brazilgirl21 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 Yeah, same here. I guess at times go by and I don't talk to J, things will improve. Like you, my heart was shattered some months ago when my ex let me go for good and I too thought I wouldn't survive. And well, here I am. A little more insecure, perhaps a little more needy, but I'll find my groove - or at least I hope I will! =] I constantly talk about rejection and how this year I've been "rejected" numerous times but that's not quite true. I've basically "chosen" to date unavailable man. I mean, A is completely unavailable and told me so, J had just come out of a relationship and I knew it would be rocky. And the guys who are into me and whom I know would want a serious relationship with me - well, I'm just not that into them. Life is so complicated. It's not really a "boy like girl - girl like boy = boy and girl are happy". It's hard. We are all hard to please. And as much as I seem needy and like I need a man, I'm not going to settle for a consolation prize or for a guy that I don't "feel" the spark, for whatever reasons. It's tough to feel lonely though, specially when you are used to having someone for so long. But, I know it will happen for me in the right time. And when love comes again for me for the second time, I will definetly value it a whole lot! =] I would like to let you guys know that I'm not suffering as in severely heartbroken because of J. I didn't even get to like him properly, let alone love. I was completely infatuated by the idea of him. It's much more of an ego thing you know? Feeling a little bad since I did everything for him and I feel like he didn't appreciate it and mistreated me. I did get attached too early, but it isn't love or anything close to that you know? It was heartbreaking, but not REALLY heartbreaking. Hard to explain. Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Why do guys like J gets to choose from a pool of 33425251 million girls? It really does not seem fair. Guys that are as good looking as Mr.J will have that many women to choose from. The rest of us are here in ENA. So all this time I was worried about him and his ex when ugh, he's in love with a 20 year old art student? With piercing and tattoos and a carefree attitude? Kill me now! Seriously this is too much for me to handle! Why does it matter to you which girl that guy dates? A girl with piercing and tattoos and a carefree attitude is not date worthy? She has to be single for the rest of her life?? I am very sorry for being blunt but you my dear clearly have superiority issues. I remember very well from your first thread how you bad mouthed G's girlfriend. You repeatedly made comments about her and asked how he could go for a girl like her. You are doing the exact same thing now about J's girlfriend. You have major attitude issues brazilgirl. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 i think you had a lot of hope for the relationship and when those hopes and dreams didn't come through, it hurt! Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 Gry - I have no problem with J's girlfriend, in fact, if you read the rest of my posts, you will see that I said she was very nice to me and I actually envied her attitude. What I meant is that she is the opposite of me, I'm not carefree at all. So I said that while I was worried with his ex, who's similar to me, he was dating someone completely different. I have NOTHING bad to say about the artist. Like I said, she was extremely nice to me. I do have a problem with my ex's girlfriend because SHE bad mouthed me and SHE had a problem with me. Today, I must say I have no problem with her at all. I'm glad she makes him happy. I think it's just part of human nature to be jealous of people in these situations. But again, I have nothing bad to say about the artist other than she's the opposite of me! I did find her delightful though, and I've mentioned it. Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 If you are going this crazy about a guy that you did not have a relationship with then I am wondering how it is going to be with the one you actually end up having a relationship with Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 i think you had a lot of hope for the relationship and when those hopes and dreams didn't come through, it hurt! Exactly!!! I had SO many dreams. It's crazy because while I was at home this weekend I kept thinking of all the places I'd take J. Seriously, my imagination was so fertile. I need to have my feet more firmed on the ground. PS. My friends want to kill me for asking J about the facebook thing. They are like, where the heck is your dignity women!!!! I know I shouldn't have and I feel bad I did, but I cannot swallow these things, I want to learn to! How to let go of things you know? And keep my dignity! Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 Gry - You went crazy about a woman who got upset by an e-mail you sent her on a dating site. Can't I be upset about guy I was physically intimate with for more than 1 month? Seriously, people just need to give me a break sometimes. Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Exactly!!! I had SO many dreams. It's crazy because while I was at home this weekend I kept thinking of all the places I'd take J. Seriously, my imagination was so fertile. I need to have my feet more firmed on the ground. PS. My friends want to kill me for asking J about the facebook thing. They are like, where the heck is your dignity women!!!! I know I shouldn't have and I feel bad I did, but I cannot swallow these things, I want to learn to! How to let go of things you know? And keep my dignity! You preserve your dignity by ACCEPTING the cold hard fact that J is NOT interested in you and then take a bow and leave the stage gracefully. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 I think I'm going to do just fine when I'm in a relationship. I know I'm getting defensive but wow, everyone is like: "if you get this attached, if you get this crazy over a guy you only dated for a month, I wonder what will happen when you have a relationship"... I mean seriously, I think I'll be just fine. Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Gry - You went crazy about a woman who got upset by an e-mail you sent her on a dating site. Can't I be upset about guy I was physically intimate with for more than 1 month? Seriously, people just need to give me a break sometimes. There is no logic in your analogy. I did not go crazy about that girl. I was angry at her rude email and asked here what's up with that behavior. And I took the advice that was given here and refrained from replying back to her email and let her go. Look if you want to feel upset about this J guy please continue to do so. It is your life and your choices. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 Gry - I just think we get angry/upset and we have the right to be without being judged you know? I understand why you were upset, but I do think I have the right to be upset as well. I'm not stopping my life, I'm just venting at ENA. And trying to learn how to listen to advices and go NC with J. Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 I think I'm going to do just fine when I'm in a relationship. I know I'm getting defensive but wow, everyone is like: "if you get this attached, if you get this crazy over a guy you only dated for a month, I wonder what will happen when you have a relationship"... I mean seriously, I think I'll be just fine. You are getting angry at the very people that consoled you and take the time to offer their advice. There is nothing wrong in people here feeling that way about you because honestly that is how you are coming accross. You yourself felt the need not to look at his FB page and feel the need to move on. So why get angry with us?? If you are going to be fine then why are you posting here??? Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 Because right now I am not fine. I do think I will be fine when I find the right person and seriously, would you like to hear people saying to you: "Gry, I wonder what will happen to you when you are in a relationship"... seriously, why say that to someone? Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Gry - I just think we get angry/upset and we have the right to be without being judged you know? I understand why you were upset, but I do think I have the right to be upset as well. I'm not stopping my life, I'm just venting at ENA. And trying to learn how to listen to advices and go NC with J. You can vent without having the need to disrespect people that are trying to help you. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 I know I'm getting defensive but wow, everyone is like: "if you get this attached, if you get this crazy over a guy you only dated for a month, I wonder what will happen when you have a relationship"... I mean seriously, I think I'll be just fine. so this is my personal opinion....... i think a lot of your anxiety came from the uncertainty with the situation with J, and because you knew, deep down, that it wasn't unfolding favorably. i've noticed in some relationships, i've had more anxiety than others. even within the same relationship! a lot of times, i am happy, everything is fine, but then something 'shifts' inside of him, and i start to feel anxious. trying to fix things, trying to ignore it, etc.... and really, that just makes him act weirder and withdraw more himself, so it starts kind of a vicious cycle. i do really believe that if you met a guy and things were just good, you would be feeling a lot more relaxed, and a lot less on edge. kind of what you described with that long term guy you dated, you didn't seem to have that anxiety with him did you? Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Because right now I am not fine. I do think I will be fine when I find the right person and seriously, would you like to hear people saying to you: "Gry, I wonder what will happen to you when you are in a relationship"... seriously, why say that to someone? I have been told that and much more harsher sentences. If you want plz check out my old threads. I do not even understand why that accurate observation seems to irk you so badly. Why are you getting defensive about a honest observation?? Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 I'm not defensive, I just don't think it helps to hear it? Why would you tell people that they are going to have a hard time when they are in a relationship? I'm not disrespecting anyone, sorry if you feel this way! Annie - Exactly. The thing with J is he is, stereotypically, my dream guy. I've said 100 times before, he embodies everything I always wanted on a guy. Therefore, my anxiety was SO high because I wanted it to work SO badly and I felt like he was SO perfect and I had to please him all the time. And yeah, I had no anxiety whatsoever when I was in my 3 year relationship. Like I said, no fights, no stress, it was just completely easygoing. I've dated other guys before him, an english guy for 3 months, a guy from my hometown for 4... no anxiety at all either. I had anxiety with the first guy I was in love with. From 13-16... I was SO in love and he wanted nothing to do with me. hehe. That made me anxious! But honestly, at 13, what the heck was anxiety? I've had anxiety about other aspects of my life, but with relationships, this year is the first time I'm going through this. And it's probably because it's the first time I've been trying to get back there after having loved and suffered. It has only been 7 months. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 but what i'm saying is that maybe you were feeling the anxiety because things weren't going so well? like, if he always asked you out on another date before the end of one date, you'd probably feel more secure in the relationship? not just him being perfect, but because you also didn't know where you stood with him? of course, this could just be how my brain works.... Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 Annie24 - Yes of course that too! But in my mind I "believed" he was taking things slow because he had just ended a relationship and I thought what I was getting was more than I even expected/dreamed about, you know? I thought he was honestly getting back with his ex after 1-2 weeks with me. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 sigh. oh well. i think when you've had some time, you will feel better. you will look back on this in a few years and laugh. just right now, i know it hurts. i think that getting away is a great thing. do you know if the school has accepted your application yet? i would throw myself into that and planning for that. Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 I'm not defensive, I just don't think it helps to hear it? Why would you tell people that they are going to have a hard time when they are in a relationship? I'm not disrespecting anyone, sorry if you feel this way! Ok. You obviously seem to be angry with that observation of mine. I am not sure why though. And I did not predict that you will have a hard time in a relationship, I was only wondering what might happen when you do get into a serious relationship given the fact that you are this anxious with a guy that you did not know that well. Is that honest observation that rude Brazilgirl? Link to comment
bexcelant Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 It's not real love. If it was real love, he'd be there for you. He'd be with you. He'd care for you. No matter what. Ask yourself this and this will be a hard question because I had to ask it of myself. When did he ever do anything for you? When has he cared how you felt? Does he care how you feel now in your darkest hour? Has he comforted you? You poured yourself out for him. Has he done anything for you other than cause you pain? Does he deserve your love and affection? Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 Annie - I did SO much for my MBA applications that this course is less demanding, so I basically already have great test scores and essays for it. I assume it won't be that challenging to get accepted since it's not the full-time MBA program and I've already done a lot focusing on the MBA. My university is sending me my grades, I'm getting it translated this week and I will probably have everything ready by Oct 15th. It should only take 1-2 weeks for me to get a reply and I will then have to get my visa and figure out housing. I'm very excited and I think I made the right decision in regards to the smaller course. I don't feel ready to commit myself to a 2-year full time MBA at 22. I'm very happy and excited. I really feel like, if anything, J probably happened for a reason you know? GRY - Yeah, let's stop arguing. Everyone has their own opinions! Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 bex - This wasn't even close to love. I wanted to give him my love, but never had the opportunity to. I know I'll find someone sooner or later that will be there for me and be the best boyfriend in the world! I know it! Link to comment
grymoire Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 GRY - Yeah, let's stop arguing. Everyone has their own opinions! No worries. Take it easy Brazilgirl. Just know that I always mean well for you Link to comment
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