I'm so exhausted. I don't know how to keep going...

[annie24]

maybe you should block him, so you can't see his wall posts?

 

is it rude to defriend on facebook? hm. i guess i do see the point, i'm certainly a little stung when i've been defriended. one friend defriended me and i don't know if it's because she cancelled her facebook or i upset her or something. i might ask some mutual friends if she still has a facebook.

 

anyways.... i mean, it sucks, but his action does give you a sort of finality, right?

[brazilgirl21]

Annie - Yeah, it certainly gives finality. All the finality I need.

 

I replied:

 

"I don’t even know what to say to you. I have no idea what you mean by “se livrar” mas eu já me livrei e não preciso ficar making statements through facebook. Se sua namorada te pediu pra me deletar – yeah, that makes a little more sense.

 

I don’t really understand what’s going on with you but I hope deleting me helps you achieve whatever your goal is. "

 

Whatever, I just had to say this one last thing and I'm done... Deleted his e-mail. There's no way we can contact eachother now. No phone, no bbm, no facebook, and I just blocked his e-mail.

 

It's DONE.

[annie24]

awww, i'm sorry you are hurting. hang in there sweetie.

[annie24]

hm... upon thinking about it further, i think it's totally possible that he's dating the artist and she told him she would only continue to date him if he cut ties with all his exes, including you and his other ex. that makes sense to me.

[orchidrose]

I know it's going to be really tough, but I really think NC is your best course of action here. It's going to be very painful and frustrating for awhile, but every day you'll feel better that you're not stressing yourself out about this guy and what who thinks, who he's with, etc. Good luck!

[KH26]

Aww, he isn't worth your time. I'd hate to be deleted off Facebook too, that does suck a bit. But you're doing the right thing going NC, well done!

 

Hope you're ok.

[brazilgirl21]

He kept writing me I have no idea why to say that he just wanted to get out of this situation and simplify his life etc... To which I replied:

 

"I think sometimes we don't understand eachother.

 

I was only surprised with the unfriending thing on facebook. In Brazil, it's rude, weird and not common to unfriend people so it was just a bit strange.

 

In regards to the situation, there is no situation. You've been out of it for a few days/weeks J. I mean, I'm with someone else, we agreed to only be friends and I mean, it has been very clear that a gente não têm mais NADA a ver (nunca tivemos nada a ver na verdade). (translation: we are not compatible/not eachother's type/never have been)

 

That's the only reason I was confused. But you know, why are we wasting our time arguing about facebook. I hope it does simplify your life.

 

---

 

To which he replied saying that he's sorry he was rude, that he wants to be in my life and be there for me. Etc...

 

I didn't reply, he just sent another e-mail:

 

"I agree completely, no need to argue about this. Sorry for being rude. *

 

Keep in touch and please let me know if you need anything, beijos."

 

I'm doing NC from now on. I have NO idea what is wrong with this idiot.

 

What could I possibly need from him?

 

I feel retarded for confronting the guy for being an ass to me. I need to have more dignity and not put myself in these situations. Living and learning.

[annie24]

wait, you told him you are with someone else?

[brazilgirl21]

Annie - Yeah, childish but whatever, I don't want to come out of this like I'm sad and heartbroken. I just wanted to get the point accross that I was writing about the facebook thing - not because I had any interest in anything else with him. Which right now, it's the truth!

 

He is asking who the guy is. Loser. I'm done replying. Promise!

[orchidrose]

Oh dear, BG.. I hope that's finally it.

[brazilgirl21]

BTW - This guy is such a player he can't even hide it. Seriously, deleting me and his ex off his facebook... but still talking through e-mail. Talking about "having problems" with facebook before. I know EXACTLY the type of guys who have trouble with facebook.

 

 

Ane - It's so done! I promise! I'm disgusted by him. He's SO sneaky and thinks he's God's gift to women.

 

Was it that bad that I said I was seeing someone else? Who cares right?

[annie24]

well, i'd leave him alone now. stop writing.

[orchidrose]

Was it that bad that I said I was seeing someone else? Who cares right?

 

I think it was a pretty childish thing to do, but I don't know how much harm it's actually doing. It's just a bit sad that in order to validate yourself to him, you have to pretend to have jumped into a relationship with another guy. You can be single and not be sad and heartbroken.

[brazilgirl21]

It's sad. I was just annoyed.

 

my self-confidence is in the garbage so I mean, it's not like this validate myself.

 

What harm can be done really? I promise I want nothing to do with this guy.

 

I just need my confidence back and to really remove this ideal that this guy was "perfect" and the man of my "dreams". He clearly wasn't.

[Batya33]

I think it was a little rude to delete you without forewarning you. I have a feeling it has to do with the woman he is dating. I think his arrogance in continuing to e-mail you is consistent with the arrogance you didn't want to see when you were going on dates with him. I don't think it was healthy for you to lie to him about seeing someone else (I mean, you never know if maybe he knows someone who would be perfect for you, for one thing).

 

Hang in there, ok? At least you have all the closure you need, yes?

[brazilgirl21]

Batya - He is very arrogant. I can see it SO clearly now. Thanks guys.

 

I don't need anything from him, I just don't want to feel like a used garbage that he now literally throws away for whatever reason.

 

I'm not sure if it's about the girl because he also deleted his ex girlfriend, I mean, what does his ex has to do with this? He's just a weird/arrogant dude.

 

There's this incredibly sweet guy, one I went on a date with when I was still seeing A, he's Jewish and he REALLY likes me. He was in Israel/Rome and came back and I've been avoiding him because I didn't like him. I don't think he's attractive, it bothers me that he didn't go to a "good" university, and he's VERY jewish, like he wakes up early morning to pray everyday, etc... but I just wish I wasn't shallow and gave this guy a chance you know? Someone who really likes me. Why do I care so much about what university the guy I went... that's actually my biggest issue right now. It's worse than looks. I shouldn't judge people based on this.

[orchidrose]

There's this incredibly sweet guy, one I went on a date with when I was still seeing A, he's Jewish and he REALLY likes me. He was in Israel/Rome and came back and I've been avoiding him because I didn't like him. I don't think he's attractive, it bothers me that he didn't go to a "good" university, and he's VERY jewish, like he wakes up early morning to pray everyday, etc... but I just wish I wasn't shallow and gave this guy a chance you know? Someone who really likes me. Why do I care so much about what university the guy I went... that's actually my biggest issue right now. It's worse than looks. I shouldn't judge people based on this.

 

While you absolutely deserve a great guy, I really do think you need to focus on yourself right now. You've dealt with three pretty traumatic situations with men in the last year - isn't it time for a break for you to think about what you want? Again, you can be happy without having a man or pining after one!

[brazilgirl21]

Yeah, I really do not want man right now.

 

I am REALLY going away in 3 months so what's the point! Actually, I'm leaving in 2 months. October, Novemeber, leaving my job on december, spending the month at my hometown enjoying the family/summer and then I'm off to school in California.

 

There's literally NO point on seeing anybody right now but I don't know what to do about this guy who keeps asking me out. Maybe I should just tell him I don't want to date now because I'm focusing on my trip and getting everything ready for that?

[Life-is]

I wasn't being harsh when I said you have been needy. I'd say the same thing to my sister if she was in your shoes -- become a woman who is fine without a man..not pretend but become.

[volpe]

sorry girl, i had an ex untag a photo of us on facebook- one from years ago, where we were dancing, and i noticed on accident, and it HURT bad, even though we dated years ago. I almost wrote him an email about it, but luckily deleted it. Whew! He doesn't need to know that it got to me at all or that I even noticed!

 

One day you will look back at this whole situation and laugh at him. Really, you will. And you will wonder why you were so hurt, because the pain will be so distant and he will look so ridiculous to you. I promise.

[penelope13]

I am not going to join the reigns of people starting to downtalk J, because he is really not my concern at all.

 

But seriously, girl, you need to get a grip on yourself. You are acting like (sorry to be so direct) a spoiled brat. Trash talking him doesn't do you any good. You liked him, he didn't like you - oldest story in the world. No need for you to act so surprised that anyone could possibly reject you.

 

I symphatize with your disappointment and your pain, but I don't think you will learn anything from this if you just focus on all the things that he did wrong.

 

Your biggest mistake in this, is that you probably never saw this guy for who he is, but for who you wanted to see him. And despite of many people suggesting you to look at him and his behavior a bit more realistically and to give him the opportunity to show you his true colors you continuously ignored the advice and insisted to do things your way - just to be all surprised that he turned out to be someone different than you imagined, which is when you started to play this 'poor victim' of the malicious intent of all these oh so horrible guys.

 

You prided yourself to be so knowledgeable of american culture and society to the extend that you would be the only girl in brazil that could ever understand J, however now you are enraged by his decision to defriend you on facebook (which is something that has been suggested on ENA numerous times), which leaves me to wonder how able you truly are to see things from someone else's perspective than your own. You are so enraged by this, that you are demanding an explanation from him for his decision. Well one thing seems to be sure, there will not be much left of a friendship or anything else after this.

 

I'm all for going abroad for an education. But in order for you to enjoy that time beyond the educational benefits you have to be absolutely ready to leave your preconceived ideas about anything behind, because every nation/ culture is different in more things than one could imagine before going on such an endeavor. If you insist on your views, you will have a tough time. There is no right/ better way, things are just simply different, especially when it comes to dating. Even trying to date foreigners who live abroad can be very confusing, because you can never know beforehand if they are following the rules from their original country, their new home, or any variation of a mix. - An open mind and patience is the only way to survive under those circumstances.

[brazilgirl21]

Pen - I understand you, but honestly, I don't think any of these guys were malicious at all.

 

But honestly, am I being selfish here? I just asked him why he unfriended me because sorry, it is RUDE to do that. He e-mailed me to be friends friday, why would he take his precious time to delete me from his facebook?

 

Honestly, I don't think he is horrible but I do think his attitudes are shady, to say the least.

 

Why will I want to be friends with this guy anyways? I really think he is self absorbed because people like me put him on a pedestal.

 

It was wrong of me to do that, but I'm not playing the victim.

 

I'm hurt, that's all.

 

I went to an american school all my life. From kindergarten-12. I've lived in London and dated English man, I've lived in the US as well. This is not my first experience with international people.

 

I think everyone is different and you can't label a culture. I just learned that. J acted like most really good looking, successful, arrogant-ish guys I know do. Everything is so easy for them, it doesn't really matter if they hurt other people in the process. This is not about american vs brazilian vs european. This is about individual people.

[brazilgirl21]

I'm hurt because it's like... am I such a bad person that I need to be unfriended from facebook?

 

I respected him, I haven't been contacting him at all. He contacted ME on Friday.

 

It's not like we had a relationship and he doesn't want to have me as his friend so it "hurts" to see my photos or whatever. We didn't really have anything at all. Why the need to erase me from his life?

 

What other perspective is there? I mean, wouldn't you guys be feeling pretty low about this?

[Batya33]

If you didn't have anything at all why the multiple posts about the so-called relationship, about wanting to continue it about him being in the list of men who have hurt you romantically recently - why care at all to the extent of telling him you are seeing someone else and burning bridges?

[penelope13]

You have no idea what is going on in his life, if he has started to date someone seriously etc. He could have done that (as others have already suggested) out of respect for his new relationship, i.e. nothing to do with you.

 

Not everything that happens in life necessarily is motivated necessarily with you in mind, there are other perspectives.

 

It's also not as if facebook is the only/ most important way to validate yourself as a person, i.e. so what, if you do not want to be friends with him anyway, what's the point to be a friend in his network?

 

Maybe he didn't initially intend to unfriend you on fb, but was a result from your last conversation??

 

You can never be sure what he truly thinks about you and how you acted towards him, so you might believe that you never pressured him, that you respected him after you found out that he dated someone else as well, but you can't be sure how he interprets everything.

 

If you didn't have anything at all, why is there a need to stay in touch anyway?

 

No, I cannot feel low every time that someone that I hardly know decides that they are not interested in me enough, it just happens too many times so that is something we have to learn to deal with without turning it into a drama, especially not about someone who I only spent very little time with.