orchidrose Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Talking to him didn't do me well. I feel depressed that I "lost" him. I'm never going to meet someone like him again. An american who was born in Rio and understand my culture and my country =[ Not to be nasty, BG, but this is why several people have told you not to speak with him until you are over him. It's an extraordinarily difficult task, but it's what must be done in order to move on and heal. Once again, even after this "relationship" has ended, you let your anxiety get the best of you and you gave in for temporary relief. This is a pattern that you need to acknowledge and work on. Again, I'm not trying to be mean - I truly sympathize! It took me the better part of two years to cut off my ex completely. But you will feel so much better for it. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 I know!! I hadn't contacted him since Monday but he wrote me and I just didn't want to think I was ignoring him or angry. Like a crazy girl who is angry with him for no reason. I just thought that a polite reply would be best. I REALLY like this guy and I mean, if I can leave any doors open for us in the future, as crazy as this might sound, I want to do that. Link to comment
orchidrose Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 I think at one time you did say you were trying to do NC with him - NC means you don't respond to anything. It doesn't matter what he thinks at this point. If he's really interested in pursuing anything further with you, he'll keep trying to get in touch, and when you're ready, you can respond. I think you need to focus on right now and your applications for the program in the US, your friends, family, etc., instead of thinking that you might have a chance with him in the future. At this point, it's over. There's only right now - not months from now. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 Is there ANY chance he will come back to me someday? Is there anyway to increase my chances of him ever wanting to be with me? Is there any way I can "fight" for this? No, right? BTW - I AM really working on my applications! I have until November 20th and classes start at January 7th. I REALLY, REALLY think I'm going. But right now I just wish I could stay here in the city in my work and be with him. I'm so pathetic. Link to comment
orchidrose Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Nobody knows the answer to that, BG! But again, there's nothing you can do about it right now. He's made it very clear that he's not interested in a relationship with you right now. You cannot change his mind. When I was trying desperately to get back with my ex, the folks on this board told me over and over that the future was not what mattered - and if that was too tough for me to think about never reconciling with him, that I should at least concentrate on myself so that when he returned, I would be a better person. I think you need to concentrate on you right now. That way, you end up improving yourself and doing the things you want to do - and it's just a bonus if he comes back around. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Is there ANY chance he will come back to me someday? Is there anyway to increase my chances of him ever wanting to be with me? Is there any way I can "fight" for this? No, right? BTW - I AM really working on my applications! I have until November 20th and classes start at January 7th. I REALLY, REALLY think I'm going. But right now I just wish I could stay here in the city in my work and be with him. I'm so pathetic. I think that if he is going to change his mind it will be because he misses you and realizes that his life just isn't the same without you. You being in any sort of contact with him won't increase the chances and likely will decrease it. If you must respond to another message of his simply write "thanks for your message. under the circumstances I don't think we should be in touch right now. If you ever change your mind and want to date me with serious intentions, you can contact me and if I am interested and available I'll consider it. Take care." But then you have to stick to NC. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 My ex NEVER, EVER, EVER, came back since January. We were together, counting the back and forth of the last year, for almost 4 years (3 together / 1 back and forth). He NEVER contacted me. So yeah, I don't trust NC at all. Why would this guy I "dated" for 1 month contact me again? NC only gives space for people (my ex's new girl and the artist for J) to fill the voids! I'm NEVER worhy of people to come back. They just find better replacements. Link to comment
orchidrose Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 My ex NEVER, EVER, EVER, came back since January. We were together, counting the back and forth of the last year, for almost 4 years (3 together / 1 back and forth). He NEVER contacted me. So yeah, I don't trust NC at all. Why would this guy I "dated" for 1 month contact me again? NC only gives space for people (my ex's new girl and the artist for J) to fill the voids! I'm NEVER worhy of people to come back. They just find better replacements. I think you're missing the point. The reason that your ex and J found other girls to "fill the void," as you say, is because they did not want you to fill the void. It's not because you chose not to speak with them, so they forgot about you. You can ask hundreds of people who have frequented these boards. My ex could take or leave me until I went NC - then he started e-mailing me a few times a week and texting when he realized I wasn't talking to him any longer. The point of NC is to make someone realize they miss you and need you. Unfortunately, in your cases, NC did not do that because those men simply were not interested in having a relationship with you. And good riddance to them! Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 Ane - I know, and that sucks =[ It was when my ex did NC to me that I went back to him though... I'm just angry right now =[ Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 oh sweetie, we sure think you are worthy!!!! i definitely do. i think you will meet your special man, in time. you have a lot more life to experience and take this opportunity now to do things that you can't (easily) do when you are married with a baby and a career. like girls' weekends, going out at night, having fun, etc. travel, for sure. i do agree with the others that sometimes talking with an ex before you are over him leads to more pain than pleasure. it might seem like a good idea at the time, but then you feel bad later. like today. i was at the doctor's office, got there early, and i went down to the deli. i had a chocolate craving so i got a slice of chocolate cake. it was so huge and sugary that i couldn't finish it, and when i did stop eating, i felt kind of sick and jittery. blah. sometimes talking to an ex is like that too. i think you have a lot going for you, so try to remind yourself of that and don't get too hard on yourself. if i were in sao paolo, i would take you out for some drinks right now, lol. hang in there. Link to comment
AmandaB Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Not to be nasty, BG, but this is why several people have told you not to speak with him until you are over him. It's an extraordinarily difficult task, but it's what must be done in order to move on and heal. Once again, even after this "relationship" has ended, you let your anxiety get the best of you and you gave in for temporary relief. This is a pattern that you need to acknowledge and work on. Again, I'm not trying to be mean - I truly sympathize! It took me the better part of two years to cut off my ex completely. But you will feel so much better for it. I agree. I went NC the day my ex broke up w/ me 5 months ago. Havent heard a word from him and I havent done anything either. Its hard but its made it a little easier not to be in touch w/ him. I always think about breaking NC but then I think that I dont know if he's dating somebody right now and that would crush all the progress I have made. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 Annie - thanks bb! Where in the US do you live? Gosh, don't even talk about chocolate, I've been eating so much chocolate it's a joke!! I'm just annoyed because thinking about going to the US reminds me of J, and how I'll never meet any American like him. Ugh. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 I agree. I went NC the day my ex broke up w/ me 5 months ago. Havent heard a word from him and I havent done anything either I'm sorry but it's kind of nice to heat that. Misery loves company... =[ It's been 7 months for me and my ex haven't contacted me at ALL either. I read about how everybody's exes contact them after a period of NC and I thought I was the only one who never heard a peep. Just in my birthday. Link to comment
AmandaB Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 I'm sorry but it's kind of nice to heat that. Misery loves company... =[ It's been 7 months for me and my ex haven't contacted me at ALL either. I read about how everybody's exes contact them after a period of NC and I thought I was the only one who never heard a peep. Just in my birthday. Nothing at all from him. He dumped me though, he no longer wanted me in his life. Now he has to lay in the bed he made himself. I didnt even say Happy B-day to him. Yea it was probably mean but he crushed me. He needs to know what life is like w/out me. If he doesnt miss me then screw him! Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 I'm SURE he misses you! It's impossible not to! 5 months was when I started missing my ex when I dumped him. You are SO strong. I could never go NC like that. It took me SO many tries to be able to stick to it. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 Seriously, how do I get out this negative train of though: "I'm never going to find someone like J, he was my dream guy, I wasted my only chance with my dream guy, I could have done things differently, the artist got the dream guy...etc..." Please, I want to stop thinking like that. I'm scared I'm going to slip into the anxiety/depression I felt over my breakup in the beggining of the year. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 Seriously, how do I get out this negative train of though: "I'm never going to find someone like J, he was my dream guy, I wasted my only chance with my dream guy, I could have done things differently, the artist got the dream guy...etc..." Please, I want to stop thinking like that. I'm scared I'm going to slip into the anxiety/depression I felt over my breakup in the beggining of the year. Well didn't you think that you would never find or like someone as much as your ex? Well you did and in a short period of time so I'm sure you will find someone even more awesome! Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 you need to start saying positive mantras to yourself and discard the negative ones. even though it sounds cheesy, say good things to yourself like "The right and perfect man is out there waiting for me!" or "I am a loveable woman." whatever it is that feels right for you. forget the negative mantras. personally, i don't think any of us girls on this thread are particularly fond of J, he sounds like a douchebag, you can do better. Link to comment
AmandaB Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 I'm SURE he misses you! It's impossible not to! 5 months was when I started missing my ex when I dumped him. You are SO strong. I could never go NC like that. It took me SO many tries to be able to stick to it. Thanks. I miss him but he left me so I seem to think that he doesnt miss me. He hasnt even tried to make contact w/ me. You could do it like me. Im a highly anxious person as well but i work very very hard to keep it under control now. Its hard! I know how you feel. You need to stop putting yourself down. You have so much going for you! Geez, you have accomplished more at your age then alot of people do in a lifetime. You just need to find somebody who will appreciate it! Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 But I honestly don't think I'll find someone who was such a good boyfriend to me like my ex. And I don't think I'll find someone as "perfect" and "dream guy" as J. I mean, hopefully I'll be proven wrong! I just feel really defeated right now. End of the week, I'm so tired. I still have a class to go. I just feel very blah. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 personally, i think you will, and far better. i definitely think you will meet some guy who blows all these other guys out of the water! just hang in there ok. be good to yourself. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 2, 2009 Author Share Posted October 2, 2009 Yeah Annie, I hope you're right. The thing is, I really don't want any guys for now. I just want to chill and try to be self-sufficient. Which sucks really, because the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else... (not literally)!! I'm feeling really down today though, I hope I feel better soon! Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted October 3, 2009 Author Share Posted October 3, 2009 I'm having a REALLY hard time this weekend. Just a really hard time. I feel like I've been continueily rejected this year. Literally. Rejection after rejection after rejection. Everyone says I'm great, a full package, but it's hard to believe in that after all these rejections from different type of guys. I'm at home and my little sister who's 14 has a boyfriend. lol. I'm happy for her but ugh, she's so beautiful and confident and she's 14 and I doubt she'll ever have boy troubles. I feel really down today. I even e-mailed my ex last night just asking how he was, yeah, I mean, * * * , after months of NC! I just keep thinking about him, A and J and it hurts you know? Specially J. J for some reason, hurts the most. I really don't think I'll ever see him again. It's really sad. =[ Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 look, don't be hard on yourself. that's 3 guys. oh my goodness, do you know how many breakups i've been through? several dozens!!!!! ok, i don't say that to be a brat. i know, it sucks. it really really sucks. but everytime i've thought i won't meet another guy again, i meet someone, even better. kind of like when things didn't work out with you and A, and then you met J. it will be like that too. you'll meet someone better for you than J. and then if things don't work out with that guy, you'll meet someone else. don't be too tragic and upset. the numbers are on your side - you are a pretty woman with a lot of great qualities - in a big city. trust me, i am sure there are hundreds, if not thousands of men, in your area who would want a gf like you. mourn the relationship, for sure, but i'm just saying, there's better out there for you. Link to comment
volpe Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 i second annie. try not to be so hard on yourself. there are a lot of cruddy guys out there, and they say that there are a lot of good ones. LOL. i haven't found him yet either, but hey, you can definitely find plenty of guys that will treat you better than a and j. i read your other posts about them, and i've met guys like that. seriously. they are losers. you deserve so much better than them, and you will find many guys better. for now, just take care of you and keep an open heart. Link to comment
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