time is that women want guys to "read" the signs...but we aren't built like that. We need to be told straight out what the problem is to be able to fix it. I specifically asked my GF to be open with me, but she never told me any negative things but instead would write me long letters about how I made her so happy and was the man of her dreams. You hit the nail square on the head. Though for me towards the very end I can look back at the cards she gave me and see the lack of the long mushy stuff that was there previously. My fault for not noticing it earlier but I still see it as a failure to communicate on her part. I was very upfront about how I felt, there is no reason she couldn't do the same. As I stated earlier, for me the gauge was if she was intimate with me and she was. Maybe I was looking at the wrong gauge. Link to comment
1guygirl Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 You hit the nail square on the head. Though for me towards the very end I can look back at the cards she gave me and see the lack of the long mushy stuff that was there previously. My fault for not noticing it earlier but I still see it as a failure to communicate on her part. I was very upfront about how I felt, there is no reason she couldn't do the same. As I stated earlier, for me the gauge was if she was intimate with me and she was. Maybe I was looking at the wrong gauge. hearing ya phaze... ex was all lovey dovey words and gestures right up until the very last minute... then he said that i had read into it all too much, that I wanted to believe in something that wasnt there .....errrrrm....i was the one who was trying to be cautious and hold a lil back, but he was very consistant (and believable) with what he was laying on the table with regards to 'us' when i felt old issues arising i would bring them up and deal with them straight away with him, and was ok...cos i thought i could trust him, i was led to believe so anyway having said that, any one who likes to play emotional games with someone whos had it rough past cpl of years, its hardly suprising he tries to deflect his crap onto me and is soooo not worth it mate.... Link to comment
hopelessincan Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 so its looking like we're disproving the theory that its women who wont try exact same situation as me 1guygirl. Cuddling up watching tv (as we did every night) , him telling me how much he loved me. Then poof three hours later i got b***** and out the door he went! Link to comment
EJ_1983 Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 My first real gf of 4.5 years ended our relationship as she wanted to have some space and told me to move out but we would try and work things out- it was her gentle way of dumping me as she had already attracted another guy! One month after we split she was pregnant, I have not spoken to her for years and would never want to either. 6 months after the split my recent ex came along, we lasted just over 2 years until Aug last year when she ended the relationship - her reason for the split "I'm bored and want the excitment of dating again" cheers love 2 years wasted and u run away. I'm full NC with this one now and don't want to see her again. I hope I get lucky third time round and the bad girls keep away. Link to comment
1guygirl Posted January 7, 2010 Share Posted January 7, 2010 so its looking like we're disproving the theory that its women who wont try exact same situation as me 1guygirl. Cuddling up watching tv (as we did every night) , him telling me how much he loved me. Then poof three hours later i got b***** and out the door he went! same old same old then eh!! lol ya kna infact, even after the bombshell in the resturaunt, we walked back up to the car holding hands (i had downed some free drinks fro the resturaunt lol) and we seen this old guy who had been in a fight, but was so funny the way he went on...we stayed with him, and when knew he was safe, we carried on, laughing bout it, and then other things on way back to car, i said 'love u' and he squeezed my hand and said 'love you too'. got back to mine, he rang some other forum moderator to talk bout the crap going down on the site etc...and his words in the resturaunt started to kick in...i had a joint, head mashed and went to bed just processing it all and thinking "nah...no way am i doing this"... then i heard him trying to switch everything off, like my heater and i was in giggles, he joined me in bed and felt i had my clothes still on cos it was sooo cold in my cottage, and he was laffing really hard saying "you f******* cheater lol".... went to sleep...then i woke up.... couldnt sleep after that and went downstairs thinkin bout it all, and ended up on sofa, that lil voice inside shouting at me, after going back to bed cos i missed him, but hurt even more being next to him knowing we were basically done. he woke me next morning and thats when i said "im going to go crash and you are gunna collect your things and leave. he made some half hearted sentence bout "i never said we couldnt try..." but was too late even tho the plan was he'd come back up boxing day to be with me through the new year, but thought why prolong it, it would have hurt too much, and besides, theres no 'one for the road' outta me sorry for rambling or hijacking just needed to get that out. whilst on his way home i got up and cleared my pics and details on the site, deleted his friendship and just put my siggy as a youtube clip of demi moore shaving her head in GI jane with tha caption...'tha b*** is gone..." he texted saying how deleting his friendship hurt him more than not being with me *more like he was hurt i wouldnt be around to see him sucking up to every female on the site and one in particular who used to flirt with him...which he did as it happens, ie straight away on his vm* again soz for the ramble, havent said this to even ma best mate....but if youre leaving...you best get going.... makes no sense how 40mins before bombshell he was on fone to his mam hinting he met someone and in my friends trying to hold my hand infront of them...to me thats a big deal...i just wonder now whether in resturant he got insecure cos the waiter was giving me loads of attention to the point of being rude to ex, by ignoring him completely...i dunno...jus trying to make sense of it ?????? Link to comment
wlh22 Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 @Dave.... I really liked the way you put it. Now I think about it... in my case ... yes ... she was something else... and I am proud of myself to care so much about someone.... But it feels hurtful and bad that my ex considered my love only to be worth so much as to go with some other guy the next day she dumped me... ONly if it wasn't for that, I would completely agree with what you said now i don't know what to say... It's shock that does it. You must have really loved her to hang on for two years... You should be proud of yourself for being able to care for someone that much. She must have been something else. You do have look out for yourself now though. You don't need to close the door on the future - you'll never know. You do have to look out for you. There are women out there who would die for someone as loyal as you. Keep your eyes open - take the blinders off. Best Link to comment
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