grymoire Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 I'll just control myself, and I know I can because in 6 months I've only been in his e-mails 3 times. the more I get to know guys... the more I want a dog. Yeah, men are all dogs and you are such a classy person Brazilgirl Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 Pen - I did NOT ask anybody to say I'm a good person. I just asked not to criticize because I KNOW it was wrong. I do understand I am bringing this on myself. However, I don't think it was nice of my ex to write this about me. Gry - I never said I was classy either. I make a LOT of mistakes. I just don't think I'm less classy than at least 50% of the population who would probably check their ex's e-mail if they had their passwords. Link to comment
Ac143 Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 BF - you are like a masochist. You know something you do could hurt you, but you do it anyway & you keep doing it. I dont get it!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 Pen - What if I avoided seeing what this guy had to say about me? I would still believe he's the nicest guy on earth and would probably continue to communicate with him through e-mail at times. Now at least I know who he really is and what he really thinks of me and I can stop making an effort to be his friend. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 Ac - I know!! I'm a BIG masochist at times, it sucks!!! Curiosity ALWAYS gets the best of me. I have to stop being so curious. And I promise, promise, promise I'm trying to be better. Sometimes it just gets the best of me and look what I read. Grr, I'm shocked. The first time I read my ex's emails I saw he was planning a romantic trip with his girlfriend, and it did sting, but really, I promise part of me was happy he was happy. I felt almost ok about it. However, this time, the way he talked about me, wow, it was horrible! And you know what's "funny"? I always read people's texts. Like I said, I'm very curious, it's really unpolite and my friends all joke about how I just read everyone's texts. If I'm seeing a guy and they leave their phone with me, sorry, I read their texts. On the concert with J he left his phone in my bag and I went to the bathroom. For a minute I was like... should I? But I decided to be a better person and NOT read it. I thought I should just respect people. Well, if I had read his phone, I'd probably see he was dating someone else... This is one of my BIGGEST, BIGGEST, BIGGEST weaknesses. I'm SO curious that I definetly invade people's privacy. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 BG, stop making promises. You don't owe anyone on here a promise. And it doesn't sound very convincing if you are promising similar things again and again. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 penelope - Yeah, I guess... I should just not go on his e-mail and not promise people anything. Like I said, I don't think anything else can sting more than what he just wrote so... I guess I'm immune to whatever happens next really. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Like I said, I don't think anything else can sting more than what he just wrote so... I guess I'm immune to whatever happens next really. When you write things like this, it sounds to me like you are looking for sympathy/ painting yourself as a victim. Until you are ready to give up this victim mentality you will not be able to focus on what you should be focusing on: how to become a stronger person, how not to let your impulsivity let get the better of you, how to take charge of your life rather than be a victim of circumstances Link to comment
Ac143 Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Well at least now you know you can't put people on a pedestal, especially exes & no one is perfect. Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Gry - I never said I was classy either. I make a LOT of mistakes. I just don't think I'm less classy than at least 50% of the population who would probably check their ex's e-mail if they had their passwords. Then STOP making generalizations about men and comparing them to dogs!!! Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 Pen - I feel like a victim. I'm not denying that. Look, my ex screwed me over but you know, I moved on, really cared about him, realized my mistakes, realized his mistakes. I decide to write him an e-mail, a nice e-mail, to see how he's doing. And he writes that about me? How can I NOT feel like a victim? I LOVED this guy with all my heart and suffered for at least 4 months because of him. And he talks like this about me? Sorry, but I do feel bad. Not like a victim, but I'm hurt. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 I guess I shouldn't call man dogs. But Love is overrated. People just love you when it's conveniant to them. There is no lasting bond. When they have done with you and they move on they can just pretend you never existed and treat you like dirt. I mean, why want to love again when love is clearly replaceble and not worthy? Link to comment
penelope13 Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Look, my ex screwed me over but you know, I moved on, really cared about him, realized my mistakes, realized his mistakes. I decide to write him an e-mail, a nice e-mail, to see how he's doing. And he writes that about me? How can I NOT feel like a victim? By realizing that you left out the part where you completely broke his heart and left him for no apparent reason (from his point of view) - i.e. by admitting that whatever else happened between the 2 of you, and all the pain that he caused you, might never have happened the same way, if you had not hurt him in the first place. Link to comment
Imprecision Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 So from what I understand: 1. You wrote your ex a letter. 2. He did not write back. 3. You were curious, and so you checked his email. 4. He wrote something demeaning about you to his current girlfriend. Is this correct? ****** Well, contrary to most commentators, I think your ex was not worth your attention in the first place. If anyone ever insults my girlfriend, or my Beijing woman, or any other girl I've had a history with, then I would immediately stand up for them and defend them. A man who does not defend his woman is not a real man. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 Imprecision !! This is correct! But he DID reply and told his gf he didn't! Pen - Yes, but did you forget what happened after that? I chased after him and he decided to break up with the girl and try again with me. I was just looking at my archives of documents and I have a contract he signed saying he'd never speak to this girl again after Nov. 23th, 2008. He signed it! Can I get money out of him from this contract? lol. Seriously, I can't believe I made him sign an electronic contact saying he'd never speak to this girl again and he is dating her. Do I get money out of this? Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Brazilgirl, I told you many times that you preserve your dignity by accepting your ex's decision to not be with you, take a bow, and leave the stage gracefully. *IF* you decided to break NC and continue to write to him it is your own fault. We teach others how to treat us. You taught your ex that you will continue to talk to him and care for him even after he turned you down. So he lost his respect for you and now is laughing behind your back and saying "that girl. why don't she get lost". I am not surprised. Link to comment
Imprecision Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Pen - Yes, but did you forget what happened after that? I chased after him and he decided to break up with the girl and try again with me. I was just looking at my archives of documents and I have a contract he signed saying he'd never speak to this girl again after Nov. 23th, 2008. He signed it! Well, in terms of common law, I would say there are several problems with this contract. 1. It is impossible to estimate the amount of compensatory damages, unless you specified this already in the contract. 2. It is not "signed, sealed, and delivered." In general, the assumption is that in love affairs, agreements lack the intentionality to be contracts. 3. There's no consideration - What was the offer on your side? But of course, you live in Brazil, so I assume they use a different system of law. Anyone else want to take a stab at this legal dilemma? Link to comment
penelope13 Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Look, BG, it's futile to go over the details of your history with G again - we did that in length. The point I am trying to make (and I am still not sure you are getting) is: regardless of how many mistakes, how misbehaved etc any of the guys were (G, A, J) - there is no point on focusing on them. Even if -for arguments sake - (which I am not saying is the case, since those things are not really measurable) you only did 1% wrong yourself in dealing with all of them, you only have the ability to influence those 1%. If there is anything in this 1% which you could be doing differently in order to avoid some pain for yourself - then, as an intelligent person, you should be doing anything in your power to change those things about yourself. We have spent months and hundreds of posts trying to be supportive of you. Don't you think it's about time to do something actively and to start implementing some changes since your current behavioral patterns didn't really help you in dealing with any given situation? Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 gry - I have been in NC for a while! He called me on my birthday, I only texted him on his, and it has been it. I just sent a normal e-mail to check up on him... yes, learned my lesson. I have to keep my dignity and bow out. But no... I wanted to see how he was doing and be friends. With someone who is telling me to get lost. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 With someone who is telling me to get lost. He didn't tell you. This was never meant for you! Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 Pen - yes, I agree! Which means, NO CONTACT with G, J, A and no reading of e-mails. Right? What else can I do? Imprecision - I would never sue him, it was a joke really. But he DID sign the contract! Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 I wanted to see how he was doing and be friends. With someone who is telling me to get lost. Well now you know what to do. And what's up with this contract thing? You made that guy sign a contract asking him not to talk to a girl?? I just can't believe this Link to comment
Imprecision Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Imprecision - I would never sue him, it was a joke really. But he DID sign the contract! Yes, I realised it was a joke. But it make for a good legal problem in the law of contracts. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Share Posted October 9, 2009 He didn't tell you. This was never meant for you! True. Which makes it worse. Well, to tell the truth he did speak badly about this girl to me as well. I guess it's what guys (sorry, humans) do. I'm honestly going to try and not let this bring me down. Just learning lessons, nobody is perfect, people are not good like I believe, and I shouldn't be trying to be friends with people just because they WERE a big part of my life. Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 Tried to rep you for this but was asked to spread around before I can rep you again. As usual, Pen gives stellar advice! Link to comment
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